Values & time

Last month two of my dear friends died unexpectedly. It's a poignant reminder to me that each day is gift—and that those who grace my life are also gifts. It reminds me that I should say "I love you" whenever I have the opportunity and that I should savor my moments and days.

I already miss Carol and Sandra and know that as time passes, I will miss them even more. The grief is fresh now so it doesn't yet seem quite real that I'll never see them again. Yet at the same time, I'm extremely grateful for the legacy each of these women leaves behind. I'm so thankful they were part of my life. I have learned much from both of them, and I have wonderful memories of times spent in their company.

Whose legacy makes a difference in your life today? For whom are you grateful in your life right now? Have you told them that?

It's easy to get caught up in to-do lists and the "shoulds" of life and neglect time with the people in our lives, whether that be family or friends. In the end, it really won't matter that all our tasks got checked off some to-do list and our house was kept spotlessly clean. What will matter is how we tended the relationships with which we were blessed. I've always said that I seriously doubt on my deathbed that I'll regret that I didn't do more work. I'm pretty sure any regrets I do have at that point (and I hope to limit those as much as possible!) will be more about not giving enough time and attention to those people I love and treasure.

I want to be present to those who grace my life and to those whose path crosses mine. I want to savor my days and make the most of whatever time yet remains to me. I don't want to spend my time on those things that really don't reflect my true values—and what I value so deeply are my connections with others.

What about you? Are you living your values? Are you savoring your moments?

Notice the gifts

As I write this, it's 63 degrees and sunny. Sixty-three degrees in February! This is such a gift—to experience such beauty in the midst of winter. It's a lovely reprieve.

Of course, I want more of this. One or two days are never enough. I know in the Chicago area, we'll definitely have more winter before spring truly does arrive. So I need to simply accept today as the gift that it is and savor it. I need to be grateful for this.

This reminds me to do that with the rest of life, too. Every single one of us has problems and challenges to face. Illness. Job loss. Workplace conflicts. Relationship challenges. Caregiver problems. Death of loved ones. How to make the money stretch each month. And more.

But—every single one of us also has miracles and gifts and good things dropped right into our lives amid all the challenges. And do we stop and say thanks? Do we feel gratitude and savor those moments?

Let's be sure to do so. I need to be reminded of that myself, which is why I often write blogs that I need to hear! I know that when I've stopped to notice the gifts and feel the gratitude, I begin to notice even more things for which I am thankful. My focus has shifted. Ever notice that? Funny how that works!

Such riches we each have!

I recently came across this Henry David Thoreau quote and absolutely loved it. It seems so appropriate for this season, too, when the focus can easily be on consumerism. Buy, buy, buy. Here it is for your enjoyment and reflection, too:

"It is surprising how contented one can be with nothing definite—only a sense of existence. My breath is sweet to me. O how I laugh when I think of my vague indefinite riches. No run on my bank can drain it, for my wealth is not possession but enjoyment."

Isn't that wonderful? Stop for a moment today and reflect on the indefinite and infinite riches you have: body parts that operate (even if we slow down as we age!), sunshine, beauty in nature, family and friends, life itself, our very breath and so much more.

Savor it all. Give thanks for it all. Remember that no run on a bank can drain it!

Each day is precious

Some kids have been back in school for a week or two, and most of the rest went back yesterday. When I think of my nine grandchildren, some off to college and others at various stages of middle school and high school with the very youngest one just starting kindergarten, I think of how quickly time passes. Honestly, it doesn't seem that long ago I was rocking them to sleep or playing on the floor with them.

Inevitably the thought of time's swift passage leads me to the idea of savoring each day, of telling those I love that I do, in fact, love and cherish them. You probably hear this a lot. And I know I say it a lot. But I really don't think we can have too many reminders of it. It's so easy to get caught up in life's quotidian tasks and lose sight of the precious nature of each moment and each day.

So here's just one more reminder—for me and for you both!

Too busy? Stop it—right now!

In the summer issue of The Magnolia Journal, guest columnist Shauna Niequist talks about being so busy that she "was in grave danger of becoming someone I didn't recognize, someone I didn't want to be." She says she "allowed busyness and work and achievement to edge out some of the best parts of me."

Do you relate to that at all? It doesn't matter whether you're still knee-deep in a career or whether you're retired. It doesn't matter whether you have children at home or you don't. It's all too easy to get caught up in the busyness. Being too busy is almost a badge of honor in some circles.

But is that really how we want to live? Does that allow the best parts of us to show through? Or do we stand in danger of becoming people we don't want to be?

Here's the deal: There is some choice that is possible. Granted, there are some must-do things on the to-do lists of all of us. But there are plenty of other things that are a matter of choice—including things that can be delegated as well as things that really don't need to be done at all. It's always good to stop and reflect, if we're edging close to burn-out: What really needs to be done—and what of that do I personally need to do?

It's unlikely that we'll get to the end of our lives and on our deathbeds wish we had done more work. Rather, it's more likely that we'll wish we had better tended our relationships. Most likely, we'll wish we'd stopped to smell more roses along the way—taken time to savor our moments and days.

So let's start right now! What are we waiting for?

Dream, play & savor life

You've heard of Bucket Lists. But have you ever heard of making a Thimble List?

Whereas a Bucket List is about the large things you want to do before you die (walk in the wine country of Italy, ride in a hot air balloon, see Arches National Park in Utah, for example), a Thimble List is a list of very small ways to savor life. Mindfulness plus gratitude equals touching your essential goodness, says writer and retreat presenter Jennifer Louden.

Creating a Thimble List begins with mindfulness—and can also lead to mindfulness. Let yourself get quiet and think about what would really help you notice things in your life—what would really help you savor and enjoy those small things. Tending to those small things leads to gratitude as well. Once you notice, you feel thankful.

So my Thimble List has several things, including:

• Slowly sip my morning (flavored) coffee without thinking about my to-do list
• Give at least one compliment each day to someone
• Journal more often
• Find a few times each week when I can read during the day—without guilt (not a newspaper!)
• Do some spontaneous things with my "besties"
• Buy flowers for my table—even when no visitors are coming

There's a lot more, but you get the idea. You'll have some things unique to you. See if you can come up with a list. It may need revising from time to time. Don't be productivity-oriented when you create it. Let yourself play, dream, have fun with it. Savor.

Life & loss

"It's what we lose that teaches us to suck all the juices out of every other moment in life," Joan Chittister wrote in her book Living Well.

As I look back on my own life, I can see the truth of that. It's in the losses that I've learned the most: losing my marriage, losing the opportunity to break another glass ceiling when I was highly qualified and expected by others to get the position, losing my job, losing loved ones in death and losing friendships, to name a few.

Those experiences have taught me to make the most of what I do have, to cherish those who are in my life and to "suck all the juices" out of each day. I want to savor each moment.

Do I remember that every minute of every day? Oh, how I wish! But as I often tell myself: It's not about perfection; it's about doing the best I can.

Think about your own life. What have you lost that has taught you to "suck all the juices" out of each moment?

Savor today!

A good friend of mine just learned this week that she'd lost a long-term friend to suicide. Such grief and pain. And I just found out yesterday that a long-term friend of mine has been placed in hospice care. I'm deeply saddened by this news, too.

These things are another reminder about how life can change on a dime. On a dime! We have this moment, right now—that's all we know for sure that we have. Things can change so quickly.

And that's our cue to enjoy this moment. Savor what's here right now. Live in gratitude for what we have this moment. Let's not live in the past. Let's not spend the current moment longing for the future. Look around you right now. For what are you grateful? What do you see and feel right now? Soak it up. Give thanks for it.

Let's not let yesterday or tomorrow steal today. This isn't mean to depress us. It's simply a reminder to savor today.

Stay flexible

It's been one of those weeks—bobbing from one extreme to the other. I've spent time trying to process what last week's election means for the country and for me. I don't know about your thoughts and feelings regarding that election, and I don't wish to cast aspersions on anyone's party loyalties or votes. But I will just be open and honest and say I have been grieving the Electoral College's decision. I do so because to me the election was about more than the two candidates. To me, it was about who we want to be as a people and what we want to be as a nation. I hope and pray we can call on our higher selves to win the day despite the examples of discrimination that have followed.

Then on the other side of the spectrum from election results, I had two fabulous experiences. One was my annual "Thelma & Louise Road Trip to Tennessee" with my dear sister, Cheryl. Each fall she flies into Chicago, and the two of us take a road trip to the area where she and her husband have a retirement home amid the rolling hills of northern Tennessee. We had such a good time together—punctuated by those times of grieving and processing what just happened. And the weather was fabulous!

Then last Sunday she and my three sons really surprised me with an early birthday party at which they gathered family and friends. I really felt the love, and we all had a fabulous time. So my past week has gone from low to high to low to high. And isn't that how life often is? It's not often that we stay on a flat-line path for long. We generally have high moments, low moments and all the in-between ones that create the pattern of our days. It's good when we can stay flexible and go with the flow, knowing that those are all part of everyday life.

If you're having a bad day, know it isn't forever. And if you're having a fabulous one, savor it and stay in the moment. Keep the glow for those days that aren't so good. It's all in our attitude.

Live in the present

A friend of mine often reminds me, "Life can change on a dime." Yes, it can.

Last week, my oldest son, who operates his own HVAC business, tore his lower bicep tendon. Just snapped like that when he lifted a water heater. Next stop: surgery, followed by four months of recovery and rehabilitation. For someone whose business depends upon him being there and literally doing the heavy lifting, this is not good news.

It's yet another reminder to me that I need to bring my awareness to the present moment and, as they say, "live in the now." You and I have absolutely no idea what will happen in the next minute or hour or day. So I want to make the best of each moment, to savor the time and give gratitude for everything I have now. Perhaps you already do this well. I try. But I often slip into old habits—either processing the past or thinking about my expectations of what's coming next (or what I hope is coming). Or doing both. That means I'm missing a lot that's right in front of me.

This reminder isn't a downer for me. I hope it isn't for you. It's simply calling my attention to living in the present moment. The past is done. The future isn't yet here ... and could well be different from our expectations anyway. Look around and see what's there for you to savor and enjoy. Notice the people in your life, the beauty, the many gifts and blessings. Give thanks for it all.

Things to savor

Do you pay attention to life's simple pleasures? Sometimes they can bring as much pure joy as any of life's great, mountain-top experiences. Recently I saw a list of 35 simple pleasures. I'll repeat some of them here for you to consider:

• Your first sip of coffee in the morning.
• A warm bath (perhaps even add some bubbles).
• A beautiful sunset.
• Dinner by candlelight.
• The smell of freshly cut grass.
• Clothes fresh out of the dryer. (Or better yet, fresh off a clothes line—if anyone does that anymore!)
• Sleeping in.
• A hot fudge sundae (or decadent dessert of your choice).
• The sound of a gentle rain falling on leaves.
• Reading a book that resonates.
• A cool breeze on a hot day.
• Hearing children giggle.
• Holding hands with a loved one.
• Blowing bubbles.
• Reminiscing with old friends.

What would you add to this list? Make your own list. Start paying attention. Bring your awareness to life's pleasures—and let go of the cares and heaviness for a while. Savor the good moments.

Learn to savor more

A study of 15,000 people found that those who experienced a lot of adversity in the past appreciate more deeply life's small pleasures in the present. So don't let your past drag you down—use it to savor and appreciate today.

Psychologist Fred Bryant, an expert on savoring at Loyola University in Chicago, suggests ways to savor:

• Share your good feelings with others.
• Take a mental picture of good stuff to remember later.
• Revel in your success.
• Pay attention to your senses.
• Outwardly express good feelings. It's OK to laugh out loud!
• Compare good feelings with unpleasant ones. (Hmmm, which ones feel better?!)
• Stop multitasking. Get absorbed!
• Give thanks for what's good.
• Stop being a killjoy. Focus on the positives.
• Remember that good moments pass, so we'll appreciate them more.

He says it's just as important to stop throwing a wet towel on good feelings.

Let's practice savoring today. Notice what's around you. Notice what you see. What you eat. What others are saying and doing. Reflect on blessings.

The art of savoring

Did you know that savoring is linked to optimism, self-esteem, life satisfaction and happiness? Research shows that people who savor report greater well-being.

So what is savoring? It's paying attention—being mindful and spending time thinking about the positive experiences from past, present and future. Lingering in our minds on the good stuff. It extends the "shelf-life" of our happy and positive experiences.

Right now I'm savoring all the precious and fun times I had with my youngest son and my youngest grandchildren when I visited them last week. This means the good times I enjoyed when I was there will last even longer. I let my thoughts linger on those experiences. That doesn't mean I'm living in the past. I'm still present to what's happening in and around me right now. But I grab a memory or two from those days in Oregon and savor them before returning to the present again.

Why not make a conscious choice to do more savoring? Give thanks for what's good in your life. Pull up some good memories and relish them a while. Take a mental picture of good things that happen so you can savor them later. Share the experiences with others—that adds an extra sparkle to your savoring. Pay attention to all your senses. That boosts your ability to savor.

Let the good times roll. And linger on them from time to time to add to your happiness and life satisfaction.

Looking for delight

I know I talk a lot about savoring each day. But it's so important. It's all too easy to sleepwalk through our days, not even noticing all the wonderful things around us.

I like what British playwright and novelist W. Somerset Maugham said, "Nothing in the world is permanent, and we're foolish when we ask anything to last; but surely we're still more foolish not to take delight in it while we have it."

Yes, oh, yes. Delight. The word is simply delicious to me! Delight. Doesn't it just make you smile, too? Just stop right now, look around you. Or even step outside your door and look around. What do you notice? What do you see? Smell? What's changing? Is the light falling on the tree leaves changing even as you watch? Are squirrels playfully chasing each other around? Have you noticed the bright and blazing colors of flowers in the gardens around your home?

Wake up. Notice. Delight in what you see and experience. Delight in those people who are in your life. We are surrounded by amazing blessings and gifts. All we need to do is notice—and enjoy.

This is your moment. Savor it.

My to-do list is longer than I'd like right now. And some of the items on it come with deadlines that are approaching more quickly than I'd like. In fact, I'm concentrating today on one 3,000-word piece I need to write and that is only beginning to form in my mind. Yikes, I am really feeling the pressure.

Because of this, I'm not feeling my usual inspiration for writing today's blog. Perhaps tomorrow will be better.

It occurs to me, however, that this isn't altogether bad. Perhaps you can use the time you would normally use reading my blog to instead reflect on what's going on for you right now. What are you feeling? Thinking? Worrying about? Longing for?

And what do you need to do about any of those things? Any changes needed? Or do you simply need to stop and appreciate what you have right now?

White space on a page is important. We would be put off by words that went from top to bottom and from the left margin all the way to the right margin. We all need some white space in our lives, too—time to think, time to savor what's right there in front of us, time to be awake and aware of the present moment. That's what I'm offering you right now. Use it however you wish.

Savor it all

Recently I heard someone talk about an experience to which they'd looked forward for a long time. And now the experience was history already. And that person felt sad about it being over.

Anticipation is at least half the fun, isn't it? And all too soon, what we anticipated is over and done. It's common to feel some sadness about that. One of the lessons in that for me is to really savor that time of anticipation. Enjoy every minute of the dreaming and the planning.

In fact, enjoy every minute of the experience, too. And then savor the memories afterward. It's all great.

This brings to mind a quote from Dr. Seuss, "Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened."

Sounds like good advice to me.

'Be alive before you die'

My book club just had a discussion the other night on All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr. It's such a rich and complex book; and we could have talked for hours about the characters, the situation, quotes in it—and even the meaning of its title. I have read a lot of World War II books, but not many show the goodness people sometimes exhibit even during brutal war time. And this one did that.

Two of the book's characters heard a radio broadcast when they were children that concluded with this comment: "Open your eyes and see what you can with them before they close forever." Later in the book an older woman asked a question that related to that idea: "Don't you want to be alive before you die?"

Both those quotes are filled with meaning for me. Because our lives are so busy and often so filled with stress, it's easy just to numb out and keep putting one foot in front of the other, head down, in our attempts to get it all done. And when we do that, we often miss so much that goes on in and around us. It's hard work, but it's so worth it to open our eyes and see all we can. It's so worth it to really be alive before we die—rather than sleepwalk through life.

If you don't already do it, see whether you can really be aware today. See how much more you notice. Savor even small things—the texture of your robe, the smell of your coffee, the softness of a loved one's hand, the tenderness in your grandchild's voice. "...be alive before you die."

Anticipation? Or dread?

Yesterday I had a brief conversation with someone who confessed that she just hates New Year's. When I asked her why, she said it was because time is just moving by way too quickly. She isn't ready for another year to soon be over and a new one to begin. She dreads the start of another new year—already.

How do you feel about that? Do you look forward to the new year and all its possibilities? Do you anticipate what surprises it might contain for you? Or do you dread saying "goodbye" to yet another year?

I know the days, weeks, months and years just roll by in a blur. I thought it was true for me because of my age. But this woman was young and still feels time moves too quickly.

The dread was real for this woman. I understand what she's saying. I sometimes wish I could slow down time, but it doesn't work that way. So I really try to make the most of each day. Do I always remember to savor my moments? No, of course not. But I try as best I can.

Look around you today. Take it all in. Are there things you can savor and enjoy more fully?

Come alive

I just love this quote from African American author, theologian and civil rights leader, Howard Thurman: "Don't ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive."

Isn't that wonderful? Think of those people you know—the ones to whom you're likely most drawn—who are filled with energy, passion and positivity. Don't you want to spend more time with people like that? Aren't you inspired and energized when you're with them?

When we spend time with complainers and people who sleepwalk through life, we go away drained of our energy. And it's so easy to get dragged down into that pit ourselves.

Another Thurman quote that pairs well with this one is: "There is something in every one of you that waits and listens for the sound of the genuine in yourself. It is the only true guide you will ever have. And if you cannot hear it, you will all of your life spend your days on the ends of strings that somebody else pulls."

So be authentic. Find your passion. Do it. Don't let others pull your strings or take you where you don't want to go. Savor life. Live each day to the fullest—being who you were meant to be and doing what you love.

Be here now

Yesterday I blogged about a Facebook post that struck me. Here's another one I saw there that resonates, too. It's titled "I Was Dying" and is attributed to that famous writer, Anonymous!

"First I was dying to finish high school and start college. And then I was dying to finish college and start working. And then I was dying to marry and have children. And then I was dying for my children to grow old enough for school so I could return to work. And then I was dying to retire. And now, I am dying ... and suddenly I realize I forgot to live."

Oh, my, talk about living in the future and forgetting to live in the present! How sad.

It's a good reminder, though, isn't it? It's easy to live in the past, going over things we didn't do and wishing we'd made different choices and taken different paths. Or it's easy to live in the future, as this writer did, always longing for that next stage of life, forgetting to enjoy what's right in front of us. It's also easy to do a bit of both—looking backward and looking forward—while ignoring the life that's right here, right now.

A lot is written these days reminding us to "Be here now." It's important to hear that message. Our lives are filled with so many opportunities and gifts, and it's easy to miss those if we're focusing on either the rear-view mirror or the road way up ahead.

What are you missing that's right in front of you? Savor it. Live it.