Most everyone wants to be liked, loved, admired, respected and treated well. Some of us want it too much, however. Have you ever experienced that? And when that happens, are you angry with yourself for wanting approval too much? Angry that you haven't stood up for yourself or shown more self-esteem and self-confidence? Upset with yourself that your fears got the best of you?
Let go of the anger at yourself. Drop the shame. Instead, take a look at your patterns of behavior in a variety of social or work situations. What are the situations that most trip your triggers? And what are your responses? What are you thinking at the time? What fears are driving your behavior? Do you "awfulize" (everything is absolutely disastrous)? Do you overgeneralize (this always happens to me)? Do you magnify (blow things way out of proportion, similar to awfulizing)? Do you compare yourself, always coming up way below average and below everyone else in the room?
Challenge those thoughts and see whether there aren't more reasonable ways of seeing the particular situation(s) in question—and of seeing yourself.
Then develop some mantras or self-statements that you can repeat whenever you find yourself in a situation that might trigger your social anxiety. For example, "I'll be just fine. Others here are anxious, too. We are all in this together." Or "I am calm and serene, and I won't let my fear and insecurity rule me." "Everyone has baggage and insecurities. Some just hide it better. I will be friendly and show compassion to all I meet."
Over time, you just might see your anxiety reduced. It takes time, attention and intention to make changes like this. But it's so rewarding.
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