Retirement shouldn't be scary

I've heard several people near retirement age speak of their fears of retirement. "What will I find to do?" "I'll get bored in the first day or two." "Who will I be when I retire?" "Is this all there is?"

For some people, many fears surround retirement. Others cannot wait for the years to pass until they can retire.

If you are one who worries about what you'll do or what your identity will be, just remember that there are so many possibilities these days. Many people have an "encore career"—a career that might be less demanding and simply something you will enjoy but that you won't have to carry home with you at night. Yet others choose an "encore career" that is demanding; they're not ready to give up the fast-paced life just yet. Still others find an array of volunteer projects and positions. So many organizations and institutions depend on volunteers to get things done these days—or to add a friendly face to greet clients. For example, whenever I visit someone in the hospital near me, I see numerous volunteers greeting people, showing them to the correct floor or unit, taking their initial information, etc.

After I was reduced in force from my journalism career and before I began my life coaching practice, I volunteered at my local library. I love books, and I love libraries. So it was a perfect fit. I shelved books and sometimes I pulled the books from the shelf for people who had put them on reserve. I really enjoyed it—and quit only because I knew that even a small business start-up required my full attention.

There is no need to lose yourself to anxiety. Explore the possibilities and talk with others to learn more ideas. As always, if you want to talk further about this, please contact me for a complimentary strategy session about this.

No gender limits

Whether you're a parent, grandparent, aunt, uncle or simply a friend of young children, you have an opportunity to help them follow their dreams. You can be an encourager of children and their dreams, and you can help them to understand that gender does not have to limit their dreams or expectations. Encourage them to be whatever they want to be when they grow up.

An experiment in the United Kingdom asked children in a classroom to draw pictures of people at work in specific occupations: One was a firefighter. One was a surgeon. And one was a fighter pilot. Not surprisingly, of the 66 children's drawings, 61 of them showed pictures of males in each of those jobs. Only 5 of the pictures were of women in those jobs.

Then to the surprise of the children, the teacher welcomed into the classroom three people who did such jobs. Each of the workers was a woman. The children were then encouraged to ask questions and try on the helmets, stethoscope, etc., of the female workers. This was meant to help shatter the stereotypes and encourage the children.

Researchers say that gender stereotypes set in by the time children are ages 5 to 7. So it's not too early to help children understand that they can pursue their dreams, no matter what they wish to be. It's important to not limit their views and their aspirations. Find a child to encourage today!

Trust yourself—take a leap

Are you at a point of decision for your career? Or perhaps for your retirement vocation? Does a dream keep recurring and calling you to action? Or is there some other decision that's leaving you uncertain?

It can be frustrating to be in that state of discernment and ambiguity. However, it's also a fruitful place to be ... if you can simply lean into it and accept that you don't really know at the moment which is the right path for you.

If a particular career or job keeps coming back to you, perhaps through several different people and different channels, it's wise to pay attention. Perhaps that really is the direction you should go. Keep a tally of the signals you've received about whatever issue faces you. Sometimes signals come through dreams, sometimes from a friend; and other times it might be from a book you're reading. Be open and attentive.

And sometimes, you don't seem to see many signals at all. In his book Callings: Finding and Following an Authentic Life, Gregg Levoy acknowledges the discomfort of uncertainty but adds: "...not knowing also has its own power. There is the power in trusting ourselves, relying on our intuitions, being able to act even in the face of uncertainty, rather than drone on for sometimes years with yes-no-yes-no-yes-no-yes-no, the very onomatopoeia of indecision. It can be more heroic to be willing to act in the absence of certainty than to refuse to act without absolute certainty."

Trust yourself. Listen to your intuition. If there are dots, connect them. If not, take a leap. If you end up thinking you made a mistake, learn its lessons and move on.

Clues from your childhood

When I've coached people on career transitions or even exploring retirement options, I've frequently asked clients to think back to childhood and remember what they liked or didn't like then.

Whatever does childhood have to do with who I am now? you may ask. Actually, many clues are buried in our childhood memories and experiences. How did you spend your time? What did you enjoy doing then? What did you really not like to do? What do you remember saying? Feeling? Doing?

It can be helpful to write a short autobiography of your childhood years—or what you remember of those years. Perhaps photos of you from that period might be telling. For example, one of the photos I have of myself from childhood was taken at about age 2-1/2 or 3. I'm walking in the yard of our farm home clutching a doll in one hand and a book in the other. That photo really symbolizes who I am: The book is all about my love of reading, which then led to my career as a journalist. I still love writing and editing to this day—and in addition to my coaching blogs and monthly ezine, I do a lot of freelance and contract writing and editing. The doll reflects the nurturing side of me—not only the woman who enjoyed motherhood and now loves her role as an engaged grandmother of nine—but who sees coaching as a way to nurture and empower others. In my writing and journalism leadership roles, too, I was all about encouraging others to be the best they could be.

If you are thinking of career change—or if you are considering retirement and volunteer options, consider reflecting on your childhood for clues to what would feed you now. And don't forget to look for photos of yourself. As they say, a picture can be worth a thousand words!

If you would like to talk about any of these topics, please contact me.

Finding a good fit

So much is said and written these days about reimagining life after 50, or after retirement. We are living longer than those who came before us, so it doesn't always make sense to retire at the age they did. Even if you do retire early, however, you have lots of choices ahead as to how you will spend your time.

Do you want yet another career? Have you always wanted to volunteer at some charity that's held your heart for years? Do you simply want to explore possibilities?

Many of my coaching clients deal either with switching careers or that looming question about what to do post-retirement. These are very real issues. And it can be extremely exciting to explore options. Yes, scary, too. But that's why it's good to talk about it and open your mind to more possibilities.

I like what author David A. Shapiro says: "There are jobs, which pay the bills; careers, which help us progress financially and personally; and callings, which really give us a full sense of fulfillment, engagement and energy that we don't have in the other two."

Shapiro and Richard J. Leider wrote a wonderful book I've used for years called Whistle While You Work: Heeding Your Life's Calling. Now they've written a new one titled Work Reimagined: Uncover Your Calling. In this new book, they talk about ordinary people who are reflecting on what's possible so that they can do work that's a good fit for them.

I think it's as important to find a good fit for your volunteer activities post-retirement as it is to find that good career fit. Are you happy in your career choice? Or in your retirement activities? What's calling to you that you'd love to explore?

Let your 'music' out into the world

I often hear friends and acquaintances say they are unclear about what direction their life should take, whether that's about a career choice or activities to fill their retirement days. So many options. So tough to choose what's just right for you.

That is a challenge. I've heard it said that most of us go to our grave with our music still inside of us. So the challenge becomes to figure out what our music is. What are the gifts and talents that make you unique? What are you uniquely qualified to bring into the world?

The answer to those questions doesn't always equate to what you've become proficient at doing. You take up many activities and tasks throughout your lifetime that simply need to be done, and you can become quite talented at doing them. That doesn't necessarily mean that's your gift.

Pay more attention to what makes your heart sing. Sometimes it's helpful to think back to your childhood and remember what activities called to you then. Did you absolutely love music? Did you get lost in books? Were you a nurturer when you played with dolls and/or with friends? Did you take pleasure in colors, textures and design? What were you doing at those times when you became totally absorbed and lost track of time? These things can offer clues.

So can the things on your bucket list or dreams list (not the dreams you have while sleeping but the things about which you dream of doing "some day"). Journaling and talking this over with a trusted friend or a life coach can help, too. Please contact me if you would like to explore this further.

Looking for career options?

If you are searching for career options right now, you just might want to think about your personal experiences. Sometimes, necessity provides clues and training. Sometimes, the things you do quite apart from your work life can lead to new and fulfilling ventures.

For example, Stephanie Tilenius, former Google commerce chief, oversaw her parents' medical care while she held her demanding job for the internet search giant. That led her to start a company that would help patients combat chronic disease. And now her company has launched a mobile application so patients can consult with a whole team of professionals—doctors, nutritionists, nurses and others—from their smartphone. All of that grew out of her necessity to help her parents and the extensive knowledge she gained from that.

One woman I've heard about learned the hard way how to deal with creditors and how to dig out of the deep hole of debt in which she found herself. Once she got her own financial life back on track, she used that hard-won expertise to start a business so she can help others out of their financial holes. She learned lessons from her own experience that simply don't come from books or a classroom. 

Are there things in your life about which you've gained expertise simply through necessity and experience? Might it lead to career options? Or even a small business start-up of your own? If you want to discuss this, I invite you to contact me.

A career with passion

Are you still in the midst of your career years? And are you searching for meaningful work that will make your heart sing and best use your skill sets and gifts? Perhaps you're searching for that dream career but have no idea anymore what your dream looks like.

You might consider several things as you search for that just-right career:

• What are you doing when you are completely absorbed in a project or task and lose all track of time? What does this tell you about your passion? About your gifts?

• What did you absolutely love doing when you were younger? Did you line up your dolls in a make-believe classroom and teach them? Did you love creating things in your father's workshop? Look at old photographs and remember what captured your imagination then.

• What pieces of a past or current job hold meaning for you? How might that translate into a career or job you would love?

What we have become competent doing isn't always an indicator of our passion or our dream job. So it's good to ask yourself some of these questions to see what emerges. I also highly recommend a book with its exercises as a helpful tool: Whistle While You Work: Heeding Your Life's Calling by Richard J. Leider and David A. Shapiro. The "Calling Card" exercise contained in the book is especially helpful.

Let me know if this is something you would like to discuss—or if you know someone else who may wish a complimentary strategy session about finding that dream career.

Celebrate labor & purpose

Today is Labor Day in the U.S.: a day dedicated to the achievements of American workers, a day when we think about the nature of work, of vocation and career. Actually, for many it has simply become a day off work with little thought to the reason for the day. Sometimes it's good to take a moment to think about the history or background of holidays, however. Look at all that has been achieved in this country through the hard work of so many. Look at what you have done in whatever career you chose. Celebrate that. See the larger picture of what that's meant not only for you but for others affected by your job. And if your work was inside the home raising a family and caring for home, garden or perhaps even farm, think about the impact that work has had on others.

If you're retired now, think about what your new purpose is—for we're told that those who have purpose in their lives are far happier and tend to live longer and healthier lives. Perhaps you volunteer for an organization. Perhaps you are extremely engaged in the lives of your grandchildren. Maybe you serve your church or community in multiple ways. Even those who are housebound can serve others. I once read about a woman who was bedridden and housebound but who made phone calls and sent cards to others who were ill or going through hard times. She still found ways to serve—and it brought great joy into her life.

So today, why not take a few moments to consider your purpose and to look back over your career and achievements? Celebrate what you've done—and consider new ways you can be of service in the world.

Women share wisdom

Have you heard of The Third Metric women's conferences? Arianna Huffington, editor-in-chief of the Huffington Post Media Group, and Mika Brzezinski of MSNBC's "Morning Joe" program co-hosted the first such conference last summer and are continuing that work with three events this spring. The two women (and a long lineup of speakers) are interested in defining success in a new way. So far the two metrics to measure success have been money and power. These two women have opened a conversation to seek a third metric.

Brzezinski and Huffington are particularly interested in changing workplaces because they see the current work-till-you-drop-then-get-out-of-the-way working environments killing people. Not only is this work culture not working for women, it's not working for men either. These women seek a definition of success "that includes well-being, wisdom, wonder, empathy, and the ability to give back."

So many good quotes emerged from presenters at the first conference. One I especially liked was from Glamour editor-in-chief Cindi Leive and refers to the pressure we women put on ourselves and that's been put on us as well: "I hate the phrase 'having it all'—no one has it all, and trying to is the surest way to make yourself feel like a failure. I try to think of it as 'having what matters.' What matters to me right now are my family and my work."

And Cisco CTO Padmasree Warrior said: "The important thing to remember is it's not about balance; it's about integration ... really focus on making sure you're integrating all four aspects of your work, your family, your community and yourself. And it's not about trying to spend equal amounts of time on everything you do each day on each of these things, but making sure you're paying attention to all the things that make it up as a whole human being."

I don't know about you, but I intend to follow this conversation. I think these women are on the right track. And the more we share our questions and our wisdom, the more transformation we can bring about.

Reason or desire?

In a recent conversation, I was reminded of the tension that can exist between head and heart, between reason and desire.

The man sharing his story had two wonderful career opportunities arise. He needed to make a decision within a few days' time. One option was a definite move up the ladder with more direct reports and a higher salary. It would look good on his resume—but it might dead-end him in administration, too (OK if you love administrative work). The other option meant stepping back to a place from which he'd just been promoted—but in a different area of the company. It was a step down and a lateral move from there. However, that latter option also kept this man in the area of work for which he has a strong passion! So there could be more possibilities for advancement down the road, depending on how that job developed.

What a choice, right? A smart career move up the ladder toward what society calls success. Or more of a lateral and slightly downward move toward what jazzes him and gives him purpose. When we talked, he was leaning heavily toward following his heart. Although such decisions can only be made by the one most directly affected, I did encourage him to follow his heart (especially since that's where he seemed headed). So often I've heard someone voice regrets. For example, a nurse comes to mind. She moved up into a high administrative position with a good salary—and much later, deeply regretted that she no longer had the direct patient contact that she so loved and which was the reason she chose that career in the first place.

Have you ever faced such a choice? Are you facing one now? It's always important to put out on the table all the logical reasons you should choose one or the other. It's equally important to list for yourself the reasons you should go with your deepest desire. Sit quietly. Meditate. Reflect. Journal. Talk over the choices with others. Then sit quietly some more—and listen. Listen to your head and to your heart. What has most resonance for you? Although we can never know exactly what lies ahead on any of the paths we choose, you can play "let's pretend" and do some imagining. See yourself having made one choice. How does that feel? Then see yourself with another choice. How does that feel? Then move ahead in confidence, knowing you have done your homework!

As always, if you would like coaching around such a decision, please contact me.

Are you doing what you value?

Are you doing what you really want to be doing? Do you have feelings of discontent stirring from time to time? Are you asking some of the big life questions we often do when we pass the mid-life stage?

I really like what educator and writer Parker Palmer says in his book Let Your Life Speak: Listening for the Voice of Vocation: "The life I am living is not the same as the life that wants to live in me."

Are you doing what really matters to you? Are you spending your career or your volunteer time, your retirement or your work years, doing the things you value and that hold meaning for you?

If not, why not?

It's so easy to fall into a vocation or career, do well at it and just stay at it because it pays the bills and perhaps even, at times, is enjoyable. It's easy to do the same with retirement years or with volunteer activities. Taking stock to see whether these things hold meaning for you takes courage. It might mean a change. But if it will align your values with your life, might it not be worth it?

Ask yourself today: What is the life that wants to live in me? Celebrate if it's the one you already are living. And don't despair if it's not—think of what you really want and create tiny, manageable steps to get there. Please contact me if you want to discuss this.

Attitude is everything

Have you ever applied for a job and thought yourself to be either under-qualified or over-qualified? How did you present yourself when you were interviewed—with confidence? Or with an attitude that reflected how you felt (under- or over-qualified)?

Attitude makes all the difference, doesn't it? I have heard of many people who have gone into interviews knowing that they don't have all the skills listed in the job description but knowing that they are quick learners and knowing that they have what it takes to get up and running quickly. And they have landed the job. Of course, you have to possess enough of the qualifications to get you in the door to begin with—but presenting yourself with confidence that you have what it takes to handle and learn the job quickly can make the difference.

Anne Kohut, who's had a long and distinguished career in sales, recruiting and career development, now has a passion to help one million job seekers. Her website and seminars encourage you to see (and present) yourself as "absolutely qualified" rather than as over-qualified—an especially important distinction these days when so many are unemployed and are glad to have any position they can land. It's really important, too, because so many people over 50 and 60 have lost jobs and are seeking positions that will carry them to retirement or to an encore career. If you believe it yourself, you'll be able to say it convincingly to an interviewer. If you don't, that will come through in your words and your body language.

As I see Kohut's advice, I think it applies to many areas of life. A shift in attitude can make a difference in so many parts of daily life: how I see things that happen to me, how I tell my life story (with a positive spin or a poor-me attitude), how I hear what others say, how I look at life in general. What's your view today? Is there anything you need to do to change it?

Career twists and turns

I have friends and clients who have lost jobs and still are looking for another. I have some who still have a job and have never lost one. Still others have lost jobs and landed in something they really like. And I know some people who found a job—and know it isn't where they need to be right now. Those people are still searching and know themselves to be in transition. And some of my friends have retooled and started businesses of their own.

Where are you on that continuum? Or have you retired and no longer worry about employment?

These are difficult days, filled with many twists and turns. No matter where you are on the spectrum, it's important that you be honest with yourself about it. When you are, your action plan will be a realistic one. If you have a job and know you need to continue looking, for example, it's so much easier if you admit to yourself (and others close to you, who can keep their eyes and ears open for opportunities) that you are in transition and still looking. You can mentally prepare yourself for a path that has more twists and turns in it—and some surprises up ahead.

Being able to anticipate what may lie ahead creates a sort of cushion for us to land in. It's really all about expectations, isn't it? You and I have talked about that before. The closer your expectations can be to reality, the happier you will be. The better you feel about yourself and about life, the more positive you will be when job-hunting and interviewing. And the better your chances of landing are. So much depends on attitude and expectations. So much depends on your point of view. Does your outlook need an overhaul today? If so, what's one thing you can do now to improve it?

Please contact me if you would like to discuss any of these issues. I'm happy to offer a complimentary strategy session to see whether coaching might benefit you.



july 1

Been laid off or fired? Process the grief.

The opportunity is too good to pass up! So, although my plate is full at the moment, I'm going to take advantage of this opportunity to process a bit more about my experience of being Reduced In Force almost four years ago.

A friend just told me about a local actor and director who wants to write an original performance piece based on the experiences of others in being fired, laid off or retiring. This person wants to gather information from people in the community before he writes his performance piece, and he is seeking input from those who have been through this.

His questions are excellent to consider, whether you have yet experienced these things or even if you fear them. Or if you're looking toward retirement soon. Grief accompanies each of those events, and it doesn't matter whether you chose the outcome or whether it was done to you.

The actor/director asks things such as: At what stage of life did this occur? Did that make your adjustment more severe? How? How important to you was your job or career? What did it mean to you and your family? Describe your last days of employment. Describe your emotions. How long did that stage last? What changed from that initial response? Were you offered support? Did you accept it? Has your emotional reaction changed with time? How and when? If you could say anything to your employer, what would you say? Would it make you feel better? Why or why not? If you could say anything to someone about to experience what you did, what would you say?

Aren't those excellent questions? They're just ripe with possibility. I can definitely see a play being built on the responses. But more, I can see real growth coming from answers to them if you are processing your experience of being fired, laid off or retiring. Pay attention to the grief—and it will be easier to move on.

Passion & careers

Did you follow your passion when you chose your career—or take a route you saw as practical?

My book club just discussed Stephanie Cowell's Claude & Camille: A Novel of Monet on Monday night. It's a great love story but it's so much more than that: It's a story of friends sticking together and helping one another through thick and thin, and it's one about a man for whom painting was as essential as breathing. It was about following your passion. In Monet's case, this had some downsides to it; his family lived in poverty and on the edge many times. However, his art brought him intense joy and fulfillment, too. Both/and, just like so much of life. I am a Monet fan and am grateful he followed his heart and painted rather than following his father's wishes that he work in the family business.

Are you following your heart? Has there been a cost to doing so? If you're not, is there a cost to not pursuing your passion and your dreams?

If not following your heart will mean deep regret when you get to life's end, explore now how you can pursue your passion. Reflect on it. Talk about it. Journal about it. Take some steps toward your dream. See how it feels.

What's your 'deep gladness'?

Are you searching for your passion? Perhaps you've lost your job and think it's time to retool and do something else, something you'll absolutely love? Or you might be early in your career and wondering where to put your energies? Maybe you've retired and are looking for an area of service or a part-time encore career?

I like what writer and theologian Frederick Buechner says about this: Your place of service is "the place where your deep gladness meets the world's deep need." What is your "deep gladness"? What are your gifts? What makes you come alive? What is it that when you're doing that particular thing, you lose all track of time and become completely absorbed? And how might that meet the needs of the world around you?

Educator and writer Parker Palmer elaborates: "Buechner's definition starts with the self and moves toward the needs of the world; it begins, wisely, where vocation begins—not in what the world needs (which is everything), but in the nature of the human self, in what brings the self joy, the deep joy of knowing that we are here on earth to be the gifts that God created."

It can be challenging to discover your gifts and passions, whether you're at the beginning of your career or at the end of it. Being proficient at something doesn't necessarily mean we love doing it. Think about things you loved to do as a child, things that completely absorb you now and what things really make your heart sing. And if you want to discover tools to find your passion, please contact me for a complimentary strategy session.

Facing career changes?

Are you struggling with career issues? You may be job-hunting or perhaps you're retiring and wondering about an "encore career" or about how you will spend your days.

I often invite clients to take their focus off a job and focus instead on what they want to be and do in a broader sense. Often I urge them to create a vocational vision that fleshes that out in a meaningful way.

When you can step back from just thinking about a job and see the larger picture, so much more comes into view. It's good to think about what your specific interests and talents are. It's also helpful to think about what most nurtures you and those gifts you possess. What type of setting and colleagues do you find nourishing? What kind of commute can your lifestyle or family situation handle? What kind of hours?

Do you want your career to be meaningful—or do you prefer your work to leave you time and energy for hobbies about which you're passionate?  Some people live to work, and others work to live. You just need to know what's best for you. How does your vocation fit into the rest of your life?

Some questions that might help you think about your vocation are: As a child, what did you always think you would be doing? What do you want to do when you retire? What do you want to do before you die? What do others say about you? What might make you jump out of bed in the morning to do?

Please contact me if you'd like to have a complimentary consultation about career or other life issues. Or select some dates and times on my website calendar.

What's an "encore career"?

Have you ever heard the term "encore career"? An entire website is devoted to the idea of combining purpose, passion and a paycheck in the second half of life. What you will find on the Encore Career website is information for those who want to "leave the world a better place than you found it."

This is a fascinating idea. As the site says, "If the old golden years dream was the freedom from work, the dream of this new wave is the freedom to work—in new ways, on new terms, to new and even more important ends. The goal: doing what you love, helping others and getting paid for it."

That's actually what I talk a lot about on my website, too. It's really about building a career that expresses your passion, your gifts, your dreams. When you are doing what you really love and what you were created to do, it doesn't even feel like work. Such work makes you feel like jumping out of bed in the morning. It keeps you going all day long. How powerful and energizing is that?!

So whether you're middle age, younger or older, think about whether it's possible for you to pursue your passion. If you want to explore this, please contact me and we'll talk about it. I invite you to a no-obligation, complimentary strategy session to see whether you could follow your dreams. You'll be energized just thinking about it!

Joy and sadness intertwined

Have you changed jobs recently? Or done an entire career change? Remember to tend to your grieving!

What?! I can hear you asking, "Did you say grieving?" Yes, I did. Even when we make our own decision, we can feel a sense of loss for whatever we're leaving behind. Saying "Hello" to something most often means saying "Goodbye" to something else. So even if you're headed for your Dream Job, there just might be things you'll miss about your old job.

Unemployment is not fun. But even that can offer some things you'll miss when you return to work: more time with your family and friends or time to catch up on sleep.

Think about what you're leaving behind. Grieve it. Let it go.  And then move on with gratitude and excitement to the next stage of your life. You'll feel better about it all if you've acknowledged any grief that is hiding around the edges of your joy!

Share your experience of realizing that sadness can be part of the joy of any new stage. What did you do? How did you deal with it and move on? I'd love to hear from you in the Comment box below.