'Stay in the center'

I'm always struck by the fact that the absence of conflict doesn't always mean peace. Peace is so much more. So when I read poet Mark Nepo's words from Seven Thousand Ways to Listen: Staying Close to What is Sacred these words, I resonated:

"...the absence of agitation alone is not necessarily peace and the presence of such difficult feelings does not mean we are necessarily off-center. Rather, the task of being fully alive challenges us to stay in the center while feeling the full range of life on Earth. This is quite a task, which I'm not sure how to do. Nonetheless, listening way inside to these two teachers—the truth of things as they are and the experience of being human—I find myself here.

"... I'm not trying to run from the agitation in the name of peace, but trying to relax my being until I'm spacious enough to be a container for both: the peace and the agitation."

What images does that bring to your mind, to be a container for both? How do you manage to "stay in the center" even amid agitation and challenges? Can you hold things as they are and still feel at peace?

Some days I manage to do this; and other days, it's a real challenge. Actually, most days, it's a challenge. But I do find it so worth the effort when I can feel the balance. That's OK. We are each a work-in-progress, so there's no need to beat up on ourselves when we can't be "spacious enough to be a container for both."

Staying grounded in the chaos of life

Life is so complicated these days, isn't it? Little things become bigger and trip us up. I definitely discovered that last week.

I made plans for an overnight stay on our way from home in the Chicago area to Iowa for a beloved aunt's funeral. I called a motel in a town near where the funeral would be. I used the number listed on that motel's website. When we arrived at the motel, the desk clerk found absolutely no record of our reservation. What? I had even received a confirmation email, which in my haste I hadn't even checked carefully nor printed out (big mistake!). Anyway, the place had a room and at an even better rate, so all seemed to be well.

But once we were home again, I decided to check the confirmation email and discovered it was from an entirely different state. However, it listed the same phone number that was given on the other motel's website in the state where we did stay. So a motel in Minnesota lists the same number as one in Texas? What? After more than an hour on the phone both with my credit card company (yes, I was charged for the one in Texas, too!) and with the hotel group's customer care department, I still had no clarity. I'm supposed to get a call back. We'll see.

My point in this complex mess is that life's small details can sometimes pile up and bring more headaches than the larger events of life. There really is no way you can foresee some of these little things piling up until they hit. But it points out to me the importance of daily grounding—of doing everything we can to keep our balance, our centeredness, our equanimity. Sometimes that really gets tested, as it did for me last week. My stress level was already pretty high—and then I had to deal with this crazy confusion that no one else could explain either. I'm still hoping for recompense. In the meantime, deep breaths. Keep the larger picture, Sonia!

Let yourself be still

It's really tough to be still these days, isn't it? Both still on the outside—and also on the inside. Even if you get yourself to actually sit and do nothing (and how often does that even happen?), your mind is probably still racing in several directions. I know my mind does that. It's often called "monkey mind" because it jumps from one thing to another just as monkeys leap from one tree to another.

However, in this crazy-busy world that can often cause our stress levels to go off the charts, it's important to occasionally (and I would even say, regularly) do nothing—to observe sabbath or quiet time. It's healthy and transformative to put down our phones, devices and, yes, even our books. Just sit and try to quiet your mind. When thoughts come, just notice them running across your mind as though an airplane with a banner message were flying by. Let it come. Let it go. If you practice this for enough days and don't give up, soon you'll be able to go still at least for a time. And you'll be able to extend that time gradually.

Don't start with high expectations. Even if you sit for 3-5 minutes at first, that will probably seem like 20 or 30! Just be forgiving with yourself and don't give up. See if stillness and sabbath-time don't make you feel better—healthier, more creative, more compassionate, loving and forgiving. We all need to create some space in our lives where all the world's and our own cares don't crowd in and threaten to drown us. This helps us to stay centered and grounded.

Choose to be centered

Much is said and written these days about the importance of staying centered and grounded. And I do agree, it is important. It is so easy to get off-center and off-kilter because of the crazy schedules and lifestyles most of us keep. It's easy, too, to let the behavior of others affect how centered we remain. That's when we need to remind ourselves that we can make a choice to not let others' behavior change how we feel or how we act.

There are many ways to get centered: meditation, prayer, yoga, walks in nature, or whatever helps you clear your head and rid your body of toxins that may have settled inside because of angry drivers or an abusive boss.

The book I mentioned the other day, The Magic of Conflict by Thomas F. Crum, has some important things to say about the choice to be centered. It says, "Being centered: allows you to be more authentic, sensitive, and open; produces emotional and physical stability; has a positive effect on relationships and the surrounding environment; has great impact in developing trust; brings you to a point of clarity, the point of power; and is always your choice, at any time."

I think we could add many more benefits, too. But that's surely a good start—and some good reasons to develop and maintain those practices that center us. Let's do it!