Action required!

How do you respond to tragedy and injustice? Do you stay silent? Do you speak up? Do you consider yourself an activist? A helper?

Are you sometimes so overwhelmed that it's easier to just flow through life as though you're sleep-walking? Or do you try to make the most of every moment and do what you can to make life better for others and for yourself?

Admittedly, some days we simply need to cut ourselves some slack and not jump into every situation that needs some help! And, too, sometimes we're the ones who need the help. It's a gift to others to be receivers and let them help us, too!

But once we look around with gratitude and count our blessings, we often do feel moved to action of some type or another. So many situations cry out for us to either pitch in and help or to speak up and take a stand.

I always remember what Mr. Rogers said his mother taught him: When tragedy occurs, look for the helpers. They're always there. And here's the deal: We can be those helpers, too!

One step at a time

I am so stressed right now. It seems that a few people near and dear to me need major help with life issues, and I want to be there for them. In one case, it involves lots of detail work, phone calls, letters and emails—plus some huge on-site tasks, too. It means long-distance drives, arranging for doctor appointments, cleaning out a house to sell and more. Yikes.

My sister reminds me to "take one crisis at a time." She's right. That's plenty. And even at that, I've always advised people to break major crises or tasks into smaller, achievable pieces. It's that old question of how you eat an elephant—one small bite at a time!

So I'm trying to heed my sister's and my own advice. One thing at a time—and break that down into an action plan of small chunks. One step at a time, and I will be able to help those I love deal with these big things that have so affected their lives.

Meanwhile, I need to remember to breathe. And I need to engage in self-care such as my yoga class, massages and time with dear friends.

How do you handle stressful times?

Face fear; look it in the eye

Does fear ever get in your way? Yup, me too.

I remember back in 2011 and 2012 when I was just getting my coaching practice up and running. My oldest son and I were talking about how my fears sometimes got in the way of moving forward. Since he had started his own HVAC business years ago and knew all about fears being immobilizing, he gave me this good advice, "Move the needle a bit each day."

He was right. Each day I could take one or two small steps toward the larger goal. Soon enough, I would have confronted my fears and realized that I could do the thing(s) I feared. That knowledge was so empowering.

I still try to touch into that feeling whenever fears stop me now. And I try to "move the needle." It's so energizing and empowering.

If you would like to discuss this, I invite you to contact me for a no-obligation, complimentary strategy session.

'Stay afraid; do it anyway'

So two days ago, Carrie Fisher, who played the iconic Princess Leia in Star Wars, died. She is well known for that role but may be less known as a mental-health advocate. Here's what she said about people with mental illness who might be afraid to pursue the dreams they have: "Stay afraid, but do it anyway. What's important is the action. You don't have to wait to be confident. Just do it and eventually the confidence will follow." 

That isn't just good advice for people with mental illness. It's good for all of us to heed. It's pretty much like the familiar saying, "Feel the fear and do it anyway." Don't wait for the confidence to appear. Move to action.

As you look ahead to 2017 and wonder what's on the horizon for you, you may be feeling some fear and apprehension. That's OK. Feel it. And then proceed into the new year ready to embrace all the opportunities that come your way. Ready or not, here you come!


P.S. Remember that next week, I begin my new blog-posting schedule of three days a week (Monday, Wednesday and Friday). If you have topic ideas, I'd love to hear them at: sonia@way2growcoaching.com.

From gratitude to action

Yesterday I finished wrapping the last of my Christmas gifts. This year I really enjoyed it. Somehow I didn't feel as rushed as I do some years. So as I wrapped each gift, I had time to think about each person, what that person meant to me, how much fun I had picking out something special for that person, the joy I thought they might feel opening this gift and so on. It was quite fun!

By the time I finished all the wrapping, I was in a wonderful state of gratitude for all the people in my life. I was also grateful that I was in a position to buy gifts for my loved ones—something I don't take for granted. I know that many individuals and families aren't able to give gifts and have nothing to put under their tree. Many don't even have a tree—or a home in which to set up a tree. So, honestly, I have so much for which to be thankful. And yesterday I let that all wash over me.

Now the next step is to think of what things I can do in 2016 to help people who don't have all the things I take so for granted. Living in gratitude is wonderful—and it really changes my perspective. Now I want to challenge myself to go beyond that great feeling—to take action that will bring changes to the lives of others who don't even have their basic needs met.

Work for your dreams

Since yesterday was Election Day, the saying that appeared on my calendar page a couple weeks ago is especially fitting.

William Arthur Ward, a writer of inspirational maxims, said the following: "Do more than belong: participate. Do more than care: help. Do more than believe: practice. Do more than be fair: be kind. Do more than forgive: forget. Do more than dream: work."

Taking advantage of the right and privilege of voting is right in line with that attitude. It's participating in the collective work in which we engage as a society. It requires being an informed citizen. It's more than belonging to this society. It's participating in it. Action is required.

As a woman, particularly, I don't take this right and privilege for granted. It sometimes stops me short to remember that in my own mother's lifetime, women did not have the right to vote. Because of the hard work and risk-taking of several women who marched, spoke out, withstood jail and a variety of abuses and endured other hardships, today I'm able to do more than belong to society. I am able to fully participate by voting for those whom I think will be responsible, just and wise leaders. Those women who went before me did more than dream. They put in the hard work to ensure that one day, women would have the same rights as men—and that our voices would be heard. I'm so grateful. And I, too, want to do more than just the minimum.

What about you?

One small step at a time

Last week I saw a YouTube video of a little girl taking her first steps—and eventually learning to walk. Her father shot the video as a time-lapse so it chronicled all her baby steps, from learning to stand for a few seconds to much later, walking steadily on her own. He showed lots of falls, which always are a part of learning to walk, and even a few gentle pushes by her older sister.

This video reminded me that life comprises lots of stops and starts, lots of falls and recoveries, lots of helping hands along the way, sometimes a few pushes (both good and bad), and affirmation from those who love us most. What we need to remember is that taking baby steps toward a goal or dream is the best way to get there. One small step at a time—and before you know it, you're there.

And when we fall, just like that little girl, we need to pick ourselves up and get moving again. It helps to surround yourself with positive and affirming people, too. Although life often brings us negative people who are all too ready to criticize us (and our inner critics can do enough of that on their own), it's helpful to either tune out those voices or in some cases, drop those friendships. Develop relationships with those who can affirm and support you on your journey. Learn to love that inner critic, too. If you'd like to learn more about how to deal with your inner critic, I invite you to contact me.

For today, though, think of things you want to achieve—and what baby steps you can take to get there.

Take action

In its early days, the U.S. space program was an all-male bastion. Male astronauts. Male engineers. Females were secretaries and "computresses" (operators of mechanical calculators). That was it. But after years of speaking up and speaking out, including going before Congress, finally women were allowed in the doors. They took their place as astronauts and engineers, among other things.

As I watched a PBS program the other night that chronicled those years of the space program for women, it reminded me once again: We don't get anywhere with our hope and dreams if we don't take action. We need encouragement to find our voices. Once we find our voice, feel comfortable with who we are and with our right to make choices that we want, we can join with others to create an action plan to open doors that were closed before. Or, if the doors are open, we can create our own personal action plan to reach our dreams and goals.

What dream is still unrealized in your life? Is there some passion still buried inside you? Is it time to create an action plan for yourself so you can truly soar like that beautiful butterfly you are? Go for it. If you really want it, it's worth fighting for or working for.

Reach out with healing love

In her latest book Stitches: A Handbook on Meaning, Hope and Repair, Anne Lamott talks a lot about helping each other through life's challenges. It's a topic she often addresses.

In that book, she writes: "When you can step back at moments like these and see what is happening, when you watch people you love under fire or evaporating, you realize that the secret of life is patch patch patch. Thread your needle, make a knot, find one place on the other piece of torn cloth where you can make one stitch that will hold. And do it again. And again. And again.

"... in the cold wind, if you can lean against others, none of you will blow away. You keep each other from falling or help each other get back up. Someone holds out a hand, or even scared old you may hold out a hand, and a person in need reaches for it and hangs on."

Aren't those beautiful images? We aren't islands. We do depend on each other. It really does take a community, a village. Share the love. It's so healing. And don't we all need love and healing?

Do you need someone's hand today? Does someone need yours? Take action today. Make it from the heart. Take a chance. Reach out.

4 steps closer to your dream

Do you have a dream you've been holding "out there" for a long time? You want this thing—whatever it is—a new career, a relationship, weight loss or some other move toward healthier living. It's wonderful to have a dream, but at some point you may want to take steps to put legs on it.

First, name your dream. What name will you put onto this desire? Naming it and actually knowing it as a living, breathing part of your life are important parts of the process.

Second, claim your dream. Naming it isn't enough by itself. You have to decide that you truly DO want to make this dream a reality. You may have to claim it over and over again. The fears that may have been there originally keep resurfacing, or new ones come along to hold you back. Not to worry. Claim and reclaim—as often as it takes. Claiming your dream brings you energy for it.

Third, face down your fears. Take them one by one, examine them and see whether they're based in any reality. Often, our fears are not. If they are based in reality, however, see what it takes to address them and deal with them. What do you need to do to avoid the thing you fear?

Fourth, set small and achievable action steps to move you closer to your dream. Feel the energy you gain simply by writing down those steps—and see the energy you get when you move from one step to the next and the next. Wow, isn't that exciting?

Your dream may be small (perhaps you simply dream of getting more sleep than you've been getting so you feel more positive each day) or it may be large (career change, for example). Whatever it is, move toward it today. Go for it!

Take charge today

Have you ever been so discouraged or burned out that you couldn't even imagine what your life could be like? I certainly have. And I have several clients who have been in that place, too.

You may have noticed that I regularly mention my offer of a no-obligation, complimentary coaching strategy session so you can see whether coaching might be a good choice for you—and to see whether you and I might be a good fit. One of the things I absolutely love about these sessions is hearing the change in someone's voice as she begins to imagine life being different than what it now is—or even as he just thinks about taking charge of the situation and moving forward. It is incredibly empowering to take a step toward great health and wholeness!

If you have something today that keeps you stuck in pain or discomfort, consider trying a comp strategy session. If you long for something to change in your life but just don't know how or where to begin, I invite you to contact me. Together we'll explore what's possible. Almost without exception, when a potential client does this, she or he gains new energy just at the thought of moving forward. And that's before we've even begun creating the small steps necessary to make changes. Every journey begins with that initial step, as you know. Take one today—and feel your energy and excitement take a huge jump!

Face fear with small steps

"Move the needle a bit each day," my oldest son advised me back when I was starting up my coaching practice.

We were having a conversation about how my fears sometimes got in the way of my moving forward, whether it was with marketing or with planning my website or some other aspect of the business. I could come up with lots of reasons why I couldn't work on it that day. Or the next. But what it really boiled down to was my fear. (Or at times, multiple fears!)

Peter was right, though: Move the needle a bit each day. Even if I couldn't create my entire marketing plan that day, I certainly could come up with one or two points for the plan.

Peter knew. He had started a business himself more than a decade earlier—and he's told me about the fears he felt initially, too. And how he pushed through the fear with small steps, moving the needle.

I think of that whenever I am immobilized by fears. Sometimes it even takes me a while to get past all the "reasons" I can't do something that day (excuses, really) and recognize that it's actually about my fear. Once I acknowledge the fear, I can come up with one or two small steps to move myself toward the larger goal. I can move the needle—even if it's only a little bit that day. And when I do, I feel so empowered and energized. Often that even spurs me to take more than a couple small steps.

Are fears holding you back from something you long to do? Let's talk about how you can move the needle. Contact me today for a no-obligation, complimentary strategy session.

'This one wild and precious life'

Are you where you want to be?

As you do a quick review of your life right now, are you satisfied? Do you like the relationships you have, and do they nurture you? Are you happy in your career choice and the job you have now?

If you want to make changes, now is a good time to create an action plan. First, flesh out where you want to be. What would that life look like? How would you feel? Then create a plan to move toward that dream.

Perhaps you only want to tweak things as they are now. Or perhaps you desire dramatic change. Either way, it helps to draw the picture in your mind of where you want to go—and then, step by step, think about how you will get there.

Face obstacles honestly
It also helps to be honest about the obstacles you'll face, whether external or internal. Sometimes the biggest hurdles are those in your mind. That's OK. It's normal. Don't let that hold you back.

The words of one of my favorite poets Mary Oliver often propel me forward: "Tell me, what is it you plan to do with your one wild and precious life?"

What a good question. It is precious. And we have this one life—let's be sure we live it!


Please contact me if you want to strategize about changes and dreams. I have needed help along the way (and still do), and I love helping other women pursue their dreams, too.

Enough “shoulds” already?

“When does the good stuff in life come?” I’ve had women ask me. “I’ve spent my life doing what I needed to do. Now I’m ready for the joy.”

Has your life been filled with “shoulds”? Have you always been responsible? There is nothing wrong with being a responsible adult, with doing what needs to be done. But sometimes you just need to let up a bit—and find ways to bring joy and exuberance into your life.

For what do you yearn? Can you name that deep longing within you?

I invite you to spend time thinking about these life questions. If they don’t pertain to you, consider yourself blessed. If they do, reflect. Journal. Ponder. Talk with others. Start a conversation with others in the Comment box below.

First, think about your desires and longings. Then create your action plan, one small step at a time, to get you from here to there.

I’d love to help you find the “good stuff.” Contact me for a no-obligation, complimentary strategy session today. Let’s get you on your way so you can reach your dreams. It’s time to fly!

"Wake Up, Show Up!"

Author Joyce Rupp in her book The Cup of Our Life gives four reminders for those who use her book. These reminders work well as you face life issues and answer life questions, too. In fact, they are just good for life in general!
Wake up! Be aware.
Show up! Be there.
Shake up! Be willing to rearrange your inner viewpoint.
Start up! Get moving.

How might your life be different today if you followed those four admonitions? Would it help you discover transformation at the end of some crossroad of change you’re currently experiencing—rather than just the grief of change?

When something changes in your life and you aren’t sure which way to go, it’s easy to get stuck in the loss and grief. I’ve certainly been there and done that. That is not to say that you should ignore the loss when you face change-points. Definitely name the losses and grieve them. And then move on.

Start with paying attention
Rupp’s reminders work no matter where you are in your transition or transformation process. You really do begin with awareness. Pay attention. What has happened? What is happening? Where are you now? And where do you want to be? How will you get there?

Once you have an awareness of the issue, be present with it. Live with it. Hold it. Don’t be afraid of it.

Examine your beliefs, views and attitudes about what’s going on. Are they old messages? Perhaps from childhood—or from another relationship or life experience? They may no longer hold true. Some never were true, but we heard them so often that they seemed true. You may just need a new belief or viewpoint. Bust some myths that no longer work.

Set an action plan. Break the plan into bite-sized pieces. And get moving. You will feel so energized and powerful when you make a choice and start moving! If you would like help in working this through, I invite you to contact me for a no-obligation, complimentary strategy session.

Help! What do I tune out?

Today the news is full of a congressional hearing at which an all-male panel discussed religious freedom and women’s access to reproductive health care. No women allowed to speak. I don’t know where you stand on the entire issue. I know where my heart lies. But that isn’t my point today.

What it raises for me today is the idea that there is so much going on in the world around us that can raise our stress level. We are surrounded by heavy-duty issues. And we hear loud voices screaming at each other over a chasm that widens and deepens by the day. Incivility runs rampant. Disrespect is everywhere.

Out-of-control stress
I don’t know about you—but it all increases my stress level. A lot. As I’m all about reducing my stress these days, I’ve been thinking about how I make choices about where to “spend” my energy. What action shall I take (or not take)? What do I tune out? And on what do I choose to spend time and energy? We know that whatever we focus on becomes larger, so making wise choices that are right for us is essential.

I believe in advocacy, in speaking out for causes in which I believe. I don’t believe in simply being passive about what happens in my world. But I am learning to make intentional choices. I am learning the value of the Serenity Prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

In these challenging times, you need to be especially mindful of your stress levels and of what things absolutely need your attention and which do not. I invite you to pay attention to your choices today. There is nothing wrong with speaking out, with being political, with working for causes, with taking stands. Just be sure you make a choice that’s right for you.

The gifts of partnership

Ever find yourself telling someone else about your plans or goals because you know you’ll stick to them if someone else knows?

It’s called “accountability.” And it’s pretty powerful. I know that when I tell my fiancé or one of my friends that I’m starting an exercise program, I will be asked about it. Somehow it’s easier to wiggle out if I’ve only committed in my own mind!

It’s one of the benefits of a coaching relationship. I’ve had several clients tell me that being accountable to me helps keep them on track with what they want to do.

Reaching dreams: How energizing!
The real benefit of that benefit, of course, is that when you do stay on track, you reach the goals for which you’ve been working. You realize dreams. You achieve goals. Your yearnings become live and real. Just writing these words energizes me. Can’t you feel the energy when you imagine yourself setting goals and reaching them?

Picture the caterpillar that has just been transformed in the cocoon and is now emerging as a beautiful butterfly. Imagine that feeling—at long last—of soaring and being what it truly was meant to be.

You too can soar! You can be that butterfly, ready to reach new heights. Let me know today if you would like an exploratory conversation and a no-obligation, complimentary consultation.

If you’re ready for action, I will help you set and meet your goals. I will be your accountability partner. I will help you discover your next steps and best solutions. I will encourage and support you in your choices. Click on the Contact link and let’s move you toward your goals.

"I am a possibility"

When my three sons were young, they sang a catchy song in vacation Bible school that went like this: “I am a promise, I am a possibility. I am a promise with a capital ‘P.’ I am a great big bundle of potentiality.”

For some reason the words and the tune came to mind the other day. I don’t know why. And that doesn’t matter.

What I love is that it made me think again of all the possibilities I have before me. Life is full of choices. True, we sometimes have to tend to the “shoulds” in life. There is much we have to do. But there are also many crossroads in life that offer us choices.

Are you doing what you really love to do? Are you fully the woman you want to be—the one you were meant to be? What are the desires and dreams yet unfulfilled? What deep longings and life questions are still out there for you? For what do you most yearn?

Are you doing what you love?
If you’re not doing what you love, why not? Is there one step you can take today that would bring you closer to becoming that “possibility” the song talks about?

Promise. Possibility. Potentiality. Don’t you love those words? Just saying them energizes me. Can you feel the juice as you say them? Let them draw images to your mind. Then make a promise to yourself to take at least one step this week to be the amazing woman you were meant to be. Make an action plan today to become that possibility!

If you haven’t already, I invite you to sign up for my weekly ezine and for my three free gifts: “10 Signs of Caterpillar Energy: I’m Ready for Change!,” “Cocoon Energy: Preparing for Transition,” and “Butterfly Energy: I Feel So Light and Beautiful.”

‘Fake it until you make it’

Yesterday we talked about negative self-talk and limiting beliefs—and we discussed two steps to move forward: awareness and affirmations. Today let’s take things a step further.

Once you’ve become aware of the self-talk that holds you back and have begun to affirm the things you like about yourself, what’s next?

Action. One small step at a time, create actions that will move you forward so you can leave negative self-talk and self-limiting beliefs behind. You’ve heard the saying, “Fake it until you make it.” And you’ve heard about the importance of “as if” thinking. All of this means that we try on attitudes and behaviors that reflect where we want to be until we actually become that which we have desired.

Suits and a briefcase
I remember that, in the first position I secured after my divorce, I bought and used a lovely briefcase to carry my papers to and from work. As I could afford to do so, I bought a professional-looking work wardrobe—several suits, as I recall. Somehow this reinforced in my mind the image of where I wanted to be: I knew I had the skills for management positions in my field of journalism, but at first I just didn’t quite have the confidence.

I had to “fake it until I made it.” Not too far into my journalism career, I ditched the briefcase and the suits, even while still dressing like a professional. But in those early years, those purchases were important actions for me to take. It may sound silly, but dressing for success helped me to catch a vision of where I wanted to be.

You will have different actions from mine. Whatever you determine will help you get where you want to be, make those things part of your action plan. One day at a time, one step at a time. Soon you will notice that you have moved beyond the negative tapes and have replaced them with more positive messages about yourself and your abilities. And then you will have come to the acceptance phase. Since personal growth is a process, you may still occasionally go back to an old message. But you will notice it so quickly, and now you’ll know what to do about it! And soon you will have lived into that place you dreamed of one day being.