Goals & perspective

As we approach the end to another year, it's natural to begin thinking of what the new year will bring. What goals will you set? What new directions might be coming for you? Or will you stay the course? Where are you headed? What will that mean for who you are?

While goals are important, who we are becoming is even more important. How have we grown and changed in this past year? Have we become more of who we were meant to be? Are we increasingly comfortable in our own skin? Do we like—or even love—that person we're becoming?

I'm reminded of a quote from Henry David Thoreau: "What you get by achieving your goals is not as important as what you become by achieving your goals."

Are your goals success oriented? Or are they about who and what you're becoming? This is a good time to take stock—and be ready to walk into the new year with a healthy attitude and an appreciation for who and what you are.

Let yourself be calmed

I've often said that attitude and perspective can make all the difference in how events and experiences impact us. A positive attitude doesn't change the situation. It changes us so we can better handle the situation.

Recently I came across notes I'd taken as someone was interviewed on TV about a controversial and difficult time in their life. The comment really struck me, which I guess was why I wrote it in my journal. Here's what the person being interviewed said: "Sometimes God calms the storm. And sometimes God lets the storm rage—and calms us."

Yes! It's just another way of saying what I often say about attitude. If you and I can let ourselves be calmed amid a stormy and tumultuous time, we'll face it with more strength and energy. Doing so may change the outcome—or it may be the same outcome. But we'll be changed. And that's the important thing.

Looking for meaning

It's said that millenials seek work and activities in their lives that have meaning. They don't want to settle for just anything.

I suspect that can be said of most of us. We search for meaning in our lives, in our work, in our relationships and in our hobbies and activities. It's important to think we're contributing in some way.

The story is told of three stonecutters who worked on a cathedral many centuries ago. When asked about their work of cutting stones for the cathedral, they each answered in a different way. The first man complained about the boredom and hard work of stonecutting. The second man said he was happy to have the work so he could provide for his beautiful family, whom he loved very much. And the third man spoke of the privilege he felt to be part of building a great cathedral that would stand as a "holy lighthouse" for thousands of years.

Isn't it interesting to see how each man saw his job from a different perspective? Each assigned different meaning to the very same task.

How do you see your life? Your work? Your relationships? Do you need to change anything? Or do you simply need to attach different meaning to some of the elements of your life?

Acceptance & perspective

Yesterday morning I awoke to a black-screened, stone-cold-dead cell phone. I had just charged it to 100 percent the previous night—and even sent some texts before I went to bed. But by morning, the battery was gone. I couldn't get a rise out of the phone.

So, of course, my day wasn't at all how I planned it (and I did have quite a to-do list yesterday). I checked online to see what models of iPhone were available and what the differences were. After doing some background research, I went off to the Verizon store—where I spent far more time than I ever intended. I did find a phone I liked, worked out a deal, waited while my old iPhone data was backed up and then transferred to my new phone; and finally I got home—to begin all the work I'd intended to start far earlier in the day.

At first I grumbled about all the lost time and the inconvenience. However, I realized that this could have happened when I was out of town. It didn't. I was here and could easily handle it. I also thought of the questions my sister often asks herself when she's upset about unexpected events messing up her plans. Do I have a life-threatening illness? No. Is this something I can survive? Yes. Will this disruption matter a year from now? No. Well, you get the idea.

I just had to grumble for a while. But asking those questions put things in perspective rather quickly. My focus shifted. I was able to reframe things and get on with it in a better frame of mind. Acceptance. Perspective. Those things make such a difference.

Life as adventure

Do you see life as an adventure? Or is it more of an endurance test—and you just hope to make it to the end?

I'm hoping you see it more as an adventure. Or even something between those two options above. For what we get from life depends so much on what our attitude is toward life and all its experiences.

How's your attitude these days? Do you mostly see the glass half-full? Or half-empty?

If you're a half-empty guy or gal, would you like to change that? It may not be quite as easy as clicking your sparkly red shoes together (like Dorothy in The Wizard of Oz). But it is possible to change your perspective to a more positive one—over time.

Each day, focus on what's good about the day, what's good in the various experiences you have. Focus on those things for which you're grateful. Soon enough, you'll find that you notice those things more than you notice the negatives. You'll see what you look for!

From gratitude to action

Yesterday I finished wrapping the last of my Christmas gifts. This year I really enjoyed it. Somehow I didn't feel as rushed as I do some years. So as I wrapped each gift, I had time to think about each person, what that person meant to me, how much fun I had picking out something special for that person, the joy I thought they might feel opening this gift and so on. It was quite fun!

By the time I finished all the wrapping, I was in a wonderful state of gratitude for all the people in my life. I was also grateful that I was in a position to buy gifts for my loved ones—something I don't take for granted. I know that many individuals and families aren't able to give gifts and have nothing to put under their tree. Many don't even have a tree—or a home in which to set up a tree. So, honestly, I have so much for which to be thankful. And yesterday I let that all wash over me.

Now the next step is to think of what things I can do in 2016 to help people who don't have all the things I take so for granted. Living in gratitude is wonderful—and it really changes my perspective. Now I want to challenge myself to go beyond that great feeling—to take action that will bring changes to the lives of others who don't even have their basic needs met.

The warmth of a smile

I'm a firm believer in the power of gratitude to change our perspective. So when my reflexologist gave me an idea for focusing attention on gratitude, I welcomed it.

Here's the idea: Seat yourself in a comfortable position, close your eyes and take some long, slow and deep breaths. Then return your breathing to normal and pay attention to it.

Next, imagine the face of someone you love smiling at you. Feel the warmth—and feel yourself smiling back at them. Find a place in your body in need of some healing energy. As you inhale, imagine you're breathing into that area. Follow your breath with your smile. Feel the smile penetrating that area and allow tension to melt away.

Be aware of yourself as the smiler and the one receiving the smile. Alternate if you wish. When you're finished, imagine that area of your body glowing with light.

See if this doesn't spur your gratitude and a softer attitude and perspective.

Love what you have

Here's one of the gems I saw on Facebook: "Happiness isn't about getting what you want all the time. It's about loving what you have and being grateful for it."

What a difference. Again, it's about attitude and perspective, isn't it? Rather than always longing for more, more, more—perhaps we can stop and see all that we do have already. And be grateful for it.

No matter what sorrow and hurts we have in our lives, we always have good things, too. Blessings are tucked in there somewhere—sometimes even right inside the painful parts. For example, a friend recently told me that when she went through a jobless and serious financial hardship time recently, she was heartened and amazed by those people who came forward to support and care about her. It wasn't necessarily those she expected to be there, but that didn't matter. There were people who were there with love, open arms and hearts and also with practical help to get her through until she could get back on her feet. Pain and fear, yes. And also blessings and gifts! And she could be grateful for those.

We don't get what we want all the time. Perhaps not even much of the time. But we still have a lot. And when we focus on gratitude, our eyes and hearts are opened to see what's there.

Deep breaths. Slow down.

I've told you how much I enjoy inspirational quotes, and that's why I like my Mary Engelbreit daily calendar. Each day gives me a thought upon which to reflect. Having spent the past week rushing around because of being gone for a week, trying to catch up and then actually get ahead a little on my work, I felt real resonance with this quote by Indian philosopher and activist Mahatma Gandhi: "There is more to life than increasing its speed."

The thought brings to mind the children's story about the tortoise and the hare, too, doesn't it? Rushing madly about doesn't necessarily mean we'll get any more done—or even that we'll get it done before someone who's more purposeful and takes refreshing breaks along the way. And anyway, is that even the point of life?!

I try to remember that thought when I occasionally have to spend long days at the computer. Get up every hour or so, do some yoga stretches. Take some time away from the screen. Go for a walk outside. Talk with a friend on the phone. Do something relaxing for a while. Generally that actually makes me more productive because I've been momentarily refreshed and come back to my writing or editing work with a clearer head and a better attitude.

It's important to keep that perspective. Life isn't about who collect the most toys—but it also isn't about who gets to the end more quickly! Stop a minute. Take a deep breath. Slow down. Pay attention to your heartbeat. There now, isn't that better?

Perspective: It matters

I was not happy. That's really an understatement.

Yesterday after I left my women's Bible study group, I had some errands to run and lots of work piled up and waiting for me at home. My last stop was at the grocery store. I got home about 1:30, starving for lunch (it's later than I generally eat). But as I put my groceries away, I noticed that the on-the-vine tomatoes I had such a taste for and did pay for were not in any of the bags I unpacked. In fact, they probably were still sitting in a bag hanging from one of the hooks containing multiple shopping bags in the store check-out line. Grrrr. I was not a happy camper. I growled and stomped around a little just to get my frustration out.

Then I called the store. Yup, the tomatoes were still there. "I want them today so I'll be right over to get them," I told the guest service department clerk (after a 5-10 minute wait on the phone, of course).

I kept thinking I didn't have time for this nonsense. But I wanted the tomatoes. I felt my anger and frustration, got it out with a few choice words and complaining. And then I told myself, "OK, let it go, Sonia. In a month, it won't matter. In fact, in a week, it won't matter." And as my sister asks when she wants to gain perspective: "Do you have cancer? No. Well, then, it's not so serious."

We need to be attentive to our emotions and feelings. Acknowledge them. Get them out of our bodies. Then let them go. And taking a longer view helps us gain perspective. My life wasn't going to change drastically if I didn't have those tomatoes. I wanted them that day—not the next. But that extra trip, irritating as it was to me at the time, wasn't going to be life-changing either. I needed a change in view. When to-do lists get too long, it's easy to lose perspective, isn't it?

What do you do to keep perspective and take a longer view?

Bless one life at a time

Have you ever wondered whether your life matters to anyone? Whether what you do makes a difference? Perhaps you feel that your work or your volunteer activities aren't a big deal and really don't matter. If so, let me remind you of the starfish story. Or perhaps you've never heard it.

A young man walked along the beach by the ocean and noticed thousands of starfish washed ashore. Then he observed an old man walking slowly and stooping frequently to pick up one starfish after another and toss them gently into the ocean. "Why are you throwing them into the ocean?" the young man asked. "Because the tide is going out, and they will die if I don't throw them further out into the water," the old man replied. "But don't you realize there are thousands of starfish and you can't save them all? Even if you work all day, your efforts won't make a difference at all," the young man said. The old man listened calmly, bent down to pick up another starfish and threw it out into the sea. "It made a difference to that one," he said.

Yes, what you do does matter to someone. Or perhaps to several someones. You don't have to worry about saving the entire planet. Bless the life or lives you touch today. That's enough. And it does matter! You matter. It's all in your perspective.

Enlarge your view

Rain falling by the buckets. Wet, slippery roads. Snarled traffic inching along for miles for some reason I never determined. Darkness falling rapidly. Throw in 50 miles of road construction for good (or bad) measure. Now you have a recipe for frustration and tense muscles. That's what I faced as I returned home a couple nights ago from a long weekend.

By the time I neared my house, I was so ready to be out of the car and stretch my aching arms, legs and back. But just a block from my home, traffic came to a halt and I saw several flashing lights from police cars and emergency vehicles. As I felt my stress rising even more at the thought of sitting in my car even longer and not getting home soon, it occurred to me that several people's lives may have just been profoundly changed by whatever happened just ahead of me.

I still don't know details of the accident other than that it was a head-on collision. But I can imagine. I sent up several prayers for whoever was involved as well as for the emergency responders. The whole situation gave me a different perspective. Suddenly my stress seemed insignificant. I did get home safely. Whoever was in those two cars probably had a totally different outcome, however. At the very least their cars were likely ruined or at least badly damaged. Judging from all the emergency vehicles, it must have been far worse than that.

Perspective. It's always good to keep a perspective on things, isn't it? It's easy to get caught up in the everyday drama of our lives and not get the larger view of what's happening around us. But what a difference it makes. It doesn't mean we should diminish our own stress, sadness or feelings. It just means we should enlarge our view to include people all around us and across the globe.