Feel the love!

I've been fortunate to participate in a couple sessions of lovingkindness mindfulness meditation lately. Not only have I found it to have a calming and relaxing effect; but after each 45-minute session, I have felt more generous-hearted and loving toward even those who might otherwise irritate me.

After relaxing each part of our bodies and paying attention to our breathing for a while, we begin to sending loving thoughts to ourselves, saying, "May I be well, may I be happy, may I be peaceful, may I be loved." After staying with that for a while, we move on to people we love—close family, friends and others. "May they be well, may they be happy, may they be peaceful, may they be loved."

After spending time wishing those we love well, we move out into the world: to those with whom we have a difficult time, to specific groups of people (perhaps world leaders, for example, or to those who live with violence regularly), and eventually out to all beings in the world.

When you have spent time focusing on a variety of groups of people, it's difficult to be tense and angry. It simply softens your heart to send such wishes out to all people. Meditation leaders recommend spending time each day doing this. I can see how developing such a practice could change my focus and keep me more positive and on target.

If you have questions about such a practice, please contact me.

Mindfulness, meditation & stillness

So much is said and written these days about mindfulness and meditation—how it can reduce our stress and open us up to greater creativity. Such a variety of practices exist for both these things, so it's wise to find whatever works for you.

Some mindfulness practices are physical. Some are not. And meditation practices differ. Some encourage you to simply concentrate on your (deep) breathing and keep your mind blank and free from thoughts. I don't know about you, but I've never been able to totally keep my mind free from thoughts. Attention to breathing and repeating a phrase, or mantra, reduces the activity of my brain for a time. But that's the best I can do.

So when I read this in Brené Brown's book The Gifts of Imperfection, I resonated: "Stillness is not about focusing on nothingness; it's about creating a clearing. It's opening up an emotionally clutter-free space and allowing ourselves to feel and think and dream and question."

She goes on to say: "Once we can let go of our assumptions about what stillness is supposed to look like and find a way to create a clearing that works for us, we stand a better chance of opening ourselves up...."

If you're able to go completely still (inside and out), more power to you. Keep it up. But if you're not, perhaps Brown's way of "creating a clearing" may work better for you. I can envision my mind like a room full of clutter—and begin to clear out some of the stuff to make room for dreams and questions. That works for me. How about you?

Reducing stress

We're so aware these days of our increasing stress levels. We're also aware of multiple ways to decrease and handle our stress. Exercise, we're told, is a good way to handle stress—and it has the additional benefits of keeping us flexible and even helping with weight loss or maintenance. Deep breathing is another method.

Then there's meditation. I often have clients tell me, "But I can't sit still for any length of time without having thoughts run through my mind." I can't either. I've tried several times—and generally I experience what's called "monkey mind" where the mind races from one thought to the next like monkeys leaping from tree to tree. However, I have to say that just sitting quietly and noticing the thoughts float by still has good effect. My mind doesn't have to go blank for me to slow my breathing and relax more fully.

For those of us that aren't as inclined to sit quietly and still our minds, there are many other options that include walking meditation, tai-chi type movements and more. In fact, just Google "mindfulness meditation" and see all the possibilities.

A friend of mine takes training sessions from an organization called Capacitar, that promotes energy-based healing practices particularly for people who have experienced trauma. The practices are appropriate and good for anyone, however. And the Capacitar website has a section where you can download what they call an emergency kit of practices. You may want to check this out and try some of these to see whether you find the calming effect for which you're looking.

If you're seeking to reduce stress, just know there are many ways to do that. Keep looking until you find what works for you. If you'd like a conversation about this, I invite you to contact me.

Quiet the chatter

Meditation takes many forms; it means different things to different people.

To some, meditation means simply sitting quietly and trying to clear your thoughts and either reduce or eliminate the inner chatter for a while. For others, it can be a time of reading something inspirational such as the Bible or a book with encouraging and positive messages. It may be a time of prayer. Some people use it to set aside stress and enjoy a time of quiet relaxation. Still others try to reach a different state of consciousness.

Much has been written about various forms of meditation. I would love to hear in the Comment box below if you have some experience with one type or another—and what it does for you. Perhaps you can introduce us to something new.

Most of us are on overload with messages and stimuli around and outside us. And we have no shortage of inner chatter going on inside our heads, too—what some call "monkey mind" (a mind constantly chattering and on the move).

It can go a long way in reducing stress and helping you to live more awake and aware if you can find five to ten minutes a day to sit quietly, using whatever form of meditation you find helpful. It can be a trick to find that time each day, or even to find a place in your house where you can be assured of quiet and no interruptions. It is worth the effort, though. And once you have done this a few times, you will likely find yourself craving more of it. Soon it will become a habit you won't want to give up. It will become part of your self-care routine.

Ever get stuck in your head?

Depending on our cultural and ethnic background, some of us operate more from our heads than our hearts or bodies. Does that ever happen to you? Do you ever think an issue to death—almost to the point of your head hurting?

I come from a northern European background, so I grew up with a lot of stoicism. We didn’t express our feelings quite as readily as what I imagine southern Europeans do. I often envy them that trait.

Mind you, stoicism has its place. But I prefer to be in touch with my emotions. I want to know what is deep down in my gut: What am I feeling? I want to know what’s in my heart. How about you?

Living below the neck
How exactly do you get out of your head and down into your heart and into your body?

Some things that help me do that are: art (either observing it or creating it), handwork and crafts, something physical such as dance or exercise (a walk in the woods can really awaken my senses) and anything that helps me FEEL more and THINK less. You might lose yourself in cooking and that can be a creative way to get out of your mind. Or you might find yoga a good way to get into your body. Meditation is helpful for many people. Try out different things and see what works for you. Tell us in the Comment section what is helping you.

Practice some exuberance in your life. How long has it been since you jumped up and down in joy? Since you laughed and couldn’t stop? Practice getting out of your head today. You might just find you feel more positive—ready to solve whatever has been on your mind lately!