Traveling light

My reflexologist has this in her working space. And I just saw a poster with it again today: "The first to apologize is the bravest. The first to forgive is the strongest. And the first to forget is the happiest."

I could journal with those thoughts for a long time. Apologizing isn't easy, is it? It takes a lot of courage to say, "I'm sorry." Or "I was wrong." "I made a mistake." "Will you forgive me?"

And forgiving someone? That's really tough. Forgiving ourselves is even more of a challenge. It takes real courage and strength to do the hard work of forgiveness. For it is work. It's a process, not a simple once-and-done thing, depending on what was involved in the offense.

Forgetting and letting go? Oh, yes, that's an incomparable feeling of liberation. That, too, is a process. And we do well to remember that not everything can be forgotten. This saying applies to many life situations. But surely if a beloved family member has been murdered or a parent abused us, that isn't something it's possible to forget. That said, there's so much of which we can let go and be the better for it.

Each of these things is important for relationships and for our well-being. It's always good to do a regular check-in to see whether there are things that require an apology, forgiveness or need some letting go. It helps us to travel more lightly through our days!

What's worth remembering?

I know I'm not the only one who forgets things. Sometimes I walk into a room intending to get something and totally forget what I went there to find. Or I forget a fact or a name, often only temporarily. So many others around me complain of the same thing, most citing old age as the cause.

I don't necessarily think age accounts for this. I also believe our minds are crammed full of too much detail. We have more stimuli coming at us and from so many more sources than any past generation. If only we could do what we do on our computers: just hit "delete."

I don't know what the answers to this problem might be, although I do think it's important to be gentle and forgiving of ourselves for this. Nothing is gained by internally beating ourselves up for these memory lapses. But it may help to make some choices as to what we want to remember or don't want to retain. When I read novels, I don't necessarily have to remember all the detail of the book once I've finished it—unless I'm leading my book club's discussion for that month. I don't need to remember what I heard on the news about the latest scandal of a Hollywood star. You no doubt have your own list of what's unimportant to retain.

Recently I read a question that really struck me as one worth my reflection: If your mind were a suitcase and could only hold five things, what would they be? This is a good life question for me to roll around in my mind. I don't have my list yet, although I'm quite certain most of them would involve people I hold dear. What do you think? What's on your list?

The upside to forgetfulness

Sometimes I get frustrated when I forget things. I walk into a room fully intending to do something and then can't remember what it was I went in there to do. Was I always like this? I don't think so. And just when I think it's a matter of aging, I hear someone far younger say they do the same thing. So is it a matter of stimulatory overload these days? I don't know. I just know it happens.

But here's a comforting thought I read recently: "I know I'm sometimes forgetful. But some of life is just as well forgotten anyway. And I eventually remember the important things."

I don't know about you, but that does make me feel better. It's true. Some of life is just as well forgotten anyway. Hurts and resentments that I really should have let go a long time ago. Bad memories. Things I did or didn't do that can still cause regret—or even shame. Really, now, is that helpful to continue carrying?

If carrying something around is helpful and still contains some life lessons, OK, then maybe we're not ready to forget just yet. Otherwise, perhaps forgetting is the wisest thing to do.

So, you see, forgetting isn't all bad!