New Year's reflections

Today is New Year's Eve. It's often a time of reflection and review. What did we learn in the past year? What lessons do we carry into the new year? What will we do differently? For what are we thankful? What was the most challenging? From whom did we get help? To what are we looking forward in the new year? If you were to put a word on 2019 (perhaps what you long for in the new year or what you'll work on), what might it be?

My fiancé, two friends and I do this together each New Year's Eve. We reflect on the year past and look ahead to what might be coming or what we hope will be coming in the new year. We each select a word for the new year, writing it on a stone so we'll remember all year long. It's interesting how having that stone in sight increases intention throughout the year.

While I won't be writing blogs in this new year (I need the time I spend writing them to do other writing and sorting projects), I encourage you to sample the archive of my past blogs going back to 2012. I also encourage you to sign up for my monthly ezine if you haven't already. You may sign up to the right of this blog. All you will receive are the initial three free gifts that come in your email inbox and an ezine once a month to your inbox. That's it. Nothing more.

I encourage you to stay hopeful and grounded in this new year. To that end, I leave you with this blessing for now:

The path before me: May I walk it in peace.
The path behind me: May I leave it in peace.
The path within me: O God, may it be peace indeed.

'Learned helplessness'

As we approach the end of another year and reflect on all that's happened in our lives and in the life of our country and our globe, it's easy to become discouraged. I know so many people this year who are feeling depressed and overwhelmed with it all. It's easy to feel that way, especially if you listen to any news broadcasts at all.

However, let's all resist the temptation to descend into hopelessness and to feel that "We're only one person and what can we do anyway?" It's vital to remain hopeful and to do whatever things we can to contribute to the common good and to help ourselves with whatever we face, too.

I just learned that there's a name for the attitude of "I'm just one person"—psychologists call it "learned helplessness." It's toxic and can hold us back from taking any action. We believe there's no hope, and we quit trying to change things. It's so easy to grow weary. In fact, many of us are completely exhausted with our own challenges and with hearing about all the hatred and violence that surrounds us. Let's resist the hopelessness and helplessness.

Structures are built one stone, one brick, one board at a time. That's how we deal with life, too: one small step at a time. Change happens just that way as well. Let's help ourselves and each other to avoid "learned helplessness" and to stay in the game. It definitely takes a village to get through.

Although I will write only one more blog (Monday, New Year's Eve) for a while (I need to take a break to tend to other things on my to-do list), I will still send out my monthly ezine. If you haven't signed up, please do so to the right of this blog post. All you will receive is the initial three free gifts and thereafter, one ezine each month to inspire you. I don't sell my list, and I don't send you anything else.

For now, I want to encourage you to stay in the game and keep hope alive!

Reclaiming hope

Just a couple nights ago I watched a Netflix film entitled City of Joy (not to be confused with a 1992 movie by the same name). This film is a documentary chronicling stories of hope and restoration from The Democratic Republic of Congo, which has been devastated by 20 years of war and violence.

The film explains how rape is used as a tool of war (no big surprise to those of us who follow women's issues around the globe!)—but even more, how the women affected by this can find their voices and reclaim their life's purpose and strength and in the process, find joy. The film shows the first class of women to graduate from a leadership center in eastern Congo. It's called the City of Joy—a safe place founded by Dr. Denis Mukwege, 2016 Nobel Peace Prize nominee; women's rights activist Christine Schuler-Deschryver and radical feminist Eve Ensler, author of "The Vagina Monologues". These three people did amazing work with women who suffered unimaginable violence to the point where these women went on to work for change in their country.

It is absolutely beautiful to watch the women grow and become stronger—and joyful again—as the film (and their training) progresses! Above all, this is a story about resilience. It's a story about joy. It's about finding our voices, even in the face of incredible pain and sadness.

For those of us who have not experienced the ravages of war or of sexual violence, there still are lessons to learn: the importance of not remaining a victim, no matter what our experience; the value in speaking up and telling our stories and our truths; the power of reclaiming hope and joy—and so much more.

Have you found your voice? Are you using it? Are you telling your story, whatever it is? I encourage us all to do so! It's so powerful. It's also powerful to stand together with our sisters around the globe—and those brothers who support us!

Focusing on hope

Hope. It's such an essential part of life. And think of what happens when we lose it. Hopelessness. What a grim prospect!

I really like what Episcopal bishop and citizen of the Choctaw Nation Steven Charleston wrote in his book Cloud Walking:

"Hope is the match, prayer is the fire. If you know someone who needs a little help in getting a prayer life going, ask them if they ever hope for something. It's a safe bet that they do. And all the time. Humans are hopeful creatures. We are in an almost daily state of hope. We hope it won't rain. We hope we get better. We hope we win. Hope is a constant for us in our emotional matrix. Prayer is simply hope captured. Rather than a fleeting wish, through prayer hope becomes a focused intention. Prayer matures hope by allowing God to light a fire."

What an image: "Hope is the match, prayer is the fire." I don't know what shape your spirituality or religion takes, but prayer comes alive in many forms. Whatever works for you, I hope these thoughts and images help you find a way for the fire to be lit!

The center of the storm

In these days of so much conflict and anxiety, I keep looking for ways to stay with positivity and keep hope alive. So once again, I turn to one of my favorite inspirational poets and authors, Mark Nepo. He came extremely close to death with his cancer, so he speaks out of some deep experience.

In his book Seven Thousand Ways to Listen, he reminds us that "...the only true place of calm in a storm is the very center." 

He goes on to say, "Somehow, in the face of adversity and suffering, we are asked to appreciate life and endear ourselves to it. Not by replacing adversity with joy and not by turning from the difficulties and injustices of living, but by facing them with truth and gratitude for being here anyway. Even after cancer, and in the midst of this journey now, I don't know how to do this but know I must. We must."

As I struggle to find out how to do this myself, I'm encouraged to know that he isn't sure either but that he knows we all must find our way to this place of calm and equanimity. I don't know why but that spurs me forward to find ways myself.

He quotes former president of the Czech Republic Vaclav Havel on the subject of hope: "Hope is definitely not the same thing as optimism. It is not the conviction that something will turn out well, but the certainty that something makes sense, regardless of how it turns out." Ah, yes, there is a difference. And now I still have to think of what that means in our context in this country.

How do you see this?

'Love more'

Even though I'm a Norwegian, I have to hand it to those Swedes! One of their proverbs goes like this: "Fear less, hope more; eat less, chew more; whine less, breathe more; talk less, say more; love more, and all good things will be yours."

I can't argue with that. And, of course, I'm just teasing about the Swedes—even though this really is touted as a Swedish proverb.

More hope and less fear would be a good thing right now. So much of what is happening in our country (and around the globe) these days is fueled by fears of all sorts. We'd be far better off truly facing these fears and addressing them than to lash out at others because of them.

As for chewing more, yes, one of the things I learned in Weight Watchers was the benefit of chewing more slowly. By doing so, I was told I would eat less. True enough. It's still something I'm working on, however!

And whining? Yup, we know how unattractive that is in children—and in adults, well, that's truly disgusting. As for making our words count—I'm sure we can all agree with that.

And love more? Yes, the world truly does need more love. If each person truly felt loved, how different might this world be? So let's each do our part—and add more love to the world.

Banish fears, one by one

There isn't a human on the planet who hasn't felt fear—and I venture to say, on a regular basis. Each one of us fears a number of things, whether that be losing connections with others, speaking in front of a group, facing illness, death or being pushed outside our comfort zone, to name just a few.

What we choose to do about our fears is quite another matter, though. Fear doesn't need to have the final say. I like what Maya Angelou said about it: "Hope and fear cannot occupy the same space. Invite one to stay."

Isn't that wonderful? As difficult as it may be, let's choose hope as often as we can. Invite hope to stay—and then take even one small step toward whatever it is you fear. One step will lead to another and another, and soon hope really will prevail.

Watching life unfold

We're a week into the new year already. Did you make resolutions? Or do you just step into the new year with some vague hopes about what might come? Perhaps you pulled out your Bucket List or even your Thimble List (small ways to savor life)?

Each year, I do a review of the past year to see what's happened, what I've learned and what I've noticed about the word I chose a year ago. And then I select a word or phrase that I hope will fit for my new year. I chose the word "serene" for 2018. The reason I did so was because I seemed to be pulled in too many (often negative) directions by the news I heard. I so want to be an informed and active citizen of this country and the world. At the same time, I want to keep calm and hopeful. I don't want to be dragged down by every news headline or tweet I read about.

So far, one week in, I'm doing relatively well on this. But the real test is ahead. Can I keep this up for 51 more weeks?!

How about you? What are your hopes for this new year? And how do you see things unfolding for you so far? Let's encourage each other to stay positive and hopeful as we watch life unfold and plan how we will participate in it.





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Keep hope alive

These days our country seems so divided. Everywhere you turn, people are hurling invectives and displaying their anger to others. Fear is carrying the day. All you need do is read some Facebook posts and see the comments that follow. Or read an online news story and see the snarky comments that inevitably get posted.

But, wait, there are also so many good people doing and saying inspirational and positive things. Are you paying attention to that, too? I just read a blog yesterday about not giving in to hopelessness, about keeping hope alive—and sharing it with others.

When I've read or watched too much news coverage, I need to turn to something more uplifting—whether it's a positive blog, a conversation with a friend or loved one, an inspirational book, a good news source or whatever. And we all need to remember that self-care is so important in the midst of all this hatred and negativity, too. It's all too easy to let the toxic and negative emotions get inside us and pull us down.

I encourage you (and I'm talking to myself here, too!) to do all you can to stay hopeful and positive. We each have a voice and can speak out against the hatred and violence—and we can also share hope and love with others. Don't give in to the hopelessness and negativity. Keep hope alive!

Add positivity to the globe

What are you doing to stay positive these days? What's helping you see the glass half full rather than half empty?

It's not helpful to see the past with rose-colored glasses since there never has been a perfect time when everything was good for everyone. Some periods of history in the past may have been good for some but at the expense of others. And always, always, there have been challenges and bad things happening.

Having said that, however, now seems like such a contentious time. It's not just that there are things about which to worry such as auto-immune diseases, terrorists or Lyme-disease-carrying ticks, but add to that the fact that there seems to be an extra amount of anger, anxiety and fear out there. Layer on top of that the lack of patience, the distrust, the partisanship and the incidents of racism and other angry encounters. It can quickly lead us all to despair.

So why don't we help one another somehow keep a balance—being an informed and engaged citizen of our community, country and world while at the same time staying positive and as serene as possible? Find what helps you. Some people I know take sabbaticals from Facebook or listening to news. Some meditate more often. Others talk things over with friends. Still others find play and more laughter help to ground them. Do whatever it takes. We must stay hopeful, and we must do our part to add more positivity to the globe!

We have more in common

Last Friday we talked about the deep divide now in our country and the importance of building bridges, not walls.

Is it possible that we can be more intentional about our communication? Might we think of questions to ask those with whom we disagree, questions that open doors and open dialogue rather than shut it down? Perhaps we can ask people what they need in their lives right now. We might ask what they value and how they see those values playing out in our society, in our communities. We can do a lot more listening.

I suspect we have more in common than we think. Most of us simply want to live well and care for our families and loved ones. We want to have access to those things required to make that happen. And most of us really do wish good things for others as well.

I have my own strong feelings about what's going on around us, but I want to keep hope alive. I want to be about relationship, not about shutting people down or out. I want to build bridges, not walls. To do that, I need to get in touch with my own shadow side, too. For we are all both light and shadow. What we dislike in others often is there inside us as well. So it's important to be honest and real about our own "stuff" as we walk this journey and as we think about repairing the divide.

What is helping you get through these days? How are you keeping hope alive? How are you building bridges? I'd love to hear from you.

'It is what it is'

Ever think about this? Sometimes not getting what we want turns out to be the best thing. Have you ever missed a flight only to hear later that the plane was grounded and didn't reach its destination for hours? Or not gotten a job that you really wanted only to learn that a month later the company folded? Or been delayed in the start of a road trip so that you avoided a bad accident?

Although we all continue to make plans and to hold expectations for what will happen, it's always wise to hold such plans and expectations loosely. Life can change on a dime. And we don't know just what might happen—or what a given experience holds for us.

I have a difficult time with this myself, I will confess. But I am trying to let be what is—and to hold expectations lightly. I can too easily get hooked by my expectations and then feel let down because something didn't turn out the way I'd hoped. But as the above examples show, sometimes not getting what we had hoped can be the best thing.

The saying that's become so popular these days, "It is what it is" speaks well to this. Let something be what it will be. Try to not get too caught up in expectations and in the fine details of what's to come. Accept what is. Be flexible. Go with the flow. Dance between hope and mystery!

A Celtic blessing for you

Every day the news is filled with more sad stories. Refugees from Syria crossing the water in leaky boats. And from Libya. More people killed in Iraq. In Afghanistan. Threatening actions by North Korea.

Shootings in Chicago. A child falling into the Cincinnati Zoo area of a 450-pound silverback gorilla—and people venting anger on the parents after the gorilla had to be put to death. Political candidates hurling comments back and forth as the election season drags on and on.

It's difficult to stay calm and serene, to keep one's grounding in the face of all this news. And we haven't even mentioned whatever personal stresses we face in our daily lives.

So when I came across a Celtic blessing the other day, I latched on to it immediately. I offer it to you here, too. It's suggested that you use an index finger to draw a circle around yourself and then repeat this:

Circle me, O God, keep hope within, despair without.
Circle me, O God, keep peace within, keep turmoil out.
Circle me, O God, keep calm within, keep storms without.
Circle me, O God, keep strength within, keep weakness out.

Set fear aside

It's no secret to any of us, I'm sure, that there's a lot of fear "out there" these days. We can hear it in the political rhetoric and see it in protests and interactions from the local to the national and international level. No doubt we can see it in our own decision-making and that of others, too.

And it's no wonder. Truly, there's plenty about which to be fearful. The economy still has many people scared as they continue to feel the effects of what's been called a recession—and many people fear still more recessions ahead. Then there's the threat of terrorism, that from afar as well as home-grown. And family break-downs, job losses, illnesses and so much more keep people awake at night, too.

It's really understandable. The problem is, however, that when we're all tied in knots with fear, we aren't at our creative best. We can't come up with our best solutions for how to move forward. In fact, some people can't even really move forward at all because fear can be immobilizing. In addition, it's really an awful way to live, isn't it?

Let's see whether, without losing our grip on reality, we can set fear aside and try to live in hope and gratitude instead. Let's try to start each day in gratitude for all the gifts and blessings we do have. Let's look for the hope rather than focusing on the negatives that induce fear. Ready to try it?

Focus on hope

One of my favorite authors and workshop presenters, Paula D'Arcy, recently wrote about a visit she'd made to a local county jail where she was invited to give an inspirational talk. Before her talk, an inmate asked whether he could share his story.

The man's story was extremely moving, D'Arcy said, and he ended with a song that in her words "cut a path through the mind's usual chatter." All the inmates were on the edge of their seats, clapping and shouting encouragement to the man who shared his story. By the time D'Arcy gave her talk, everyone in the room was open and ready for a dose of hope.

The line that drew the longest applause that morning, D'Arcy said, was this: "Your pain and failures do not define you. What defines you is the spirit moving in life."

Such a message surely brought hope to those inmates. But it also can bring hope to you and to me. Our lives, too, have contained pain. Perhaps they still do. We've likely had our share of failures, too. So it's good to remember that those things do not define us.

To hear that message and remember the truth of it, however, we often need to shut out all the noise of the world around us—noises that play on our fears, on our greed, on our desire to buy more and more, and on our negative side. Tune that out. Remember you're defined by something much larger. And let hope fill your heart today.

Finding a grounded place amid horror

Do you have lots of questions and few answers in response to last week's evil acts in Paris, Beirut and Baghdad? I know I do. For, sadly, it isn't just those three places that have been touched by horror lately. It's Syria and Afghanistan and Iraq and the Middle East and other places in Europe ... and our own U.S. cities.

How can we hold an awareness of all the fear that leads to anger and violence on the one hand—and on the other hand, hold out hope for love and peace to find its way into all our hearts? How do we come to grips with it all and find a grounded place to be? How do we not fall into despair? Or let fear, anger and hatred settle into our own hearts? How do we hold onto love, hope and peace?

My fiancé and I had rich conversation with dear friends around these ideas last Saturday night. We talked about the importance of deep and open conversations—and not just with people with whom we always agree. We need to begin building more bridges. But we also wondered how you know when you're at the end of what conversation alone can do. Where does action come in? And what kind of action? Hatred isn't a good response to hatred. Escalation is the result of such a response. But what is a helpful response?

Let's at least get conversations started. And I'd love to hear your thoughts in the Comment Box below.

Remember to laugh

A sense of humor. It's one of the qualities in life I definitely want to keep. How about you?

I've seen the saving grace of a sense of humor in so many others. My father is one example. He lived with cancer for 11 years, enduring radiation, chemotherapy and surgery multiple times as it moved around his body until it finally landed in his brain. That's what finally got him—although my sister and I think it really was the radiation focused on his brain that finished him. In any case, he kept his sense of humor right up to the very end. We saw it come through time and again in those final days we spent with him in a hospice facility saying our goodbyes.

I saw it again the other day in the Facebook posts of a friend who's been dealing with multiple medical issues for months and months. She exhibits that humor along with her faith regularly, so somehow I know she'll be OK, no matter what. Faith. Hope. A sense of humor. They are some of the things that will get us through.

What would you add to that list?

Spring & hope

Now I don't have SADD. But I'm with John Denver ... and his song lyrics: "Sunshine on my shoulders makes me happy. Sunshine in my eyes can make me cry. Sunshine on the water looks so lovely. Sunshine almost always make me high."

I'm writing this on a fabulously beautiful spring day in the Chicago area. In fact, it's April Fool's Day as I write this. But the weather is not fooling—it definitely smells and feels like spring. Ah, and I'm so ready. So is everyone else, if casual conversations overheard in the past few days are any barometer.

While happiness is an "inside job" and depends so much on our attitude and state of mind, externals also can affect how we feel. Spring, with its new life and rebirth, reminds us that darkness doesn't last forever. The seed doesn't stay buried in the ground forever. The cocoon isn't forever. Soon green things will sprout and grow. Soon enough the butterfly will emerge and soar in all her beauty. So this is a time of hope. And who doesn't need a little hope?

Healthy bones

Now that I learned I have osteopenia (a possible precursor to osteoporosis), I pick up on any mention of bone health and bone care. I'm looking at what type of exercises are best for bones, what kind of foods, etc.

So when I read about the four essential symbolic bones in our body in Angeles Arrien's book The Second Half of Life, I was intrigued. She is talking about something very different from the bones on my skeleton. But still I was drawn into her descriptions and am thinking a lot about the importance of each of these four bones and what needs strengthening or realignment in my life:

• Backbone: Arrien calls this "the quality of courage," saying it means "to stand by one's heart or core."
• Wishbone: "the quality of hope, to stay open to dreams, blessings, and possibilities."
• Funny bone: "the quality of humor, to foster joy and maintain flexibility."
• Hollow bone: "the quality of trust, to maintain openness, curiosity, and faith."

Isn't that fascinating to think about? I agree that those four bones have important roles to play in a healthy life. So as I think about the bones on my skeleton and how to keep them healthy, I'm also going to reflect on strengthening those four symbolic bones.

Together we rise

Last week the Today Show highlighted breast cancer survivors and those currently dealing with the disease. What really struck me as I watched women share their stories in the company of others was the strength they drew from each other. I saw a real sisterhood—though they spanned the country and came from a variety of races, age groups and lifestyles.

When one woman would share her fears, her experiences and her triumphs, I could see the hope light up in the eyes of those still going through the chemo, radiation and surgeries. There were hugs, tears, words of support and encouragement for each other—and I have no doubt that for the thousands of viewers who watched the program, that hope spread even further.

We do need each other. And it's in the sharing of our stories—sharing our fears, our dreams, our hopes, our losses and our triumphs—that we help one another. It's also through that same sharing that we experience healing and confidence ourselves. Through that, we can find the strength to face what comes our way.

Sometimes our fears draw us deeply down into ourselves, and it's difficult to reach out and tell others. It's also difficult to ask for help and support. But it's good for us to do so, and it's equally good for others to be able to offer support, hope and encouragement.