A Vietnamese proverb goes like this: "When eating fruit, remember who planted the tree. When drinking water, remember who dug the well."
That tells me that a life of gratitude is one of being awake and aware. I don't want to sleepwalk through my life, taking for granted all the good things that come my way. Someone is responsible for even the most ordinary things that we use and enjoy daily. Someone planted the tree or dug the well. Someone set in motion the machinery that brought this or that into your life.
It might be interesting to be more intentional and watchful for at least one day: Give thought throughout the day to as many things as possible. What or who made it possible for you to enjoy this? Just for an example, at one of your mealtimes, think of all the people it took for that food to be on your plate: the grower, the harvester, the trucker, the grocer, the cook and so many more. Take time to be grateful.
Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts
Showing posts with label gratitude. Show all posts
Friday, December 7, 2018
Wednesday, November 21, 2018
Give thanks
So tomorrow is Thanksgiving here in the U.S. For some, that means huge gatherings of family and friends around a table loaded down with platters and bowls of rich and fabulous foods. For others, it may mean a small gathering or it might even be a day to go out to eat with a small cadre of family or friends. For still others, it could be a day all alone, perhaps feeling depressed because "everyone else is with someone they love." And for far too many, it's just one more day of homelessness and wondering where their next meal will come from. All of this in our one land of plenty!
If you have what you need tomorrow, please don't forget what the day is all about: giving thanks. Most of us have so much for which to be grateful. I am certainly not wealthy, but I could fill pages and pages with all the blessings I do enjoy. I'm sure you could as well. Take time to reflect on at least a small portion of those blessings. Don't let Thanksgiving Day be only about all the food!
If you have what you need tomorrow, please don't forget what the day is all about: giving thanks. Most of us have so much for which to be grateful. I am certainly not wealthy, but I could fill pages and pages with all the blessings I do enjoy. I'm sure you could as well. Take time to reflect on at least a small portion of those blessings. Don't let Thanksgiving Day be only about all the food!
Friday, November 2, 2018
Deep breaths. Time to de-stress.
How are you handling your stress these days? Do you have some tried-and-true methods of either keeping it at low levels or letting it go once you feel it?
Whatever tools you have to deal with stress, now is probably the time to dig them out of your toolbox. This month is Thanksgiving, and we all know Christmas and the busy holiday season come right on the heels of that. Even when you try to limit your activities and your to-do list at this time of year, it still can easily get out of hand.
So take some deep breaths. Get back to exercising, meditation, yoga, quiet reading time or time with friends—whatever it is that helps you keep your equilibrium when life gets crazy. Try to get out ahead of all the stress. And perhaps even make a vow this year to limit some of the activities or some of the expectations you put on yourself. Take time to enjoy this special time of year. Be grateful for these special times and don't let the stress get you down!
Whatever tools you have to deal with stress, now is probably the time to dig them out of your toolbox. This month is Thanksgiving, and we all know Christmas and the busy holiday season come right on the heels of that. Even when you try to limit your activities and your to-do list at this time of year, it still can easily get out of hand.
So take some deep breaths. Get back to exercising, meditation, yoga, quiet reading time or time with friends—whatever it is that helps you keep your equilibrium when life gets crazy. Try to get out ahead of all the stress. And perhaps even make a vow this year to limit some of the activities or some of the expectations you put on yourself. Take time to enjoy this special time of year. Be grateful for these special times and don't let the stress get you down!
Wednesday, October 24, 2018
Gratitude for a privilege
I've never wanted my coaching business or my website to be political. And this blog most definitely is not a partisan one. But I do want to take this platform and this time to urge you to please go out and VOTE if you have not already done so. Be grateful that you are able to do so.
We are blessed in this country to have a democracy rather than an authoritarian regime. We are blessed to have the privilege—and the responsibility—to vote for those who will govern and lead us. People in many other countries of the world would be thrilled to have this right and responsibility.
And for those of us who are women, it's especially important to remember that it was only in 1920 that we won the right to vote. That privilege was hard-won and came after decades of a women's suffrage movement that saw women arrested, imprisoned, beaten, spit upon as they marched and protested, kicked out of their homes and families by husbands who were violently opposed to women getting the vote, force-fed in prison during hunger strikes (because the optics wouldn't be good for male leaders of the country who feared deaths could lead to sympathy for the suffragettes and their cause), losing jobs and more.
In one case in 1862 the Chief Justice of the North Carolina Supreme Court denied a divorce to a woman whose husband had horsewhipped her. The justice said, "The law gives the husband power to use such a degree of force necessary to make the wife behave and know her place."
We may take our rights for granted. But we shouldn't. We stand on the shoulders of those courageous women who fought for our rights. We have been empowered by their bravery! So let's be grateful—and let's exercise our rights!
We are blessed in this country to have a democracy rather than an authoritarian regime. We are blessed to have the privilege—and the responsibility—to vote for those who will govern and lead us. People in many other countries of the world would be thrilled to have this right and responsibility.
And for those of us who are women, it's especially important to remember that it was only in 1920 that we won the right to vote. That privilege was hard-won and came after decades of a women's suffrage movement that saw women arrested, imprisoned, beaten, spit upon as they marched and protested, kicked out of their homes and families by husbands who were violently opposed to women getting the vote, force-fed in prison during hunger strikes (because the optics wouldn't be good for male leaders of the country who feared deaths could lead to sympathy for the suffragettes and their cause), losing jobs and more.
In one case in 1862 the Chief Justice of the North Carolina Supreme Court denied a divorce to a woman whose husband had horsewhipped her. The justice said, "The law gives the husband power to use such a degree of force necessary to make the wife behave and know her place."
We may take our rights for granted. But we shouldn't. We stand on the shoulders of those courageous women who fought for our rights. We have been empowered by their bravery! So let's be grateful—and let's exercise our rights!
Friday, October 5, 2018
All in the family
As my beloved sister and I help our brother deal with dementia, I am reminded once again of the importance of family. Family: The people who love you, who are there for you in the good times and the bad, the people who knew you when, the ones who know your flaws and failings and love you anyway, the ones who are your best supporters.
Except—this is not always the case. I have many friends whose families don't do that. They cannot go to family members and expect love, affirmation and support. Some have no families to which they can go at all. Others have families who simply are unable to provide love and support. Still others have experienced a rupture somewhere along the way.
But here's the good news. What I call "chosen families" also fill the bill! Often, dear friends are as close or closer to you than any family member might be. They will be there for you in good times and bad. And when your friendship goes back a long ways, you do know a lot about each other's stories and lives. This definitely can fill the bill!
Sadly, not all families of origin are what we would wish them to be. If that's the case for you, don't despair. Remember that families don't have to be connected by blood. They can be connected by love!
Do you have any "chosen family" members? (Even when you have a loving family, you might still have some "chosen family" too.) Be grateful if you do! Thank them for being in your life.
Except—this is not always the case. I have many friends whose families don't do that. They cannot go to family members and expect love, affirmation and support. Some have no families to which they can go at all. Others have families who simply are unable to provide love and support. Still others have experienced a rupture somewhere along the way.
But here's the good news. What I call "chosen families" also fill the bill! Often, dear friends are as close or closer to you than any family member might be. They will be there for you in good times and bad. And when your friendship goes back a long ways, you do know a lot about each other's stories and lives. This definitely can fill the bill!
Sadly, not all families of origin are what we would wish them to be. If that's the case for you, don't despair. Remember that families don't have to be connected by blood. They can be connected by love!
Do you have any "chosen family" members? (Even when you have a loving family, you might still have some "chosen family" too.) Be grateful if you do! Thank them for being in your life.
Wednesday, October 3, 2018
How does your garden grow?
During a conversation with a dear friend the other day, she mentioned that pulling weeds was on her to-do list. Somehow her comment made me think of the weeds in our lives. And that thought led me back to our pastor's sermon last Sunday when he urged us to start each day in thankfulness and gratitude for all our blessings.
Just a few years ago, I kept a Gratitude Journal in which I recorded at least four to six items each morning for which I was grateful. Sometimes I filled most of the journal page. Other times, I might have had only four items. But the net effect always was positive. When my day began by focusing on the gifts I have in my life—and feeling grateful for them—I was far more focused on seeing the blessings than the negatives or the weeds. I was happier and more content. It wasn't so easy to look at the negatives and get dragged down by all that's wrong with the world! It was easier to be forgiving and loving. I could overlook the foibles of others more easily.
For some reason, I got away from using that journal, though. But thanks to our pastor's encouragement, I'm reviving the practice.
And that brings me back to the weeds. Whatever in our lives crowds out the blessings and the good things, might those not be considered weeds? In a flower garden, it matters not if a weed also has flowers—if it crowds out and kills the flowers you planted there, you consider it a weed and pull it out, right? So what about the weeds in your life? What things are crowding out the good in your life? What thoughts or events are pulling you away from the positive and kind things you want to be doing? It's far too easy to latch on to the "shiny thing on the path," often the worst news of the day, and see the glass half empty or the world going to hell in a hand basket. However, if we keep the weeds under control and notice all the beautiful flowers in life's garden, how much happier we will be. How much easier it will be to be kind, loving and forgiving to those whose paths cross ours in any given day.
Be attentive to removing the weeds in your beautiful garden of life. Start—and end—your days in gratitude and notice all the beautiful bouquets of blessings that are there instead.
Just a few years ago, I kept a Gratitude Journal in which I recorded at least four to six items each morning for which I was grateful. Sometimes I filled most of the journal page. Other times, I might have had only four items. But the net effect always was positive. When my day began by focusing on the gifts I have in my life—and feeling grateful for them—I was far more focused on seeing the blessings than the negatives or the weeds. I was happier and more content. It wasn't so easy to look at the negatives and get dragged down by all that's wrong with the world! It was easier to be forgiving and loving. I could overlook the foibles of others more easily.
For some reason, I got away from using that journal, though. But thanks to our pastor's encouragement, I'm reviving the practice.
And that brings me back to the weeds. Whatever in our lives crowds out the blessings and the good things, might those not be considered weeds? In a flower garden, it matters not if a weed also has flowers—if it crowds out and kills the flowers you planted there, you consider it a weed and pull it out, right? So what about the weeds in your life? What things are crowding out the good in your life? What thoughts or events are pulling you away from the positive and kind things you want to be doing? It's far too easy to latch on to the "shiny thing on the path," often the worst news of the day, and see the glass half empty or the world going to hell in a hand basket. However, if we keep the weeds under control and notice all the beautiful flowers in life's garden, how much happier we will be. How much easier it will be to be kind, loving and forgiving to those whose paths cross ours in any given day.
Be attentive to removing the weeds in your beautiful garden of life. Start—and end—your days in gratitude and notice all the beautiful bouquets of blessings that are there instead.
Monday, September 24, 2018
Who has provided light to you?
Albert Schweitzer once said, "At times our own light goes out and is rekindled by a spark from another person. Each of us has cause to think with deep gratitude of those who have lighted the flame within us."
No doubt each one of us can think of several people who have rekindled the flame in our life at one time or another. As I look back through the years, I can think of several people. Can you? Whether our light actually goes out or whether it simply flickers and becomes dim, we need the help of others to light our way and rekindle our light. We don't do this all on our own. It really does take a village!
As you think of people who have lit your path, why not tell them so and thank them? I remember thinking about this several weeks ago and telling a friend how much of a shining light she was in my life. I could tell my words really meant a lot to her. It made me think I should do more of this—tell people the effect they have on me! I need to tell them how I appreciate them!
It's wonderful to be aware of what others do for us. It's another to feel deep gratitude for this. And it's yet another to tell them so!
What are you waiting for?
No doubt each one of us can think of several people who have rekindled the flame in our life at one time or another. As I look back through the years, I can think of several people. Can you? Whether our light actually goes out or whether it simply flickers and becomes dim, we need the help of others to light our way and rekindle our light. We don't do this all on our own. It really does take a village!
As you think of people who have lit your path, why not tell them so and thank them? I remember thinking about this several weeks ago and telling a friend how much of a shining light she was in my life. I could tell my words really meant a lot to her. It made me think I should do more of this—tell people the effect they have on me! I need to tell them how I appreciate them!
It's wonderful to be aware of what others do for us. It's another to feel deep gratitude for this. And it's yet another to tell them so!
What are you waiting for?
Monday, September 17, 2018
Are you a worry-wart?
Author and entrepreneur E. Joseph Cossman, creator of the ant farm, had a subtle reminder for those of us who are prone to worry. He said, "If you want to test your memory, try to recall what you were worrying about one year ago today."
Chances are pretty good that you cannot recall what you worried about on this day a year ago—unless, of course, something traumatic and dramatic was occurring on that day that makes it stand out for you.
Typically, those of us who are worriers spend far too much time worrying about things that never come to pass, preparing outcomes for problems that don't even develop and therefore, wasting perfectly good time that could be better spent!
I tell myself that worry is a monumental waste of time. But it doesn't really stop me. I would like to at least cut back on the time I spend worrying. How about you? I would far prefer to spend my time living in gratitude and letting life unfold rather than worrying about things and thus, trying to control them (a useless pursuit anyway). Starting the day thinking of 3-5 things for which I'm grateful does help. And calling myself back to gratitude helps, too, whenever I find myself stressing over some possible future event. Can I refocus? Or even reframe?
Do you have some tried-and-true ways to decrease worry?
Chances are pretty good that you cannot recall what you worried about on this day a year ago—unless, of course, something traumatic and dramatic was occurring on that day that makes it stand out for you.
Typically, those of us who are worriers spend far too much time worrying about things that never come to pass, preparing outcomes for problems that don't even develop and therefore, wasting perfectly good time that could be better spent!
I tell myself that worry is a monumental waste of time. But it doesn't really stop me. I would like to at least cut back on the time I spend worrying. How about you? I would far prefer to spend my time living in gratitude and letting life unfold rather than worrying about things and thus, trying to control them (a useless pursuit anyway). Starting the day thinking of 3-5 things for which I'm grateful does help. And calling myself back to gratitude helps, too, whenever I find myself stressing over some possible future event. Can I refocus? Or even reframe?
Do you have some tried-and-true ways to decrease worry?
Friday, August 31, 2018
Gifts & gratitude
Do you have someone who's a real light in your life? Someone whose life and words shine brightly and inspire you? Have you told this person how their light brightens your path?
It's so easy to take for granted friends and family—or even a coffee barrista or service professional—who provide positive examples for us and who inspire us. But we shouldn't.
With so much negative energy and incivility rampant all around us, it's really important to express our gratitude daily for the gifts we receive. It's good for us, and our hearts, to do so. And it's so important to tell others the ways in which they matter to us—to say "Thank you" for the light they shine on our path. You can make someone's day or week just by doing so!
I love sending cards via snail mail. It always surprises people to get mail that isn't a bill or a donation request. But there are many ways to express your gratitude these days: a phone call, a text, email, snail mail, flowers or even a box of fruit accompanied by a note.
Who would you like to say "Thank you" to today? How will you do so?
It's so easy to take for granted friends and family—or even a coffee barrista or service professional—who provide positive examples for us and who inspire us. But we shouldn't.
With so much negative energy and incivility rampant all around us, it's really important to express our gratitude daily for the gifts we receive. It's good for us, and our hearts, to do so. And it's so important to tell others the ways in which they matter to us—to say "Thank you" for the light they shine on our path. You can make someone's day or week just by doing so!
I love sending cards via snail mail. It always surprises people to get mail that isn't a bill or a donation request. But there are many ways to express your gratitude these days: a phone call, a text, email, snail mail, flowers or even a box of fruit accompanied by a note.
Who would you like to say "Thank you" to today? How will you do so?
Monday, August 27, 2018
Wake up to wonder
Sometimes I wonder whether we have to face crisis or illness before we wake up to the wonder of all that life offers. Can we not live fully without the threat of losing our life, our health or loved ones?
Mark Nepo, in his book Inside the Miracle: Enduring Suffering, Approaching Wholeness, speaks about his cancer and says:
"Each significant death to this point has made me reassess who I am and what I'm doing. The shock of life's fragility has made me change so as not to waste the thread of time I have. But after my own illness, I am living fully, not wasting a moment, not squandering a chance, not racing toward tomorrow or burrowing in the past."
In this same book he says:
"There is no question that the experience of great breaking brings with it a terrible knowledge that is life altering. And whether that breaking comes about by accident, injustice, abuse, or disease, suddenly and irrevocably we become forever aware that out of nowhere a force can come at any time without warning to remove or damage whatever it is that we hold dear."
Yes, for sure these things are true. And despite that—or perhaps because of it—we can and must open to the wonder and beauty of life. Live each moment. Gratefully.
Mark Nepo, in his book Inside the Miracle: Enduring Suffering, Approaching Wholeness, speaks about his cancer and says:
"Each significant death to this point has made me reassess who I am and what I'm doing. The shock of life's fragility has made me change so as not to waste the thread of time I have. But after my own illness, I am living fully, not wasting a moment, not squandering a chance, not racing toward tomorrow or burrowing in the past."
In this same book he says:
"There is no question that the experience of great breaking brings with it a terrible knowledge that is life altering. And whether that breaking comes about by accident, injustice, abuse, or disease, suddenly and irrevocably we become forever aware that out of nowhere a force can come at any time without warning to remove or damage whatever it is that we hold dear."
Yes, for sure these things are true. And despite that—or perhaps because of it—we can and must open to the wonder and beauty of life. Live each moment. Gratefully.
Monday, August 6, 2018
Begin with a thankful heart
How do you begin your day? Do you wake up and think (or say), "Oh, darn, I have so much to do today! How will I ever get it all done? I wish I could just skip to the end of this day."
Or do you awaken, grateful that you made it through the night and now have a brand new day ahead of you? Are you thankful for the ability to do the things you need to do?
Do you face the day with grumbling—or with gratitude?
You may think it doesn't make a difference. Why should it matter? But just experiment a little. Try it both ways and just see how your day goes.
Personally, I find my days much better when I start them with an attitude of gratitude. It doesn't necessarily change what happens in a day. I still have the same to-do list. I still have the same list of events on the calendar. But what it changes is me. A spirit of thankfulness changes how I see the events of the day. It changes how I view my tasks.
Rather than grumble because I have to clean the house today (a job I really don't enjoy), I try to switch my attitude to one of gratitude that I have a house in which to live and that I'm physically able to clean it. I'm human; so, of course, I still grumble more than I should. But I really am trying to live more in an attitude of thankfulness.
Or do you awaken, grateful that you made it through the night and now have a brand new day ahead of you? Are you thankful for the ability to do the things you need to do?
Do you face the day with grumbling—or with gratitude?
You may think it doesn't make a difference. Why should it matter? But just experiment a little. Try it both ways and just see how your day goes.
Personally, I find my days much better when I start them with an attitude of gratitude. It doesn't necessarily change what happens in a day. I still have the same to-do list. I still have the same list of events on the calendar. But what it changes is me. A spirit of thankfulness changes how I see the events of the day. It changes how I view my tasks.
Rather than grumble because I have to clean the house today (a job I really don't enjoy), I try to switch my attitude to one of gratitude that I have a house in which to live and that I'm physically able to clean it. I'm human; so, of course, I still grumble more than I should. But I really am trying to live more in an attitude of thankfulness.
Friday, August 3, 2018
Values & time
Last month two of my dear friends died unexpectedly. It's a poignant reminder to me that each day is gift—and that those who grace my life are also gifts. It reminds me that I should say "I love you" whenever I have the opportunity and that I should savor my moments and days.
I already miss Carol and Sandra and know that as time passes, I will miss them even more. The grief is fresh now so it doesn't yet seem quite real that I'll never see them again. Yet at the same time, I'm extremely grateful for the legacy each of these women leaves behind. I'm so thankful they were part of my life. I have learned much from both of them, and I have wonderful memories of times spent in their company.
Whose legacy makes a difference in your life today? For whom are you grateful in your life right now? Have you told them that?
It's easy to get caught up in to-do lists and the "shoulds" of life and neglect time with the people in our lives, whether that be family or friends. In the end, it really won't matter that all our tasks got checked off some to-do list and our house was kept spotlessly clean. What will matter is how we tended the relationships with which we were blessed. I've always said that I seriously doubt on my deathbed that I'll regret that I didn't do more work. I'm pretty sure any regrets I do have at that point (and I hope to limit those as much as possible!) will be more about not giving enough time and attention to those people I love and treasure.
I want to be present to those who grace my life and to those whose path crosses mine. I want to savor my days and make the most of whatever time yet remains to me. I don't want to spend my time on those things that really don't reflect my true values—and what I value so deeply are my connections with others.
What about you? Are you living your values? Are you savoring your moments?
I already miss Carol and Sandra and know that as time passes, I will miss them even more. The grief is fresh now so it doesn't yet seem quite real that I'll never see them again. Yet at the same time, I'm extremely grateful for the legacy each of these women leaves behind. I'm so thankful they were part of my life. I have learned much from both of them, and I have wonderful memories of times spent in their company.
Whose legacy makes a difference in your life today? For whom are you grateful in your life right now? Have you told them that?
It's easy to get caught up in to-do lists and the "shoulds" of life and neglect time with the people in our lives, whether that be family or friends. In the end, it really won't matter that all our tasks got checked off some to-do list and our house was kept spotlessly clean. What will matter is how we tended the relationships with which we were blessed. I've always said that I seriously doubt on my deathbed that I'll regret that I didn't do more work. I'm pretty sure any regrets I do have at that point (and I hope to limit those as much as possible!) will be more about not giving enough time and attention to those people I love and treasure.
I want to be present to those who grace my life and to those whose path crosses mine. I want to savor my days and make the most of whatever time yet remains to me. I don't want to spend my time on those things that really don't reflect my true values—and what I value so deeply are my connections with others.
What about you? Are you living your values? Are you savoring your moments?
Wednesday, August 1, 2018
Thank you's are so important
It's a beautiful thing to live with gratitude in your heart. It makes each day more pleasurable—for you and for all those around you.
Here's a question, though: Do you ever feel gratitude about something someone has done for you and
think it would be a good idea to write a thank-you note expressing that? And then you don't follow through?
Yes, I've done that, too. I'm trying to be far better about that lately. I am aware that when we're extremely unhappy about something, we'll tell others—and most likely, even that person who caused the unhappiness. So how much more should we follow through when we're grateful for what someone else did?
People love to get mail—so a thank-you card or letter is even better than a thank-you email. Still, a thank-you phone call or email can go a long way to making someone's day even better, too!
Who do you need to thank today? Don't put it off. Sit down right now and take care of it. If that's impossible, be sure to add it to your to-do list. And don't forget!
Here's a question, though: Do you ever feel gratitude about something someone has done for you and
think it would be a good idea to write a thank-you note expressing that? And then you don't follow through?
Yes, I've done that, too. I'm trying to be far better about that lately. I am aware that when we're extremely unhappy about something, we'll tell others—and most likely, even that person who caused the unhappiness. So how much more should we follow through when we're grateful for what someone else did?
People love to get mail—so a thank-you card or letter is even better than a thank-you email. Still, a thank-you phone call or email can go a long way to making someone's day even better, too!
Who do you need to thank today? Don't put it off. Sit down right now and take care of it. If that's impossible, be sure to add it to your to-do list. And don't forget!
Friday, July 27, 2018
Be an example!
A dear friend I've known for 50 years died recently. She and I often referred to each other as "soul sisters." We've seen each other through many ups and downs in those 50 years, so I will miss her terribly.
However, Carol's joyful, positive and beautiful spirit lives on in me and in her beloved family members and the other friends who loved her and benefited from her sunny personality. She faced many difficulties in her life, including health issues, the loss of her beloved husband and partner nine years before her own death, trials and tribulations with other family members, and much more. But she always kept her strong faith and her positive attitude. She considered herself blessed and lived a life of gratitude and of service to others. She retained a great sense of humor and a creative spirit that just didn't quit.
She and her husband, Jim, were role models to me in so many ways—not the least of which was in the role of grandparent. I learned so much from watching them, taking their examples and adding several of my own touches. I will ever be grateful for that.
Do you have people who were or are your role models or mentors? Are you aware of being a role model for anyone in your life?
It's important to be aware of those people and be grateful for their presence in your life. It's equally important to remember that someone may be watching your behavior and seeing you as a role model, too. As my sister often says, "Be an example, not a warning!"
However, Carol's joyful, positive and beautiful spirit lives on in me and in her beloved family members and the other friends who loved her and benefited from her sunny personality. She faced many difficulties in her life, including health issues, the loss of her beloved husband and partner nine years before her own death, trials and tribulations with other family members, and much more. But she always kept her strong faith and her positive attitude. She considered herself blessed and lived a life of gratitude and of service to others. She retained a great sense of humor and a creative spirit that just didn't quit.
She and her husband, Jim, were role models to me in so many ways—not the least of which was in the role of grandparent. I learned so much from watching them, taking their examples and adding several of my own touches. I will ever be grateful for that.
Do you have people who were or are your role models or mentors? Are you aware of being a role model for anyone in your life?
It's important to be aware of those people and be grateful for their presence in your life. It's equally important to remember that someone may be watching your behavior and seeing you as a role model, too. As my sister often says, "Be an example, not a warning!"
Wednesday, June 27, 2018
Glad to be here!
Have you ever had an experience that scared the living daylights out of you but that didn't fully affect you until much later? Perhaps it's quite normal.
Nearly a week ago while driving along a busy freeway at commute time, with semis and cars going 60 mph or more, I came way too close for comfort to being in a terrible accident. An SUV in the far left lane of three lanes of traffic suddenly veered 90 degrees across all lanes headed, full speed, toward me in the far right lane. I could see my trajectory, if I continued full speed, would bring him right about to my driver's side door. As soon as I saw him head toward me, I slammed on my brakes so hard that I could smell rubber on the road. I still thought he'd hit me but more on the front end of the car. Amazingly, he flew right by the front of my car, missing it by what must have been three or four inches as he flew, full speed, right off the road and into a field of trees beyond.
I was shaking like a leaf and slowly resumed my drive, exiting off the highway and to city streets just a few feet ahead, where I could calm down. I saw other cars and semis behind me stopping, so I knew someone would call police and ambulance. It took me a long time to settle down. But it wasn't until that night when I awoke after a couple hours of sleep that I began thinking of all the "What ifs" of that event. I'm amazed no one rear-ended me when I stopped so suddenly, especially with all the semis and cars behind me. I'm amazed the car didn't hit someone in the middle lane, causing a multi-car pile-up. And I still can't believe the SUV didn't even touch my car at all. I could have been killed, I know that. I could have been hospitalized with severe injuries. I could have been shoved off the road as the SUV flew off—and rolled over several times. So many different scenarios and very real possibilities have run through my mind ever since.
It's tough to forget this scene, and it comes to mind, uninvited, daily, with possibilities playing out again and again. One night I even awoke screaming, scaring the daylights out of my fiancé. I'm trying to let it all go but that doesn't seem easy.
One thing I don't want to lose, however, is that deep sense of gratitude I feel for being alive. At the same time, my heart hurts for whoever was in the SUV; and I can't seem to learn anything about what happened, but I know it could not have been good. Life: It's always good and bad all mixed together—gratitude for some things and sorrow for others.
Nearly a week ago while driving along a busy freeway at commute time, with semis and cars going 60 mph or more, I came way too close for comfort to being in a terrible accident. An SUV in the far left lane of three lanes of traffic suddenly veered 90 degrees across all lanes headed, full speed, toward me in the far right lane. I could see my trajectory, if I continued full speed, would bring him right about to my driver's side door. As soon as I saw him head toward me, I slammed on my brakes so hard that I could smell rubber on the road. I still thought he'd hit me but more on the front end of the car. Amazingly, he flew right by the front of my car, missing it by what must have been three or four inches as he flew, full speed, right off the road and into a field of trees beyond.
I was shaking like a leaf and slowly resumed my drive, exiting off the highway and to city streets just a few feet ahead, where I could calm down. I saw other cars and semis behind me stopping, so I knew someone would call police and ambulance. It took me a long time to settle down. But it wasn't until that night when I awoke after a couple hours of sleep that I began thinking of all the "What ifs" of that event. I'm amazed no one rear-ended me when I stopped so suddenly, especially with all the semis and cars behind me. I'm amazed the car didn't hit someone in the middle lane, causing a multi-car pile-up. And I still can't believe the SUV didn't even touch my car at all. I could have been killed, I know that. I could have been hospitalized with severe injuries. I could have been shoved off the road as the SUV flew off—and rolled over several times. So many different scenarios and very real possibilities have run through my mind ever since.
It's tough to forget this scene, and it comes to mind, uninvited, daily, with possibilities playing out again and again. One night I even awoke screaming, scaring the daylights out of my fiancé. I'm trying to let it all go but that doesn't seem easy.
One thing I don't want to lose, however, is that deep sense of gratitude I feel for being alive. At the same time, my heart hurts for whoever was in the SUV; and I can't seem to learn anything about what happened, but I know it could not have been good. Life: It's always good and bad all mixed together—gratitude for some things and sorrow for others.
Wednesday, June 13, 2018
Gratitude & optimism
Winston Churchill once said, "The pessimist sees difficulty in every opportunity. The optimist sees the opportunity in every difficulty."
Which are you? An optimist? Or a pessimist? Or do you vacillate?
These days with such incivility and partisanship reigning in our country, it can be a challenge to remain optimistic. Still, it is definitely worth trying to hang onto a positive outlook. It makes such a difference in how we comport ourselves, the decisions we make, the way we treat others, and the way we walk through each day.
If you are facing a difficult, life-changing event, this can be a stretch; but it's worth the effort: When you awaken in the morning, try letting your first thoughts be about at least two things for which you're grateful—even if it's simply that you're still alive and made it through the night. These days I awake to the sound of birds singing; and right there, I have something for which to be grateful. Then I think about my family and friends—people I love and who love me. Wow, how am I so blessed? And there's always more....
Gratitude is a good start down the road to optimism, to seeing the opportunity in difficulties. I know that some days, that's a stretch for me, too. But Churchill was right, and I do want to keep trying.
How about you?
Which are you? An optimist? Or a pessimist? Or do you vacillate?
These days with such incivility and partisanship reigning in our country, it can be a challenge to remain optimistic. Still, it is definitely worth trying to hang onto a positive outlook. It makes such a difference in how we comport ourselves, the decisions we make, the way we treat others, and the way we walk through each day.
If you are facing a difficult, life-changing event, this can be a stretch; but it's worth the effort: When you awaken in the morning, try letting your first thoughts be about at least two things for which you're grateful—even if it's simply that you're still alive and made it through the night. These days I awake to the sound of birds singing; and right there, I have something for which to be grateful. Then I think about my family and friends—people I love and who love me. Wow, how am I so blessed? And there's always more....
Gratitude is a good start down the road to optimism, to seeing the opportunity in difficulties. I know that some days, that's a stretch for me, too. But Churchill was right, and I do want to keep trying.
How about you?
Monday, May 14, 2018
Look. You'll find beauty.
Why, oh why is it so easy to get sucked into negativity? I can blame the news. I can blame others. But I need to come back to myself and ask why I can't focus more on the positive when there's so much beauty all around.
Because getting drawn into negativity is too easy, I really resonated with two things I read today in my Blue Mountain Arts Collection called A Daybook of Gratitude: How to Live Each Day with a Thankful Heart:
Ella Wheeler Wilcox writes this, "Look for something to be thankful and glad over each day, and you will find it. Consider each disappointment and trouble as so much experience and as a temporary lesson set for you to learn...."
Yes, oh yes!
And G. Allison Phelps wrote: "Just to look at the sun going down behind green hills; just to watch rain falling on a quiet lake; just to see spinning tops of sand, created by winds whirling over a desert; just to be able to imagine oneself upon a ship, docking at a pier in a strange and distant port; just to be able to touch the hand of another and feel oneself become a part of that other; just to breathe the evening air and hear the voices of children, raised in laughter; O! just to feel one is a part of all the scheme of things entire—such are the blessings humans have."
Really, there is nothing I can add to that.
Because getting drawn into negativity is too easy, I really resonated with two things I read today in my Blue Mountain Arts Collection called A Daybook of Gratitude: How to Live Each Day with a Thankful Heart:
Ella Wheeler Wilcox writes this, "Look for something to be thankful and glad over each day, and you will find it. Consider each disappointment and trouble as so much experience and as a temporary lesson set for you to learn...."
Yes, oh yes!
And G. Allison Phelps wrote: "Just to look at the sun going down behind green hills; just to watch rain falling on a quiet lake; just to see spinning tops of sand, created by winds whirling over a desert; just to be able to imagine oneself upon a ship, docking at a pier in a strange and distant port; just to be able to touch the hand of another and feel oneself become a part of that other; just to breathe the evening air and hear the voices of children, raised in laughter; O! just to feel one is a part of all the scheme of things entire—such are the blessings humans have."
Really, there is nothing I can add to that.
Wednesday, April 25, 2018
Hard work and sweet memories
So much of life is both/and. Experiences aren't good; they aren't bad—they often are a mix of each. So with people—not good, not bad, but a mix of both. And life: not good, not bad, but both/and.
So two weeks ago when my sis and I spent a week cleaning out our brother's home for him, that realization was underscored for us in a big way. His home had been our parents' home, too. So it was full, extremely full; and cleaning it out was exhausting and hard work for the two of us. Neither one of us is 20 anymore, so our muscles complained every night after morning-till-early-evening lifting, bending, carrying and hoisting.
However, that week also was filled with many sweet moments—several trips down memory lane, the joy of sister-time, lots of surprising discoveries of items we either had never seen before or hadn't known were still around, and a reminder that friends and neighbors in small towns are so kind and helpful, going out of their way to assist us. Strangers in that small town became friends by week's end, too.
Now that the huge task we'd dreaded for so long is in our rear-view mirror, my sis and I more easily remember all the sweet moments contained in that week. Ah, the joys of a both/and world. I'm grateful this is so!
Have you experienced some of this lately, too?
So two weeks ago when my sis and I spent a week cleaning out our brother's home for him, that realization was underscored for us in a big way. His home had been our parents' home, too. So it was full, extremely full; and cleaning it out was exhausting and hard work for the two of us. Neither one of us is 20 anymore, so our muscles complained every night after morning-till-early-evening lifting, bending, carrying and hoisting.
However, that week also was filled with many sweet moments—several trips down memory lane, the joy of sister-time, lots of surprising discoveries of items we either had never seen before or hadn't known were still around, and a reminder that friends and neighbors in small towns are so kind and helpful, going out of their way to assist us. Strangers in that small town became friends by week's end, too.
Now that the huge task we'd dreaded for so long is in our rear-view mirror, my sis and I more easily remember all the sweet moments contained in that week. Ah, the joys of a both/and world. I'm grateful this is so!
Have you experienced some of this lately, too?
Wednesday, February 28, 2018
Notice the gifts
As I write this, it's 63 degrees and sunny. Sixty-three degrees in February! This is such a gift—to experience such beauty in the midst of winter. It's a lovely reprieve.
Of course, I want more of this. One or two days are never enough. I know in the Chicago area, we'll definitely have more winter before spring truly does arrive. So I need to simply accept today as the gift that it is and savor it. I need to be grateful for this.
This reminds me to do that with the rest of life, too. Every single one of us has problems and challenges to face. Illness. Job loss. Workplace conflicts. Relationship challenges. Caregiver problems. Death of loved ones. How to make the money stretch each month. And more.
But—every single one of us also has miracles and gifts and good things dropped right into our lives amid all the challenges. And do we stop and say thanks? Do we feel gratitude and savor those moments?
Let's be sure to do so. I need to be reminded of that myself, which is why I often write blogs that I need to hear! I know that when I've stopped to notice the gifts and feel the gratitude, I begin to notice even more things for which I am thankful. My focus has shifted. Ever notice that? Funny how that works!
Of course, I want more of this. One or two days are never enough. I know in the Chicago area, we'll definitely have more winter before spring truly does arrive. So I need to simply accept today as the gift that it is and savor it. I need to be grateful for this.
This reminds me to do that with the rest of life, too. Every single one of us has problems and challenges to face. Illness. Job loss. Workplace conflicts. Relationship challenges. Caregiver problems. Death of loved ones. How to make the money stretch each month. And more.
But—every single one of us also has miracles and gifts and good things dropped right into our lives amid all the challenges. And do we stop and say thanks? Do we feel gratitude and savor those moments?
Let's be sure to do so. I need to be reminded of that myself, which is why I often write blogs that I need to hear! I know that when I've stopped to notice the gifts and feel the gratitude, I begin to notice even more things for which I am thankful. My focus has shifted. Ever notice that? Funny how that works!
Wednesday, February 21, 2018
A 'wild heart'
I've written before about the difficulty of walking the tightrope between caring deeply about what's going on in our country and the world (all the deep divisions and inequities) and staying calm, serene and positive.
The book I referenced on Monday, Braving the Wilderness, by researcher and author Brené Brown, speaks to that, too.
Brown talks about having a "wild heart"—meaning to have a strong back and a soft, open front (strong and vulnerable at the same time). She says, "The mark of a wild heart is living out the paradox of love in our lives. It's the ability to be tough and tender, excited and scared, brave and afraid—all in the same moment.
"A wild heart can also straddle the tension of staying awake to the struggle in the world and fighting for justice and peace, while also cultivating its own moments of joy."
That really resonates with me, especially right now, as I continue to vacillate between deep sadness and intense anger at yet another school shooting last week—and the murder of more of our innocent children. I want us to all wake up and DO something about this. At the same time, I'm trying to maintain my sense of gratitude and grounding. It's exactly what Brown is talking about: trying to "straddle the tension."
What are your thoughts on this?
The book I referenced on Monday, Braving the Wilderness, by researcher and author Brené Brown, speaks to that, too.
Brown talks about having a "wild heart"—meaning to have a strong back and a soft, open front (strong and vulnerable at the same time). She says, "The mark of a wild heart is living out the paradox of love in our lives. It's the ability to be tough and tender, excited and scared, brave and afraid—all in the same moment.
"A wild heart can also straddle the tension of staying awake to the struggle in the world and fighting for justice and peace, while also cultivating its own moments of joy."
That really resonates with me, especially right now, as I continue to vacillate between deep sadness and intense anger at yet another school shooting last week—and the murder of more of our innocent children. I want us to all wake up and DO something about this. At the same time, I'm trying to maintain my sense of gratitude and grounding. It's exactly what Brown is talking about: trying to "straddle the tension."
What are your thoughts on this?
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