Stay the course

Do you get discouraged easily about your dreams and goals? Do you change direction when things get tough, even to the point of letting go of your dreams and passions? If so, you may like to consider this quote by author and motivational speaker Zig Ziglar: "When obstacles arise, you change your direction to reach your goal; you do not change your decision to get there."

You don't need to see obstacles as a sign that you're pursuing the wrong dream. Obstacles happen. Period. Is the obstacle something you can surmount? Is there a work-around? Can you change direction and still keep the same goal or dream? Sometimes obstacles are merely good pause-points—times to stop and reflect on what you're doing and whether you're going about it in the best way. Often, you just need to tweak something to better suit you.

When I received my training to become a life coach, the professor asked each of us to develop a HUB statement (Hottest Undeniable Benefit) that would say who our target audience was and what we offered them. I created several drafts and finally settled on one; so did my classmates. We were told to be very specific with our target audience (not "women," for example, but more like "middle-aged women in career transition" or something similar). I started out with a different target than I now have, and it wasn't working well. That didn't mean I had to give up life coaching. It just meant I needed to do some tweaking and think more about who my gifts might best serve.  And that tweaking made a huge difference. I absolutely love what I'm doing—and the variety of clients I'm now serving.

That said, there are times in your life when an obstacle arises and a pause-point may show the need for a left turn or a total shift in what you're doing. Know the difference. Know yourself.

Life in a ‘both/and’ world

I have a confession to make—I am a recovering either/or thinker! I don’t know how or why it happened but I’ve spent a lot of my life in all-or-nothing thinking. I first became aware of this many years ago when I joined Weight Watchers to lose some extra weight.

I noticed that if I went off my plan for a meal, I got discouraged and thought, “Well, I’ve ruined today. So I might as well just eat whatever I want. I’ve screwed it up anyway.” Oh, yeah, that was really helpful! Not so much ….

The more I became aware of how my either/or, all-or-nothing thinking hindered my weight-loss efforts, the better a change to both/and thinking looked to me! Sometimes I still struggle with either/or thinking. But more often than not, I’ll be invited back into the expansiveness and joy of life in a both/and world when it happens.

Possibilities open up
When you are stuck in either/or thinking, things are either one way or the other. There is no room for ambiguity or for the gray areas of life. Either you are strong or you are weak. Either you are on a healthy eating plan or you’re totally off your plan. Either you are perfect or you are a failure.

However, when you switch to both/and thinking, you can see many sides to an issue. Many possibilities open up. Solutions you didn’t see before appear. You can acknowledge all the facets of your personality. Several realities can coexist.

You can be a strong woman—and you can have a scared little girl inside. You can eat that forbidden snack—and you can acknowledge that you ate something not on your plan while still deciding to get right back on the plan with your next meal. You can love your husband—and still want a weekend away from him and spent in the company of your female friends.

Where do you spend most of your days—in either/or land or a both/and world? What helps you sustain both/and thinking?