Her advice makes so much sense, but it isn't always easy for those of us who learned to be people-pleasers as we grew up. We women seem to have special problems with that. Anyway, here's what research professor and author Brené Brown says about boundaries and resentment in her book Rising Strong:
"The trick to staying out of resentment is maintaining better boundaries—blaming others less and holding myself more accountable for asking for what I need and want. ... I need to take responsibility for my own well-being." Further, she says that self-righteousness is dangerous—and that "I'm better than you" and "I'm not good enough" are "two sides of the same coin."
Wow, that's huge. Or at least it is for me. I need to let her words really sink in for me. I know boundaries are important, and I am aware that I need to ask for what I want and need. Acting on it is quite another thing. And avoiding self-righteousness and judgment, those are downright difficult. But Brown is correct: Self-righteousness is dangerous. It definitely puts a huge barrier between us and others.
Recently I saw the question posed: Do you want to be right, or do you want to be in relationship? That really sums up the problem with self-righteousness. It's a relationship-killer. As always, you and I have a choice.
Wednesday, June 29, 2016
Enough with the self-righteousness already
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