Goodwill toward all

Already I see more smiles on people's faces when I shop. Or is it my imagination? What is it about Christmas and the entire holiday season? Granted, there are still surly customers that salespeople and cashiers need to service. But it seems as though more people exhibit extra patience, tolerance and goodwill already.

For so long, Americans collectively have seemed to be on the edge. Ready to snap at the least little thing. Calling each other names and yelling across a great divide. Some families were unable to be together at the Thanksgiving table because of differing views on politics and what's happening in our country. That's sad. Extremely sad.

So let's hope and pray that this season can connect us all with our better angels and that we might be able to carry forward into the new year this compassion, kindness and patience with and for one another.

It will take each of us doing our part. Are you ready? (And don't forget to show that same compassion and kindness to yourself!)

Testing, testing, testing

I have a snarly road construction mess on the highway that goes right by my townhouse development. It is supposed to be done by November of this year; however, I'm pretty much thinking we'll have to live with this for the rest of the year.

Normally, this highway has two lanes going each direction. Now there's only one lane going each direction, and traffic is lined up way up and down the road. And the traffic pattern changes week to week, depending on what's being done. So getting in and out of our development is definitely a challenge. It's not a time to be timid, I'll tell you that. One has to get the car right up to the roadway rather than staying at the stop sign set back from the road—and hope someone will do the right thing and not block our ability to get out onto the road. Most people are kind and willing to share the roadway! Some, however.... well, you get the point.

I'm not proud to admit this, but I'm not the most patient person in the world, especially when it comes to driving. I think I got my father's genes there; I always said he had two speeds—fast or stopped. And I seem to have the same. Once I'm headed somewhere, I want to get there, and as quickly as possible. So this construction business is going to truly test me. It might be a good time for me to practice patience a bit more seriously than I've done before! Another life lesson for me to learn.

Do you have something that's being tested right now? What practice might help you?

Patience is not passive

I'm not the most patient person on the planet. I'm not proud of that. But it's really true. And as much as I try to do otherwise, I'm also not great at staying in the moment. I keep trying, though.

So when I came across this quote from the late Henri Nouwen, Dutch theologian and writer, I wrote it out and kept it on my mirror:

"Patience is not waiting passively until someone else does something. Patience asks us to live the moment to the fullest, to be completely present to the moment, to taste the here and now, to be where we are. When we are impatient, we try to get away from where we are. We behave as if the real thing will happen tomorrow, later, and somewhere else. Let's be patient and trust that the treasure we look for is hidden in the ground on which we stand."

Isn't that wonderful? ..."trust that the treasure we look for is hidden in the ground on which we stand." I like that.

Thanks for listening

My internet was extremely slow toward the end of last week. I wasn't sure whether it was a problem only at my home or perhaps an area problem. But when connectivity got spotty, I called Comcast. A technician came out a day later, determined it wasn't my modem but, in fact, was something with the outside cables and connections. Another technician was needed, and it would be within 72 hours.

I'm still waiting. And I'm not proud to say so, but I'm not waiting very patiently.

It's a reminder to me of how dependent I've become on technology. I wish it were not so. But it is. And I need to remind myself that this really is a "first-world problem." Many other people in the world are dealing with far more serious issues. They might wish the only thing they had to face today was a computer connectivity problem.

So I'm taking some deep breaths right now. I'm reminding myself that I don't have a terminal health problem. I'm not in pain. My loved ones are safe. And, in fact, I have so many blessings. It's a beautiful day as I write this—and I'm about to have lunch with one of my granddaughters to celebrate her high school graduation. Life is good, right?

It's all about attitude. I began this post with a bad one. And already I feel better. Thanks for listening!

Change & childbirth

I still remember the deep breathing I learned several months before my first-born was due in what were then called natural-childbirth classes. We were taught to breathe deeply, lifting the stomach with the in-breath and allowing it to deflate (as much as a pregnant woman could deflate her stomach!) with the out-breath. This was to allow a contraction to move through the body unimpeded. The idea was to work with a contraction rather than fight against it. If we breathed in the shallow fashion we often do and if we tightened up and fought the contractions, they would prove to be more painful than they would if we breathed with them.

I've thought of that often as I move through life's changes, too—trying to remember to roll with the waves of change rather than fight them. I remind myself to stay flexible. To breathe—and to do so more deeply. Change can be similar to childbirth in that something new is coming. Something new may be ready to be born in us. Resisting, tensing up and fighting it means even more pain than would otherwise be true.

Because I am constantly trying to make things better, I often embrace change. But not always. Sometimes I clench up and resist mightily. I know better. It just makes things worse. But I'm human. I don't always do what I know is best. Then it's time for some self-compassion and patience before I move into a place of accepting the change and going with the flow.

You, too?

The holidays aren't great for everyone

As I wrap the last of the Christmas gifts I've purchased and prepare to bake my traditional Norwegian cookies, I think of all those for whom Christmas is not a happy and peaceful time.

Some people have lost loved ones during this past year. Their Christmases will be difficult this year—and that will leave not only an empty place at the table but a hole in their hearts. Some people have no family or close friends with whom to share Christmas. Still others have family, but there's division and conflict that keeps them separated. And some have just received a devastating medical diagnosis and are still reeling from that.

Many in our country are homeless. Many have no idea from where their next meal will come.

So many situations exist to make Christmas lonely or blue for some people. Some places of worship have "Blue Christmas" services and other types of experiences to recognize those for whom the holidays are not a happy time.

I want to stay sensitive to that myself. Let's all be a little extra patient, kind and forgiving with everyone we meet these days. We don't know what these days might be like for them. A little compassion goes a long way.

Cut some slack

I just saw this mini-poster on Facebook: "Everyone makes mistakes in life, but that doesn't mean they have to pay for them the rest of their life. Sometimes good people make bad choices. It doesn't mean they are bad. It means they are human."

Yes, yes, yes. It just means we're human. It definitely doesn't mean people are bad when they make bad choices.

Sometimes we do make bad choices. We all do. We're not perfect. We're human. And those around us do the same. So it's important that we are patient, forbearing, forgiving and loving to others when they make mistakes—and, as we said yesterday, to ourselves when we make them as well.

It's good to examine our expectations from time to time—and do a reality check to be sure we're cutting ourselves and others slack, knowing that we're human and not perfect.

I'm a recovering perfectionist, so I need to remember this more often than most. I expect a lot of myself—and also from others. I'm trying to let that go. But I have had years of practice being a perfectionist, so I'm a work-in-progress on that count! No doubt that's why this particular poster caught my attention on Facebook.

Are you good at cutting yourself and others slack? It's not too late to start!

Treasures—right where we are

How often lately have you heard the admonition, "Be here now" or "Live in the moment"? It's good advice, really. And not always easy to do.

I really like what writer and now-deceased Roman Catholic priest Henri J.M. Nouwen said about patience and being present to the moment:

"Patience is not waiting passively until someone else does something. Patience asks us to live the moment to the fullest, to be completely present to the moment, to taste the here and now, to be where we are. When we are impatient, we try to get away from where we are. We behave as if the real thing will happen tomorrow, later, and somewhere else. Let's be patient and trust that the treasure we look for is hidden in the ground on which we stand."

OK, if you're like me, you'll need to read that again. And perhaps yet again—to really get the depth and breadth of what Nouwen was saying. I'm as guilty as anyone of being impatient, of wanting to move beyond the present moment into one that I am just sure holds the "good stuff." But what if it's as Nouwen says and "the treasure we look for is hidden in the ground on which we stand" right now?

It's difficult, but not impossible, to live in a different way than our usual "get this done and move on to the next thing" style. I am going to keep trying to live more in the moment—and to do so more fully. I think it'll be worth the effort, don't you?