How does your garden grow?

During a conversation with a dear friend the other day, she mentioned that pulling weeds was on her to-do list. Somehow her comment made me think of the weeds in our lives. And that thought led me back to our pastor's sermon last Sunday when he urged us to start each day in thankfulness and gratitude for all our blessings.

Just a few years ago, I kept a Gratitude Journal in which I recorded at least four to six items each morning for which I was grateful. Sometimes I filled most of the journal page. Other times, I might have had only four items. But the net effect always was positive. When my day began by focusing on the gifts I have in my life—and feeling grateful for them—I was far more focused on seeing the blessings than the negatives or the weeds. I was happier and more content. It wasn't so easy to look at the negatives and get dragged down by all that's wrong with the world! It was easier to be forgiving and loving. I could overlook the foibles of others more easily.

For some reason, I got away from using that journal, though. But thanks to our pastor's encouragement, I'm reviving the practice.

And that brings me back to the weeds. Whatever in our lives crowds out the blessings and the good things, might those not be considered weeds? In a flower garden, it matters not if a weed also has flowers—if it crowds out and kills the flowers you planted there, you consider it a weed and pull it out, right? So what about the weeds in your life? What things are crowding out the good in your life? What thoughts or events are pulling you away from the positive and kind things you want to be doing? It's far too easy to latch on to the "shiny thing on the path," often the worst news of the day, and see the glass half empty or the world going to hell in a hand basket. However, if we keep the weeds under control and notice all the beautiful flowers in life's garden, how much happier we will be. How much easier it will be to be kind, loving and forgiving to those whose paths cross ours in any given day.

Be attentive to removing the weeds in your beautiful garden of life. Start—and end—your days in gratitude and notice all the beautiful bouquets of blessings that are there instead.

Values & time

Last month two of my dear friends died unexpectedly. It's a poignant reminder to me that each day is gift—and that those who grace my life are also gifts. It reminds me that I should say "I love you" whenever I have the opportunity and that I should savor my moments and days.

I already miss Carol and Sandra and know that as time passes, I will miss them even more. The grief is fresh now so it doesn't yet seem quite real that I'll never see them again. Yet at the same time, I'm extremely grateful for the legacy each of these women leaves behind. I'm so thankful they were part of my life. I have learned much from both of them, and I have wonderful memories of times spent in their company.

Whose legacy makes a difference in your life today? For whom are you grateful in your life right now? Have you told them that?

It's easy to get caught up in to-do lists and the "shoulds" of life and neglect time with the people in our lives, whether that be family or friends. In the end, it really won't matter that all our tasks got checked off some to-do list and our house was kept spotlessly clean. What will matter is how we tended the relationships with which we were blessed. I've always said that I seriously doubt on my deathbed that I'll regret that I didn't do more work. I'm pretty sure any regrets I do have at that point (and I hope to limit those as much as possible!) will be more about not giving enough time and attention to those people I love and treasure.

I want to be present to those who grace my life and to those whose path crosses mine. I want to savor my days and make the most of whatever time yet remains to me. I don't want to spend my time on those things that really don't reflect my true values—and what I value so deeply are my connections with others.

What about you? Are you living your values? Are you savoring your moments?

See the good—and give thanks

I've talked often about the difference it makes to my life when I focus on thankfulness and gratitude—on what I have rather than on what I don't have. I know I've mentioned in blogs and ezines that one time in particular when I was cleaning my house, I felt extremely grumpy about it. I was muttering to myself and complaining about all the work and how things just get dirty and dusty all over again. And then I stopped short when I realized that thousands of people in this country (and millions elsewhere) are homeless. They would love to have a house to clean!

I can't say I love housecleaning, but I do have a better attitude about it. I am so grateful to have a home that needs cleaning. I am grateful for a roof over my head when it rains or snows. I'm grateful for the warmth of my home—or in hot, humid summer, the cool air circulating in it. I am thankful for a bed in which to sleep, for a shower, a refrigerator and food to put into it. And so much more.

That reminds me of what I just read in my latest Magnolia Journal by its editor Joanna Gaines (of "Fixer Upper" fame on HGTV) when she talks about feeling gratitude in life's ordinary tasks such as cooking, gardening, driving and laundry:

"Laundry: This is and always will be a hard one for me. It seems as though I am washing enough clothing for a small nation. And yet in the mounds is a clear blessing. The fact that we even have such an abundance is enough to stop any griping. Beyond that, there is something about the smell of fresh laundry, the hum of the washing machine, and the warmth of linens straight from the dryer. These are small things, but the daily recognition makes them less small. They become a way of seeing the world, a way of acknowledging all of life with thanks and eyes to see the good."

Yes! I want to "see the good." I want to acknowledge "all of life with thanks." I'm trying to do more of that. How about you?

Stages & ages

Today my second oldest granddaughter turns 18. I love hanging out with her (and with each of my grandchildren). Several of them are teens already. And I'm so aware that each stage of their lives has been precious and such a joy. I loved when they were small, and I could snuggle them and read to them. Then when they were toddlers, it was fun to see how their personalities developed. Soon they were old enough to go with me, one-on-one, for day-long "grandma days" and overnight visits. What fun we have had with those times. Now that several are teens, we can discuss all manner of topics and talk adult-to-adult. I treasure each stage.

It isn't only children who go through life stages. We do, too. At my age now, I think about all the stages of my life thus far—and I reflect on what's ahead. I want to stay alive and vibrant, savoring my days and not focusing on the negative parts of aging. I have heard people say they wish they could go back to their 20s or 30s before body limitations and some forgetfulness set in. But we'd give up other things at the same time—all the wisdom we've gained through life experiences, both good and bad, for example.

One of my favorite books these days is The Gift of Years: Growing Older Gracefully by Joan Chittister. With chapter titles that represent qualities such as agelessness, loneliness, forgiveness, limitations, success and wisdom, Chittister calls us to see the blessings of aging even while being honest and real about its burdens. This book is such a positive one; and when I need inspiration about the aging process, it's one to which I turn regularly.

How do you feel about your aging process?

What a gift to wake up today!

Something I read recently reminded me that while most of us are so busy each day focusing on our to-do lists and our problems and worries, we forget to bask in the joy of what a gift it is simply to be here. What a gift it is to be alive—to see, hear, smell, taste, feel!

That thought resonated so deeply within me. Yes, I thought, it's so true. It seems so profound, so basic and so important. You'd think we would all be reminded each day when we awaken: Wow, I'm glad to be here. I'm glad I woke up this morning and have another day of life. I'm so grateful. And yet, how easy it is to focus on everything else.

Really! Let it just soak in right now. One more day. Look around you. What do you see? As I write this in my upstairs study, I look out on trees that still retain some of their beautifully colored leaves. I see the sunshine shining brightly. And I know that the temperatures today (in November yet!) are to be in the mid-60s. I know that I'll see friends and loved ones today—and that many more are only an email, text or phone call away from me. I know that I have food in the house. I have a bed in which to sleep, a roof over my head. I have a car to take me where I want to go. And so much more.

I feel so, so blessed.

What about you?

Stop. Switch gears.

There's simply nothing like gratitude for refocusing. Whenever I get caught up in negativity (and that's easy to do these days with all the negative news and political insults hurled back and forth between groups—and even between friends), I make an effort to stop. Take a few deep breaths. And think of three things for which I'm grateful right at that moment. Three things. That's not difficult at all. In fact, often I keep on going because there are so many more.

Right now as I write this, for example, I see brilliant sunshine outside. I'm so grateful for that. I can smell bacon corn chowder cooking in my crockpot for the guests I will entertain tonight. I'm grateful first that I have dear friends who will share food and conversation with me tonight—and second, that I have food to eat. And I'm grateful I have a home to which I can invite friends. And. And. And.

There's so much more for which I'm grateful. That's just for starters right now this minute. How about you?

Try that next time you get caught up in negative thinking. Switch gears. Soon you'll see blessings instead of problems.

The beauty in aging

As we age, it's so easy to look at the glass half empty rather than half full. We remember all the things we used to be able to do that we can't any longer. We think of how we used to look without the wrinkles, age spots and added weight. Or we bemoan the fact that we didn't attain the dreams we thought we might.

But how sad is that—to let yesterday steal today? No matter what we're facing at the moment, surely there are things that call us to gratitude and celebration. Even when we've lost some of our capabilities through aging, we've sharpened others. We have more experience now and that brings a wealth of perspective and insight.

The blessings are there, and we'll notice them more if we stop focusing on the burdens and losses. Take time to grieve those losses (small and large) that really matter to you. And then be ready to let go and move on so that you can pay more attention to the positives in your life.

Make a list of all those blessings and positives if that will help you notice them. Don't forget the small things—and the intangibles. Often those are the things we notice more as we age, perhaps because we have more time to smell the roses.

Savor and enjoy. Aging really can have a beauty all its own. It's all in the attitude!

Do you have enough?

How often do you either think or say, "I have enough"? Enough time. Enough money. Enough clothes. Enough jewelry. Enough furniture. Enough savings. Enough "stuff." Enough technology. Even enough friends—or enough love.

Our culture seems to encourage us to buy more and more and more. It encourages an attitude of scarcity. I really could use more income. I need a larger house or car or yard. My iPhone is so outdated; I need new and better technology. More, more, more. It's almost an American mantra.

What would it feel like for us to adopt the attitude of "enough"? This is enough for me. I have enough. This is all I need. I'm content with what I have. How would that be?

I confess I get just as caught up as the next person in all this. So I'd like to try living with an attitude of "enough" instead. Perhaps I'll begin with gratitude—gratitude for ALL the blessings I already have. Blessings that are more than enough!

Looking for delight

I know I talk a lot about savoring each day. But it's so important. It's all too easy to sleepwalk through our days, not even noticing all the wonderful things around us.

I like what British playwright and novelist W. Somerset Maugham said, "Nothing in the world is permanent, and we're foolish when we ask anything to last; but surely we're still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it."

Yes, oh, yes. Delight. The word is simply delicious to me! Delight. Doesn't it just make you smile, too? Just stop right now, look around you. Or even step outside your door and look around. What do you notice? What do you see? Smell? What's changing? Is the light falling on the tree leaves changing even as you watch? Are squirrels playfully chasing each other around? Have you noticed the bright and blazing colors of flowers in the gardens around your home?

Wake up. Notice. Delight in what you see and experience. Delight in those people who are in your life. We are surrounded by amazing blessings and gifts. All we need to do is notice—and enjoy.

A Celtic blessing for you

Every day the news is filled with more sad stories. Refugees from Syria crossing the water in leaky boats. And from Libya. More people killed in Iraq. In Afghanistan. Threatening actions by North Korea.

Shootings in Chicago. A child falling into the Cincinnati Zoo area of a 450-pound silverback gorilla—and people venting anger on the parents after the gorilla had to be put to death. Political candidates hurling comments back and forth as the election season drags on and on.

It's difficult to stay calm and serene, to keep one's grounding in the face of all this news. And we haven't even mentioned whatever personal stresses we face in our daily lives.

So when I came across a Celtic blessing the other day, I latched on to it immediately. I offer it to you here, too. It's suggested that you use an index finger to draw a circle around yourself and then repeat this:

Circle me, O God, keep hope within, despair without.
Circle me, O God, keep peace within, keep turmoil out.
Circle me, O God, keep calm within, keep storms without.
Circle me, O God, keep strength within, keep weakness out.

Happy with your age?

Ask 10 women how they feel about their aging process, and you'll likely get 10 different responses. Several may say, "I'd give anything to be 20 (or another younger number) again." Others will say, "I like the age I am right now." And some responses will fall between those poles.

What do you think? Are you happy to be the age you are?

I love what Sue Patton Thoele, psychotherapist and author of The Woman's Book of Confidence: Meditations for Strength and Inspiration, recommends. So as to better focus on the positives as she ages, she adopts a new motto for each decade. For example, she coined "Fifty is Freedom" for herself when she reached that decade. In my sixth decade, I termed it "Sixty is Serenity." You get the idea.

Where are you now? And how can you frame the decade in a positive way? When you name the decade, it might be helpful to journal or simply jot down some of the joys and blessings you've experienced from living as long as you have so far. You just might be surprised when you see your list.

Blessings, not curses

We're all surrounded by vitriol these days, it seems. Angry tirades against one or more of the political candidates. Insults traded by the candidates themselves. Drivers cutting each other off and making nasty hand gestures on the roads we travel. Water-cooler conversations in the workplace that are less than polite and supportive. Angry exchanges with family members and friends.

What if we offer each other a blessing or a benediction instead of yet one more angry comment? We can offer blessings silently—or we might even say them aloud in a group or to an individual. There are lots of options for blessings. Here's one I like:

Go forth into the world in peace. Encourage one another and support one another.
May you have enough pain to keep you sensitive and enough health to keep you going.
May you have enough failure to keep you humble and enough success to keep you eager.
May you have enough doubt to keep you inquisitive and enough faith to keep you steady.
Go in peace. Live with freedom.

Here's another: May you be joyful. May your happiness increase. May you not be separated from great happiness. May your good fortune and the causes for your joy and happiness increase.

You can come up with your own blessings. Offering them will change you. Guaranteed. 

Focus less on hurts

It's true that hurting people hurt others. Have you noticed that in yourself too? When you've been badly hurt by someone or a situation has caused you great pain, and you're stewing in the juices of anger and resentment, it's so easy to lash out at others—to be impatient and unforgiving and to hurt them.

Yesterday we talked about how unhealthy it is for us to suppress our negative emotions. It's better for our immune systems and our health to deal immediately with situations that stir up anger and resentment and then to let those negative emotions go. We risk our own well-being and health when we carry around all those negative emotions or when we stuff them down.

And here's the other piece of that: We also hurt others. And it's often the people we least want to hurt. They're the ones who are right there, handy victims for our anger, right?

Again, spend more time looking for life's blessings and gifts. They're always there. Several times a day, express gratitude for everything in your life. When you do that, you'll notice even more good things for which to be grateful. That's where your attention will go. And you won't be as apt to dwell on a remark someone made or on something else that hurt you. Your heart will be more open to others and you'll respond to them in compassion.

Try it. See what a difference it can make.

Drop the resentment

Yesterday I read a wonderful quote that made me stop and think about how I approach my days. I found it in a book by Pema Chodron titled The Wisdom of No Escape: and the Path of Loving Kindness.

She writes, "Life is such a miracle, and a lot of the time we feel only resentment about how it's all working out for us."

I know that I have plenty of times in my life when I focus on what's wrong—and completely miss all that's right. It's the old glass-half-empty, isn't it? When I am so focused on what's wrong, I miss all the miracles and the blessings that are always there, too. I know I have written about this before. And I'll most likely write about this subject again—because I need to hear it over and over again. I simply need to be reminded to open up to the blessings and the good things in my life.

Does that mean I skip over the sad and difficult things as though they aren't real and hurtful? No, of course it doesn't mean that. I can be with those parts of my life, I can grieve what needs to be grieved, and still be aware of the miracles and the positive things. I just need to remember to not be resentful and angry about things life brings my way. That won't help me handle it, and it surely won't help me move on with my life.

How do you see your life these days? Seen any miracles lately?

Bless one life at a time

Have you ever wondered whether your life matters to anyone? Whether what you do makes a difference? Perhaps you feel that your work or your volunteer activities aren't a big deal and really don't matter. If so, let me remind you of the starfish story. Or perhaps you've never heard it.

A young man walked along the beach by the ocean and noticed thousands of starfish washed ashore. Then he observed an old man walking slowly and stooping frequently to pick up one starfish after another and toss them gently into the ocean. "Why are you throwing them into the ocean?" the young man asked. "Because the tide is going out, and they will die if I don't throw them further out into the water," the old man replied. "But don't you realize there are thousands of starfish and you can't save them all? Even if you work all day, your efforts won't make a difference at all," the young man said. The old man listened calmly, bent down to pick up another starfish and threw it out into the sea. "It made a difference to that one," he said.

Yes, what you do does matter to someone. Or perhaps to several someones. You don't have to worry about saving the entire planet. Bless the life or lives you touch today. That's enough. And it does matter! You matter. It's all in your perspective.

Count your blessings

Some friends and I spent several hours this past Sunday at our friend Lynn's home. On her mantle she had two decorative plaques, each containing one word. One was "simplify" and the other was "blessings."

Lynn explained that she put them together because she noticed that it's when she simplifies her life and her surroundings that she is far more aware of her blessings. Yes!

Lynn always has such profound insights. That one really resonated—in so many ways. When my life is chaotic and too full of activities and tasks, I don't pause to reflect on my blessings. And when I don't do that, I don't even see many of them that are there every day. When my head is full of inner voices—many of which no longer belong there or really never did (you're not good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, rich enough; you really screwed up there; who do you think you are; and many more)—I most definitely am not noticing all the blessings in my life. When I'm surrounded by too many belongings and too much "stuff," my attention goes to care and maintenance of that—and I don't focus on my blessings either.

What a good reminder: Simplify. Get rid of some of the stuff around you and some of the activities or tasks that aren't really necessary. Let go of internal voices that stop you from being the beautiful soul you were meant to be. And notice. Notice all the blessings and gifts in your life. Be thankful for them.

I know I'm going to think about Lynn's reflection and see what it means for my life. Starting today!