How does your garden grow?

During a conversation with a dear friend the other day, she mentioned that pulling weeds was on her to-do list. Somehow her comment made me think of the weeds in our lives. And that thought led me back to our pastor's sermon last Sunday when he urged us to start each day in thankfulness and gratitude for all our blessings.

Just a few years ago, I kept a Gratitude Journal in which I recorded at least four to six items each morning for which I was grateful. Sometimes I filled most of the journal page. Other times, I might have had only four items. But the net effect always was positive. When my day began by focusing on the gifts I have in my life—and feeling grateful for them—I was far more focused on seeing the blessings than the negatives or the weeds. I was happier and more content. It wasn't so easy to look at the negatives and get dragged down by all that's wrong with the world! It was easier to be forgiving and loving. I could overlook the foibles of others more easily.

For some reason, I got away from using that journal, though. But thanks to our pastor's encouragement, I'm reviving the practice.

And that brings me back to the weeds. Whatever in our lives crowds out the blessings and the good things, might those not be considered weeds? In a flower garden, it matters not if a weed also has flowers—if it crowds out and kills the flowers you planted there, you consider it a weed and pull it out, right? So what about the weeds in your life? What things are crowding out the good in your life? What thoughts or events are pulling you away from the positive and kind things you want to be doing? It's far too easy to latch on to the "shiny thing on the path," often the worst news of the day, and see the glass half empty or the world going to hell in a hand basket. However, if we keep the weeds under control and notice all the beautiful flowers in life's garden, how much happier we will be. How much easier it will be to be kind, loving and forgiving to those whose paths cross ours in any given day.

Be attentive to removing the weeds in your beautiful garden of life. Start—and end—your days in gratitude and notice all the beautiful bouquets of blessings that are there instead.

Be intentional. Live awake and aware.

AARP CEO Jo Ann Jenkins has written a book titled Disrupt Aging: A Bold New Path to Living Your Best Life at Every Age. She opens the book with a challenge that's worth thinking about:

If you knew you were going to live to be 100, what would you do differently today?

Would you eat differently? Exercise more?

Would you repair some broken relationships? Spend more time with those you love and who are supremely important to you? Reach out to make new friends?

Retire earlier? Or find a gratifying way to spend retirement, whether volunteering or in a third-stage-of-life career or simply playing more?

Would you write your life story for your children and grandchildren as a way to pass on your legacy?

Or would you travel to those places you'd always wanted to visit?

Do the things on your bucket list? Or create a bucket list, if you've not already done so?

It's worth reflecting on this if we want to be intentional about how we spend the moments, days and years that are given to us. Let us not sleepwalk through life and reach our final days with regret for the things we haven't done. Today is the day to start making any changes you desire.

Celebrate—early and often!

American operatic tenor Robert Brault has gifted us with many memorable quotes, one of which is: "Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things."

We can be so busy chasing the Big Dream that we don't even stop to notice the dozens of small miracles and moments that might take our breath away along the way. Let's remind one another to wake up and stay attentive and aware. For it's just as Brault said, we may realize that what we thought were simply little things really were the big things. They just might be the whole point!

Brault has also said, "There are exactly as many special occasions in life as we choose to celebrate." I love that one, too. Again, those small things we sometimes so easily overlook can be cause for celebration. Don't wait to light the candles, cut the flowers for the vase and pull out the best dishes for only birthdays or anniversaries. Celebrate the sunshine! Celebrate a friend's visit. Pull out all the stops and find lots of reasons to celebrate. Those little things ARE the big things and should be celebrated!

Optimum health requires attention

A women's organization, the Women of the Evangelical Lutheran Church in America, has long promoted a health initiative for women and girls. In it, they follow an ESP approach.

What's the ESP approach, you ask? The E stands for emotional health, the S for spiritual health, and the P for physical health.

What this initiative encourages is that each of us thinks about what unique things in each of those areas are necessary for us to work on. For example, what do you need for your best emotional health? Some people need to learn to chill out and relax more. Others need to let go of feeling responsible for everything and everyone. Still other folks can work on limiting their critical and judgmental nature. What do you need?

The same is true for your spiritual health: What do you need to work on to stay balanced and well-grounded?

How about your physical health? Do you exercise to the degree you're able? Are there some foods you need to avoid for optimum health? Do you need more laughter in your life? What lifestyle changes would make you healthier?

I like this approach and think it has a lot of merit. And I firmly believe in the importance of doing regular check-ups on ourselves to see what will move us to better health. We do regular maintenance on our cars, furnaces and air conditioners. Why not on ourselves?

'Born to wonder'

I've blogged several times about wonder, a trait we often fear we've lost as adults but that we see so openly in children. Should we not feel wonder at what our bodies do for us? At the many ways our bodies function, abilities we take so for granted? Our arm reaches for something high on the shelf without our even being conscious of all the inner workings that make this possible. We think, we walk, we run, we speak, we hear ... year after year, decade after decade ... incredible!

We see the butterflies and hummingbirds return from long journeys as spring declares its presence once again. Should we not feel wonder at these things? We see the earth green up, flowers grow, sunrises and sunsets set the earth aglow. Wow!

I read Steven Charleston's wonderful words in his book Cloud Walking: A Spiritual Diary, "You are a child of innocence, born to wonder all your days. ...Innocence is not the absence of pain, but the ability to face truth as an adult while still seeing with the eyes of a child. Innocence is hope. It is vision. It is love. God grant that each of us, for all the darkness we have endured, will always have the grace of innocence: the belief that what is to come will be better than what has been."

So even as we face the realities of our lives with illness, pain, failings, disappointments—yet wonder and innocence still remain. Let's not lose sight of them. They are there. We only need pay attention—and believe.

What's calling you?

Ah, it's that wonderful time of year, where I live anyway, when winter finally truly lets go and allows spring to enter the door. Flowers are starting to flout their colors. Birds are singing. And in just another day or two, I should see amazing hummingbirds at my feeder. Rebirth. It's such an exciting time of year—and all the more so this year, it seems, because we waited extra long for it to arrive.

It makes me reflect on what in my life could use renewal and new birth. I don't yet know what's ahead for me, but it's always good to ponder what might be. What could use my attention? What's calling to me now? Do I need to make any changes, either in direction or in attitude? Is it time for something new to blossom and bloom? Or perhaps it's time to clean out something in my life, whether physical or emotional? To declutter and let go?

How about you? What does spring call forth in you?

Turn the switch to positivity

Are you having difficulty staying positive these days? Are the details of your life dragging you down? Or perhaps it's the news coming from outside you that's depressing you?

I encourage you to not let the situation continue. It's not good for your health, for one thing. Also, the longer you allow negativity to continue in your life, the tougher it is to change. It's all too easy to get stuck in a rut of negative thinking. But you can create new pathways. One way is to think of five or six things for which you're grateful when you first awaken each day. Another is to think of a role model in your life—someone who inspires and uplifts you. When you find yourself getting down, think of that person. Call them and get a positive-energy fix, if that's what you need!

Look for opportunities to help others. I guarantee that will bring you out of yourself and your negativity. It always feels good to be of service to others and to have purpose in your life.

Try meditation. Even just taking time to relax, breathe deeply and exhale your stress will help you create a more positive frame of mind.

Find things to savor each day. Pay attention. Notice the green shoots popping up through the ground now. Listen to the birds. Take time to stop and notice the sunset—or the sunrise. Appreciate it all. Try to not sleepwalk through your days. Live awake and aware! You'll be so glad you did.

Don't let social anxiety get you down

Most everyone wants to be liked, loved, admired, respected and treated well. Some of us want it too much, however. Have you ever experienced that? And when that happens, are you angry with yourself for wanting approval too much? Angry that you haven't stood up for yourself or shown more self-esteem and self-confidence? Upset with yourself that your fears got the best of you?

Let go of the anger at yourself. Drop the shame. Instead, take a look at your patterns of behavior in a variety of social or work situations. What are the situations that most trip your triggers? And what are your responses? What are you thinking at the time? What fears are driving your behavior? Do you "awfulize" (everything is absolutely disastrous)? Do you overgeneralize (this always happens to me)? Do you magnify (blow things way out of proportion, similar to awfulizing)? Do you compare yourself, always coming up way below average and below everyone else in the room?

Challenge those thoughts and see whether there aren't more reasonable ways of seeing the particular situation(s) in question—and of seeing yourself.

Then develop some mantras or self-statements that you can repeat whenever you find yourself in a situation that might trigger your social anxiety. For example, "I'll be just fine. Others here are anxious, too. We are all in this together." Or "I am calm and serene, and I won't let my fear and insecurity rule me." "Everyone has baggage and insecurities. Some just hide it better. I will be friendly and show compassion to all I meet."

Over time, you just might see your anxiety reduced. It takes time, attention and intention to make changes like this. But it's so rewarding.

Be watchful—and sensitive

I'm writing this on December 21—the start of winter and the shortest day. My congregation is having a "Blue Christmas" service tonight for those who may not experience Christmas this year as a joyful event. There are so many reasons that might be true: illness, business setback, job loss—and in our congregation, two deaths just this week in addition to others in the past few months. This service will be more subdued than the others this weekend.

It's always good to remember that not everyone experiences happiness, joy or feelings of peace and serenity at this time of year. It's a good time to be respectful of where others are in their life journey and what's happening with them.

Just yesterday, in fact, my fiance and I had lunch out. We were served by a woman who has served us many times before. When we asked how she was, she appeared near tears. I asked what was wrong, and she told us how her mother-in-law had just died suddenly. Her husband's mother was an essential part of their family's life and had been expected to pull through the diagnosis she got only two months earlier. Now they were facing a funeral and a huge gap in their lives ... all just days before Christmas.

Stay tuned in to what people are feeling. Pay attention. We cannot assume this time of year is a warm, fuzzy or joyful time for everyone. It's a good time to show compassion and love to all those we meet. Who knows what even a smile can mean to someone you see on the street or in a store?

Pay attention—and give thanks

Close your eyes. Breathe deeply three to four times, exhaling slowly. Place your hand to your heart and feel your heart beat. Keep it there for several minutes. Feel your gratitude for your heart and its work on your behalf. Feel gratitude for all the parts of your body that work on your behalf every day. So much happens internally that we take for granted daily, so it's good to stop and pay attention occasionally.

Then move your thoughts of thankfulness outward to other parts of your life: heat, light, food, shelter, family, friends, work or retirement and so much more.

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving Day. It differs from person to person. You might be spending it with family or friends. You might be with only one significant person. Or you may be spending it on your own. You might have a huge feast. Or you may be enjoying a simple, quite ordinary meal.

No matter what your situation, no doubt you have much for which to be grateful. Take the time to reflect on all those gifts. Sitting quietly and paying attention to your body is a good way to begin that process. And don't let it just be a once-a-year practice. An attitude of gratitude opens our hearts to so much generosity and love!

Look for the beauty

I've been busy, along with my sister, tending to details of a loved one's medical condition. So it would be easy to miss the fact that these last many days have been incredibly gorgeous. Incredibly gorgeous for August. And just plain incredibly gorgeous—period!

Isn't it easy sometimes to get so caught up in the details of our lives, whether it's the ordinary, day-to-day routines or something extraordinary, and completely miss the wonder and the beauty that surround us?

When I awake in the morning, now with open windows and lovely cool air rather than with the hum of my air conditioner, I can hear birdsongs just outside my window. I love it. When I look up from eating my breakfast or my lunch, I can watch the hummingbirds come to my feeder to sip the sugar-water I've prepared for them.

And just a couple nights ago when we enjoyed a full moon, I awoke in the middle of the night to see it shining through my window where I had the top part of my window shade pulled down. Ah, yes, moon tracks on my bed and on my face. I have long felt drawn to the moon—so this, too, was a source of joy and wonder.

Let's try to pay attention to those small (and not so small) bits of beauty that are there for the savoring every day. It only takes noticing. It means lifting our eyes from the quotidian details of our lives. Pay attention!

Closed doors, open doors

Have you ever missed an opportunity because you've been focusing your gaze on the past? It was Alexander Graham Bell who said, "When one door closes, another opens; but we often look so long and so regretfully upon the closed door that we do not see the one which has opened for us."

When a door closes and a loss occurs, whether a friendship, a job or some other opportunity, it certainly is important to grieve it. We need to take time to reflect on what that closed door means.

What Bell's quote tells me is that we don't want to get stuck focusing on that closed door because we can completely miss another opportunity in the present or the future. It can also happen that we might completely miss any lessons that might be learned in that interim period between a closed door and an open door or window. All of that time following a closed door is valuable. There are lessons to be learned, and there are potential opportunities ready to materialize if we are paying attention.

What have you learned through doors closing? I'd love to hear.

Maybe it wasn't an accident

On a cold December day as I was cleaning house in preparation for Christmas guests, my doorbell rang. At first I paid scant attention since I assumed it was a package delivery. But the doorbell rang again several times. I found one of my neighbors at the door with no coat and with slippers on her feet. She said she was really embarrassed but she'd accidentally locked herself out of her house (with no key and no cell phone) and needed to use my phone to call a locksmith. Of course, I welcomed her in and offered her my phone. The locksmith couldn't come for 1-1/2 hours. So we had a delightful chance to get acquainted—more than the waves or the "Hi" at the mailboxes. (And I got a break from cleaning!)

Because of that accidental lockout, Carol has now invited me to join a women's group that meets once a month to discuss issues important to women of a certain age. I attended a couple weeks ago and am delighted to be part of this group. Because of Carol, too, I have been introduced to a wonderful senior activity center only a mile away—that, oddly, I knew nothing about even though I've lived here more than 15 years! That center has more exercise classes, outings and activities than I could ever imagine. How did I not know about it before?

Don't you just love when things like this happen? I felt awful for Carol that day, but she and I both agreed it opened a wonderful door for us both to get acquainted. And now I am taking yoga classes and looking at other options—plus I'm hooked into a new support group of women. Pay attention. Keep your eyes open—you never know when some new doors will open and some delightful surprises will occur.