Wednesday, October 17, 2012

Balancing needs: Is it others' vs. yours?

I recently had a client who always put herself and her needs last. Everyone else in her life claimed priority. She was at the bottom of the totem pole when it came to time, attention and meeting needs. We worked on that, starting with her seeing herself as even deserving to have things she wanted.

I've been there myself. When I began living on my own again, after years of focusing on a husband and children, I was so unaccustomed to even thinking about what I needed and wanted that I felt guilty for even doing so. It took me quite a while to realize the degree to which that created deep resentments inside me. It was time to think about what I wanted—and to state my needs clearly.

If you say what you need, you don't always automatically get it. It's pretty much guaranteed, however, that you won't get what you need if you aren't even aware of it and never say it! And you'll most likely find yourself with a short fuse when you continue to give to others.

This is another one of those both/and situations. Life isn't about you getting what you want and need all the time at the expense of everyone around you. And it surely isn't about you giving everyone else what they want and putting yourself last either. Try to find the balance in your life. It's about both giving and receiving.

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