Kindness rocks!

So many people talk these days about having a "Super Power" of one type or another. It might be Invisibility. Or Superhuman Strength. Healing. Superhuman Endurance. There are so many. But we often forget that each one of us has an amazing Super Power that is so simple to employ.

Think of the power you have at your disposal by just uttering a few words—knowing that ONE KIND WORD CAN CHANGE SOMEONE'S ENTIRE DAY.

Isn't that absolutely incredible? That's a lot of power.

I'm sure you've experienced that from both sides of the coin—when someone has said something kind to you at a time when you really needed to hear it and the times when you said something to another person and noticed how they lit up and stood taller!

Look around you right now. Who could use a kind word today? Perhaps it's someone at a distance whose face you won't see light up but whom you know really needs to hear he or she is heard, accepted and loved. Or perhaps it's someone who resides in your house. Or sits at a desk near yours.

It's so easy, really. And it seems like the best Super Power of all!

Go ahead. What are you waiting for?

Goodwill toward all

Already I see more smiles on people's faces when I shop. Or is it my imagination? What is it about Christmas and the entire holiday season? Granted, there are still surly customers that salespeople and cashiers need to service. But it seems as though more people exhibit extra patience, tolerance and goodwill already.

For so long, Americans collectively have seemed to be on the edge. Ready to snap at the least little thing. Calling each other names and yelling across a great divide. Some families were unable to be together at the Thanksgiving table because of differing views on politics and what's happening in our country. That's sad. Extremely sad.

So let's hope and pray that this season can connect us all with our better angels and that we might be able to carry forward into the new year this compassion, kindness and patience with and for one another.

It will take each of us doing our part. Are you ready? (And don't forget to show that same compassion and kindness to yourself!)

Random Words of Kindness

If we didn't think there was already a plethora of offensive remarks being volleyed back and forth, this week there are even more. Social media sites are buzzing. What can we do as individuals to help change this culture? To find our way to some sense of civility?

I keep thinking of the phrase, "When they go low, we go high." I need to remember it in my daily life. If each one of us practices that, will it spread—like the proverbial ripples in the pond? I don't know, but it's worth a try.

Remember the Random Acts of Kindness movement? Perhaps that needs a revival. Or perhaps we need a Random Words of Kindness movement.

What do you think? Are you ready to do your part? I certainly would like to try.

Develop our compassion muscles

I'm quite sure no one would disagree with the thought that there's a lot of unkindness and harsh rhetoric swirling around in our society these days. It's on the news programs. It is rife on social media. And in our personal interactions, there's plenty of yelling across a chasm of different beliefs and views, too.

So I especially like what the Dalai Lama said: "Only the development of compassion and understanding for others can bring us the tranquility and happiness we all seek."

I am sure we'd all love to live a more peaceful, serene, tranquil and happy existence.

That being the case, we can tend to our compassion-quotient—strengthen our compassion muscle. Just how understanding are we of others? How much compassion do we show them? Can we be open enough to see the viewpoints of other people? Can we grant them the same forbearance and understanding we ourselves would like from others?

I have found that if I can develop compassion toward myself and be forgiving of my own foibles and failures, I'm far more likely to be forgiving and compassionate toward others.

Acts of kindness

With all the bad news I hear every day—school shootings, ongoing war brutality, arrests, and political wrangling, just for starters—I am always delighted when my news sources deliver a story of an individual or group of people who are helping in ways small or large.

So I cheer when a big-hearted restaurant chef cooks thousands of meals for the people of Puerto Rico who are still recovering from a hurricane. And I cheer when I hear about what a custom-suit designer for men who can afford such things is doing for ex-offenders trying to start over after prison life: He is part of a larger program to help get these men back on track, and his part is to collect gently used, high quality men's clothes into a store where ex-offenders can come and get fitted for an expensive (though free to them) interview outfit: suit, shirt, tie, shoes, socks and the whole deal. To see how these men feel about themselves once they're all dressed up in clothes they likely never had before was just so uplifting. They stood taller and seemed filled with a new sense of possibility. And from what I've read, the recidivism rate for this program is far, far lower than the typical rate in that state.

Then there's the Muslim man who takes in orphans with serious, untreatable illnesses and cares for them until they lose their battle to illness. He just holds them, takes care of their needs and lets them know they're loved. Amazing!

Such stories remind me that there really are lots of good people in this world. Sometimes we really do need that reminder. And that leads me to ask myself: What am I doing to remind people that there are good folks around? Does my life reflect that? Can I do more acts of kindness?

What about you?

Share the good news

I just read a post on Facebook by a woman who said she'd gone to a local grocery store for a few items. When she got to the checkout, the cashier told her, "Your money isn't any good here today." My friend thought, "What?!" Then the cashier told her that the person in line ahead of her had paid extra for those following behind. It just made my friend's day!

Well, guess what? It made my day, too. It's sometimes easy for me to get caught up by the negative news—school shootings, deadlock in Washington, wars and murder in so many parts of the globe, etc. And although I want to be aware of world and domestic events, I also want to stay positive. So reading about a random act of kindness really made my day. It's so easy to forget about the good people in the world and think the world is populated with evil, nasty folks.

Somehow, I need to maintain perspective and balance. I want to do what I can to help bring justice and peace into the world. At the same time, I don't want to get bogged down in all the negativity and pain. Most days, this can be a real challenge!

My friend's post reminded me to share good news when I hear or experience it. The good things that happen to us boost our attitudes. And when we share those stories, others receive a positive boost too.

Bringing the light

For some time now, I have felt a strong pull to be a light-bearer. I am living my way into just what that means. In all honesty, sometimes when I get caught up in beliefs and opinions I so passionately hold, I am guilty of doing the opposite! I'm not proud of that. But it's true. A snarky comment on someone's political post on Facebook definitely doesn't bring more light to the world.

Years ago, I was fairly regular with a practice of asking myself questions at the end of each day. One series of the questions was: Did I bring more light than darkness into the world today? How did I do so? What will I change tomorrow? Perhaps I need to return to that practice.

A friend gave me a wonderful book, Cloud Walking, by Steven Charleston, an Episcopal bishop and a citizen of the Choctaw Nation. One day this past week Charleston wrote about the power of words:

"I am amazed at the power of the kind word, the pinpoint of grace. ... We are all sages of the kind word, the holy word of simple love and caring. No great torrent of great thoughts, but just a cup of water. When we speak what we can, as humble as it may be, we lift a soul to find its light, and set it flying free."

Yes, we have the power to "lift a soul to find its light." I want to use that power more often. What about you?

Be extravagant!

It's often been said that the deepest and most precious things in life cannot be seen or touched, and isn't that true? As Helen Keller said, "The best and most beautiful things in the world cannot be seen or even touched. They must be felt with the heart." Although those we love are precious, what is deep and true and meaningful are the things that pass between us in those relationships. The looks, the shared moments, the deep conversations, the special touches.

Author and motivational speaker Leo Buscaglia put it this way: "Too often we underestimate the power of a touch, a smile, a kind word, a listening ear, an honest compliment, or the smallest act of caring, all of which have the potential to turn a life around."

What that reminds me to do is to be generous and completely extravagant with my touch, my smiles, my kind words, the way I listen, my compliments and all kinds of random acts of care and kindness. If I stay focused on how grateful I am for all the precious gifts in my life, it will be easier for me to be extravagant with all the priceless and precious things that cannot be seen or touched.

Let your heart be filled with love—and be generous in spreading it around!

THINK before speaking

Have you ever found yourself in conversation with friends and heard words coming from your mouth that horrified you? Perhaps you said something snarky about another person, passed on a bit of gossip or said something unkind and hurtful to your conversation partner. I think we all have had that experience. It's not something we like to admit. But it is something we can think about and try to avoid.

Here's a helpful acronym that might be worth posting on a mirror—or perhaps even several places around the house. It was given to me by a friend a couple days ago and has really caught my attention:

Before you speak, THINK:
• Is it True?
• Is it Helpful?
• Is it Inspiring?
• Is it Necessary?
• Is it Kind?

THINK. True. Helpful. Inspiring. Necessary. Kind.

Enough said....

Focus on beauty and compassion

Are you just coasting along, one day melting into the next, not depressed but not really excited about anything either? Sometimes we can get so overwhelmed by events in our lives or by the events in the world around us, both domestically and globally; and we simply want to revert to sleepwalking through our days. I completely understand that impulse and that desire.

But there's so much beauty and so much good all around. And life is too short to sleepwalk through our days.

Let's help one another to wake up—to notice things, to be open to wonder and awe and beauty. Listen for the bird songs in the morning. Notice the turning of the leaves—yes, already I see some signs. Don't miss the flaming color of those flowers still bravely blooming even after summer's heat.

And despite the noisy and angry rhetoric that overwhelms us these days, listen for those voices that speak calmly and lovingly, calling us to our best selves. Look for the stories of people responding to hatred with love and kindness. For example, I just read about a young man in line to pay for the gas he'd just filled into his car when the woman ahead in line hurled nasty insults at him after both her credit cards were refused. Instead of responding in kind, the man asked the cashier whether he could pay $20 of her bill! And yet another man in line said he'd pay the rest of her bill. Turned out, the angry woman had finally gotten a job but hadn't yet received a paycheck. She needed gas to get to work. She was overwhelmed with the kindness and apologized profusely.

As the man who paid $20 of the woman's bill said, "We never know what's going on in the lives of others." That's right; we don't.

Kindness. Compassion. Love. Beauty. Wonder. Why don't we focus on these things for a while?

Let's hear it for love & kindness

I live in the Metropolitan Chicago area, and it's easy to forget how life in rural and small-town America can differ. I grew up in rural America. Once my parents left the farm in their later years, they moved to a small town, where my brother lives to this day.

Just recently I've been reminded of the ways in which people in small towns look out for each other and take care of each other. My brother has needed some medical attention; and since my sister and I both live hours away from him, neighbors and members of his congregation have been tending to his needs. My sister and I pondered ways to repay these kind people when one of them told her, "No repayment needed. This is what we do in small towns."

Of course, it is. And sometimes we see such care and kindness in large cities, too—from people other than our close friends and family. But we don't really expect it there. We're more often just another face in the crowd.

My sister and I both are profoundly grateful to those who have stepped forward and gone out of their way to be family for our brother when we could not. And I must say, the experience restores my faith in humanity. So much of what we see and hear in our country in recent months is anger, hatred, acrimony and conflict. But what we've experienced in the past week or two in our family is just the opposite. Love and kindness still abound in this world. That's something to celebrate!

Shine like a star

I just saw an optimism quote that really struck me because these days seem so dark all around. Where I live, it gets dark so much earlier in the afternoon now and doesn't get light till later in the morning hours. Add to that all the fear and anxiety that seems to fill the news, both domestic and global.

Here's the quote: "When it rains, look for rainbows. When it's dark, look for stars." Well, it definitely seems dark these days. So let's look for stars. Better yet, let's each shine like stars and bring all the light we can into this fearful, anxious world of ours.

What can you do today to shine like a star? What can I do? I'm sure we can find things every day that will bring starlight into the lives of those near and far. Kindness. Compassion. Love. Bring it on!

Let's inspire each other

In this divisive and stress-filled world of ours, it's pure joy to see acts of happiness and kindness, especially when they're spontaneous and totally unexpected.

Recently I came across something called "sofa concerts" where a sofa was placed in the middle of a public space with the invitation to sit and be comfortable. Suddenly a concert sprang up around those who sat in the sofa and all the bystanders who watched. Soon, everyone joined in the joy and the spontaneity. Wow, I dare you to watch this without being moved. And, I daresay, inspired!

Hmmm, what can you do to add some joy and an element of surprise to life today? What can I do?

And while we're at it, let's be sure to keep our eyes and ears open for things going on around us lest we miss some beautiful moments such as this.

Acts of kindness

If you were asked who makes a difference in the lives of others—you, former South African President Nelson Mandela or Oprah Winfrey, how would you answer?

Chances are that you would not pick yourself. But chances also are that a correct response would be: All of the above.

Don't underestimate what you do with your life. You may not be famous. You may not have millions or even thousands of dollars to give away to others. You may not be a household name. But I'm going to guess that you do things large and small every day that make a difference for others.

Sometimes those acts of kindness are done for family or friends, and sometimes they're done for complete strangers.

Either way, don't you feel good about doing such things afterward? Perhaps it would brighten your day if you just pause now and remember some of the things you've done recently. Let yourself feel good about it! C'mon, it's really okay to let yourself feel good about your actions. Celebrate you!

Kindness is contagious

A random act of kindness goes a long way, doesn't it? And it's so contagious!

Recently I was at the grocery store. My cart was quite full, so I stuck a couple of the larger items on the shelf underneath the cart. When I got out to my car, a woman came up behind me and asked whether I'd had a package of Kleenex boxes. She said she saw a package beside the door going out of the store and thought it might be mine. Then she offered to stay by my full cart and my car while I ran back to retrieve the tissues. In no time, I was back at my car with all the boxes of tissue where this woman had been waiting in the cold to guard my cart.

I thanked her profusely and told her that I would pay it forward to someone else, which I have done more than once. I was so grateful to her. I would not have been happy had I arrived home with no Kleenex even though I'd paid for it. As it was, I arrived home with a huge smile on my face and a light and happy heart.

Kindness is really so easy—and often it doesn't cost a thing. Hmmm, wonder what I can do today?

The holidays aren't great for everyone

As I wrap the last of the Christmas gifts I've purchased and prepare to bake my traditional Norwegian cookies, I think of all those for whom Christmas is not a happy and peaceful time.

Some people have lost loved ones during this past year. Their Christmases will be difficult this year—and that will leave not only an empty place at the table but a hole in their hearts. Some people have no family or close friends with whom to share Christmas. Still others have family, but there's division and conflict that keeps them separated. And some have just received a devastating medical diagnosis and are still reeling from that.

Many in our country are homeless. Many have no idea from where their next meal will come.

So many situations exist to make Christmas lonely or blue for some people. Some places of worship have "Blue Christmas" services and other types of experiences to recognize those for whom the holidays are not a happy time.

I want to stay sensitive to that myself. Let's all be a little extra patient, kind and forgiving with everyone we meet these days. We don't know what these days might be like for them. A little compassion goes a long way.

Do you ask for help?

I've admitted to you before in these blogs that for too long I've been clothed in a Wonder-Woman costume, attempting to "leap tall buildings in a single bound," and doing the Ginger Rogers' thing of  landing "backward and in high heels." Many of us women are familiar with that routine. That show of strength may get us through some tough life situations but, in the end, doesn't always serve us well.

At this stage of life, I'm trying to shed that costume. I'm trying to admit what I need—and actually ask others for help. Asking for help actually is a way to be strong, I know that in my head. It's not easy to break old habits, however. It's a work in progress, for sure.

I like what poet Mark Nepo says about this in The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have: "Asking for help, whether we get it or not, breaks the hardness that builds in the world. ... One of the most painful barriers we can experience is the sense of isolation the modern world fosters, which can only be broken by our willingness to be held, by the quiet courage to allow our vulnerabilities to be seen. For as water fills a hole and as light fills the dark, kindness wraps around what is soft, if what is soft can be seen."

What an image. "Asking for help ... breaks the hardness" and "kindness wraps around what is soft." Hmmm, perhaps I need to put that on a post-it note for my mirror. You, too?

Lead with kindness

Somewhere recently I saw a message that went something like this: "Treat everyone you meet with kindness for every person is dealing with something sad, difficult or painful—even though you may not know that from seeing them." I wish I could remember the exact words. But I hope you get the idea.

It is a good reminder to me. If you're at all like me, you may look at others and think they haven't a care in the world. They seem to have life so together—and it appears that they live on easy street! We need to know it simply isn't so. Everyone, absolutely everyone, has sadness, pain and challenges.

We have only to look at the lives of the rich and famous. Often we think their lives are so glamorous. Yet how many times do we hear on the news stories about drug addictions, murder, betrayals and other mayhem in their lives? Would we want to change place? Probably not.

Each one of us is good at wearing masks and hiding our pain, so we can't tell by looking at others that they're suffering or hurting. We are each also prone to lashing out at others or having our pain come out sideways in our relationships and dealings with other people.

Knowing this, I'm trying to take a look at my behavior and treat everyone I meet with kindness. I so want to remember this—and respond in loving ways rather than reacting in anger or negative ways to things that happen in my daily life.

Practice kindness and understanding

Have you ever been in a social situation where someone made a comment that you took personally? Of course, you have. I have, too. And sometimes I've gone home and stewed over the comment, getting more and more agitated. What I have learned through the years, however, is that nine times out of 10, I was being overly sensitive. Most often, critical or negative comments are more about what's going on with the person who said them than about anyone else. Generally it's a projection of their own realities and experiences.

I have also been on the other end of this—and have blurted out a comment that, only later, I realize might have hurt or insulted someone around me. At such times, I'm aware that the comment was more about what I was feeling at the time or experiences I've had around whatever issue was being discussed at the time.

Sometimes I've had to circle back and apologize to someone for making an impulsive comment and assure that person that I had no intention of hurting her or him. Such experiences help me to remember, when I'm on the other end of such exchanges, that I probably wasn't a target either. It's always good to remember this—and to learn to not take things so personally. Doing so will remove us from the possibility of being victims of needless suffering. It will also remind us to use our filters when we speak out in the company of others!

I'm reminded that I need to practice kindness and thoughtfulness in my words—and that I need to be patient and understanding when others make careless remarks or comments about which they're resolute and forceful.

Checking in with others

Nearly a month ago I read in one of my favorite inspirational books The Book of Awakening: Having the Life You Want by Being Present to the Life You Have by Mark Nepo that checking in with each other helps us all stay open to life. It keeps our hearts open.

Nepo said, "... we help each other thrive when the checking in with each other comes from a list of inner kindnesses: How are you today? Do you need any affirmation? Clarity? Support? Understanding?"

I like that. What do you think?

Sometimes we just need someone to ask us how we are today—and what we need. Sometimes we're not even aware of what we need until someone asks in that way.

And surely we all know people who could use those questions asked of them. It's a way of giving—giving love and respect and just plain kindness. Think what a difference that could make in your life and the lives of others.