Friday, March 24, 2017

You set the limits

We hear a lot these days about setting boundaries. These are like fences that let others know what you will and will not accept by way of behavior from them. Mind you, boundaries aren't walls that shut others out. They are more like fences—and you can have gates and openings for people to get through. But you have conditions on who's let in.

If you have trouble setting limits for others or making boundaries, you aren't alone by any means. Many people have trouble with boundaries—and many people let others walk all over them and end up angry and resentful when it happens. You can change that, however. It's your choice. You get to set limits.

Boundaries aren't punitive. They are simply straightforward. For example, you may tell those close to you that you will not accept name-calling or put-downs from them. You also let them know what you intend to do if they continue the behavior. If they persist in calling you names or putting you down, you follow through with what you said you would do. You may tell someone, "I will not allow you to call me names anymore. If you continue, I will leave the room. If you persist long-term, I will need to leave the relationship." That's pretty straightforward. The thing is: You must follow through with what you've said you will do if the behavior continues. If you do not, expect more name-calling.

Boundary-setting takes practice. But it does get easier in time. If you would like to learn more, please contact me for a complimentary, no-obligation strategy session.