'This too shall pass'

Best-selling author Joey Green once said, "When you experience joy, remembering that 'This too shall pass' helps you savor the here and now. When you experience pain and sorrow, remembering that 'This too shall pass' reminds you that grief, like joy, is only temporary."

This makes so much sense and is good to remember. But when we're knee-deep in grief, it's tough to keep in mind the temporary nature of things. Even when we're up to our eyeballs in joy, we may not take the time to truly savor the feeling. It's easy to forget that it won't last forever.

At this time of year, when many people feel the joy and wonder of the season, others are feeling the pain of it all. They feel alone, depressed, afraid—and the joy of others only makes them more depressed.

What's really important for us all is to be aware of what those around us are feeling. We ought not assume that everyone shares the emotions we feel. Once we notice, we can respond appropriately. This is a good time to be gentle with ourselves and others. It's a good time to practice compassion and self-compassion.

Reclaiming hope

Just a couple nights ago I watched a Netflix film entitled City of Joy (not to be confused with a 1992 movie by the same name). This film is a documentary chronicling stories of hope and restoration from The Democratic Republic of Congo, which has been devastated by 20 years of war and violence.

The film explains how rape is used as a tool of war (no big surprise to those of us who follow women's issues around the globe!)—but even more, how the women affected by this can find their voices and reclaim their life's purpose and strength and in the process, find joy. The film shows the first class of women to graduate from a leadership center in eastern Congo. It's called the City of Joy—a safe place founded by Dr. Denis Mukwege, 2016 Nobel Peace Prize nominee; women's rights activist Christine Schuler-Deschryver and radical feminist Eve Ensler, author of "The Vagina Monologues". These three people did amazing work with women who suffered unimaginable violence to the point where these women went on to work for change in their country.

It is absolutely beautiful to watch the women grow and become stronger—and joyful again—as the film (and their training) progresses! Above all, this is a story about resilience. It's a story about joy. It's about finding our voices, even in the face of incredible pain and sadness.

For those of us who have not experienced the ravages of war or of sexual violence, there still are lessons to learn: the importance of not remaining a victim, no matter what our experience; the value in speaking up and telling our stories and our truths; the power of reclaiming hope and joy—and so much more.

Have you found your voice? Are you using it? Are you telling your story, whatever it is? I encourage us all to do so! It's so powerful. It's also powerful to stand together with our sisters around the globe—and those brothers who support us!

Joy & contentment

Sometimes I only need to let another voice speak, and there's nothing more to be said. So once again, I give you the words of Episcopal bishop and member of the Choctaw Nation Steven Charleston in his book Cloud Walking:

"Give me the simple joys and I will be content. The peaceful evenings with those I love, watching the sun slip away to its rest. The laughter around the table, when all our cares seem to have lost their way and failed to appear. The long talks with old friends who know what I am saying before I say it. The magic of children's play, delighting only in delight. The devotion passed between me and a beloved pet when we cross that line of difference, bonded for life. The quiet hour of prayer when I not only know God is listening, but sitting right beside me."

Ah, doesn't that just slow your heart rate and bring images that calm you? Joy and contentment are near at hand. We need not work so hard to find them.

Spend time with young people

My youngest granddaughter, who will be 12 in September, flew from Portland to Chicago as an unaccompanied minor more than a week ago to visit me for two weeks. We have been having so much fun together, and we still have the rest of this week to enjoy each other's company.

This time with Payton allows me to access the young girl in me again. It's a reminder that we still have inside us every age and stage we've ever been. The young girl is never totally gone, even when we're grandmas! Unfortunately, sometimes the stresses and strains of life cause us to forget the playfulness and wonder that we so easily accessed when we were far younger. Hanging out with young adults and young children helps us get back in touch with those qualities, however. It reminds us of the hope and optimism we felt before becoming so jaded.

If you have young children in your life, try to spend time with them whenever you can. It's good for us to embrace our playful side. It's healthy to see the world with awe, wonder and amazement. It's just plain fun to feel the joy and exuberance of even the most ordinary things in our daily life.

You're never too old to embrace your Inner Child!

Both joy and sorrow are temporary

We know all too well that both joy and sorrow are part of life. What we don't always think about is the temporary nature of both those emotions and the experiences that spur them.

Author Joey Green puts it this way, "When you experience joy, remembering that 'This too shall pass' helps you savor the here and now. When you experience pain and sorrow, remembering that 'This too shall pass' reminds you that grief, like joy, is only temporary."

This quote puts a little different twist on things, doesn't it? We often think that times of sorrow will pass. But so will those times of joy—so best we savor them and make the most of them while we can.

All our emotions are temporary ... and will pass. Keep in mind the transitory nature of all things, and it will help you keep a healthy perspective on life.

Reading Green's quote certainly grabbed my attention and is a good reminder to me. How about you?

Hard work and sweet memories

So much of life is both/and. Experiences aren't good; they aren't bad—they often are a mix of each. So with people—not good, not bad, but a mix of both. And life: not good, not bad, but both/and.

So two weeks ago when my sis and I spent a week cleaning out our brother's home for him, that realization was underscored for us in a big way. His home had been our parents' home, too. So it was full, extremely full; and cleaning it out was exhausting and hard work for the two of us. Neither one of us is 20 anymore, so our muscles complained every night after morning-till-early-evening lifting, bending, carrying and hoisting.

However, that week also was filled with many sweet moments—several trips down memory lane, the joy of sister-time, lots of surprising discoveries of items we either had never seen before or hadn't known were still around, and a reminder that friends and neighbors in small towns are so kind and helpful, going out of their way to assist us. Strangers in that small town became friends by week's end, too.

Now that the huge task we'd dreaded for so long is in our rear-view mirror, my sis and I more easily remember all the sweet moments contained in that week. Ah, the joys of a both/and world. I'm grateful this is so!

Have you experienced some of this lately, too?

Souls that blossom

French novelist, critic and essayist Marcel Proust once said, "Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom."

Yes, indeed. Isn't that a lovely thought?

Proust is reported to have been a frail and nervous child whose first asthma attack at age 9 nearly killed him. So no doubt, his words took on deep meaning for him. Such an experience would make a lasting impact, I'm sure.

It's a reminder to you and to me to surround ourselves with people who are caring, compassionate and joyful people who help "make our souls blossom." We all have some people in our lives who bring us down and definitely don't make us happy. Sometimes we can walk away from them, and other times they're in our lives to stay. Then we need to try limit our time with them. At the least, we need to make huge efforts to stay positive in the face of their negativity. It's also a reminder to us to be "charming gardeners" ourselves!

Remember to say thanks to all those who make your soul blossom!

Peace and joy to you!

I don't know which of the December holidays you celebrate. I celebrate Christmas today—so I will keep this short and sweet.

Whichever holiday you celebrate, I send you my very best wishes for a meaningful, peaceful and joyful time of year—and wish you a multitude of moments in the new year that take your breath away!

Pain and delight

I have family and friends who refuse to be on Facebook for any number of reasons. Goodness knows, that and other social media can be complete time-suckers. You think you're simply going to check whose birthday it is on a given day so you can send wishes and the next thing you know, you've wasted 30 minutes reading posts that range from newsworthy and interesting to totally inane—or worse, to cruel and insulting to someone or other. So I totally understand the reticence of some to join in.

One thing I confess that I do enjoy, however, is when Facebook puts in my morning feed a post or photo from a year or two or three ago. One day this week when I opened Facebook, several photos of my youngest son, youngest grandson and my sister popped up. These were photos taken when they spent time with me exactly a year ago, and what a smile they brought to my face as I recalled the wonderful times we had during that visit. The reason for their visit was a surprise birthday party for me, in itself a fun and wonderful memory. But the day we four spent in a park walking around, seeing the deer and bison there and watching then almost 5-year-old Ayden play on the playground was so relaxing and fun. And recalling the memory of that visit was a wonderful start to my day earlier this week.

So even with those things in life that can hold irritation and negatives, we can also often find joy and delight. It's always a reminder to me that so much of life is both/and rather than either/or. Facebook can be a real pain and can be a time-sucker. And it can also bring lots of smiles and joy.

Take time out for joy

A few blogs ago, I mentioned that my sister and I are helping my brother with some medical issues lately—and doing so from a distance, except for those times when we drive the many hours it takes to be there with him. Sometimes it can feel overwhelming. One day when this was true for me, a friend reminded me to do something for even an hour that day that simply brought me joy.

Ah, yes, when we're stressed out and knee-deep in problems, it makes sense to carve out a little time for joy, for play or simply for deep breathing! How many times have I invited others to do so?

Because I have always loved coloring, I keep a few coloring books and colored pencils near my desk. However, these past months, they have done nothing but gather dust. So when my friend urged me to do something that brought me joy, I dusted off one of my favorite coloring books (in fact, it had been a gift from my sister last year) and let myself become completely absorbed in creating beauty for an hour. I felt so much better after that ... and I was able to return to the tasks at hand.

When you're feeling completely overwhelmed, stressed out or emotionally exhausted, try to carve out a little time for some joy or play. It really does make a difference. It's known as self-care. And it's easy to forget to do this sometimes—even for those of us who spend time reminding others to do so!

Of passion and joy

Last Sunday our pastor preached a sermon using themes from the movie LaLa Land. One of the things he said was, "Don't follow your passion. Take your passion with you" in whatever you do and wherever you go. He added, "And find your joy wherever you are."

It may be a matter of semantics, I'm not sure. I've often spoken and written about following our passion, meaning that when we do what we love, generally we really throw ourselves into it and are successful and joyful.

That said, I do see what he was saying. Sometimes we are called to things that may not be our first choice—and still, we can bring our passion along with us. Life circumstances may change what we do or how we spend our days, either temporarily or permanently. That doesn't need to mean we cannot find passion and joy there. It doesn't mean we need to slide into passivity and resign ourselves to a miserable, unhappy life.

It's all about attitude and choice. Choose to bring your passion with you. Choose to find joy wherever you are.

Pain and joy connect

We get a lot of societal messages these days telling us we have a right to a happy and perfect life. Ads show happy, clappy people. And even when we're grieving a loss, many folks around us encourage us to get over it. Perhaps it makes them more comfortable to see us happy. In any case, there's a lot of pressure to "don't worry, be happy" these days.

But how realistic is that? Every one of us faces challenges, pain and loss. Facing them and working through them takes time. And it should take time, for there are ever so many lessons to be learned from each of those things. As singer/songwriter Leonard Cohen said in his song "Anthem," everything is cracked and that's how the light gets in.

We don't need to take the opposite approach and glorify pain and suffering. But we need to allow both pain and joy into our lives. I like what inspirational author Mark Nepo says about this in his book Seven Thousand Ways to Listen: Staying Close to What Is Sacred. He speaks of letting in beauty and listening to loss. He reminds us that pain and loss open us up. Further, he says: "This lifelong conversation with love, wonder, and truth in counterpoint with pain, loss, and obstacles is how we dilate and constrict our way into the essence of our aliveness."

I love that: a lifelong conversation between the two. Yes! Think of the width and breadth of such a conversation and how our hearts would expand.

Come out and play

One of my dear friends and I were talking about how serious we become through the years. Of course, it isn't surprising. We have heavy responsibilities that are serious and call forth our practical, intense selves. That's as it should be if we are to be responsible adults—parents, employees, citizens.

But does it have to be either/or? Do we have to be so responsible that we forget how to play? I don't believe it.

Play can unleash our creativity. It can open our hearts to our more generous and loving selves. It just may erupt in joy and delight. Just watch little children at play for a while. You will notice all the joy and delight. You will also see how creative they become as they engage wholeheartedly in play.

Perhaps we could try to recapture some of that as we mature. There's nothing wrong with getting in touch with wonder and delight once again!

A time for gentleness

December can be such a mixed bag, can't it? For many people, it's a time of anticipation and joy as they prepare for holidays with family and friends. For others, it's a time of incredible sadness and loneliness. Some will have lost their jobs this month. Still others have just lost loved ones to death—or have received difficult medical diagnoses. For those who suffered such losses years ago at this time, it's often a reminder of that time. There are so many reasons that this season is difficult for some.

So it's good to be gentle with one another—and with ourselves as well. Don't take it personally if someone doesn't return your hearty greetings or doesn't respond to you in the way you anticipated. You and I don't know what someone else is carrying around inside. This is always true, of course. But somehow at this time of year, emotions are a little more raw. If you're in pain, it seems as though all the rest of the world is excited and joyful. And if you're the one who's sad, please don't beat up on yourself. Just feel the sadness and let others hold you and care for you.

So let's all reach for more gentleness and compassion this season. It will go a long way.

Our complex brains

A recent article in AARP The Magazine reminds us of the three parts of the brain and how differently they function. The limbic brain controls emotions and is that part that helps us love our young and connect with others. The reptilian brain is the control center for fear and aggression and runs on negative reinforcement; it's purely physical. And the thinking brain is all about thought and words.

Interestingly, the article says that research has shown that most of the time our emotions are in the lead, perhaps because we are social creatures. Staying connected is vitally important to us. Connections used to be for sheer survival but now they're also about adding joy and pleasure to our lives. Connections with others have been shown to extend life in humans, too. And we consider it a quality of life issue.

That said, it's important that we nurture those connections and relationships in our lives and maintain them, especially as we age. Fostering connections fosters positive emotions, and that reduces stress and loneliness.

To whom can we reach out today? And which relationships need some nurturing and tending? Let today be the day to put relationships at the top of the list.

Don't let tomorrow steal today

Yesterday, the first day of November, temperatures reached 75 degrees here in the Chicagoland area. And today is pretty mild, too. These feel like bonus days of fall.

Some people already are grumbling about what a rough winter has been predicted. I've let my thoughts wander there at times, too. But I really don't want to let those thoughts steal the beauty that is today. I have a choice.

How often do we do that in other ways as well? If you're like me at all, you spend far too much time worrying about things that never happen. What a waste. I keep telling myself that such an exercise is stealing a perfectly good day. Worrying and looking down the road for trouble (as in snowfall!) sucks the pleasure out of the present moment.

Let's try to let today be today—and find all the good things we can in it. We can tend to those problems and issues that need addressing as they arise. And at the same time, we can live in gratitude for all the joys and pleasures of the day. Right now, I'm grateful for mild weather in November!

Let's inspire each other

In this divisive and stress-filled world of ours, it's pure joy to see acts of happiness and kindness, especially when they're spontaneous and totally unexpected.

Recently I came across something called "sofa concerts" where a sofa was placed in the middle of a public space with the invitation to sit and be comfortable. Suddenly a concert sprang up around those who sat in the sofa and all the bystanders who watched. Soon, everyone joined in the joy and the spontaneity. Wow, I dare you to watch this without being moved. And, I daresay, inspired!

Hmmm, what can you do to add some joy and an element of surprise to life today? What can I do?

And while we're at it, let's be sure to keep our eyes and ears open for things going on around us lest we miss some beautiful moments such as this.

What's your life purpose?

Studies show that those who have a solid sense of purpose for their lives live healthier lives and add years. Interestingly, studies also show that the U.S. does not rank in the top five countries whose citizens feel a strong and consistent purpose in life. You will be surprised at the top five: Panama, Costa Rica, El Salvador, Brazil and Denmark. Don't fear, however. You don't have to be discouraged by that. Make some choices for yourself.

Research also shows that meaning in life generally develops in adolescence for most people and continues through life. It also takes time so that people in later stages of life report greater meaning than those who are younger. Perhaps that's no surprise. We grow more comfortable with ourselves and our experiences as we age.

Also no surprise: We help ourselves by helping others. This gives our immune systems a good boost.

If you're not quite sure about your purpose, think about what lights your fire. Just try new things. You'll learn what fits. Go with your skills. Or you might try picturing yourself as a very old person who's looking back over your life. What did you do that truly gave you joy? Or what do you regret not doing that would have brought you joy? And if you'd like to discuss this, I invite you to contact me for a complimentary strategy session.

Volunteering brings gifts

Volunteering is one of those wonderful acts that appears to be all about giving to others (and it does)—but that, often surprisingly, contains as many or more gifts for the person doing the volunteering.

When you volunteer, you add new people to your circle of acquaintances and friends. Every person has a story, so you are exposed to so many more narratives, each one with something to teach the rest of us, it seems. You also often learn new skills and hone some you may not have used for years. What you do may seem small but it can be significant in impact for others.

Volunteering often helps you develop a deeper appreciation for all you have in life. That's always a good thing. It's easy to take for granted all the gifts and blessings we have in life, and we each need reminders from time to time that not everyone enjoys those same blessings and privileges. It grants a different perspective and can help you notice small things and those moments that bring joy.

There is nothing like the deep satisfaction and fulfillment you feel when you know you're being of service to others. You have made a difference, and that feels great, doesn't it?

Dance through life

What makes you feel most alive? What makes your spirits sing? And what puts a smile on your face that lasts a long time?

Are you doing those good things for yourself? I hope so.

Remember to carve out time for play, for joy, for things that just tickle you from the top of your head down to the soles of your feet! This isn't wasted time. It's good for body, mind and spirit.

Perhaps you learned to finish your work before you spent time in play (and somehow the time for play never came since to-do lists are seldom finished). You might feel guilty if you sit down and—gasp—read a book during the day. Or take a nap. Or color in your brand new adult coloring book. Or whatever brings you joy and makes your spirit dance.

But let that guilt go. Let go of those old messages and ideas about play being a waste of time and an extraneous activity. No, no, no—anything that opens you to wonder and amazement is good. Anything that makes you come alive is good. The world needs more people who are alive and awake—more people who are filled with joy. Think of how much more loving and compassionate you are to others when your spirit is full.

So what'll it be today?