My brother is a quiet sort of guy. Never makes a fuss and never calls attention to himself. Ever. He still writes letters to people, sends cards and buys things to give to people "just because." He's extremely unassuming and generous-hearted.
So when he won an award at the homecoming banquet last weekend of a college he, my sister and I all attended, I was just thrilled! The award was designed just for him and is the first-ever one of its type: It was called an Encouragement Award.
Owen has been such a loyal and faithful supporter of this college through the years, even when the college went through hard times that threatened to close it down. And he's been an encourager of students, faculty and staff alike. Even with his small income, he's provided scholarships to help students in need.
I'm sure you can think of several people you know who always do behind-the-scenes work, whether it's in your workplace, your church or place of worship, some organization to which you belong or even in your family. Such people don't seek attention—and they seldom get it, too.
So it's especially sweet when an institution takes notice and publicly thanks someone—even presenting that person with an award complete with citation, a medallion and a wooden display piece. This is a reminder to me to be aware of others who may be introverts or for one reason or another, work quietly behind the scenes. It's a reminder to me to thank them and encourage them, too! The squeaky wheels may get the grease. But we need to pay attention to the quiet ones, too—and appreciate and celebrate them.
Showing posts with label introvert. Show all posts
Showing posts with label introvert. Show all posts
Tuesday, October 13, 2015
Thursday, June 25, 2015
Thinking out loud vs. inner dialogue
Yesterday I referred to a poster I'd seen on Facebook that described care for extroverts and care for introverts. I'm always fascinated by these differences in personality type. It's helpful to know what's important to each of these types when you're in a relationship with your opposite, whether as work colleagues, friends, lovers, parent-child or any other.
Because my fiancé is an introvert and I'm more of an extrovert (even though I've now moved just over the line into the category of introvert on the Myers-Briggs test), I take notice of how best to relate to the other type.
I was especially struck by one of the 12 ways to care for introverts: "Give them time to think; don't demand instant answers." Because introverts process through internal conversation and thought, that's especially important. I know it doesn't work to push John for instant decisions or responses.
On the other hand, one of the 10 ways to care for extroverts is: "Allow them to explore and talk things out." Yes! That is how we process—by talking it out with others. When I hear myself describe a situation, or when someone else comments on it, I can see solutions that I hadn't seen before. And John knows that when I throw out ideas, they may well not be the final answer to something. I'm just thinking out loud.
One isn 't bad and one, good. They're simply different ways of processing information. And it's good to know that about each other.
Because my fiancé is an introvert and I'm more of an extrovert (even though I've now moved just over the line into the category of introvert on the Myers-Briggs test), I take notice of how best to relate to the other type.
I was especially struck by one of the 12 ways to care for introverts: "Give them time to think; don't demand instant answers." Because introverts process through internal conversation and thought, that's especially important. I know it doesn't work to push John for instant decisions or responses.
On the other hand, one of the 10 ways to care for extroverts is: "Allow them to explore and talk things out." Yes! That is how we process—by talking it out with others. When I hear myself describe a situation, or when someone else comments on it, I can see solutions that I hadn't seen before. And John knows that when I throw out ideas, they may well not be the final answer to something. I'm just thinking out loud.
One isn 't bad and one, good. They're simply different ways of processing information. And it's good to know that about each other.
Wednesday, June 24, 2015
Extroverts & introverts
Sometimes Facebook can be a wasteland and a time-sucker. Other times, it yields up news I hadn't heard, inspirational quotes that help me through my day and wonderful connections with someone I hadn't seen in years.
Recently I saw an interesting post that included two columns. One column listed 10 things with the heading "How to care for extroverts," and the other column listed 12 things with the heading "How to care for introverts." (No, I don't know why introverts had 12 things, not 10!)
Even though officially on the Myers-Briggs, I have shifted from the extrovert column just barely over into the introvert column at this stage of my life, my fiancé tells me I act like an extrovert. That I do—mostly. And he is, without any question, an introvert. So when I saw this post, I printed it out. It's really helpful as I think about how we respond to each other. The two types are quite different in what they need and what motivates them. It's really about the source of our energy: whether it comes from inside us (through time spent quietly and alone) or from outside (in relationship with others). What energizes you most? Time alone? Or time with others?
For example, one of the points in the extrovert column is, "Respect their independence." Oh, yes, that's extremely important to me. And one in the introvert column is "Respect their need for privacy"—very important for someone like my fiancé.
This posting is a good reminder to me of differences—and respecting them. Vive la difference!
Recently I saw an interesting post that included two columns. One column listed 10 things with the heading "How to care for extroverts," and the other column listed 12 things with the heading "How to care for introverts." (No, I don't know why introverts had 12 things, not 10!)
Even though officially on the Myers-Briggs, I have shifted from the extrovert column just barely over into the introvert column at this stage of my life, my fiancé tells me I act like an extrovert. That I do—mostly. And he is, without any question, an introvert. So when I saw this post, I printed it out. It's really helpful as I think about how we respond to each other. The two types are quite different in what they need and what motivates them. It's really about the source of our energy: whether it comes from inside us (through time spent quietly and alone) or from outside (in relationship with others). What energizes you most? Time alone? Or time with others?
For example, one of the points in the extrovert column is, "Respect their independence." Oh, yes, that's extremely important to me. And one in the introvert column is "Respect their need for privacy"—very important for someone like my fiancé.
This posting is a good reminder to me of differences—and respecting them. Vive la difference!
Thursday, February 6, 2014
Humor helps
I am really grateful for my sense of humor. It has helped me through many a difficult time. I've often said I need two things to get me through this life: my faith and a good sense of humor.
Humor has helped me handle stress better. Laughter is healing, and we're told it keeps us healthier when we do it regularly. I'm all for that! Humor can help us keep a perspective about life and its challenges. It can defuse tension and anger. It can assist us in staying grateful and positive.
I always credited my father for my sense of humor. And, indeed, he had a totally engaging sense of humor and loved to make people laugh and enjoy life. Some of my favorite memories of him are around mischievous, funny things he did or said.
So imagine my surprise after he died to find my mother's much quieter, more reserved sense of humor grow and blossom. She had often yielded the floor to him as a teller of jokes and mischief maker! My siblings and I didn't really notice her good sense of humor until Dad was gone. But there it was—in a different form and style from Dad's. But humor nevertheless. That Dad was more extrovert to Mom's introvert probably made his humor more noticeable. Now I thank them both for their legacy (and a sense of humor is only one small part of that).
In addition to my gratitude for that funny bone I inherited, the experience also makes me even more aware of people whose gifts are quieter and less "out there" than those of others. They're still important gifts, and the world needs all our gifts. I try now to be more conscious of the variety of ways people's talents and gifts are expressed and lived out.
Humor has helped me handle stress better. Laughter is healing, and we're told it keeps us healthier when we do it regularly. I'm all for that! Humor can help us keep a perspective about life and its challenges. It can defuse tension and anger. It can assist us in staying grateful and positive.
I always credited my father for my sense of humor. And, indeed, he had a totally engaging sense of humor and loved to make people laugh and enjoy life. Some of my favorite memories of him are around mischievous, funny things he did or said.
So imagine my surprise after he died to find my mother's much quieter, more reserved sense of humor grow and blossom. She had often yielded the floor to him as a teller of jokes and mischief maker! My siblings and I didn't really notice her good sense of humor until Dad was gone. But there it was—in a different form and style from Dad's. But humor nevertheless. That Dad was more extrovert to Mom's introvert probably made his humor more noticeable. Now I thank them both for their legacy (and a sense of humor is only one small part of that).
In addition to my gratitude for that funny bone I inherited, the experience also makes me even more aware of people whose gifts are quieter and less "out there" than those of others. They're still important gifts, and the world needs all our gifts. I try now to be more conscious of the variety of ways people's talents and gifts are expressed and lived out.
Monday, March 26, 2012
3 myths about self-image
If you have a self-image problem, you’re among friends. I venture to say that most, if not all, of us have dealt with self-image issues. And many of us find it a recurring theme in our lives. Let’s bust three of the myths.
1) You either have a good self-image or you don’t. That absolutely is not true. You can change your self-image. It is not something with which you’re born, such as the color of your eyes. Your self-image is formed in many ways, from messages you receive from those close to you as well as the community and society around you—and it can be changed by messages you give yourself. Developing a healthy self-image may not be easy, but one step at a time, it can be done.
2) As a woman, your self-image is dependent on weight and dress size. No again! In fact, haven’t you known some large women who dress beautifully, exude self-confidence, have an inner glow and display a disarmingly inviting self-image? I have. I love seeing it. It’s always a reminder to me that a healthy self-image is an inside job. It really isn’t about how we look on the outside. It’s a choice we can make. To which messages will we listen—the positive ones or the negative?
3) Self-confidence is only for extroverts. This myth says that introverts will never be accepted in the same way extroverts are in our society. Since you have the ability through self-talk to give yourself messages about how acceptable you are, you do not have to rely on what society admires or reveres. If you’re an extrovert, you might be thinking about the self-image issues you face—the same as your introverted sisters! It doesn’t matter. How we see ourselves is what really matters. Our worth is not dependent on the opinions of others.
You can think of lots of excuses for your poor self-image, many reasons it developed. But the truth is, you don’t have to live with low self-esteem. There is another, more joyful and powerful way to live! Sign up now for my monthly ezine (on the right). And contact me today for a no-obligation, complimentary strategy session to see how you can live in that more joyful place with the inner glow of a healthy self-image.
1) You either have a good self-image or you don’t. That absolutely is not true. You can change your self-image. It is not something with which you’re born, such as the color of your eyes. Your self-image is formed in many ways, from messages you receive from those close to you as well as the community and society around you—and it can be changed by messages you give yourself. Developing a healthy self-image may not be easy, but one step at a time, it can be done.
2) As a woman, your self-image is dependent on weight and dress size. No again! In fact, haven’t you known some large women who dress beautifully, exude self-confidence, have an inner glow and display a disarmingly inviting self-image? I have. I love seeing it. It’s always a reminder to me that a healthy self-image is an inside job. It really isn’t about how we look on the outside. It’s a choice we can make. To which messages will we listen—the positive ones or the negative?
3) Self-confidence is only for extroverts. This myth says that introverts will never be accepted in the same way extroverts are in our society. Since you have the ability through self-talk to give yourself messages about how acceptable you are, you do not have to rely on what society admires or reveres. If you’re an extrovert, you might be thinking about the self-image issues you face—the same as your introverted sisters! It doesn’t matter. How we see ourselves is what really matters. Our worth is not dependent on the opinions of others.
You can think of lots of excuses for your poor self-image, many reasons it developed. But the truth is, you don’t have to live with low self-esteem. There is another, more joyful and powerful way to live! Sign up now for my monthly ezine (on the right). And contact me today for a no-obligation, complimentary strategy session to see how you can live in that more joyful place with the inner glow of a healthy self-image.
Monday, March 5, 2012
What's Your Energy Source?
Ever since I began seeing change and transformation through the lens of the caterpillar to cocoon to butterfly developmental process, I have learned so much about butterflies. I am constantly struck by how many life lessons they offer.
Recently I read a quote from author and speaker Laurie Beth Jones: “… I was amazed to learn that butterflies have to spread their wings in the morning sunshine because the scales on their wings are actually solar cells. Without that source of energy, they cannot fly.”
What’s your source of energy? Have you thought about it before? There are different ways to think about that question. One is to reflect on what you see as your ultimate source of power and energy, whether that be God, the Universe or some other Higher Power. Whatever that source is, how do you tap into it? What happens when you don’t have that connection?
Stay plugged in
My energy source is God. And for me that means a relationship. If we’re not connected, I’m the one who has disconnected. It takes time and intention on my part to keep that relationship alive—for me to stay plugged in. You may have a different source that powers and empowers your life. It’s important that you know what it takes to build and sustain your energy so you can soar like the beautiful butterfly you were created to be!
Another way of looking at your energy source is to think about your personality type. Are you an introvert or an extrovert on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator assessment profiles? It’s not about whether you like being with people. It’s about your energy source. Do you go inside yourself and find energy in solitude (introvert)? Or do you get energized through social interaction and the outer world (extrovert)? Often it’s some type of balance between the two. It’s helpful to know where on the continuum you fall so that you can stay energized and not get totally depleted.
Think about your energy source. Work with it. Stay plugged in. See how joyful and powerful you feel when you’re energized. Are you ready to spread your wings and soar?
Recently I read a quote from author and speaker Laurie Beth Jones: “… I was amazed to learn that butterflies have to spread their wings in the morning sunshine because the scales on their wings are actually solar cells. Without that source of energy, they cannot fly.”
What’s your source of energy? Have you thought about it before? There are different ways to think about that question. One is to reflect on what you see as your ultimate source of power and energy, whether that be God, the Universe or some other Higher Power. Whatever that source is, how do you tap into it? What happens when you don’t have that connection?
Stay plugged in
My energy source is God. And for me that means a relationship. If we’re not connected, I’m the one who has disconnected. It takes time and intention on my part to keep that relationship alive—for me to stay plugged in. You may have a different source that powers and empowers your life. It’s important that you know what it takes to build and sustain your energy so you can soar like the beautiful butterfly you were created to be!
Another way of looking at your energy source is to think about your personality type. Are you an introvert or an extrovert on the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator assessment profiles? It’s not about whether you like being with people. It’s about your energy source. Do you go inside yourself and find energy in solitude (introvert)? Or do you get energized through social interaction and the outer world (extrovert)? Often it’s some type of balance between the two. It’s helpful to know where on the continuum you fall so that you can stay energized and not get totally depleted.
Think about your energy source. Work with it. Stay plugged in. See how joyful and powerful you feel when you’re energized. Are you ready to spread your wings and soar?
Friday, January 6, 2012
Balance
As a journalist, I worked in an office—in a cubicle surrounded by other workers. I was on the phone a lot, and I traveled a lot. I had to be vigilant in carving out solitude for myself. I exercised care in scheduling even the fun activities of my life so I could have some balance for my extroverted and my introverted sides.
Now that I’m a life coach, I work from home (most coaching is done by telephone). And I have more solitude than ever before. Now I need to take care that I get enough social time each week. I carve out enough time for my fiancé, my friends, my kids and grandkids—and for the groups and activities I choose so I have balance in my life.
I don’t want all solitude nor do I want my days and nights filled with group activities. It’s about balance.
So much to balance
You need to balance solitude and group time. You also will want to get enough rest and relaxation to offset the high stress of your career. You want balance or equity between the various parts of your life: intellectual, social/interpersonal, emotional, physical, vocational, spiritual and financial. You may design a circle that has different aspects in each of the pie-shaped areas inside it; that’s your choice.
Keep in mind that balance doesn’t mean spending exactly the same amount of time on each aspect of your life. You know what your needs are. Remember, too, that you’ll need to tweak the balance. Life changes. You change. What you need today may not be what you need a year from now.
What you need to feel centered or grounded is not the same as what I need. It’s different from what your partner or kids need. It’s important that you determine what feels right to you—you’re the only one who knows what that is.
Start today. Draw a circle with the different parts of your life as pieces of the pie. Or journal or simply list the various areas. Then determine how much time you now give each aspect of your life—and how much you want to give it. And go for it! Make the changes that work for you.
Taking charge of your life feels so good, doesn’t it?
Now that I’m a life coach, I work from home (most coaching is done by telephone). And I have more solitude than ever before. Now I need to take care that I get enough social time each week. I carve out enough time for my fiancé, my friends, my kids and grandkids—and for the groups and activities I choose so I have balance in my life.
I don’t want all solitude nor do I want my days and nights filled with group activities. It’s about balance.
So much to balance
You need to balance solitude and group time. You also will want to get enough rest and relaxation to offset the high stress of your career. You want balance or equity between the various parts of your life: intellectual, social/interpersonal, emotional, physical, vocational, spiritual and financial. You may design a circle that has different aspects in each of the pie-shaped areas inside it; that’s your choice.
Keep in mind that balance doesn’t mean spending exactly the same amount of time on each aspect of your life. You know what your needs are. Remember, too, that you’ll need to tweak the balance. Life changes. You change. What you need today may not be what you need a year from now.
What you need to feel centered or grounded is not the same as what I need. It’s different from what your partner or kids need. It’s important that you determine what feels right to you—you’re the only one who knows what that is.
Start today. Draw a circle with the different parts of your life as pieces of the pie. Or journal or simply list the various areas. Then determine how much time you now give each aspect of your life—and how much you want to give it. And go for it! Make the changes that work for you.
Taking charge of your life feels so good, doesn’t it?
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