tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-34901112440746315642024-02-08T14:28:44.690-06:00Way2Grow CoachingUnknownnoreply@blogger.comBlogger1618125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3490111244074631564.post-23180208519973663182018-12-31T05:00:00.000-06:002018-12-31T05:01:17.880-06:00New Year's reflectionsToday is New Year's Eve. It's often a time of reflection and review. What did we learn in the past year? What lessons do we carry into the new year? What will we do differently? For what are we thankful? What was the most challenging? From whom did we get help? To what are we looking forward in the new year? If you were to put a word on 2019 (perhaps what you long for in the new year or what you'll work on), what might it be?<br />
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My fiancé, two friends and I do this together each New Year's Eve. We reflect on the year past and look ahead to what might be coming or what we hope will be coming in the new year. We each select a word for the new year, writing it on a stone so we'll remember all year long. It's interesting how having that stone in sight increases intention throughout the year.<br />
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While I won't be writing blogs in this new year (I need the time I spend writing them to do other writing and sorting projects), I encourage you to sample the archive of my past blogs going back to 2012. I also encourage you to sign up for my monthly ezine if you haven't already. You may sign up to the right of this blog. All you will receive are the initial three free gifts that come in your email inbox and an ezine once a month to your inbox. That's it. Nothing more.<br />
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I encourage you to stay hopeful and grounded in this new year. To that end, I leave you with this blessing for now:<br />
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The path before me: May I walk it in peace.<br />
The path behind me: May I leave it in peace.<br />
The path within me: O God, may it be peace indeed.<br />
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<br />Coach Soniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12530825982646691331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3490111244074631564.post-10323590671497748502018-12-28T05:00:00.000-06:002018-12-28T05:00:02.627-06:00'Learned helplessness'As we approach the end of another year and reflect on all that's happened in our lives and in the life of our country and our globe, it's easy to become discouraged. I know so many people this year who are feeling depressed and overwhelmed with it all. It's easy to feel that way, especially if you listen to any news broadcasts at all.<br />
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However, let's all resist the temptation to descend into hopelessness and to feel that "We're only one person and what can we do anyway?" It's vital to remain hopeful and to do whatever things we can to contribute to the common good and to help ourselves with whatever we face, too.<br />
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I just learned that there's a name for the attitude of "I'm just one person"—psychologists call it "learned helplessness." It's toxic and can hold us back from taking any action. We believe there's no hope, and we quit trying to change things. It's so easy to grow weary. In fact, many of us are completely exhausted with our own challenges and with hearing about all the hatred and violence that surrounds us. Let's resist the hopelessness and helplessness.<br />
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Structures are built one stone, one brick, one board at a time. That's how we deal with life, too: one small step at a time. Change happens just that way as well. Let's help ourselves and each other to avoid "learned helplessness" and to stay in the game. It definitely takes a village to get through.<br />
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Although I will write only one more blog (Monday, New Year's Eve) for a while (I need to take a break to tend to other things on my to-do list), I will still send out my monthly ezine. If you haven't signed up, please do so to the right of this blog post. All you will receive is the initial three free gifts and thereafter, one ezine each month to inspire you. I don't sell my list, and I don't send you anything else.<br />
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For now, I want to encourage you to stay in the game and keep hope alive!<br />
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<br />Coach Soniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12530825982646691331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3490111244074631564.post-32901096024930824142018-12-26T05:00:00.000-06:002018-12-26T05:02:14.323-06:00Children's top fearsChristmas Day is past, but the season is still here—if you believe in the Twelve Days of Christmas. And a brand new year is approaching.<br />
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What changes would you like to see in our country in 2019? In our world? And what will you do to bring about such changes?<br />
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If you want to do something for children, here are some thoughts. The Children's Defense Fund recently released a survey to tell us children's top three fears:<br />
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• Being bullied,<br />
• That a shooting will happen at their school, and <br />
• Feeling pressured to do things they don't want to do.<br />
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Or perhaps you have other things on your list. That's great. Always remember the power each of us has to effect change, one small move at a time.<br />
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A reminder: I will post blogs in this space for the remainder of 2018. But in 2019 I will not be doing so, so I can give myself more time to do other things. I will continue to send out my monthly Way2Grow ezine, however. If you don't yet receive it, simply sign up with your email to the right of this blog post. I won't sell your information. I won't send you anything other than the initial three free email gifts and thereafter, the once-a-month ezine to inspire you.<br />
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<br />Coach Soniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12530825982646691331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3490111244074631564.post-54932321475996236052018-12-24T05:00:00.000-06:002018-12-24T05:00:00.508-06:00Every stone counts!Today is Christmas Eve. We have heard much throughout this season about peace on earth. And yet, we hear stories of war and violence across the globe. We hear fights over immigration. We see the huge refugee problem. We are stunned by the amount of gun violence and the mass shootings in our country. We are constantly aware of the awful cycle of poverty, homelessness and hunger all around us and globally.<br />
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These issues seem insurmountable. We often think, "But I'm only one insignificant person. What can I possibly do?"<br />
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Confucius once said, "The person who moves a mountain begins by carrying small stones." At Christmastime and all through the year, let's remember the power we really do have. Let's start by carrying small stones. Pick even one of the country's or world's problems and do one small thing to begin. One small stone. Then another. Join hands with others. See what a difference we really <i>can</i> make! Change happens one person at a time.<br />
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Think of the possibilities!<br />
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<br />Coach Soniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12530825982646691331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3490111244074631564.post-21100958629481740562018-12-21T05:00:00.000-06:002018-12-21T05:00:01.007-06:00Give your timeThe countdown to Christmas is shrinking. Only a few days left.<br />
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Just yesterday I read some interesting "justice" gift ideas: Volunteer. Even one hour is helpful. Wrap gifts for children in shelters. Write holiday letters to our troops. Escort an older person to do some Christmas shopping. Serve a hot meal at a soup kitchen. I'm sure you can come up with ideas of your own.<br />
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It may be too late for this year. But there's always next year.<br />
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And speaking of next year, I have decided to give myself the gift of time to do some things on my to-do wish list that simply aren't getting done. To do that, I am discontinuing these weekly blogs—at least for now. I will finish out December. Who knows? I may resume again at some point.<br />
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However, if you sign up to the right of this blog post, you can receive my monthly ezine—if you aren't already signed up to receive it. All you will receive when you sign up are the three free gifts that come initially into your email inbox, and after that my ezine once a month. Nothing else. I don't sell your name or email address. I don't send anything additional. Just a monthly ezine to inspire you.<br />
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<br />Coach Soniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12530825982646691331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3490111244074631564.post-81624589567622577312018-12-19T05:00:00.000-06:002018-12-19T05:00:03.571-06:00Freeing up timeOnly one week until Christmas. I'm trying to keep a lid on the busyness this year. While I enjoy buying gifts for those I love, wrapping them, baking some of my traditional cookies, singing the beloved carols and spending time with those I love, I'm not crazy about the high stress of rushing around. So I'm trying to do a little less and enjoy this time even more.<br />
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Those efforts are part of an over-all effort on my part to cut back on busyness and high stress. There are things I want to do in whatever remains of my life that simply aren't getting done.<br />
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So, to assist in that whole move toward what the Danish call <i>hygge</i> (a term that means well-being, simplicity, coziness, being with those you love and more all wrapped up in one—something that perhaps seems unAmerican!), I'm going to stop doing blogs every week beginning in the new year.<br />
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I will continue to send out my monthly ezine. If you haven't yet signed up for that, notice the opportunity to the right of this blog to "Subscribe to our mailing list." If you do so, you will receive the three free gifts initially and then receive an ezine once a month only. I don't sell your name to anyone. I don't send you anything additional. Only the monthly ezine, which is similar to a blog and only slightly longer in format.<br />
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I will use the time that I've been spending on blogs doing some of the things that have long been on my to-do wish list. Who knows? Someday I may resume blogs. But after another week, they'll disappear for a while. My blog archive still remains on this site, however. So feel free to help yourself to any of them going way back to 2012.<br />
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<br />Coach Soniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12530825982646691331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3490111244074631564.post-22694287624138013692018-12-17T05:00:00.000-06:002018-12-17T05:00:11.417-06:00Fears are real and normal Why do we always think we need to deny our fears and act tough, as though they aren't bringing us down? Both men and women can be hard on themselves when it comes to fears. Fears are normal—and actually, it's healthy to feel fear. Some things ought to be feared: fire, floods, violence, a stampeding elephant or bull. Oh, yes, it's quite silly to stand in the face of any of those things and dare them to harm you! But there are other things in life that are feared, too, and this can differ for each of us.<br />
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Admit to fear. Then see what your best course of action might be. Do you need to simply face the fear and do what's needed anyway? Do you need to call on outside resources to help you? If so, please do so. There's no shame in that. Or do you need to just give yourself some self-care and self-compassion until you feel stronger and better able to move on? What do you need right now?<br />
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The clichés "What doesn't kill you makes you stronger" and "God doesn't give us more than we can handle" aren't really helpful at all. In fact, many people are brought to their knees by some events in their lives and never do recover. They don't gain strength at all. And sometimes we do have much more than we can handle.<br />
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This is a season that can be extremely difficult for some people. If you're one of those, I invite you to reach out to others. And please feel free to <a href="http://www.way2growcoaching.com/contact/" target="_blank">contact me</a> if you just need to talk about it. Do whatever will help you through this season. <br />
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<br />Coach Soniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12530825982646691331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3490111244074631564.post-84928199549238548922018-12-14T05:00:00.000-06:002018-12-14T05:00:00.150-06:00Kindness rocks!So many people talk these days about having a "Super Power" of one type or another. It might be Invisibility. Or Superhuman Strength. Healing. Superhuman Endurance. There are so many. But we often forget that each one of us has an amazing Super Power that is so simple to employ.<br />
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Think of the power you have at your disposal by just uttering a few words—knowing that ONE KIND WORD CAN CHANGE SOMEONE'S ENTIRE DAY.<br />
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Isn't that absolutely incredible? That's a lot of power.<br />
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I'm sure you've experienced that from both sides of the coin—when someone has said something kind to you at a time when you really needed to hear it and the times when you said something to another person and noticed how they lit up and stood taller!<br />
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Look around you right now. Who could use a kind word today? Perhaps it's someone at a distance whose face you won't see light up but whom you know really needs to hear he or she is heard, accepted and loved. Or perhaps it's someone who resides in your house. Or sits at a desk near yours. <br />
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It's so easy, really. And it seems like the best Super Power of all!<br />
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Go ahead. What are you waiting for?<br />
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<br />Coach Soniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12530825982646691331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3490111244074631564.post-4989701962448118432018-12-12T05:00:00.000-06:002018-12-12T05:00:02.952-06:00Be still and be readyLast week in my women's Bible study group, we talked about the role of the manger in the Christmas story. I had included a short poem in my December ezine, which had just been distributed the day before my group met. So we read that poem (by poet Barbara S. Germiat) in class. Here it is:<br />
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<b>How to be a Manger</b><br />
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Be empty.<br />
Be sturdy.<br />
Be soft on the inside.<br />
Be still.<br />
Be ready.<br />
Amen.<br />
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After we read it, someone suggested that, in the week until our next class, we find ways to "be a manger." What a fascinating assignment.<br />
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Already, I have found opportunities to listen to others as they share a painful story, a source of ongoing frustration, or a story of loss. I practiced being empty—just listening and being present as witness to someone else's life. It's been a reminder to me that most times when people share, they don't want or need advice. They need to be heard and validated. They need to be accepted and loved. They need us to "be a manger." Empty, still and ready.<br />
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Is this something you'd like to take on this season, too?<br />
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<br />Coach Soniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12530825982646691331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3490111244074631564.post-84363372693736318322018-12-10T05:00:00.000-06:002018-12-10T05:00:01.665-06:00Traditions to keepDo you have some seasonal traditions that are on your A-list for the holidays? Several people I know are cutting back on the activities during the holidays because life can become so stressful at this time of year.<br />
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Some things bring so much joy and pleasure that you wouldn't possibly consider cutting them from your calendar, however. For me, one of those activities is a women's night out sponsored by a local megachurch. This isn't a church I would consider attending regularly. But I have to say they put on the most wonderful evening of food, Christmas music and inspiration for women. The evening begins with serving tables scattered throughout the large space laden with cheeses, crackers, Christmas cookies and a huge variety of goodies. In addition the men of the church wander through the crowd bearing trays of goodies from which we can select. All while we enjoy the lovely food options, live Christmas music is being played. So we wander through the building, stopping at food stations or selecting from trays carried by the male church members, talking, enjoying music and also shopping in their gift shop.<br />
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In addition there are a few opportunities to have photos taken in Christmasey settings. So we have photo memories to keep. Then later in the evening, the nearly 2,000 women who attend find seats in the huge worship space and after singing a few carols, hear an inspirational speaker. What a powerful evening!<br />
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A dear friend and I have attended this event for the past seven years and both agree that this is a fantastic way to launch Advent and the Christmas season. When I think of the things I might cut from my to-do list, this is never one of them!<br />
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What traditions are keepers for you?<br />
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<br />Coach Soniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12530825982646691331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3490111244074631564.post-49020940965824885302018-12-07T05:00:00.000-06:002018-12-07T05:00:05.779-06:00Live a life of gratitudeA Vietnamese proverb goes like this: "When eating fruit, remember who planted the tree. When drinking water, remember who dug the well."<br />
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That tells me that a life of gratitude is one of being awake and aware. I don't want to sleepwalk through my life, taking for granted all the good things that come my way. Someone is responsible for even the most ordinary things that we use and enjoy daily. Someone planted the tree or dug the well. Someone set in motion the machinery that brought this or that into your life.<br />
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It might be interesting to be more intentional and watchful for at least one day: Give thought throughout the day to as many things as possible. What or who made it possible for you to enjoy this? Just for an example, at one of your mealtimes, think of all the people it took for that food to be on your plate: the grower, the harvester, the trucker, the grocer, the cook and so many more. Take time to be grateful. <br />
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<br />Coach Soniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12530825982646691331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3490111244074631564.post-69514788372757533452018-12-05T05:00:00.000-06:002018-12-05T05:00:12.900-06:00'This too shall pass'Best-selling author Joey Green once said, "When you experience joy, remembering that 'This too shall pass' helps you savor the here and now. When you experience pain and sorrow, remembering that 'This too shall pass' reminds you that grief, like joy, is only temporary."<br />
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This makes so much sense and is good to remember. But when we're knee-deep in grief, it's tough to keep in mind the temporary nature of things. Even when we're up to our eyeballs in joy, we may not take the time to truly savor the feeling. It's easy to forget that it won't last forever. <br />
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At this time of year, when many people feel the joy and wonder of the season, others are feeling the pain of it all. They feel alone, depressed, afraid—and the joy of others only makes them more depressed.<br />
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What's really important for us all is to be aware of what those around us are feeling. We ought not assume that everyone shares the emotions we feel. Once we notice, we can respond appropriately. This is a good time to be gentle with ourselves and others. It's a good time to practice compassion and self-compassion. <br />
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<br />Coach Soniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12530825982646691331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3490111244074631564.post-49642933781061337742018-12-03T05:00:00.000-06:002018-12-03T05:00:02.727-06:00Deep breaths!Following on Friday's post about the Danish concept of "<i>hygge</i>," let's talk about how to pull back from the edge when you get all wound up in busyness this season. Or when that crazy driver beside you pulls in front of you with inches to spare. Or the shopper cuts in front of you and a long line of others at the checkout. Because this can be such a busy and frantic time of year for so many, our tempers can fray and we can be on edge.<br />
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You can choose to get angry and all worked up at any of these things. Or you can take several deep breaths—and take a longer view, deciding whether the adrenaline rush is going to be worth it. In the case of the shopper cutting in, you might decide to quietly point out where the line is forming (giving the shopper the benefit of the doubt). The whole point is: You have choices.<br />
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Do whatever will make your heart feel good. And whatever will add to your peace and the peace of others this season. It's all about choices and well-being. <br />
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<br />Coach Soniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12530825982646691331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3490111244074631564.post-28046038760894369152018-11-30T05:00:00.000-06:002018-11-30T08:05:57.770-06:00Try some quiet & cozy timeHave you ever heard of the Danish/Norwegian term "<i>hygge</i>"? Pronounced "hue-gah," it's a concept that can't be directly translated into English but embraces such things as feelings of cozy contentment and well-being through simplicity. Reading a book on a rainy day. A cup of hot cocoa or a coffee latte on a snowy day. Nights in front of the fireplace listening to music or reading a book. Think simple. Think serenity.<br />
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You may have noticed through the years that Denmark always is at the top of the list of "happiest countries," and this may well be the reason for that. The word itself is derived from a Norwegian word that means "well-being."<br />
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The concept is beginning to trend in other places around the world. Perhaps we Americans, who seem to glorify the word "busy," might benefit from some <i>hygge</i> in our lives?!<br />
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One of my YaYa friends introduced the concept to us recently and invited us to reflect on it, and sometime in the new year we'll discuss what we think about it and how we're embracing the idea in our lives. Since I've been feeling completely stressed and on the edge for a while now, I decided already a couple nights ago to start. I decorated my Christmas tree and then spent the evening just quietly looking at the lights, listening to some of my favorite Christmas carols while sipping a glass of Bailey's Irish Cream. It was just perfect, and I slept better that night than I have for a while!<br />
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I invite you, in this crazy-busy season, to add a little <i>hygge</i> to your life too. Perhaps you'll want to build it in permanently. That's what I'm hoping to do! <br />
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<br />Coach Soniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12530825982646691331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3490111244074631564.post-14060013765140867652018-11-28T05:00:00.000-06:002018-11-28T05:00:02.893-06:00Goodwill toward allAlready I see more smiles on people's faces when I shop. Or is it my
imagination? What is it about Christmas and the entire holiday season?
Granted, there are still surly customers that salespeople and cashiers
need to service. But it seems as though more people exhibit extra
patience, tolerance and goodwill already.<br />
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For so long,
Americans collectively have seemed to be on the edge. Ready to snap at
the least little thing. Calling each other names and yelling across a
great divide. Some families were unable to be together at the
Thanksgiving table because of differing views on politics and what's
happening in our country. That's sad. Extremely sad.<br />
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So
let's hope and pray that this season can connect us all with our better
angels and that we might be able to carry forward into the new year
this compassion, kindness and patience with and for one another.<br />
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It will take each of us doing our part. Are you ready? (And don't forget to show that same compassion and kindness to yourself!)<br />
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<br />Coach Soniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12530825982646691331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3490111244074631564.post-59967187706966027172018-11-26T05:00:00.000-06:002018-11-26T05:00:02.891-06:00Gifts that keep on givingIn this frenzied season of "shop until you drop" for holiday gift-buying, remember that it's not all about the things we buy in stores or online.<br />
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I remember when our children were young, our family gave several gifts of time. We didn't have a lot of money at the time, so we gave the gift of time along with some things purchased in local stores. For example, my sons might give their father certificates good for a number of shoe-polishings or I might give the boys certificates they could turn in for a pie or cookies of their choice. You get the idea. We would each make a little book of tickets or certificates with a variety of items and give to each other.<br />
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Perhaps it's time for me to revive some of those ideas. I also know some grandparents who buy tickets to a play, one for themselves and one for the grandchild. Time spent together is such a beautiful gift and one that will give lasting memories as well—the gift that keeps on giving!<br />
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What's on your gift-giving list this year?<br />
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<br />Coach Soniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12530825982646691331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3490111244074631564.post-76527052349179660732018-11-23T05:00:00.000-06:002018-11-23T05:00:10.023-06:00Love, not hateOn social media and in societal and social interactions, I see two competing forces at work. I see attempts and real efforts to access our better angels. For example, I heard about a girls' volleyball team from a fire-ravaged Paradise, California, school that decided to go ahead and play its game with a team in Auburn, California, despite not having its equipment and uniforms. When the girls arrived in Auburn, they were met with brand new uniforms, knee pads and socks for every player in addition to truckloads of donated clothes, a $300 gift card for each player and a dinner for the players and their families. What a beautiful story of support!<br />
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Then on the other hand, we see far too many news stories and social media posts displaying hate and anger. And as communications and public affairs strategist Steve Schmidt (who worked on Republican political campaigns such as for George W. Bush and Arizona Senator John McCain but who just this year renounced that party as "fully the party of Trump") said recently, "We have a billion-dollar anger industry in this country." He was speaking of the incitement to violence and "the assault on objective truth" that has been stoked lately.<br />
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All of this is a reminder to each of us to take a chill pill and not get hooked by all the hatred and anger we see all around us. Let's follow the example of the Auburn, California, girls' volleyball team and that community—and access our better angels! Let's be inspired by them and live in our integrity.<br />
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<br />Coach Soniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12530825982646691331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3490111244074631564.post-42450307546045914082018-11-21T05:00:00.000-06:002018-11-21T05:00:02.239-06:00Give thanksSo tomorrow is Thanksgiving here in the U.S. For some, that means huge gatherings of family and friends around a table loaded down with platters and bowls of rich and fabulous foods. For others, it may mean a small gathering or it might even be a day to go out to eat with a small cadre of family or friends. For still others, it could be a day all alone, perhaps feeling depressed because "everyone else is with someone they love." And for far too many, it's just one more day of homelessness and wondering where their next meal will come from. All of this in our one land of plenty!<br />
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If you have what you need tomorrow, please don't forget what the day is all about: giving thanks. Most of us have so much for which to be grateful. I am certainly not wealthy, but I could fill pages and pages with all the blessings I do enjoy. I'm sure you could as well. Take time to reflect on at least a small portion of those blessings. Don't let Thanksgiving Day be only about all the food!<br />
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<br />Coach Soniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12530825982646691331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3490111244074631564.post-59886506467418253742018-11-19T05:00:00.000-06:002018-11-19T05:00:01.949-06:00So much to learn about angerMy last several blogs have dealt with some of the issues facing us in our country today, some of the issues that were and still are subjects of debate in the U.S. As we saw during the election process, these issues can heighten our emotions, most particularly the level of our anger.<br />
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This is why I was especially struck by an article on anger that I recently read by Russ Hudson, one of the authors of a book on the Enneagram that I especially like (<a href="https://www.amazon.com/Wisdom-Enneagram-Psychological-Spiritual-Personality/dp/0553378201/ref=sr_1_2?ie=UTF8&qid=1541196341&sr=8-2&keywords=the+wisdom+of+enneagram" target="_blank"><i>The Wisdom of the Enneagram</i></a>). In the article Hudson talks about the gifts in anger, saying it can give us courage to do things we've been afraid to do and that it can connect us with a sense of righteousness (as in our concern for justice). Further, Hudson says, "Most people are also quite surprised to discover that, when we are present with anger, it lasts only a few seconds—perhaps the duration of two or three breaths. It is our denial and suppression of anger that causes it to stay in us for much longer periods of time—ricocheting around in our nervous system until we are ready to finally feel it."<br />
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Isn't that interesting? He also adds, "For some of us, it remains as a simmering resentment and negativity; for others, it leaves us with a quick temper; for still others, it is so suppressed that it lives in our tissues, slowly poisoning our bodies with repressed, unresolved energies." And to that he adds, "The long-term effects of avoiding anger are every bit as corrosive as acting it out."<br />
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That said, he cautions us on how we express our anger. "There is a world of difference between being present with the energy of anger in our body and letting that anger provoke us to destructive behaviors," he says.<br />
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Are you surprised by his words? There is so much to learn about anger—how we can be present to it and how we express it. Perhaps another time we can talk about the gifts in anger, since most of us don't think of anything positive about our anger.<br />
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<br />Coach Soniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12530825982646691331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3490111244074631564.post-19947749376979877382018-11-16T05:00:00.000-06:002018-11-16T05:00:08.124-06:00Shed that painMy November ezine put forward the thought that when we don't work through our painful experiences to transform that pain, we end up transmitting that pain to others. When our hurts and pain are buried deeply inside us, they still manage to seep out and affect our words and behavior toward others. Sometimes the pain does more than seep—it can explode. <br />
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Poet and author Mark Nepo puts it in a different way, but it's essentially the same thing. Here's what he says in his book <a href="tps://www.amazon.com/Inside-Miracle-Suffering-Approaching-Wholeness/dp/1622035429" target="_blank"><i>Inside the Miracle: Enduring Suffering, Approaching Wholeness</i></a>:<br />
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"As we struggle with all we carry, we discover that what is not <i>ex-pressed</i> is <i>de-pressed</i>. It seems the more we express, that is bring out what is in, the more alive we are. The more we give voice to our pain in living, the less buildup we have and so, our inner life fits our outer life more fully."<br />
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Nepo says, too, that expressing our pain isn't limited to verbal expressions but can also be done through movement, singing, drumming, dancing or even praying silently. It's simply getting out what is inside!<br />
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So shed that pain. Let go. Express it. Let it be transformed. But above all, don't hang onto it and don't shove it down—it won't stay down. Let it out and feel the huge weight fall off your shoulders. Fly free like the beautiful butterfly! <br />
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<br />Coach Soniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12530825982646691331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3490111244074631564.post-14370604484988921012018-11-14T05:00:00.000-06:002018-11-14T05:00:01.648-06:00Try self-careI know many women who have experienced sexual assault. I also know many who were "triggered" (memories of abuse surfaced and women felt re-traumatized) by the Brent Kavanaugh hearings when he was nominated and then placed on the U.S. Supreme Court.<br />
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It was extremely painful to hear Dr. Christine Blasey Ford's quiet testimony about her experience of assault and then to watch as she was dismissed by lawmakers and others. It was just another reminder of how much work we women and all men of good will have yet to do on the subject of sexual assault. If we want to rid this country of its rape culture, we must pay attention to how we treat those who dare to come forward with their stories.<br />
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Just recently, I read a <a href="https://hellogiggles.com/news/self-care-triggered-kavanaugh-hearings/" target="_blank">good piece on the subject of being triggered</a> that listed 4 ways to care for yourself if that happened to you during the Kavanaugh hearings:<br />
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1) <b>Stop, breathe and be.</b> The article recommended turning the TV or computer off, taking deep breaths and being still.<br />
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2) <b>Share your feelings and step away from the internet.</b> This recommendation is for both women and men who have been assaulted and encourages talking with people you trust and doing things that are relaxing and make you happy. Stay away from the news for a while.<br />
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3) <b>Connect with the present.</b> Ground yourself by noticing things you can touch, see, hear, smell and feel.<br />
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4) <b>Don't try to numb your pain.</b> Instead, healthy remedies are suggested, things such as yoga, exercise or sleep. <br />
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As always, self-care is so essential—whether you were triggered or whether the whole process last month upset you and offended your sense of justice. <br />
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<br />Coach Soniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12530825982646691331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3490111244074631564.post-87154441899983988622018-11-12T05:00:00.000-06:002018-11-12T05:00:12.272-06:00Who's the stranger?Lately, I've been talking about justice and about some of the issues that garnered our attention during the recent election cycle.<br />
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I'm a Christian and as such, I have concerns for how we approach immigration issues in our country. I am aware that people of other faiths have concerns for "the stranger" as well; Christians aren't alone in that desire. So who are the strangers in our world? Our lives? And what are we to do?<br />
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In Matthew 25, Jesus talks about the stranger:<br />
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"...for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me. Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?' And the king will answer them, 'Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.'"<br />
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I certainly don't advocate a policy of letting anyone and everyone into our country with no rules and regulations governing such entry. Somewhere between that and completely closed borders, there must exist a space where we can stake our claim as Americans. With the exception of Native Americans, of course, we have all gotten here because someone in our family line entered the country through an immigration process. At one point, someone in our family was a "stranger" in this land. What's your family story?<br />
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What does that mean to you? What ideas do you have for bringing justice to this situation? <br />
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<br />Coach Soniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12530825982646691331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3490111244074631564.post-37854138344910940082018-11-09T05:00:00.000-06:002018-11-09T06:32:48.442-06:00A passion for justiceFor nearly all of my life, I've been passionate about justice. This continues to be a strong drive within me, and it means I pay attention to what's going on in our society and in the world. I believe that as a citizen, I am called to be engaged—to stay informed, to speak out, to vote and whatever else seems important and necessary to assure that, as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "the arc of history ... bends toward justice."<br />
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That said, I have decided to take the opportunity now following the election to use some of my blog space to talk about issues that are important in our life together. One of those issues is the increasing gun violence in our country.<br />
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Two of my sons and several of my grandchildren love hunting. They have all taken safety courses and follow gun safety rules judiciously. I am not against hunting and careful use of guns.<br />
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However, I am extremely concerned about the increasing rate of mass killings in our country. Clearly, it didn't bother us when our littlest ones were killed at Sandy Hook. It hasn't moved us to action when our high schoolers were killed in Columbine and in Parkland, Florida. And now we've just had another one in California. We are upset by killings in our churches, synagogues and mosques; but our concern seems to pass quickly as the news cycle moves on to other events in our national life.<br />
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I don't have answers for all of this—just deep, deep concerns. How can we protect all our citizens—and most especially the children we bring into this world? Surely it is our job to protect them and be sure they are as safe as is humanly possible. Do we have the will? <br />
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<br />Coach Soniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12530825982646691331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3490111244074631564.post-70432210499196436462018-11-07T05:00:00.000-06:002018-11-07T05:00:11.054-06:00Digging under the wordsNational elections were held just yesterday. It's been an especially contentious election season. So many important issues have been the focus of national debate. Debate might seem like an extremely tepid or overly polite way to describe what's been occurring. Some days, it's more like food fights in a high school cafeteria!<br />
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Some of the issues that have been tackled are health care, immigration (except for Native Americans, we all got her through the process of immigration), voter suppression and gerrymandering, the #MeToo movement and all the broad strokes that surround issues related to women, reproductive rights and so much more.<br />
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I've been listening to the rhetoric and trying to pay attention to what's underneath the strong feelings and the words that are used—words that often are hurled at each other across an ever-increasing divide. Let's just take one of the issues: reproductive rights. Many feel the terminology typically used can be misleading: pro-life and pro-choice; and those people say that nearly everyone is <i>for life</i> and that it's a matter of <i>who makes the decisions</i>. So I've been thinking a good deal about what exactly the term pro-life means to people. I suspect if I asked 10 people, I might get 10 different answers.<br />
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I'm curious: What does it mean to you? For me, pro-life covers such a broad range of things—for example, attention to such issues as hunger, poverty, homelessness, child abuse and domestic violence, education, health care, gun laws and gun violence, just to name a very few. I see what happens throughout the life of that child who's born as a matter of concern. For me, it's more than simply having a child born; it's about making sure that child is safe, loved, cared for and has the best chance at quality of life that's possible. And in this wealthy nation of ours, I believe high quality of life IS possible if we have the will to see to it.<br />
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I would love to hear what you think about this and other issues. It's so easy to repeat rhetoric—words and phrases—that we hear politicians or others say. And sometimes we don't really examine those words to see what is underneath them. It's important to do so and to be sure the words we use really are authentic to us. <br />
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<br />Coach Soniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12530825982646691331noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-3490111244074631564.post-8782267264861718802018-11-05T05:00:00.000-06:002018-11-05T05:00:04.120-06:00Embrace your changesWe know that change is a normal part of life. Without change, we'd never grow up. Change, evolution, transformation—call it what you will. It's essential. I love to think of the butterfly, which started life as a lowly caterpillar and wound itself into a dark cocoon, where it seemed to die. And then suddenly, all those same parts that formed that caterpillar changed into a beautiful butterfly. I love that image of transformation, which is why I've chosen it as the symbol of my Way2Grow Coaching practice.<br />
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French author Arnaud Desjardins, who wrote the book <a href="https://www.amazon.com/Jump-Into-Life-Moving-Beyond/dp/0934252424" target="_blank"><i>The Jump Into Life: Moving Beyond Fear</i></a>, once said:<br />
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"Life is expressed in a perpetual sequence of changes. The birth of the child is the death of the baby, just as the birth of the adolescent is the death of the child."<br />
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On and on it goes. Perpetual change. Why then do we so fear change? It's a normal, yes a valued and essential, part of our lives. So let's embrace it and be grateful for new life and transformation. Be grateful we learn and grow. And let yourself soar like the beautiful butterfly that emerges from the cocoon!<br />
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<br />Coach Soniahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12530825982646691331noreply@blogger.com0