Take time out for joy

A few blogs ago, I mentioned that my sister and I are helping my brother with some medical issues lately—and doing so from a distance, except for those times when we drive the many hours it takes to be there with him. Sometimes it can feel overwhelming. One day when this was true for me, a friend reminded me to do something for even an hour that day that simply brought me joy.

Ah, yes, when we're stressed out and knee-deep in problems, it makes sense to carve out a little time for joy, for play or simply for deep breathing! How many times have I invited others to do so?

Because I have always loved coloring, I keep a few coloring books and colored pencils near my desk. However, these past months, they have done nothing but gather dust. So when my friend urged me to do something that brought me joy, I dusted off one of my favorite coloring books (in fact, it had been a gift from my sister last year) and let myself become completely absorbed in creating beauty for an hour. I felt so much better after that ... and I was able to return to the tasks at hand.

When you're feeling completely overwhelmed, stressed out or emotionally exhausted, try to carve out a little time for some joy or play. It really does make a difference. It's known as self-care. And it's easy to forget to do this sometimes—even for those of us who spend time reminding others to do so!

Let your body play

I won't forget the wonderful moments we spent nor will I forget how truly relaxed and free I felt at the time—and later as well!

I'm part of a small but close-knit group of women that we call the YaYas. A couple months ago we rented a small house for a long weekend together. Each of us planned activities for the weekend, and together we did some cooking. We also ate out and spent time exploring the lake-side city nearby. It was a fabulous, fun and relaxing weekend.

One of the in-home activities I remember so well required each of us, ahead of time, to send the name of our favorite dance tune and artist to the woman who planned this segment. She put together the play list, and she was the only one who knew each of our favorites. We didn't tell each other ahead of time.

When she went through the play list, we each just danced free-form, spreading throughout the open space of the living area in the house. We just moved our bodies, letting go of any "shoulds" and embarrassment. No one else was watching. Pure play! What fun we had letting our bodies move to the music! When the entire play list finished, we tried to guess who had picked which dance tune.

This experience came to mind today as I read from Marion Woodman and Jill Mellick's book, Coming Home to Myself: "Allow the body to play. Give it space. Let it make whatever movements it wants to make. Just as a dream is an invitation to the unconscious, so releasing your body into spontaneous movement or play is an invitation to the unconscious."

We could all use more of this, right?

Dream, play & savor life

You've heard of Bucket Lists. But have you ever heard of making a Thimble List?

Whereas a Bucket List is about the large things you want to do before you die (walk in the wine country of Italy, ride in a hot air balloon, see Arches National Park in Utah, for example), a Thimble List is a list of very small ways to savor life. Mindfulness plus gratitude equals touching your essential goodness, says writer and retreat presenter Jennifer Louden.

Creating a Thimble List begins with mindfulness—and can also lead to mindfulness. Let yourself get quiet and think about what would really help you notice things in your life—what would really help you savor and enjoy those small things. Tending to those small things leads to gratitude as well. Once you notice, you feel thankful.

So my Thimble List has several things, including:

• Slowly sip my morning (flavored) coffee without thinking about my to-do list
• Give at least one compliment each day to someone
• Journal more often
• Find a few times each week when I can read during the day—without guilt (not a newspaper!)
• Do some spontaneous things with my "besties"
• Buy flowers for my table—even when no visitors are coming

There's a lot more, but you get the idea. You'll have some things unique to you. See if you can come up with a list. It may need revising from time to time. Don't be productivity-oriented when you create it. Let yourself play, dream, have fun with it. Savor.

Come out and play

One of my dear friends and I were talking about how serious we become through the years. Of course, it isn't surprising. We have heavy responsibilities that are serious and call forth our practical, intense selves. That's as it should be if we are to be responsible adults—parents, employees, citizens.

But does it have to be either/or? Do we have to be so responsible that we forget how to play? I don't believe it.

Play can unleash our creativity. It can open our hearts to our more generous and loving selves. It just may erupt in joy and delight. Just watch little children at play for a while. You will notice all the joy and delight. You will also see how creative they become as they engage wholeheartedly in play.

Perhaps we could try to recapture some of that as we mature. There's nothing wrong with getting in touch with wonder and delight once again!

Dance through life

What makes you feel most alive? What makes your spirits sing? And what puts a smile on your face that lasts a long time?

Are you doing those good things for yourself? I hope so.

Remember to carve out time for play, for joy, for things that just tickle you from the top of your head down to the soles of your feet! This isn't wasted time. It's good for body, mind and spirit.

Perhaps you learned to finish your work before you spent time in play (and somehow the time for play never came since to-do lists are seldom finished). You might feel guilty if you sit down and—gasp—read a book during the day. Or take a nap. Or color in your brand new adult coloring book. Or whatever brings you joy and makes your spirit dance.

But let that guilt go. Let go of those old messages and ideas about play being a waste of time and an extraneous activity. No, no, no—anything that opens you to wonder and amazement is good. Anything that makes you come alive is good. The world needs more people who are alive and awake—more people who are filled with joy. Think of how much more loving and compassionate you are to others when your spirit is full.

So what'll it be today?

Let the Inner Child play

Have you taken time to play lately? I mean really play? I don't just mean an evening out at a movie or time working on your hobbies. I mean play. I mean something your Inner Child would love to do.

It's fascinating to me to see the rise of things such as adult coloring books now. That's something you may have loved as a little girl just as I did. I've heard that paper dolls are making a comeback, too! Those are things we did as play when we were young. Why did we stop? Oh, yes, because adults are supposed to be serious and not do such things. Hmmm....

If you haven't already done so, consider bringing back one of those into your life. Or buy some Play-Doh and have fun with it. Working that dough with your hands can be so therapeutic! If building blocks or Legos are more your thing, buy yourself a set—and go to. Or maybe you like puzzles?

Feel foolish doing those things? What's the worst that can happen to you if you engage in some fun and play? Someone might laugh at you? Do you care? Perhaps the benefits will be worth it. And anyway, a worthy goal is to get to the point where we follow our own heart and worry far less about "what other people think." Go ahead—play a little.

Productivity and play

"What do you have to let go of to have more fun?" a friend recently asked my circle of YaYa friends. What a good question, I thought.

Each of us responded in slightly different fashion. But one of the themes running through those responses seemed to be that of responsibility. Each of us is a strong woman, used to grabbing hold and getting things done. We've been used to being productive and perhaps even over-functioning. Wonder Woman costumes aren't foreign to us! We're always so darned responsible.

Then in another group of which I'm part, a similar topic arose; and it was clear that most of us were highly geared to productivity and responsibility. We had learned as children, "Get your work done first. Then if there's time and energy, you can play. Fun comes after work." Old tapes can be difficult to let go.

Do you resonate with any of this?

So, is it OK to just let things be and play first? Can we drop our scheduled to-do list for the day and run off with a friend or our partner and just do something fun? Might that feed our souls and spirits more than crossing items off our to-do list? Might that bring more joy into our lives—and thus, into the world?

My friend asked a good question, and I plan to reflect more on it—and see what changes I might make in how I live. What about you?

Take a play break

Do you ever play anymore? Or do you think you're too old for that?

Actually, the older I get, the more I recognize the importance of play. We all need breaks from the seriousness and heaviness of life. We need to let our brains rest and amp up our creativity with some play. And by "play," I don't mean competitive sports or even card games such as bridge. I mean play, as in what children engage in when they become totally absorbed and erupt in smiles and giggles.

I read recently that there are coloring books for adults, so if that's your thing, go to. I often colored and drew with my grandchildren—and now I'm thinking that I really shouldn't have stopped since I enjoy it myself! And Play-Doh. That just feels good as you work it with your hands and shape it into all sorts of things. You can really have a lot of fun with that.

What about building things with Legos or other blocks? And I knew a therapist once who kept a sandbox in her basement. She said that was her therapy when she was drained from helping everyone else with their problems.

Maybe you like to play with the equipment on a playground—swing as high as you can, for example. Nothing wrong with that ... at any age.

Go ahead. Find something that symbolizes pure relaxation, fun and play to you. Enjoy it—and all the side benefits you'll no doubt experience.

Play not push

Have you ever worked so hard to make something happen? You've had this strong desire, and you move heaven and earth to bring it to fulfillment. Only it just won't come together. And then you loosen your grip on the dream or project (not totally letting it go, though)—and, voila, it does come together.

That doesn't always happen. But sometimes it does. We can really wear ourselves out struggling to make something happen, and it feels like such hard work. It is hard work. While it's not always true, sometimes it can be helpful to stop, take some breaths, loosen your grip, perhaps even invite others in to help, and then see if the dream or desired outcome won't come to life. The wisdom is in knowing just when to do this and when to keep pushing, of course.

I'm an Enneagram 8, and we tend to keep on keeping on. Sometimes that's a good trait. Other times, not so much. So I'm trying to learn to loosen my grip. Everything doesn't have to be such hard work. To do that, I'm starting to learn how to be creative in a playful way. My journaling can include colored pencils, crayons and newsprint as well as my bound journals and a pen. My exercises can include dancing and not just the treadmill and resistance bands. Get the idea? I'm trying to add some play into my life.

If this issue is something with which you struggle, I invite you to contact me for some conversation. And I'd love to hear your comments in the Comment Box below.

Time to play

Have you ever watched little children at play? They are so engaged, so creative and so utterly joyful. Their imaginations are just amazing! Everything is possible for them.

What happens to us as we age? We lose so much of that imagination, pure joy, creativity, spontaneity. We get deadly serious about everything. We don't play anymore, because, as we know, that's a complete waste of time! Right? Or is it?

Of course, we do have to be adults. We have to support ourselves and often, families as well. We can't be quite as carefree as little children. But do we really have to leave behind all the playful and fun parts of life? What if we let go of some of those restricting ideas?

I am a fairly intense and serious person. But as I age, I'm trying to add a bit more play and spontaneity back into my life. My grandchildren have been great at helping me do that, I must admit. However, I want to play not only when I'm with them but also when I'm alone or with other adults. I want to engage my imagination more. Stop automatically saying, "No, I can't do that. No, I'm too old for that. That's too silly. Or impossible." Let go, Sonia, let go!

How about you? What do you do to spur your imagination? To play and totally engage your creative side? Don't neglect that part of you. I'm guessing there's still a little child inside you that would love to come out and play!

Play—and recover wonder

We've had so much snow in the Chicago area lately. I know we're not alone in that. Where my youngest son's family lives (they've just moved from Phoenix to the high desert area of Oregon), they don't have piles of snow. So when I recently sent an iPhone photo of the snow outside my front door, my 7-year-old granddaughter wanted to come visit me and make a snow woman with me. Her first thought was of play!

You just know my thoughts were not about play as the snow continued to fall for days! Of course, I thought about all the inconvenience and about how little I like winter. (I did think about the beauty at those times when I was able to stay inside and just look out on the beautiful snow-covered pines in my back yard, however.)

Where do we lose that sense of play and wonder? Or when? Of course, because we are now responsible adults, everything can't be about making snow angels and snow women or men. Somehow, though, I wonder if it's possible to hang onto some of that sense? Does it all have to be about practicality and responsibility? Can it be both/and rather than either/or?

What do you think? How do you find a balance for that in your life?

Play: Is it OK for adults?

Do we ever get too old to play? What does play look like for you these days? Or don't you ever play?

Being an adult can be serious work. Holding down a career takes time, energy and serious attention. Raising a family takes even more. Our lives can get incredibly complicated, chaotic and stress-filled. So  much so that we can completely lose any sense of fun, joy or playfulness. Play? Is that really allowed?

So when did we lose that desire to play? How old were you when you thought it was too childish?

I loved to play with dolls when I was a young girl. My sister is younger than I am, so I used to think that I played with dolls longer than most girls might because I was "doing it for her"—so she'd have someone with whom to play. Well, maybe. Truth was, I enjoyed the make-believe of it all myself. And honestly, I don't think it was until I had grandchildren that I played "let's pretend" again. What a shame.

Do you remember the last time you laughed till you nearly cried? The last time you got down on the floor and played with building blocks or a puzzle? The last time you read a children's book just for yourself? I knew a marriage counselor who kept a sandbox in her basement and played in it regularly because it was great therapy for her when she just needed to blot out all the cares of couples who came to her with their problems. I remember being impressed that she was still in touch with her inner child!

Now I try to access my zany, playful side more often—and not just when I'm with my grandchildren. I love to laugh—and it's so, so good for my health and attitude. I find children's books delightful and even have a few just for myself!

What can you do today to add some joy and play to your life?

Play days aren't just for kids

Last Tuesday we had a play day. I love play days; they're definitely not just for children. My fiance, another couple and I took the "el" downtown and spent the day at the Art Institute of Chicago. First stop after we got off the train was a Starbucks not far from the art institute where we warmed ourselves up with lattes and hot chocolate. And then we walked on to enjoy the fabulous exhibits. What an adventure.

I always feel so fed after spending time looking at all the wonderful art forms. Of course, this art institute is like most others in that it's far too extensive to cover even half the exhibits in any one day. So it's always fun to choose which ones to see this time. Since I'm reading a novel about Claude Monet at the moment, I definitely wanted to spend lots of time in the Impressionists section.

My fiance is a photographer so we spent time in that section, and we also thoroughly enjoyed seeing a collection of glass paperweights, among other things. Stunning. How fun to be surrounded by so much beauty and think of all the talent and gifts that brought that art to us.

Time with friends. Beautiful art. Good food in the relaxed atmosphere of the institute's dining room. Light snow falling when we walked from the art institute back to the train stop. A wonderful day.

Have you taken a play day lately? Or even a play hour? Is it time for one? If your stress is getting to you, do something that will feed your soul. Do something just for fun. Give yourself the gift of self-care—in whatever form is just right for now. See how much better you'll feel!

Are you 'crazy busy'?

Last week I read a fascinating article Tim Kreider wrote for The New York Times about being busy. He says the standard response when you ask someone how they are is, "Busy." Or "So busy" or even "Crazy busy." Isn't that so true?

I've often said that busyness has become a competitive sport for us in the U.S. And are we better off for it? I would argue that we aren't. And that seems to be Kreider's opinion too, starting with the title of his piece: "The 'Busy' Trap."

He says we feel anxious and guilty when we're not busy. Even our children (and grandchildren) are totally booked up with activities that are planned. My middle son and I often talk about how he and his brothers enjoyed pick-up softball games on the sandlot near our small town home. But his kids were part of teams from the time they were very small. It's just how things work in suburban America these days.

Back to Kreider. He suggests that busyness seems to serve as "a hedge against emptiness" letting us know that we really do matter. But he argues that idleness "is as indispensable to the brain as vitamin D is to the body." He adds, "The space and quiet that idleness provides is a necessary condition for standing back from life and seeing it whole...." Yes, oh yes!

I hope you are allowing what I've long called "white space" onto the pages of your life. Pull back from some of the "shoulds" and the endless to-do lists and find time to just look at the tree outside your house or the flowers in your back yard. Watch the cloud formations. Smell the flowers. Think great thoughts. Or none at all. Take time to play. It will re-energize you and bring you much more joy than crossing endless items from your to-do list.

What will you answer next time someone asks how you are?

Chocolate, anyone?

I just finished reading Live Big! By Katie Brazelton, a book given to me by a friend. One of the chapters is titled “Eat Dessert First.” I love that idea. Don’t you?

In fact, sometimes when I’ve finished a meal in a restaurant and am asked whether I want dessert (and I’m full and have no room for a luscious chocolate dessert of some type), I laughingly say, “Next time I’ll start with dessert and then we’ll see if I have any room left for an entrée.” I’ve never actually done it, however.

Perhaps it’s time to start!

What Brazelton really invites readers to do is to make memories with those we love, celebrate gifts, treasure little blessings and take time to play.

Are you so focused on being productive that you don’t smell the roses? Do you feel guilty if you read a book during the day? Or take a nap? Do you have any time to play?

Let’s start today to embrace joy! Find time to play. Eat dessert first.

Chocolate chip brownie, anyone?

What? Take time to play?

Do you take time to play? Or did you grow to adulthood (as I did), thinking that play was only for children? That life is a very serious affair?

Let’s get rid of that notion right now. Play and fun—those things aren’t just for children anymore. And, yes, life is serious … but it doesn’t have to be all the time!

Have you experienced times of pure fun and noticed how much better you felt afterward? There is absolutely nothing like laughing until you feel your sides will split. There’s nothing like losing yourself in something that really has no productive purpose. It’s good to remember that we’re human beings, not human doings. We don’t always have to be productive!

Silly is good
Even at my age, I love swinging. I love spending time at a zoo—and sometimes imagining that the animals are watching me as much as I am watching them. I love playing “tea party” with my granddaughters. My 11-year-old granddaughter and I have so much fun telling stories. One of us will start a story and will break off, sometimes even in mid-sentence, and let the other one continue. Then that person continues the story and passes the baton to the other again. Back and forth we go. Oh, the crazy, imaginary stories we can create that way. We laugh till we’re nearly sick. But do we have fun! Olivia often says, “Oh, Grandma Sonia, you’re so silly.” But she says it with such love, and I take it as a total compliment!

What do you do that’s fun? Do you schedule play time? Maybe you should. Make today the day you begin to live with more happiness, joy, fun and play in your life. Let’s stop taking ourselves so seriously all the time. See if it doesn’t add better balance to your life.