Give thanks

So tomorrow is Thanksgiving here in the U.S. For some, that means huge gatherings of family and friends around a table loaded down with platters and bowls of rich and fabulous foods. For others, it may mean a small gathering or it might even be a day to go out to eat with a small cadre of family or friends. For still others, it could be a day all alone, perhaps feeling depressed because "everyone else is with someone they love." And for far too many, it's just one more day of homelessness and wondering where their next meal will come from. All of this in our one land of plenty!

If you have what you need tomorrow, please don't forget what the day is all about: giving thanks. Most of us have so much for which to be grateful. I am certainly not wealthy, but I could fill pages and pages with all the blessings I do enjoy. I'm sure you could as well. Take time to reflect on at least a small portion of those blessings. Don't let Thanksgiving Day be only about all the food!

How does your courage look?

Courage and bravery take many forms. I just watched a video of my oldest granddaughter jumping from a plane high above the gorgeous countryside of Switzerland. I don't think I could skydive like that. I know Gretchen absolutely loved it, though. She is the type of person who will try new things, so it didn't surprise me that she did this during her college semester abroad in Prague.

My courage through the years led me to live five years in Papua New Guinea with my husband and family. And it took me to Liberia, West Africa, during its violent civil war. It also helped me survive divorce and create a new life for myself.

What does your courage look like? It need not take you to a war-torn country or high above a beautiful countryside.

Courage can mean showing up even when you are afraid of doing so. It can mean tackling a difficult task. Sometimes it means speaking up even though you might be shunned or ridiculed. It can mean defending the rights of others—or speaking truth to power. It may mean risking something important to you for a greater good.

Bravery and courage mean going through cancer treatments and facing each new day with hope, joy and gratitude. They can mean aging gracefully, despite the many losses and signs of decline you see in yourself. There are a million different ways to show courage.

Think of all the ways you have shown courage through the years—and celebrate yourself for doing so!

Celebrate—early and often!

American operatic tenor Robert Brault has gifted us with many memorable quotes, one of which is: "Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things."

We can be so busy chasing the Big Dream that we don't even stop to notice the dozens of small miracles and moments that might take our breath away along the way. Let's remind one another to wake up and stay attentive and aware. For it's just as Brault said, we may realize that what we thought were simply little things really were the big things. They just might be the whole point!

Brault has also said, "There are exactly as many special occasions in life as we choose to celebrate." I love that one, too. Again, those small things we sometimes so easily overlook can be cause for celebration. Don't wait to light the candles, cut the flowers for the vase and pull out the best dishes for only birthdays or anniversaries. Celebrate the sunshine! Celebrate a friend's visit. Pull out all the stops and find lots of reasons to celebrate. Those little things ARE the big things and should be celebrated!

Peace and joy to you!

I don't know which of the December holidays you celebrate. I celebrate Christmas today—so I will keep this short and sweet.

Whichever holiday you celebrate, I send you my very best wishes for a meaningful, peaceful and joyful time of year—and wish you a multitude of moments in the new year that take your breath away!

Holidays: Some glad, some sad

If Christmas is your holiday, I want to wish you a joyful and peaceful one this weekend. And if you celebrate Hanukkah, you'll begin this weekend; and I wish you a Happy Hanukkah. If it's simply a time of gift-giving and time with family and friends, enjoy.

Perhaps you celebrate none of those things—or perhaps, like so many, you don't feel like celebrating anything at all this year. It may be a blue and sad time for you. If that is the case, I wish for you people to whom you can turn for compassion, love and understanding. There are many reasons for people not feeling the joy others feel at this holiday season. Perhaps it's been a rugged year for you. Or you may have lost a beloved friend, family member or pet recently. It might even be the anniversary of a death or a job loss or some other painful memory. Or you may be facing a challenging health issue or difficult diagnosis. Please, above all, do not beat yourself up for not feeling in a holiday mood.

Whatever it is you're feeling right now, be with the truth of that feeling. Let it be what it is. And do what you need to do for yourself. Be gentle with yourself. It's a good time for self-compassion.

If you wish to talk about this, I invite you to contact me for a complimentary coaching and listening session. This is not the time to suffer alone or in silence—if that's where you are right now.

Acts of kindness

If you were asked who makes a difference in the lives of others—you, former South African President Nelson Mandela or Oprah Winfrey, how would you answer?

Chances are that you would not pick yourself. But chances also are that a correct response would be: All of the above.

Don't underestimate what you do with your life. You may not be famous. You may not have millions or even thousands of dollars to give away to others. You may not be a household name. But I'm going to guess that you do things large and small every day that make a difference for others.

Sometimes those acts of kindness are done for family or friends, and sometimes they're done for complete strangers.

Either way, don't you feel good about doing such things afterward? Perhaps it would brighten your day if you just pause now and remember some of the things you've done recently. Let yourself feel good about it! C'mon, it's really okay to let yourself feel good about your actions. Celebrate you!

Don't put off wonder & pleasure

Life is too short to put off the good stuff until a later time. Do you ever say, "Once I get through this, I can breathe" or "Once I finish this project, life will get back to normal and I can relax and be happy again"? I know, I've done it many times myself.

But when I read inspirational books and poetry—and hear the invitations to live fully today and enjoy life to the fullest, I'm reminded that it's not good to put off joy and wonder and all the other good stuff! And when I hear that someone died at a young age, I'm reminded again that life is short. You and I have absolutely no idea whether we have years more of life, months, days—or just minutes. Now is what we have.

Celebrate each day. Live each moment fully. Open your eyes—and really see what's around you and who's around you. Notice the colors and textures. Savor the smells and fragrances. Enjoy the moments with those you love. Make the best of it all. Welcome the changes. See if you can flow with the surprises—and maybe even the challenges.

How different would your life be if you could do that? I know mine would be different. And I really do try. But I need frequent reminders. Otherwise, it's so easy to slip right back into just putting one foot in front of the other, doing what needs to be done and promising myself pleasure once I finish my to-do list! So this is a reminder to myself—and I'll be happy if it touches you, too!

Celebrate life

Today is a good day for a celebration!

Since every day and every hour we have is a gift, it's a good idea to stop every now and again and celebrate that. I know it's easy to complain about the aging process. "I can't do what I used to a few years ago when I was younger." "I forget more and sleep less." "The years are going too quickly, and I still have so much I want to get done." "I have so many aches and pains I didn't have before." On and on we go.

But, still, we are here. We are alive. And much more than that for most of us—we have family, friends, worthwhile work whether paid or volunteer or that we assign to ourselves at home, food, shelter and more. It's a privilege to age.

Isn't that worth celebrating? Isn't that cause for gratitude? Yup, I think so, too.

What kind of party are you throwing for yourself today?

From the old to the new

As you think about the New Year approaching, do you make resolutions, set intentions or think about what you want it to look like? Do you reflect on the year about to end to see what learnings have come for you from the experiences you had?

I hope you take some time to celebrate what you've learned—the transformation you've seen in yourself—any growth that has occurred. Take time, too, to feel the sadness and pain of any losses that occurred throughout the year.

It's always good to start the New Year with a clean slate. Start with a heart that's open and free. Deal with the emotions that might have accumulated before they become so oversized that they hit you between the eyes or temporarily knock you flat. Emotions that we push down and don't let ourselves feel have a way of packing a bigger punch than they would if we faced them squarely at the time we first feel them.

I encourage you to take some time now at year's end to reflect—and prepare yourself for the New Year. For a good New Year!

You are a wonder

When you're ticking off all the things for which you're grateful, don't forget yourself. Remember to thank your body for all it's done for you through the years. And be grateful for the talents and gifts you've been given. Celebrate the wonder of you.

I have a Blue Mountain Arts book on gratitude, and today I read a reminder about this in a writing by Sydney Nealson. In part it said: "Acknowledge your talents and abilities. Realize what a beautiful soul you have. Understand the wonder within."

The wonder within. Yes, indeed. And the wonder without, too. When you stop to think of all the years your legs, knees and feet have gotten you around—up and down stairs, through miles of varied terrain, back and forth walking babies to sleep, getting to work, volunteering and more—it's quite amazing. Think, too, of all your arms and hands have done. And what about that brain of yours? Isn't it incredible how it has operated all these years to keep all your body systems running? And your heart? The list is endless.

You truly are a wonder. So am I. Let's stop and give thanks for that today. Living in gratitude will make today and every day extra special. And well it should. Each day is such a gift!

Celebrate aging

Some days my Mary Engelbreit calendar inspires. Some days it makes me smile. Other days, its message causes me to laugh out loud. Always it brings some pleasant response, and for that I'm grateful. It's a good start to my day. Last Friday it made me smile—and think back to when I thought 40 years of age was "over the hill." Now 40 seems almost like childhood!

The calendar spoke truth: "Being old doesn't seem so old now that we're old!"

I remember laughing when my father, at age 90 or 91, told me about delivering Meals on Wheels to people in the small Iowa town in which he and Mom spent their last decades. "I'm delivering meals to old folks," he told me one day. This was during a phone call, so I couldn't see his face. But I'm pretty certain his eyes were twinkling and he was wearing a broad smile when he said that. He might have been teasing, but his positive attitude did keep him young at heart, too.

I thank him for passing along that legacy. So I resonate with the calendar sentiment. The age I am now, which seemed so old a few decades ago, really isn't old at all. I really don't feel old. My age is only a number, after all. 

What about you? How do you feel about your age? Can you celebrate that you've gotten that far—and thank your body and mind for bringing you to this stage, too?

The quiet ones among us

My brother is a quiet sort of guy. Never makes a fuss and never calls attention to himself. Ever. He still writes letters to people, sends cards and buys things to give to people "just because." He's extremely unassuming and generous-hearted.

So when he won an award at the homecoming banquet last weekend of a college he, my sister and I all attended, I was just thrilled! The award was designed just for him and is the first-ever one of its type: It was called an Encouragement Award.

Owen has been such a loyal and faithful supporter of this college through the years, even when the college went through hard times that threatened to close it down. And he's been an encourager of students, faculty and staff alike. Even with his small income, he's provided scholarships to help students in need.

I'm sure you can think of several people you know who always do behind-the-scenes work, whether it's in your workplace, your church or place of worship, some organization to which you belong or even in your family. Such people don't seek attention—and they seldom get it, too.

So it's especially sweet when an institution takes notice and publicly thanks someone—even presenting that person with an award complete with citation, a medallion and a wooden display piece. This is a reminder to me to be aware of others who may be introverts or for one reason or another, work quietly behind the scenes. It's a reminder to me to thank them and encourage them, too! The squeaky wheels may get the grease. But we need to pay attention to the quiet ones, too—and appreciate and celebrate them.

Grieve and celebrate: Both important

I've blogged before about how our expectations can trip us up. Sometimes we have such high expectations that no reality can ever match them. Other times, our expectations might be perfectly realistic; but people and situations just don't meet those expectations for one reason or another. Either way, we can get tripped up and become discouraged, depressed or even angry about what didn't happen.

Especially with the really important and big things in our lives, it's healthy to stop and take stock of expectations. Take your career, for example. Is it—or was it—what you had hoped it would be? If it wasn't, did it have parts that met or exceeded your expectations? Or it might be a relationship for which you had high hopes.

It can be extremely helpful to take the time to feel the sadness over what didn't happen that you had hoped would happen. Grieve the loss of that expectation or those dreams. Then let go of that expectation or dream. That's an essential part of grief work—letting go.

When you let yourself feel the sadness and grief—and then let go—you open yourself up to experience more joy. You can then begin to see the good things that happened—and celebrate those parts of your expectations or dreams that did get realized.

So remember there are two parts to examining these expectations: grieve what hasn't happened and celebrate what has.

Your elusive self-worth

I was asked recently to write an article about girls, women and self-worth for a women's magazine for which I'm currently serving as interim editor. The whole issue of body image, self-esteem and feelings of value and worth are something I've worked on for years—and I'm well aware that a majority of us have at least some doubts about our self-worth and body image.

We've talked about this before in these blogs. We are surrounded by media messages that tell us we're not good enough—that we have to be slender, tiny, blonde and beautiful to be of value. And guess what? Most of us don't weigh 100 pounds, wear a size 0 dress and have flawless and perfect skin.

Can we tune out those messages? Can we instead focus on the things we like about ourselves? Might we thank our bodies for all they've done and do for us rather than hate them for not being 100 pounds and size 0?

Two years ago a friend of mine had a birthday party at which we also honored ourselves as women. One of the things my friend had us do was to make a list of women we admired—and of the traits we admired in them. Then we culled from that the four attributes we most liked—and finally, we listed four attributes we most liked about ourselves. It was a good exercise. After looking at others we admire (that's always easier, isn't it?), it forced us to look at our own attributes—and celebrate them.

Why not try that today? Then celebrate your body, your abilities and yourself!

You & the Grand Canyon

Have you ever visited the Grand Canyon? It is truly something to behold—277 miles long, 18 miles wide at points and more than a mile deep. The canyon is simply breath-taking in scope and grandeur. Debates exist as to exactly how it was formed, but it's likely a combination of natural forces that include volcanic activity, tectonic plate shifting and erosion from a variety of water sources such as rivers, streams and ocean.

Your own growth and personal development as you proceed through life is not unlike that of the formation of this canyon. You are shaped and transformed by a variety of events and situations in your life that can wear away your rough edges, soften your heart and open up new channels of insight and seeing. It's quite amazing, really, to think about your life shaped in a similar way to earth's wonders. I certainly see that in my life.

Sometimes it's the painful situations that most shape us. Other times, it is the love of another that fuels our growth just as rain and warm sunshine brings plants to life in the springtime. Mostly, however, it's really a combination of those things.

And the result? Something truly amazing to behold! Celebrate yourself today. Celebrate the ways you have been shaped by the blessings in your life—and by those things you never would have wished to experience.

How you age matters

"Age doesn't matter. What matters most is how you age, and how you spend the time in between," says author Ritu Ghatourey.

In our culture, that quote seems almost counter-cultural. Our society celebrates youth—and you can hardly see a magazine on the newsstand that doesn't contain articles on how to remove wrinkles, shore up a sagging body, and keep that youthful figure and appearance.  There aren't many media messages that celebrate aging.

You and I can live in a counter-cultural way, however. We can enjoy our aging process. We can celebrate it. We can spend our time in gratitude for the abilities we still have, for the life experiences we have had, for the people in our lives—in other words, for all that has been, all that is, and all that's yet to come. We can see the glass half-full rather than half-empty. We can age well—aging both gracefully and gratefully.

Doing so means tending to the letting go process: letting go of attitudes and resentments that no longer serve us. And it means also tending to the grief process for those abilities and things we may have lost as we age. Once we have grieved such losses, we can let them go—and move on to celebrate the life and abilities we do have.

Happy Mother's Day

Happy Mother's Day to you. It doesn't matter whether you have children or not. It doesn't matter whether you gave birth to children yourself, whether you adopted children or whether you have none.

My idea of that day expanded when one of my sons and daughters-in-law couldn't have children in the early years of their marriage. It was so painful for them both, but I recall my daughter-in-law saying how painful Mother's Day was for her. All her sisters and sisters-in-law were having babies and celebrating that day. As it turned out, a few years later they did have a lovely family of their own. In the meantime, though, tears and sorrow dogged them on those special days.

That whole experience made me look at Mother's Day in a new way. Now I often send cards to women in my life who have nurtured and nourished me along the way. I send cards to and celebrate women who have given birth to dreams, hopes, projects, art, books, ideas and all manner of things. If you are a woman who tends the inner fires and works on her personal growth, you are also giving birth to your self. Surely that's worth celebrating.

And so I celebrate each one of you for all you've brought into the world—and for all you've nurtured and inspired toward growth and transformation. Kudos to you. Keep up the good work—for the world is full of people in need of nurture and ideas in need of birthing and creating.

Celebrate women's gifts

Have you ever heard of Frances Perkins? Or Mary Engle Pennington? What about Virginia Apgar?

Frances Perkins served as U.S. secretary of labor under President Franklin D. Roosevelt, the first woman to hold a U.S. cabinet post. She championed many of the policies that were part of the New Deal.

Born in 1872 and called "The Ice Lady," Mary Engle Pennington studied refrigeration and how best to keep foods fresh and safe to eat. She set scientific standards for food safety and designed home refrigerators and refrigerated railroad cars. Thank her next time you open your refrigerator.

And while you may have heard of the Apgar Score that identifies newborns at risk, you may not know that it was developed by Virginia Apgar, born in 1929. Although her surgical skills as a doctor were excellent, Apgar was discouraged from becoming a surgeon and focused her attention on anesthesiology—which led to her developing the Apgar Score.

Of course, you've heard of Anne Morrow Lindbergh. She's the wife of the famous aviator Charles Lindbergh, right? Yes, she is. You'll also remember her as the mother of the kidnapped baby, their first child. But did you also know she was an aviator herself? And a first-class navigator? She has written many books as well, the most famous of which is Gift from the Sea.

So many women have made an impact down through history. We've heard of so few of them. And though we recognize the names of some, we may only know them as the spouse of someone famous. March is Women's History Month. It's a good time to delve into our history and discover all the wonderful gifts women have added to the world. Let's celebrate those. And celebrate you, with all your gifts too!

Celebrate labor & purpose

Today is Labor Day in the U.S.: a day dedicated to the achievements of American workers, a day when we think about the nature of work, of vocation and career. Actually, for many it has simply become a day off work with little thought to the reason for the day. Sometimes it's good to take a moment to think about the history or background of holidays, however. Look at all that has been achieved in this country through the hard work of so many. Look at what you have done in whatever career you chose. Celebrate that. See the larger picture of what that's meant not only for you but for others affected by your job. And if your work was inside the home raising a family and caring for home, garden or perhaps even farm, think about the impact that work has had on others.

If you're retired now, think about what your new purpose is—for we're told that those who have purpose in their lives are far happier and tend to live longer and healthier lives. Perhaps you volunteer for an organization. Perhaps you are extremely engaged in the lives of your grandchildren. Maybe you serve your church or community in multiple ways. Even those who are housebound can serve others. I once read about a woman who was bedridden and housebound but who made phone calls and sent cards to others who were ill or going through hard times. She still found ways to serve—and it brought great joy into her life.

So today, why not take a few moments to consider your purpose and to look back over your career and achievements? Celebrate what you've done—and consider new ways you can be of service in the world.

Do you tell your age?

When it comes to stating my age, I'm in the "name it and claim it" camp. However, I do have friends that don't hold with that practice. That's fine. We each get to choose where we fall on that question. What do you think?

Here's my thing: I am grateful for every day, every year. I am thankful for all the experiences I have had—and those yet to come. More and more, I want to celebrate every moment. I want to live gracefully, gratefully and agelessly. So far anyway, each birthday beats the alternative!

Life is not all about youth and beauty. I know it seems that way when we see TV ads or read the cover lines on magazines as we stand at grocery check-out counters. We're given dozens of way to lose weight and look sexy, a myriad of suggestions for creams and lotions to make us look younger and rid ourselves of wrinkles and brown spots, and ideas for makeovers so we don't look old. Mind you, I do want to look as good as is possible—while also being comfortable. No more high heels. No more shoes that pinch. No more short skirts. But still I definitely enjoy stylish clothes and jewelry. It's so much more than that outside package, though, isn't it? It's also about who you and I are on the inside. It's about what we value and how we live and love. It's about our attitudes. And those things have nothing to do with age.

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Please share them in the Comments box below. Thank you.