How real are your expectations?

"This isn't at all how I expected my life to be. What now?" Have you ever thought that? Is that where you find yourself right now?

The first thing you might examine is how real your expectations were. For example, if you grew up (as I did) when it was thought that a marriage partner would "complete" you—or if you had visions of marriage as "living in a vine-covered cottage happily ever after," you may want to examine the basis of any reality in those beliefs. Most of us see marriage relationships in a much different way today.

You also might want to question whether what you expected and wanted several years ago—or even a few years ago—is still what you want today. Typically, we go through stages as adults just as do children; and we are ever-evolving. We don't want the same things for ourselves that we did 10 or 20 years ago, perhaps not even five years ago. That's normal.

Then, too, you may want to do some deep reflecting and see what you want to do about how you feel: Can you come to a place of acceptance with what is rather than continuing to long for what you expected to be? Or do you wish to make some real changes in your life? If you wish to make changes, what do you want? And where will you start? Remember to start small and make your changes measurable and manageable.

It all begins with an assessment, however. And you are the only one who knows what you really want. Listen to your own wisdom. Trust it. Let what you want be your authentic dream and passion—not a copy of what someone else has.