Love, not hate

On social media and in societal and social interactions, I see two competing forces at work. I see attempts and real efforts to access our better angels. For example, I heard about a girls' volleyball team from a fire-ravaged Paradise, California, school that decided to go ahead and play its game with a team in Auburn, California, despite not having its equipment and uniforms. When the girls arrived in Auburn, they were met with brand new uniforms, knee pads and socks for every player in addition to truckloads of donated clothes, a $300 gift card for each player and a dinner for the players and their families. What a beautiful story of support!

Then on the other hand, we see far too many news stories and social media posts displaying hate and anger. And as communications and public affairs strategist Steve Schmidt (who worked on Republican political campaigns such as for George W. Bush and Arizona Senator John McCain but who just this year renounced that party as "fully the party of Trump") said recently, "We have a billion-dollar anger industry in this country." He was speaking of the incitement to violence and "the assault on objective truth" that has been stoked lately.

All of this is a reminder to each of us to take a chill pill and not get hooked by all the hatred and anger we see all around us. Let's follow the example of the Auburn, California, girls' volleyball team and that community—and access our better angels! Let's be inspired by them and live in our integrity.

So many life lessons

Some years ago a friend gave me a lovely inspirational book that combines original art with the selected prayers of several writers and poets. The book, Painted Prayers by Jody Uttal, inspires me and always makes me think.

Here's a selection I read yesterday that was written by Rumi, the 13th century Persian Sunni Muslim poet, theologian and Sufi mystic. It speaks to our being open to whatever enters our lives hour by hour or day by day—because everything can be a teacher. This is called "The Guest House":

"This being human is a guest house.
Every morning, a new arrival.
A joy, a depression, a meanness,
Some momentary awareness comes
As an unexpected visitor.
Welcome and entertain them all!
Even if they're a crowd of sorrows,
Who violently sweep your house
Empty of its furniture,
Still, treat each guest honorably.
He may be clearing you out
For some new delight.
The dark thought, the shame, the malice,
Meet them at the door laughing,
And invite them in.
Be grateful for whoever comes,
Because each has been sent
As a guide from beyond."

There really is nothing more I need to say. Re-read it if you wish and simply reflect on Rumi's rich words. Then stay open to each emotion and experience to see what life lessons emerge.

THINK before speaking

Have you ever found yourself in conversation with friends and heard words coming from your mouth that horrified you? Perhaps you said something snarky about another person, passed on a bit of gossip or said something unkind and hurtful to your conversation partner. I think we all have had that experience. It's not something we like to admit. But it is something we can think about and try to avoid.

Here's a helpful acronym that might be worth posting on a mirror—or perhaps even several places around the house. It was given to me by a friend a couple days ago and has really caught my attention:

Before you speak, THINK:
• Is it True?
• Is it Helpful?
• Is it Inspiring?
• Is it Necessary?
• Is it Kind?

THINK. True. Helpful. Inspiring. Necessary. Kind.

Enough said....

Keep hope alive

These days our country seems so divided. Everywhere you turn, people are hurling invectives and displaying their anger to others. Fear is carrying the day. All you need do is read some Facebook posts and see the comments that follow. Or read an online news story and see the snarky comments that inevitably get posted.

But, wait, there are also so many good people doing and saying inspirational and positive things. Are you paying attention to that, too? I just read a blog yesterday about not giving in to hopelessness, about keeping hope alive—and sharing it with others.

When I've read or watched too much news coverage, I need to turn to something more uplifting—whether it's a positive blog, a conversation with a friend or loved one, an inspirational book, a good news source or whatever. And we all need to remember that self-care is so important in the midst of all this hatred and negativity, too. It's all too easy to let the toxic and negative emotions get inside us and pull us down.

I encourage you (and I'm talking to myself here, too!) to do all you can to stay hopeful and positive. We each have a voice and can speak out against the hatred and violence—and we can also share hope and love with others. Don't give in to the hopelessness and negativity. Keep hope alive!

Creating your future

This is a good time of year to reflect on what you'd like to see happen in the coming year. Is there a new direction you'd like to move? Some dream you long to pursue? Some life changes you want to make? Or even some self-care practices you'd like to add to your daily routines? What vision do you have for 2017?

There are so many ways to record such longings. You might journal about this. Or just jot down some notes. One effective—and fun—thing to do is to create a vision board that contains images of the future you long to create. Find magazines and catalogs, photos, images from the Internet or wherever you can and search for pictures that inspire you—pictures that represent how you'd like your life to look, that symbolize your feelings or experiences. This can be lots of fun. Cut out the images that you wish along with some inspirational quotes. Glue these on a piece of poster board. And voila, you have a vision board.

Keep this board in a prominent place so you can see it daily. Let is inspire you. Let the board motivate you to make whatever changes you had dreamed of making.

A small group to which I belong did this together the other night. Even though it's an individual design, it can be fun to do this in a group. After you finish, you might share your longings with the others in the group. You might even get more ideas that way. And you'll most certainly have fun!

P.S. Remember that Way2Grow blogs will appear on Monday, Wednesday and Friday starting now in 2017. Please send topic ideas to: sonia@way2growcoaching.com.

We don't stand alone

Some people still speak of a "self-made man" or "self-made woman." Really?

Each one of us builds on things that have been done by so many who have gone before us. As a woman, I'm especially conscious of building on the foundation that so many strong women before me laid down, painful brick by painful brick. Women marched in the streets, being attacked, hit, spit upon and turned out of their homes by irate husbands, so that I could have the right to vote. They were jailed and force-fed for that right. Other women spoke out and marched so that I could be in the workplace and could be in the board room (and not just to take notes!). I've been able to build on all that they set in place. And those who follow me will do the same.

My ancestors (and all of ours, unless you're Native American) left family and familiar surroundings to strike out for a new land that they saw held out promise and opportunity. Because of their pluck and courage, my family and I live in America ... and I can build on their accomplishments.

So it is with all of us. We are not islands. We cannot do it all by ourselves. It not only takes a village to raise children. It takes a village to raise all of us and to support our lives.

It's humbling and inspiring to think of all those civilizations and individuals who have contributed to who and what we are today—and to what we're able to do today. Let's stop and be grateful for those infinite rhythms of life. What an amazing support system.

'Love more'

Yesterday I mentioned negative posts on Facebook. Goodness knows, there are plenty of those—particularly these days with a race to the White House and the great political divide that seems to separate us as a people.

However, I see many inspirational and positive posts on Facebook, too; and those really make my day. Last night I saw this one:

"A manifesto for a simple life: Eat less, move more. Buy less, make more. Stress less, laugh more. Feel blessed, love more. Find a quiet spot every day and BREATHE."

There really isn't any need to say more. Those thoughts stand on their own. So I invite you to reflect on them today. And don't forget to breathe!

A challenge in these pre-election days

The political rhetoric these days is so offensive and hateful. It's really harmful to one's well-being and peace of mind to read any of the reports or listen to any coverage of debates and the insult-hurling that takes place between debates as well. Most of these remarks and insults appeal to our basest self and are about as inspirational as a front-row seat in a gladiator ring.

Here's what I think: The rest of us have our work cut out for us. It's time to lift the rhetoric to a higher level, at least in our own small circles and wherever we call community. We most definitely do not want to be filled with the toxins that are flying around, and we don't want to be part of spreading them ourselves either. I so want to believe that we are really better than this.

So I'm throwing out a challenge—for myself as well as for you. Let's see if we can refrain from joining the snarky and offensive conversations going on these days—and see whether we can lift to a higher plane any conversations of which we're part. We can still talk politics but at a policy level. We can talk about what really matters to people, about what this country really wants to be. How do we want to be described as a people? How do we want to treat others? What should our stance in the world be? What's needed now?

Ready for the challenge? I hope those of you who know me well will call me on it when I fall into snarky rhetoric. We just may need support to do this as it feels upstream right now!

Your role model

Heroes, teachers and mentors inspire us. And that's a good thing. We can all use a bit of inspiration from time to time.

But did you ever stop to think that perhaps your role model is right inside you? The "inner you" might be just the person you need to meet and get to know. We spend a good deal of our lives building an exterior that's based on many influences around us—from parents to teachers to friends and others. In the process, it's easy to forget that we have a good deal of inner wisdom. It's easy to forget that we weren't necessarily created to be just like another person, no matter how inspiring that person may be. We are unique.

So it's good to get acquainted with that inner you who's been waiting to be discovered. Are there traits and behaviors you'd like to shed because they don't really feel authentic? This is a good time to do just that.

It's been said that we spend the first half of life adding things into the mix of who we are—much of it because of what we see around us. And we spend the last half of life letting go of a good deal of those things because, more than anything, we want to be authentic. We want to be true to who we were meant to be. We want to let go of everything that isn't congruent with our values and who we feel ourselves to be.

If you would like to discuss this, I invite you to contact me for a complimentary coaching session.

Coaching just might be the boost you need

Are you feeling stuck these days? Just not feeling that zest for life you either once had or that you thought you'd find at this stage of life? Wanting to discover what's next on your journey? Feeling uncertain about something?

You definitely don't have to stay in that place. Many possibilities exist to help you find your way out of that rut.

Lately, I've felt a little of that myself. So I've signed myself up for some webinars and courses from inspirational speakers. I needed a little boost of energy and some new thoughts to refuel my journey. If I need more than those things, I'll get more sessions from a life coach. I've done that before, and it's helped me.

If you're in that place—or if you have a friend who is—I invite you to contact me (or have her contact me) to explore options. I'm happy to offer a free coaching strategy session of anywhere from 30 to 45 minutes. Not only will this give you some ideas to explore but it might help you see whether coaching is something that would be helpful for you.

Take that first step. See what discoveries and transformation might be ahead for you in 2016.