Be intentional. Live awake and aware.

AARP CEO Jo Ann Jenkins has written a book titled Disrupt Aging: A Bold New Path to Living Your Best Life at Every Age. She opens the book with a challenge that's worth thinking about:

If you knew you were going to live to be 100, what would you do differently today?

Would you eat differently? Exercise more?

Would you repair some broken relationships? Spend more time with those you love and who are supremely important to you? Reach out to make new friends?

Retire earlier? Or find a gratifying way to spend retirement, whether volunteering or in a third-stage-of-life career or simply playing more?

Would you write your life story for your children and grandchildren as a way to pass on your legacy?

Or would you travel to those places you'd always wanted to visit?

Do the things on your bucket list? Or create a bucket list, if you've not already done so?

It's worth reflecting on this if we want to be intentional about how we spend the moments, days and years that are given to us. Let us not sleepwalk through life and reach our final days with regret for the things we haven't done. Today is the day to start making any changes you desire.

About what do you wish to be more intentional?

In the same issue of Magnolia Journal that I referenced on Wednesday, several people answered the question, "What is one thing you want to be more intentional about?"

I am really taken with some of their responses—and am giving some thought myself to the question as well as to the desires they expressed. There's nothing wrong with appropriating someone else's intention!

One woman answered, "My words. ... I want to pause, think, and take the time to use the right ones." I definitely could benefit from this as would all those around me!

Another woman said she wants to "really see" people with whom she's interacting—"whether it is the waitress who is serving me, the cashier at the checkout, or the salesperson assisting me." How many times have we completely looked past the person serving us? I know I'm guilty of that at times. What a loss for me—and for the other person.

Yet another woman responded, "...I hope to laugh more and find more humor in life and in daily circumstances." Definitely. Humor is an important essential to getting through life, in my humble estimation.

Does anything here catch your eye? How would you answer the question?

Spring—and intention

Winter is still hanging on (with a vengeance) here in the Midwest. However, there are wonderful signs of new life, too—blades of iris plants poking bravely out of the cold earth and birds singing with abandon.

In my latest issue of Magnolia Journal: Inspiration for Life and Home, editor Joanna Gaines clearly is looking forward to the arrival of spring, too. Here's what she says:

"As new life is turning all around us, I feel a similar sensation prompting me to grow some things and shed others. Whether it's the readying of my garden or the airing out and freshening up of our home, this season always stirs within me a desire to consider what I have outgrown or need to weed out in order to make room for what I hold most dear."

Yes! That's a wonderful thought, I think. Gaines goes on to talk about living intentionally and making conscious decisions about how we live our lives and fill our days. I like that idea, too.

As you think about living intentionally—and about growing some things and letting go of others, what comes to mind? What changes might you make? Why not start with one today?

Don't let social anxiety get you down

Most everyone wants to be liked, loved, admired, respected and treated well. Some of us want it too much, however. Have you ever experienced that? And when that happens, are you angry with yourself for wanting approval too much? Angry that you haven't stood up for yourself or shown more self-esteem and self-confidence? Upset with yourself that your fears got the best of you?

Let go of the anger at yourself. Drop the shame. Instead, take a look at your patterns of behavior in a variety of social or work situations. What are the situations that most trip your triggers? And what are your responses? What are you thinking at the time? What fears are driving your behavior? Do you "awfulize" (everything is absolutely disastrous)? Do you overgeneralize (this always happens to me)? Do you magnify (blow things way out of proportion, similar to awfulizing)? Do you compare yourself, always coming up way below average and below everyone else in the room?

Challenge those thoughts and see whether there aren't more reasonable ways of seeing the particular situation(s) in question—and of seeing yourself.

Then develop some mantras or self-statements that you can repeat whenever you find yourself in a situation that might trigger your social anxiety. For example, "I'll be just fine. Others here are anxious, too. We are all in this together." Or "I am calm and serene, and I won't let my fear and insecurity rule me." "Everyone has baggage and insecurities. Some just hide it better. I will be friendly and show compassion to all I meet."

Over time, you just might see your anxiety reduced. It takes time, attention and intention to make changes like this. But it's so rewarding.

Anybody listening?

Listening seems to be a lost art these days. And during this current political season, the ability to listen to one another seems more of a long-distant memory than a possibility. It's so discouraging.

What has happened to our ability—or even to our desire—to hear one another? If someone declares their political party, or their preferred candidate, we think we already know all we need to know about that person. And we quit listening. We've already judged them. And they, us.

And when people are in conversation, those not speaking at the moment are busy formulating their response or thinking about a similar situation that happened to them that they want to share next. But what about listening—and actually hearing what the other person has to say? And even more than that, listening to what's not said? Often, what's not said is as important or even more important than what is said. Reading between the lines is such an art. But these days, so is simply listening to what's said.

Why don't we each commit to improving our listening skills? Perhaps we can practice each day by at least listening attentively to one or two conversations a day. Then we can up it to three or four. And then five or six. And incrementally, we can improve our listening ability. It really is a matter of intention and building up to a habit. It would be so worthwhile to do so. What do you think?

Most everyone is trying their best

When someone cuts you off in traffic, lets the door slam in your face in a public place or jumps in front of you in line at the airport, do you assume evil intentions on their part? Yes, most of us jump to conclusions in terms of people's motivations or intentions. We assume the worst.

Social scientists will say that stems from self-disgust or a certain amount of self-hatred. We think we deserve it and are quite sure someone is doing it just to anger us. They deliberately jerking our chain or out to get us!

It's better for our anxiety level and our mental health if we can practice this behavior: Rather than jump to the conclusion of evil intent, assume that the vast majority of people are doing their best. One person I heard recently advises looking for the pin—imagine what things might be pricking that person that made them either unaware of what they were doing to you or made them act more rudely than they normally would do.

Next time someone cuts you off or steps in front of you in line, imagine their pin and avoid getting bent out of shape. Your blood pressure will remain lower, and your body will thank you! Practice compassion.

A menu of possibilities

I am trying to be intentional about how I spend my time these days. I'm extremely conscious of being in the final third of life. Knowing that I have many more years behind than ahead of me, I want to be sure I spend them in ways that are congruent with my values and my hopes.

Yesterday as I thought about this topic again, it occurred to me that it might be good to create a menu of sorts—and then study it to see exactly what I want right now. I don't just mean a bucket list. Those are great to do for the large and extraordinary experiences or trips we want to have before we die. But I'm talking more about just how we want to spend our last days and years. What things do we want to be doing? What do we want our focus to be? Our attitude? How do we want our ordinary days to look and feel?

We do have choices to be made about such things. If we want to be positive and happy, we need to fill our hearts and minds with good things. We need to stop focusing on negative people and situations. Let go of that remark someone made that you didn't like. Stop dwelling on what you didn't get to do last week and look at the wonderful things that did happen. You get the picture.

Why not create your menu or possibilities? Study it as you do a restaurant menu. And then order up just what you want—and make it happen!

Start your day off right

How do you awaken each morning? What are the first thoughts or first words out of your mouth? What do you typically feel when you first open your eyes?

Do you think, "Oh, no, another day of same-old, same-old"? Do you leap ahead with feelings of dread to an event that's coming up later that day? Do you place a black cloud firmly over your head (that most likely will stay in place all day)?

Or do you say, "Ah, another new day. I'm grateful to be here to experience it"? And do you truly feel grateful to be alive for yet another day?

Perhaps you blend your gratitude with realism—and say, "I'm so glad for another day of life ... even though I confess to anxiety about the meeting I have this afternoon with my boss."

You might face each new day with curiosity about what's ahead—and thus resonate with author and poet Maya Angelou who said, "This is a wonderful day. I've never seen this one before."

The way in which you start your day sets the tone for your whole day. If you begin in a bad mood, complaining about the day and what's ahead, you will have to work hard and be pretty intentional to turn it around into a good day. But if you begin by being thankful for the day and for the good things in your life, you have set a positive tone for what follows. It's worthwhile to think about this when you wake up: What kind of day do I want this to be? If I'm tempted to start out complaining, might I be able instead to think of blessings for which I'm grateful? Might I start my day with a smile on my face and "Thank you" on my lips? Try it tomorrow. See what a difference awareness, intention and a positive attitude can make.

What? Ask directions?

What’s on your mind now that you’re nearly one month into a new year? Do you have a hope or intention for this year—or a resolution or two? And how is that working out so far?

If you have a hope, a dream, an intention or resolutions—have you actually made a step-by-step plan to get there?

If not, why not take the time today to do this? When you plan a trip to a new place, you can’t get there without getting directions and making a plan. So it is with an intention.

I don’t need a plan
Men are often teased for not asking directions. In truth, however, many of us are guilty of not creating a plan to get where we want to go.

This is a great time to change that. The year is still new. You still have time to ask what needs to change so you can reach your heart’s desire. What is it you really want for 2012? What will it take to get there?

And how can you break that down into bite-sized and manageable pieces?

Maybe you still have some letting go to do before you can move forward. What do you no longer want? Write it down. What do you want now? Write it down. What one thing can you do to move closer to that goal? Write that down. As you think of more actions to get you to your hope, your dream or goal, add them to your list.

We all need inspiration from others. I invite you to share with us in the comment box what works (and doesn’t) for you.

I’m pulling for you! I’d love to see you attain that for which you most yearn this year!

An alternative to resolutions

Do you make resolutions for the new year? Do you keep them? Some statistics say that 25 percent of people drop their resolutions within the first week of the year—and 36 percent ditch them within the first month. After six months 54 percent have not maintained their resolutions.

Having said that, it’s also true that making resolutions is better than not making them—if you want to reach goals in your life.

Give the year a name
Here’s another alternative: Consider doing an informal review at the end of the year or the start of a new year. Include a look back at the past year to see what was good and not so good. Reflect on the past year’s highlights (and lowlights!) and what you learned from them. Then look ahead to imagine what might happen in the coming year. What would you like to have happen? What manageable goals can you set—and what small steps can you take to get there? Reflect on what strengths and resources you have (include your own skills and strengths and think about family and friends) that you take with you into the year that will help you get what you most want.

Then think about what name you might give to the coming year: a single word or perhaps a short phrase. What word or phrase might you hold in front of you that will energize you and fuel your passion in the coming year?

Two friends and I have done this on New Year’s Eve for 10 years now, and in the past three my fiancé has joined in. We have been amazed at what can happen during the year when we do this.

Prepare for surprises
For example, one year I chose “authentic” as my word. I determined that, in my workplace, I wasn’t going to let the behavior and attitudes of my coworkers determine my actions. I wanted my words and actions to be authentic. Most days I was very conscious of that intention and really did bring my positive thinking into my workplace. That word still lives in me to this day.

Interestingly, at the start of 2009 I chose “break free” as my phrase—intending that I would break free of things that held me back from being all I could be. Little did I know that in October of that year I would be Reduced-In-Force at a workplace I’d been in for 22 years! Further, for my 2010 word I chose “adventure,” again not fully realizing just where that would take me. My adventure turned me onto a career I absolutely love and for which I feel I’ve trained all my life.

What word or phrase might you give to 2012? Try creating one—and wait to see what happens! It just could replace New Year’s resolutions in your life.

It’s your choice

Happy New Year! Don’t you just love opening a new calendar and seeing all the empty spaces in each month—each day beckoning with possibilities? It’s exciting to know I can fill them (or not fill them) as I choose.

Yes, we do have some “musts” that fill those spaces each month. Some of us have 9-to-5 jobs that leave only nights, weekends and vacation days with actual choice involved. We have families to tend and friendships to nurture. We have appointments and commitments to keep. However, some choice is still involved in adding things to our calendar.

How are you choosing to fill your 2012 calendar? Are you doing so with intention? Or are you simply allowing things to fill up? And how do you make your decisions?

Ask questions first
For too many years, I let my calendar fill up with little thought to what gave me life and energy. Will doing this bring more light and life into the world? Will it matter to someone’s life? To mine? Is it something that is really someone else’s task? Or is it something that is mine to do?

So many questions need to be asked before filling your days. Be clear about your goals. Get clear on your desires. Be clear about what tasks are really yours to do—and not someone else’s. Have clarity on how you want to spend your time. We each have 24 hours a day, seven days a week. We each have the same number of days in a month and 365 days in a year. No more, no less.

If you haven’t done so already, why not make a list of what you really want to do with your time. How do you want to spend your days? What are your priorities? Once you have a list of things you want to do and have prioritized it, you can make choices about filling your calendar that really feel like choices. Doesn’t that feel energizing and powerful?

Make intentional choices, starting today. You’ll be so glad you did. And I invite you to share comments with us to tell us how that works for you.