Children's top fears

Christmas Day is past, but the season is still here—if you believe in the Twelve Days of Christmas. And a brand new year is approaching.

What changes would you like to see in our country in 2019? In our world? And what will you do to bring about such changes?

If you want to do something for children, here are some thoughts. The Children's Defense Fund recently released a survey to tell us children's top three fears:

• Being bullied,
• That a shooting will happen at their school, and
• Feeling pressured to do things they don't want to do.

Or perhaps you have other things on your list. That's great. Always remember the power each of us has to effect change, one small move at a time.

A reminder: I will post blogs in this space for the remainder of 2018. But in 2019 I will not be doing so, so I can give myself more time to do other things. I will continue to send out my monthly Way2Grow ezine, however. If you don't yet receive it, simply sign up with your email to the right of this blog post. I won't sell your information. I won't send you anything other than the initial three free email gifts and thereafter, the once-a-month ezine to inspire you.

A passion for justice

For nearly all of my life, I've been passionate about justice. This continues to be a strong drive within me, and it means I pay attention to what's going on in our society and in the world. I believe that as a citizen, I am called to be engaged—to stay informed, to speak out, to vote and whatever else seems important and necessary to assure that, as Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr. said, "the arc of history ... bends toward justice."

That said, I have decided to take the opportunity now following the election to use some of my blog space to talk about issues that are important in our life together. One of those issues is the increasing gun violence in our country.

Two of my sons and several of my grandchildren love hunting. They have all taken safety courses and follow gun safety rules judiciously. I am not against hunting and careful use of guns.

However, I am extremely concerned about the increasing rate of mass killings in our country. Clearly, it didn't bother us when our littlest ones were killed at Sandy Hook. It hasn't moved us to action when our high schoolers were killed in Columbine and in Parkland, Florida. And now we've just had another one in California. We are upset by killings in our churches, synagogues and mosques; but our concern seems to pass quickly as the news cycle moves on to other events in our national life.

I don't have answers for all of this—just deep, deep concerns. How can we protect all our citizens—and most especially the children we bring into this world? Surely it is our job to protect them and be sure they are as safe as is humanly possible. Do we have the will?

Digging under the words

National elections were held just yesterday. It's been an especially contentious election season. So many important issues have been the focus of national debate. Debate might seem like an extremely tepid or overly polite way to describe what's been occurring. Some days, it's more like food fights in a high school cafeteria!

Some of the issues that have been tackled are health care, immigration (except for Native Americans, we all got her through the process of immigration), voter suppression and gerrymandering, the #MeToo movement and all the broad strokes that surround issues related to women, reproductive rights and so much more.

I've been listening to the rhetoric and trying to pay attention to what's underneath the strong feelings and the words that are used—words that often are hurled at each other across an ever-increasing divide. Let's just take one of the issues: reproductive rights. Many feel the terminology typically used can be misleading: pro-life and pro-choice; and those people say that nearly everyone is for life and that it's a matter of who makes the decisions. So I've been thinking a good deal about what exactly the term pro-life means to people. I suspect if I asked 10 people, I might get 10 different answers.

I'm curious: What does it mean to you? For me, pro-life covers such a broad range of things—for example, attention to such issues as hunger, poverty, homelessness, child abuse and domestic violence, education, health care, gun laws and gun violence, just to name a very few. I see what happens throughout the life of that child who's born as a matter of concern. For me, it's more than simply having a child born; it's about making sure that child is safe, loved, cared for and has the best chance at quality of life that's possible. And in this wealthy nation of ours, I believe high quality of life IS possible if we have the will to see to it.

I would love to hear what you think about this and other issues. It's so easy to repeat rhetoric—words and phrases—that we hear politicians or others say. And sometimes we don't really examine those words to see what is underneath them. It's important to do so and to be sure the words we use really are authentic to us.

Grandparenting as a role

My time with my 11-year-old granddaughter is nearing an end. She will fly back home to Oregon tomorrow. This two weeks with her has been such a joy.

It has been a reminder to me of the importance of various roles in our lives. The role of grandparent is one I take seriously. It's far different from being a parent—for in that role, we're responsible for the care and feeding of our children. A grandparent generally doesn't have that day-to-day responsibility but can enjoy the younger generation in a way we were too busy to do when we raised our children. Grandparents are role models and mentors, historians (telling the family stories and offering a window into their parent's childhood) and more; and we can spend more time having fun than one is able to do when one is busy parenting. We can love unconditionally, giving while expecting nothing specific in return. We worry less about discipline and, yes, we have the privilege of spoiling grandchildren. We can be the champions of our grandchildren.

If we have reached retirement, we have more time to play and do the activities we may not have had time for when we raised our grandchildren's parents! We may even have gotten our priorities straight after having lived several years! For example, I wish I had spent less time housecleaning when my sons were growing up. I like a clean house, but it didn't really have to be as clean as I felt it needed to be!

If you don't have grandchildren but have young nieces and nephews or have children of dear friends who could use some extra attention and love, I encourage you to get involved. There's so much to be gained by you and the child. 

Spend time with young people

My youngest granddaughter, who will be 12 in September, flew from Portland to Chicago as an unaccompanied minor more than a week ago to visit me for two weeks. We have been having so much fun together, and we still have the rest of this week to enjoy each other's company.

This time with Payton allows me to access the young girl in me again. It's a reminder that we still have inside us every age and stage we've ever been. The young girl is never totally gone, even when we're grandmas! Unfortunately, sometimes the stresses and strains of life cause us to forget the playfulness and wonder that we so easily accessed when we were far younger. Hanging out with young adults and young children helps us get back in touch with those qualities, however. It reminds us of the hope and optimism we felt before becoming so jaded.

If you have young children in your life, try to spend time with them whenever you can. It's good for us to embrace our playful side. It's healthy to see the world with awe, wonder and amazement. It's just plain fun to feel the joy and exuberance of even the most ordinary things in our daily life.

You're never too old to embrace your Inner Child!

Childhood innocence & wisdom

I've just returned from more than a week with family—with my youngest grandchildren, aged 4 and 9. I am filled up again!

Is there anything like the innocence and the wisdom of little children? Is there anything like their hugs and unconditional love? And their enthusiasm and sense of wonder? Their questions that show a depth for which we don't always give them credit.

I find so much to learn from these younger ones. They help me open up to things I had long since stopped noticing. And I need that. It's all too easy to, figuratively at any rate, keep my head down and just keep going so I can get done everything I think is so important to get done! Children aren't like that. They notice things. The ladybug crawling along the window sill. The small stone with an interesting shape. They take delight in such things. I could use a good dose of wonder and delight from time to time!

So today I feel grounded again—and a renewed sense of wonder at all that's around me. And that fills my heart with gratitude.

Clues from your childhood

When I've coached people on career transitions or even exploring retirement options, I've frequently asked clients to think back to childhood and remember what they liked or didn't like then.

Whatever does childhood have to do with who I am now? you may ask. Actually, many clues are buried in our childhood memories and experiences. How did you spend your time? What did you enjoy doing then? What did you really not like to do? What do you remember saying? Feeling? Doing?

It can be helpful to write a short autobiography of your childhood years—or what you remember of those years. Perhaps photos of you from that period might be telling. For example, one of the photos I have of myself from childhood was taken at about age 2-1/2 or 3. I'm walking in the yard of our farm home clutching a doll in one hand and a book in the other. That photo really symbolizes who I am: The book is all about my love of reading, which then led to my career as a journalist. I still love writing and editing to this day—and in addition to my coaching blogs and monthly ezine, I do a lot of freelance and contract writing and editing. The doll reflects the nurturing side of me—not only the woman who enjoyed motherhood and now loves her role as an engaged grandmother of nine—but who sees coaching as a way to nurture and empower others. In my writing and journalism leadership roles, too, I was all about encouraging others to be the best they could be.

If you are thinking of career change—or if you are considering retirement and volunteer options, consider reflecting on your childhood for clues to what would feed you now. And don't forget to look for photos of yourself. As they say, a picture can be worth a thousand words!

If you would like to talk about any of these topics, please contact me.