Wednesday, June 29, 2016

Enough with the self-righteousness already

Her advice makes so much sense, but it isn't always easy for those of us who learned to be people-pleasers as we grew up. We women seem to have special problems with that.  Anyway, here's what research professor and author BrenĂ© Brown says about boundaries and resentment in her book Rising Strong:

"The trick to staying out of resentment is maintaining better boundaries—blaming others less and holding myself more accountable for asking for what I need and want. ... I need to take responsibility for my own well-being." Further, she says that self-righteousness is dangerous—and that "I'm better than you" and "I'm not good enough" are "two sides of the same coin."

Wow, that's huge. Or at least it is for me. I need to let her words really sink in for me. I know boundaries are important, and I am aware that I need to ask for what I want and need. Acting on it is quite another thing. And avoiding self-righteousness and judgment, those are downright difficult. But Brown is correct: Self-righteousness is dangerous. It definitely puts a huge barrier between us and others.

Recently I saw the question posed: Do you want to be right, or do you want to be in relationship? That really sums up the problem with self-righteousness. It's a relationship-killer. As always, you and I have a choice.

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