Give your time

The countdown to Christmas is shrinking. Only a few days left.

Just yesterday I read some interesting "justice" gift ideas: Volunteer. Even one hour is helpful. Wrap gifts for children in shelters. Write holiday letters to our troops. Escort an older person to do some Christmas shopping. Serve a hot meal at a soup kitchen. I'm sure you can come up with ideas of your own.

It may be too late for this year. But there's always next year.

And speaking of next year, I have decided to give myself the gift of time to do some things on my to-do wish list that simply aren't getting done. To do that, I am discontinuing these weekly blogs—at least for now. I will finish out December. Who knows? I may resume again at some point.

However, if you sign up to the right of this blog post, you can receive my monthly ezine—if you aren't already signed up to receive it. All you will receive when you sign up are the three free gifts that come initially into your email inbox, and after that my ezine once a month. Nothing else. I don't sell your name or email address. I don't send anything additional. Just a monthly ezine to inspire you.

Freeing up time

Only one week until Christmas. I'm trying to keep a lid on the busyness this year. While I enjoy buying gifts for those I love, wrapping them, baking some of my traditional cookies, singing the beloved carols and spending time with those I love, I'm not crazy about the high stress of rushing around. So I'm trying to do a little less and enjoy this time even more.

Those efforts are part of an over-all effort on my part to cut back on busyness and high stress. There are things I want to do in whatever remains of my life that simply aren't getting done.

So, to assist in that whole move toward what the Danish call hygge (a term that means well-being, simplicity, coziness, being with those you love and more all wrapped up in one—something that perhaps seems unAmerican!), I'm going to stop doing blogs every week beginning in the new year.

I will continue to send out my monthly ezine. If you haven't yet signed up for that, notice the opportunity to the right of this blog to "Subscribe to our mailing list." If you do so, you will receive the three free gifts initially and then receive an ezine once a month only. I don't sell your name to anyone. I don't send you anything additional. Only the monthly ezine, which is similar to a blog and only slightly longer in format.

I will use the time that I've been spending on blogs doing some of the things that have long been on my to-do wish list. Who knows? Someday I may resume blogs. But after another week, they'll disappear for a while. My blog archive still remains on this site, however. So feel free to help yourself to any of them going way back to 2012.

Gifts that keep on giving

In this frenzied season of "shop until you drop" for holiday gift-buying, remember that it's not all about the things we buy in stores or online.

I remember when our children were young, our family gave several gifts of time. We didn't have a lot of money at the time, so we gave the gift of time along with some things purchased in local stores. For example, my sons might give their father certificates good for a number of shoe-polishings or I might give the boys certificates they could turn in for a pie or cookies of their choice. You get the idea. We would each make a little book of tickets or certificates with a variety of items and give to each other.

Perhaps it's time for me to revive some of those ideas. I also know some grandparents who buy tickets to a play, one for themselves and one for the grandchild. Time spent together is such a beautiful gift and one that will give lasting memories as well—the gift that keeps on giving!

What's on your gift-giving list this year?

Values & time

Last month two of my dear friends died unexpectedly. It's a poignant reminder to me that each day is gift—and that those who grace my life are also gifts. It reminds me that I should say "I love you" whenever I have the opportunity and that I should savor my moments and days.

I already miss Carol and Sandra and know that as time passes, I will miss them even more. The grief is fresh now so it doesn't yet seem quite real that I'll never see them again. Yet at the same time, I'm extremely grateful for the legacy each of these women leaves behind. I'm so thankful they were part of my life. I have learned much from both of them, and I have wonderful memories of times spent in their company.

Whose legacy makes a difference in your life today? For whom are you grateful in your life right now? Have you told them that?

It's easy to get caught up in to-do lists and the "shoulds" of life and neglect time with the people in our lives, whether that be family or friends. In the end, it really won't matter that all our tasks got checked off some to-do list and our house was kept spotlessly clean. What will matter is how we tended the relationships with which we were blessed. I've always said that I seriously doubt on my deathbed that I'll regret that I didn't do more work. I'm pretty sure any regrets I do have at that point (and I hope to limit those as much as possible!) will be more about not giving enough time and attention to those people I love and treasure.

I want to be present to those who grace my life and to those whose path crosses mine. I want to savor my days and make the most of whatever time yet remains to me. I don't want to spend my time on those things that really don't reflect my true values—and what I value so deeply are my connections with others.

What about you? Are you living your values? Are you savoring your moments?

Let your soul catch up with your body

I recently heard a story about the Himalayan Sherpas who help climbers to the summits—sometimes they simply stop climbing and put down their equipment. Impatient climbers ask why they can't keep moving and pushing on, but the Sherpas calmly reply that they're waiting for their souls to catch up with their bodies.

As soon as I heard this, I resonated with the idea. Lately I've been running so fast—gone from home more days than I was home these past several weeks, and often a week at a time. Many but not all of the events that took me from home were fun and happy occasions. Still, it was just too much running for me, at least at this stage of life. I have been missing my quiet times, my times of reflection and inspirational reading, time to quietly sip more than one cup of coffee! I missed making my own schedule and finding time for reading.

Right now I need time for my soul to catch up with my body. I love that idea! With gratitude to the Sherpas for the phrase, this is exactly what I need. Do you need that, too, at times?

Each one of us will have different ways we help our souls catch up with our bodies. Now I need to make sure I carve out time and engage in practices that will allow this to happen. Think about what helps you do that—and be sure you do those good things for your body and soul!

Each day is precious

Some kids have been back in school for a week or two, and most of the rest went back yesterday. When I think of my nine grandchildren, some off to college and others at various stages of middle school and high school with the very youngest one just starting kindergarten, I think of how quickly time passes. Honestly, it doesn't seem that long ago I was rocking them to sleep or playing on the floor with them.

Inevitably the thought of time's swift passage leads me to the idea of savoring each day, of telling those I love that I do, in fact, love and cherish them. You probably hear this a lot. And I know I say it a lot. But I really don't think we can have too many reminders of it. It's so easy to get caught up in life's quotidian tasks and lose sight of the precious nature of each moment and each day.

So here's just one more reminder—for me and for you both!

Values and energy

I've had a lot going on in my life in the past several weeks—and it's not nearly over yet. However, I've been thinking that when I get through the experience that's been consuming my time and energy, I'd like to take time to re-evaluate my priorities again.

Every now and again, it's a good idea to look at how we're spending our time and energy. Are the things you say are your top priorities really those areas where your time is spent? Am I putting my highest level of energy into those things that best represent my values? We can all afford to ask such questions of ourselves from time to time.

Who am I now? What's important to me now? If I only had six months left, how would I spend that time?

I don't know how you feel. But I am of the mind that none of those questions is a once-and-done deal. Our priorities can change as we move through life. They can change depending on what experiences we've had that have deeply affected us. Further, we sometimes do what's placed in front of us without regard to what we truly hold dear. The things we value most can sometimes take a back seat to what others think is urgent and put on our plates. We might be reactive rather than proactive.

So stop a while. Take some time to examine your life, your values, and how your time and energy are spent. If you're happy with that, wonderful. If not, it's time for tweaking—or even for substantial change.

A pile-up of losses

On Monday we talked about grieving a loss a little at a time, only taking it one step at a time as we can manage. Today I want to talk about how losses sometimes pile up.

A dear friend of mine had foot surgery not long ago, dealing with the pain of healing and the limitations to her mobility as she heals. She faces yet another surgery in a few more days, so she is far from done yet. There are losses embedded in those experiences. Meanwhile, she suffered the loss of a long-term friendship recently. And now her beloved canine family member (of 14 years) died. That's a lot of loss to handle at one time.

This is when incremental grieving is really important. Sometimes all the losses pile up and hit us upside the head. And it nearly bows us down to the ground.

Other times, we might be able to just pull out one of those losses and do some grieving. Feel the pain of loss. Be honest about your feelings. Pore over the good memories. Know they will always be part of you if you continue to cherish and nourish them. And only when you're ready, imagine new life—and move on.

Many books and articles have been written on grief. Find something that's helpful to you. Or talk with someone who is a good listener and has empathy. And take your time. Really! Take. Your. Time. Our culture tries to rush through grief so we can get back to "happy" again. But there really is no way to rush grief. It needs time to simmer and stew. You will need to be with it before you feel like moving on. And even then, pieces of it may return from time to time. It's OK. That's normal. 

Unplug and decompress

Have you ever had one of your electronic devices seize up or not function properly? No, that never happens, right? Hmmm, yup, far too often. Often, when we simply unplug the device or turn it off for a while, something gets reset and it will work properly when we turn it back on.

Don't you wonder why we don't think of that in relation to our own operating systems? Sometimes we simply need to be "unplugged" for a while. We need to step off the crazy treadmill of work, caregiving, volunteering, parenting, or just life and all its craziness—and let ourselves have a few moments (or even more than a "few moments") of peace and relaxation.

We need to decompress and get centered and grounded again. If that's good for our devices, it definitely should be good for us, too. It reboots and resets our brains and all systems, helps us unwind, improves our concentration, increases our creativity and problem-solving ability, enhances relationships and makes us more productive. This isn't just good for us; it's also good for our children, who also need unstructured time.

Interestingly enough, studies at the University of Michigan found that a lack of "me" time or privacy is actually a bigger cause of unhappy marriages than a less-than-satisfying sex life. So there you go. Give yourself the gift of time and learn how to unplug.

Time for renewal

We've just returned from a few days in the north woods of Wisconsin. After a month of family deaths and funerals and my own oral surgery that included a wait for biopsy results (it wasn't cancerous!), we really needed time away to just "be." It was just what the doctor ordered!

We have come home replenished—even though we could have used more time away. Both of us spent time just watching birds come to the feeders and listening to their songs and calls. Watching chipmunks scamper around the deck and flowers. One early evening, we listened to the rain fall gently on the leaves of the dozens of trees that surrounded the cabin in which we stayed. We read. Napped. Had good conversations. And just relaxed.

Now I wonder if it isn't possible to schedule something that is that renewing more often? Why not just build that into the schedule once or twice a year? Or more, if needed. In this crazy-busy world, most of us don't take much time to just be still. To just be. It's so restorative, however.

When did you last experience that type of thing? Do you regularly find times and spaces for renewal? If not, why not? I'm asking myself questions like that now, too.

This is your moment. Savor it.

My to-do list is longer than I'd like right now. And some of the items on it come with deadlines that are approaching more quickly than I'd like. In fact, I'm concentrating today on one 3,000-word piece I need to write and that is only beginning to form in my mind. Yikes, I am really feeling the pressure.

Because of this, I'm not feeling my usual inspiration for writing today's blog. Perhaps tomorrow will be better.

It occurs to me, however, that this isn't altogether bad. Perhaps you can use the time you would normally use reading my blog to instead reflect on what's going on for you right now. What are you feeling? Thinking? Worrying about? Longing for?

And what do you need to do about any of those things? Any changes needed? Or do you simply need to stop and appreciate what you have right now?

White space on a page is important. We would be put off by words that went from top to bottom and from the left margin all the way to the right margin. We all need some white space in our lives, too—time to think, time to savor what's right there in front of us, time to be awake and aware of the present moment. That's what I'm offering you right now. Use it however you wish.

Do you have time enough?

Have you heard of the terms "time famine," "time poor," "time affluence" or "hurry sickness"?

All of these terms have been coined to describe the phenomenon we in the West, at least, seem to experience. "Time famine" refers to the constant feeling of being so rushed and busy all the time. We're starving; we never have enough time. In fact, in our society, we almost wear that as a badge of honor. "See how busy (and important) I am!"

"Time poor" is the same thing as "time famine." You simply feel you don't have enough time to get everything done.

"Time affluence" is the feeling of having enough time—or perhaps even more time than you need. That's pretty rare, isn't it? Have you even felt that in the last year or years?

"Hurry sickness" illustrates how most of us are caught up in the rush. We may have time-saving devices, but we're rushing here and there, never feeling as though we can slow down and just "be." We can never just sit still and relax.

Are you resonating with any of these terms? Would you like to change how this shows up in your life? If you feel "time poor" or suffer from a "time famine," what can you do to change that? You are the only one who can make choices to do so. What can you let go so that you'll have enough time for what's important to you?

Whatever you decide, make choices today that support the lifestyle you want. If it means better boundaries or learning to say "No" to extra activities, work on that. Work on finding that Still Point inside where you can simply "be." If you wish to discuss any of this, I invite you to contact me for a complimentary coaching session.

Anticipation? Or dread?

Yesterday I had a brief conversation with someone who confessed that she just hates New Year's. When I asked her why, she said it was because time is just moving by way too quickly. She isn't ready for another year to soon be over and a new one to begin. She dreads the start of another new year—already.

How do you feel about that? Do you look forward to the new year and all its possibilities? Do you anticipate what surprises it might contain for you? Or do you dread saying "goodbye" to yet another year?

I know the days, weeks, months and years just roll by in a blur. I thought it was true for me because of my age. But this woman was young and still feels time moves too quickly.

The dread was real for this woman. I understand what she's saying. I sometimes wish I could slow down time, but it doesn't work that way. So I really try to make the most of each day. Do I always remember to savor my moments? No, of course not. But I try as best I can.

Look around you today. Take it all in. Are there things you can savor and enjoy more fully?

Time as a precious resource

Ever think of your time as a checkbook with a specific balance from which you subtract time spent on this activity or that? For those who are totally over-spent and over-booked, it might be a useful way to see time. Time is precious and should be spent wisely. It's a resource—and you have choices on how to use it.

I have a dear friend who recently started a new job. She loves this new job, but it does have some long hours. So when she has her days off, she is extremely careful now about how she "spends" that time. She wants to conserve her energy. She wants to be restored on those days off. And she wants to prepare healthy meals that will be ready for her on those long workdays. She also wants to "spend" that precious time with people who are positive and life-giving.

Even for the retired set (and who really retires to simply lounge around eating bon-bons anyway?), time is precious. Perhaps you have lots of volunteer activities and several hobbies, in addition to family members and friends with whom you want to "spend" time. I don't see many retired people with lots of extra time on their hands.

It just makes sense that we all see our time as precious. It is. And we get to make choices about how we "spend" it. If we don't see that we have a choice, we can easily end up exhausted and resentful. That doesn't sound like a good option, does it?

How's your time checkbook balance today? If you're overdrawn, make some different choices. You'll be so much happier.