Friday, January 4, 2013

Tough old birds get scared, too

Life coaches need coaches, too! I've worked with several different coaches—and know I will do so again. For it seems we all have times when we just need someone objective with whom to talk about things we face or issues swirling about in our minds. We need an outside accountability partner.

In a lengthy conversation with my sister a couple days ago, I talked in depth about my desire to feel comfortable showing more vulnerability (I love having a sister as friend because she "knew me when" and I don't have to explain all my experiences!). When we finished talking, I had more clarity about things and I jokingly told her, "I'll need to send you a check because you just did a wonderful job of coaching me!" Talking it over and having her ask questions I might not have thought of really helped me.

And here's the thing: So much of my life, I've been the one with the answers. The strong one. I'm the Enneagram 8, for goodness' sake! (If you aren't familiar with the Enneagram and its nine types, I really recommend it. It's a pretty amazing tool for self-discovery and for understanding those close to you as well.) I learned when I was quite young to be strong and to not admit to not knowing things. As with many things, it is both blessing and curse. It has meant I've been able to survive—and thrive—in the 27 years since my divorce. It meant I was able to survive—and, yes, even thrive—in a sexist workplace for years. But it also can get in the way in close relationships. And sometimes I just wish others understood that inside this "tough old bird" shell, there's also a scared little bird.

Before I can expect others to understand that, however, I need to find ways to really connect those two birds! I want to be both/and. I'm not one or the other. I'm both—and at the same time. Even when I am strong and certain on the outside, there's that scared Sonia inside wondering whether she really will be OK. So in 2013 I want to move toward even greater wholeness. I don't want to lose "strong Sonia." I just want her to let "scared Sonia" have her say, too!

Whoa, I'm feeling pretty vulnerable to put all this out there. But I think it's a step in the right direction. Thank you, dear sis, for encouraging me on this life journey! You would make a good life coach!

1 comment:

  1. Hyperbole, no doubt. But the "little sis" has enough "scared little bird" in her to appreciate the affirmation and not fuss over it. :) If I had a blog, I would certainly have to recount the many ways (and I mean many!) my big sis has stood by me and helped me work through things over the years. So thanks, dear sis ... backatcha! Cheryl