I've often heard it said that we train other people how to treat us. When I first heard that, I had to spend some time thinking about it. At that time, I was so accustomed to thinking almost solely about the needs of husband and children. I didn't give much thought to what I wanted or needed. That felt selfish to me.
Now that I'm much older and my sons have their own children (some teens and beyond, in fact), I have more experience to understand the truth of that statement. I came to terms with the fact that it isn't selfish to expect some of my needs to be met, too. I actually thought about what I wanted from life—something that, in fact, removed some of the resentment that was beginning to build when my needs weren't considered. I had to look at my own part in the whole dance. I had to recognize my own worth, too.
When we grow so accustomed to thinking about the needs of others to the exclusion of our own needs, we do train others to think that way, too. Have you seen women who, even when their children are older adults, continue to put aside their wants and needs and jump to the tune of their children? Or of their spouse or partner? It's become a habit. And spouses and adult children, not necessarily doing so with "malice aforethought," continue to let them do so.
Mind you, I'm not saying it's wrong to be of service to others or to do kind things for those we love. These are good things. But we also want to do good things for ourselves and see ourselves as worthy of having our needs met, too. It's not either/or. It's both/and. And it's also a matter of making choices—choosing to do something for another rather than being expected to do so ... and letting them do good things for you, too!