Monday, September 24, 2012

The blame game

Blaming others when things go wrong for us—that's so easy to do, isn't it?

What's more difficult is to see, and acknowledge, our part in the dance that occurs between us and another person, whether that happens to be a boss, a partner, a child or a friend.

When we can take a deep breath, however, and step back from the situation to really see the dance as it is, we see that it does "take two to tango." Or to tangle!

I have done plenty of blaming in my time. And I've sometimes seen myself as the victim. That kind of thinking simply sucks away my personal power, however. So when I can change that thinking and behavior and see my part in a situation or relationship, I can make choices about what I want to change. Do I need to change how I think about the situation? How I react to someone? Why does that person get to me? What triggers set me off—and how I can avoid reacting to those same triggers? Do I need to leave a relationship or job? Or can I make the changes necessary for me to stay but without reacting in the same old way?

I can learn so much about myself and about life when I can step back and really examine the situation. I can set boundaries if I feel someone consistently walks all over me. I can choose to ignore unacceptable behaviors rather than react to them. When I change my part of the dance, it can't continue in the same way it has. That's a pretty powerful move, isn't it?

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