I've blogged several times about wonder, a trait we often fear we've lost as adults but that we see so openly in children. Should we not feel wonder at what our bodies do for us? At the many ways our bodies function, abilities we take so for granted? Our arm reaches for something high on the shelf without our even being conscious of all the inner workings that make this possible. We think, we walk, we run, we speak, we hear ... year after year, decade after decade ... incredible!
We see the butterflies and hummingbirds return from long journeys as spring declares its presence once again. Should we not feel wonder at these things? We see the earth green up, flowers grow, sunrises and sunsets set the earth aglow. Wow!
I read Steven Charleston's wonderful words in his book Cloud Walking: A Spiritual Diary, "You are a child of innocence, born to wonder all your days. ...Innocence is not the absence of pain, but the ability to face truth as an adult while still seeing with the eyes of a child. Innocence is hope. It is vision. It is love. God grant that each of us, for all the darkness we have endured, will always have the grace of innocence: the belief that what is to come will be better than what has been."
So even as we face the realities of our lives with illness, pain, failings, disappointments—yet wonder and innocence still remain. Let's not lose sight of them. They are there. We only need pay attention—and believe.
Showing posts with label beliefs. Show all posts
Showing posts with label beliefs. Show all posts
Friday, May 11, 2018
Monday, February 19, 2018
Beliefs about vulnerability
I've long struggled with the concept of vulnerability. Oh, not in my mind. I think being vulnerable is a great idea. It's just that I don't do it so well myself. For some reason, I learned to equate vulnerability with weakness. Is that because of messages about women being weak, messages I have long rejected? I don't know. It doesn't matter why. What matters is that I keep trying to be more vulnerable. I don't need to keep leaping tall buildings in a single bound, landing backward in a slim skirt and high heels! And I don't need to wear that "tough woman" facade to show I can handle whatever comes my way either. I can admit that sometimes I simply don't know what to do. I can admit that sometimes I'm really afraid.
As researcher and author Brené Brown says, vulnerability isn't weakness; and the barrier just might be our beliefs about vulnerability. Yes, she's right—at least in my case. In her latest book, Braving the Wilderness, Brown asks two good questions about vulnerability:
"Are we willing to show up and be seen when we can't control the outcome?"
And "Are we willing to create courageous spaces so we can be fully seen?"
I'm reflecting on those questions for myself. I don't have so much trouble speaking truth to power or truth to BS, as she recommends in her book. But admitting that I really don't know what to do—and admitting to my weaknesses, flaws and fears, well, that's tougher. But I keep trying.
As researcher and author Brené Brown says, vulnerability isn't weakness; and the barrier just might be our beliefs about vulnerability. Yes, she's right—at least in my case. In her latest book, Braving the Wilderness, Brown asks two good questions about vulnerability:
"Are we willing to show up and be seen when we can't control the outcome?"
And "Are we willing to create courageous spaces so we can be fully seen?"
I'm reflecting on those questions for myself. I don't have so much trouble speaking truth to power or truth to BS, as she recommends in her book. But admitting that I really don't know what to do—and admitting to my weaknesses, flaws and fears, well, that's tougher. But I keep trying.
Monday, October 31, 2016
Explore the feelings, too
I keep hearing about people who have ruptured relationships with family and friends over this year's presidential election. Obviously, there are many things over which we can experience conflict. But this election process has been especially pernicious.
So when I read last week in my copy of Thomas F. Crum's The Magic of Conflict, I found some helpful insights: "In creatively resolving those everyday fights at home or in the office, the willingness to understand the other side is essential. ... As long as we are involved at the level of the issue, we never understand the other side. ... Being willing to understand is your chance to embrace all aspects of a conflict, not just the positions, but also the feelings, the beliefs, and the interests that both sides have."
That makes so much sense to me. Our deeply held beliefs are so complex—and are about far more than the issue itself. They stem from feelings and interests and much more. So it's helpful if we can really listen deeply to another as they explain what it means to them to have taken the position they hold. And we need to fully examine our own position and be able to explore the many pieces that underlie that, too. If we can have respectful conversation around all those additional facets, perhaps we can actually hope to find common ground. After all, we are complex human beings. It follows that our positions and beliefs grow out of that complexity. Let's take the time to drill down and honor each other enough to learn what's under the positions of others as well as our own beliefs.
So when I read last week in my copy of Thomas F. Crum's The Magic of Conflict, I found some helpful insights: "In creatively resolving those everyday fights at home or in the office, the willingness to understand the other side is essential. ... As long as we are involved at the level of the issue, we never understand the other side. ... Being willing to understand is your chance to embrace all aspects of a conflict, not just the positions, but also the feelings, the beliefs, and the interests that both sides have."
That makes so much sense to me. Our deeply held beliefs are so complex—and are about far more than the issue itself. They stem from feelings and interests and much more. So it's helpful if we can really listen deeply to another as they explain what it means to them to have taken the position they hold. And we need to fully examine our own position and be able to explore the many pieces that underlie that, too. If we can have respectful conversation around all those additional facets, perhaps we can actually hope to find common ground. After all, we are complex human beings. It follows that our positions and beliefs grow out of that complexity. Let's take the time to drill down and honor each other enough to learn what's under the positions of others as well as our own beliefs.
Tuesday, December 30, 2014
'Unbroken'
During the Christmas holiday, we saw the movie Unbroken. It chronicles the life of Louis Zamperini, who served in World War II and was captured by the Japanese and sent to various prison camps. I had read the book previously. Although it wasn't easy to read, I was impressed by Zamperini's spirit, resilience and inner strength. One sadistic camp guard in particular, "The Bird," was laser-focused on breaking Zamperini's spirit. He was never able to do so—thus, the film's title.
What strikes me as a take-away from this is that each of us has some "inner song," some core belief, some image or mantra that we hang onto almost as a talisman. That inner core helps us survive outer storms of all kinds in our lives. Louis Zamperini carried an image of his family, particularly his brother who encouraged him to be more than he himself ever thought he could (thanks to that encouragement, he had been a successful runner and Olympic athlete prior to the war) and also his beloved mother. The words of his brother rang in his ears when he endured the most cruel and inhumane treatment at the hands of "The Bird." Those words were, "If you can take it, you can make it." And the image of his mother lovingly preparing food for the family warmed his heart during the lonely weeks and months when he was a POW.
What inside you helps you get through life's outer storms? What images and messages do you carry inside? What mantra do you repeat in difficult times that gives you a boost of strength? I remember a mantra I used (sometimes several times a day) following my divorce and throughout some difficult times in my job: "I am calm and serene, for I reside in God's love." I still call that to mind from time to time.
Since life can change on a dime, it's good to think about what "inner song" you have that just might give you the inner strength to get through a tough time.
What strikes me as a take-away from this is that each of us has some "inner song," some core belief, some image or mantra that we hang onto almost as a talisman. That inner core helps us survive outer storms of all kinds in our lives. Louis Zamperini carried an image of his family, particularly his brother who encouraged him to be more than he himself ever thought he could (thanks to that encouragement, he had been a successful runner and Olympic athlete prior to the war) and also his beloved mother. The words of his brother rang in his ears when he endured the most cruel and inhumane treatment at the hands of "The Bird." Those words were, "If you can take it, you can make it." And the image of his mother lovingly preparing food for the family warmed his heart during the lonely weeks and months when he was a POW.
What inside you helps you get through life's outer storms? What images and messages do you carry inside? What mantra do you repeat in difficult times that gives you a boost of strength? I remember a mantra I used (sometimes several times a day) following my divorce and throughout some difficult times in my job: "I am calm and serene, for I reside in God's love." I still call that to mind from time to time.
Since life can change on a dime, it's good to think about what "inner song" you have that just might give you the inner strength to get through a tough time.
Thursday, May 1, 2014
Check your attitudes
A few days ago actor George Clooney's engagement to London lawyer Amal Alamuddin was announced. I don't generally pay attention to such entertainment news. But I did hear some TV anchors comment on the engagement, saying things such as, "I wonder how she caught him" and "I heard she played hard-to-get so that must have been her secret." What?! I admit that really caught my attention.
Alamuddin is a stunningly brilliant and beautiful Oxford-educated woman. I seriously doubt she needed to strategize to "catch him," bright and erudite though he also is.
The whole lesson in this for me is to pay attention to what old ideas and attitudes still remain in my thinking and vocabulary. Do I still have some attitudes that are as silly as those exhibited by the TV anchors I heard? If so, it's time to weed them out and let them go. Do I still have some core beliefs and behaviors that are really outdated and which I also need to let go? It's good from time to time to do a mental review of such things—and see what serves me well and what doesn't.
For my money, the process of letting go is such a fundamental and necessary part of living well and living in a healthy way. Many ideas, attitudes, thought patterns and behaviors need to change as we continue to grow and develop. We need to let go and move on to new, healthier ways of being.
Alamuddin is a stunningly brilliant and beautiful Oxford-educated woman. I seriously doubt she needed to strategize to "catch him," bright and erudite though he also is.
The whole lesson in this for me is to pay attention to what old ideas and attitudes still remain in my thinking and vocabulary. Do I still have some attitudes that are as silly as those exhibited by the TV anchors I heard? If so, it's time to weed them out and let them go. Do I still have some core beliefs and behaviors that are really outdated and which I also need to let go? It's good from time to time to do a mental review of such things—and see what serves me well and what doesn't.
For my money, the process of letting go is such a fundamental and necessary part of living well and living in a healthy way. Many ideas, attitudes, thought patterns and behaviors need to change as we continue to grow and develop. We need to let go and move on to new, healthier ways of being.
Tuesday, April 15, 2014
Believe it
Have you heard about the Dove soap beauty-patch experiment? It's an amazing story—one I learned about on a "Today" show segment last week.
A series of women agreed to participate in a research group to test a patch they would wear on their arms 12 hours a day for two weeks. In that time, they would record a video diary about how they felt during that time period. These women knew that the patch was supposed to enhance the way they saw their own beauty (knowing we women often don't see our own beauty). They had no idea what the product contained.
At first the women said they noticed no change; but after about the fourth day, they began to feel more confident, more beautiful and willing to try new things. They made different decisions than they had made when they didn't like the way they looked. They felt better about themselves.
At the end of the experiment, they were told that the patch contained absolutely nothing. There were no secret ingredients—nothing that would affect the way they saw themselves! However, because they believed the patch contained ingredients to enhance their beauty, they felt more beautiful and felt better about themselves. The message: Beauty is a state of mind!
Believe it! Believe in yourself. Believe in your beauty. You are truly a one-of-a-kind!
A series of women agreed to participate in a research group to test a patch they would wear on their arms 12 hours a day for two weeks. In that time, they would record a video diary about how they felt during that time period. These women knew that the patch was supposed to enhance the way they saw their own beauty (knowing we women often don't see our own beauty). They had no idea what the product contained.
At first the women said they noticed no change; but after about the fourth day, they began to feel more confident, more beautiful and willing to try new things. They made different decisions than they had made when they didn't like the way they looked. They felt better about themselves.
At the end of the experiment, they were told that the patch contained absolutely nothing. There were no secret ingredients—nothing that would affect the way they saw themselves! However, because they believed the patch contained ingredients to enhance their beauty, they felt more beautiful and felt better about themselves. The message: Beauty is a state of mind!
Believe it! Believe in yourself. Believe in your beauty. You are truly a one-of-a-kind!
Tuesday, April 1, 2014
Believe in yourself
Seen on Facebook: "Confidence is something you create within yourself by believing in who you are."
When I was much younger, less confident and more shy than I am now, I envied people with confidence. I thought how fortunate they were to have been born with that quality.
Now I know, however, that there's much truth to the saying I read on Facebook yesterday. As with so many things, confidence is an inside job. It happens inside of you and starts between the ears. It's not something that's fully intact in you when you arrive on this planet. Nor is it a quality that anyone else can give you. It takes some work on your part—some growth and development. Confidence develops over time as you give yourself permission to be who you are—and come to believe in that person you really are. It happens when you like that person you are. Developing confidence is a process, and it happens as you begin to feel comfortable in your own skin (which really is about being authentic and being OK with that, isn't it?).
What are your beliefs about yourself? What messages do you give yourself? And what would it take for you to give up being who others want you to be—and be who you really are? And to feel good about that authentic you? Do you feel comfortable in your own skin? If not, what would it take to develop that confidence? Take bite-sized steps toward that today if you aren't where you want to be. And please contact me should you want to discuss this in a no-obligation, complimentary strategy session.
When I was much younger, less confident and more shy than I am now, I envied people with confidence. I thought how fortunate they were to have been born with that quality.
Now I know, however, that there's much truth to the saying I read on Facebook yesterday. As with so many things, confidence is an inside job. It happens inside of you and starts between the ears. It's not something that's fully intact in you when you arrive on this planet. Nor is it a quality that anyone else can give you. It takes some work on your part—some growth and development. Confidence develops over time as you give yourself permission to be who you are—and come to believe in that person you really are. It happens when you like that person you are. Developing confidence is a process, and it happens as you begin to feel comfortable in your own skin (which really is about being authentic and being OK with that, isn't it?).
What are your beliefs about yourself? What messages do you give yourself? And what would it take for you to give up being who others want you to be—and be who you really are? And to feel good about that authentic you? Do you feel comfortable in your own skin? If not, what would it take to develop that confidence? Take bite-sized steps toward that today if you aren't where you want to be. And please contact me should you want to discuss this in a no-obligation, complimentary strategy session.
Friday, July 26, 2013
Believing is seeing
On Monday I wrote about watching for miracles and living in wonder. I also put a note on my Facebook profile about it that day.
In response, a friend of mine put up on my profile a Roald Dahl quote that really struck a chord with me, so I offer it to you, too:
"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."
"Watch with glittering eyes." Isn't that a wonderful description? And the final sentence—"Those who don't believe in magic will never find it"—reminds me of something a preacher said long ago. He said that, though we often say that seeing is believing, he would turn that around and say believing is seeing.
I've thought of that so often since then, and I completely agree with him. When you believe that you'll see miracles and great things, you will. When you are looking for goodness in the world, you will see it. When you believe in yourself, you will achieve.
So today let's "watch with glittering eyes" to see what we notice. Savor it all—and remember to be grateful!
In response, a friend of mine put up on my profile a Roald Dahl quote that really struck a chord with me, so I offer it to you, too:
"And above all, watch with glittering eyes the whole world around you because the greatest secrets are always hidden in the most unlikely places. Those who don't believe in magic will never find it."
"Watch with glittering eyes." Isn't that a wonderful description? And the final sentence—"Those who don't believe in magic will never find it"—reminds me of something a preacher said long ago. He said that, though we often say that seeing is believing, he would turn that around and say believing is seeing.
I've thought of that so often since then, and I completely agree with him. When you believe that you'll see miracles and great things, you will. When you are looking for goodness in the world, you will see it. When you believe in yourself, you will achieve.
So today let's "watch with glittering eyes" to see what we notice. Savor it all—and remember to be grateful!
Monday, November 19, 2012
What's your legacy?
One friend responded to my request for help on blog topics saying she's thinking about death a lot these days. Not in a morbid sense but just in that realistic way that happens when you get to the stage of life where you're aware that you have far fewer years ahead of you than behind you.
Her idea brings to mind something on which I've been focused for the last few years. I've heard a lot about living legacies and have given lots of thought to the legacy I leave for my three sons and my nine grandchildren. I don't mean my estate, such as it is. I mean what I leave behind in terms of values and wisdom. What are they learning from me as I live my life now? What beliefs and attitudes am I sharing?
For my sister's birthday this year, I gave her one of those "For my grandchild" memory books that grandparents fill out and present to their grandchild. Cheryl has one grandchild, and she has been having the time of her life writing in that book about her own childhood and adulthood. While the book includes the facts of Cheryl's life, it asks open-ended questions that allow her to draw a picture of who she is and what's important to her. It's about the legacy Cheryl is passing on. She imagines what fun Savannah will have reading it when she's older (she's 3 now) and how this book will allow Savannah to know her grandmother in a deeper and more personal way. Cheryl also knows her son will likely enjoy reading the book, too.
While I've given thought to my living legacy and have deeply engaged in my grandchildren's lives, I still haven't written in the two grandmother books I was given, one when my first grandchild was born and another when my second arrived (they're 17 and 16 already!). Cheryl is inspiring me (though I think I'll do my own book rather than filling in nine separate books!) to act on the living legacy idea. And with her thoughts on death these days, my friend inspires me to be even more aware of how I'm living—for myself and for those I love and will someday leave behind.
What's your legacy?
Her idea brings to mind something on which I've been focused for the last few years. I've heard a lot about living legacies and have given lots of thought to the legacy I leave for my three sons and my nine grandchildren. I don't mean my estate, such as it is. I mean what I leave behind in terms of values and wisdom. What are they learning from me as I live my life now? What beliefs and attitudes am I sharing?
For my sister's birthday this year, I gave her one of those "For my grandchild" memory books that grandparents fill out and present to their grandchild. Cheryl has one grandchild, and she has been having the time of her life writing in that book about her own childhood and adulthood. While the book includes the facts of Cheryl's life, it asks open-ended questions that allow her to draw a picture of who she is and what's important to her. It's about the legacy Cheryl is passing on. She imagines what fun Savannah will have reading it when she's older (she's 3 now) and how this book will allow Savannah to know her grandmother in a deeper and more personal way. Cheryl also knows her son will likely enjoy reading the book, too.
While I've given thought to my living legacy and have deeply engaged in my grandchildren's lives, I still haven't written in the two grandmother books I was given, one when my first grandchild was born and another when my second arrived (they're 17 and 16 already!). Cheryl is inspiring me (though I think I'll do my own book rather than filling in nine separate books!) to act on the living legacy idea. And with her thoughts on death these days, my friend inspires me to be even more aware of how I'm living—for myself and for those I love and will someday leave behind.
What's your legacy?
Wednesday, May 23, 2012
Believing is seeing
Yesterday I mentioned the book Everyday Sacred: A Woman's Journey Home by Sue Bender. I just read something in it today that reminded me of a new twist on an old cliche that I'd heard years ago.
Bender wrote, "If you believe, you begin to look. And you begin to see what has been there all the time."
Years ago I heard an Episcopal priest take the cliche "Seeing is believing" and turn it around. He preached on the theme "Believing is seeing."
That's exactly what Bender seems to be saying. Once you believe something, you can see things you might have missed before. Or when you believe something, that belief affects how you see things.
For example, if you believe that people are intrinsically good, you will see a person that way (until proven wrong) and undoubtedly draw out the best in that person. You have heard stories about young children whose teachers thought them incapable of learning much. Of course, the students lived up to the expectations, right? Then along came a teacher who believed in the student. And suddenly, things changed. The child blossomed and grew.
What in your life could be changed today if you adjusted your belief about something?
Bender wrote, "If you believe, you begin to look. And you begin to see what has been there all the time."
Years ago I heard an Episcopal priest take the cliche "Seeing is believing" and turn it around. He preached on the theme "Believing is seeing."
That's exactly what Bender seems to be saying. Once you believe something, you can see things you might have missed before. Or when you believe something, that belief affects how you see things.
For example, if you believe that people are intrinsically good, you will see a person that way (until proven wrong) and undoubtedly draw out the best in that person. You have heard stories about young children whose teachers thought them incapable of learning much. Of course, the students lived up to the expectations, right? Then along came a teacher who believed in the student. And suddenly, things changed. The child blossomed and grew.
What in your life could be changed today if you adjusted your belief about something?
Tuesday, March 6, 2012
"Wake Up, Show Up!"
Author Joyce Rupp in her book The Cup of Our Life gives four reminders for those who use her book. These reminders work well as you face life issues and answer life questions, too. In fact, they are just good for life in general!
Wake up! Be aware.
Show up! Be there.
Shake up! Be willing to rearrange your inner viewpoint.
Start up! Get moving.
How might your life be different today if you followed those four admonitions? Would it help you discover transformation at the end of some crossroad of change you’re currently experiencing—rather than just the grief of change?
When something changes in your life and you aren’t sure which way to go, it’s easy to get stuck in the loss and grief. I’ve certainly been there and done that. That is not to say that you should ignore the loss when you face change-points. Definitely name the losses and grieve them. And then move on.
Start with paying attention
Rupp’s reminders work no matter where you are in your transition or transformation process. You really do begin with awareness. Pay attention. What has happened? What is happening? Where are you now? And where do you want to be? How will you get there?
Once you have an awareness of the issue, be present with it. Live with it. Hold it. Don’t be afraid of it.
Examine your beliefs, views and attitudes about what’s going on. Are they old messages? Perhaps from childhood—or from another relationship or life experience? They may no longer hold true. Some never were true, but we heard them so often that they seemed true. You may just need a new belief or viewpoint. Bust some myths that no longer work.
Set an action plan. Break the plan into bite-sized pieces. And get moving. You will feel so energized and powerful when you make a choice and start moving! If you would like help in working this through, I invite you to contact me for a no-obligation, complimentary strategy session.
Wake up! Be aware.
Show up! Be there.
Shake up! Be willing to rearrange your inner viewpoint.
Start up! Get moving.
How might your life be different today if you followed those four admonitions? Would it help you discover transformation at the end of some crossroad of change you’re currently experiencing—rather than just the grief of change?
When something changes in your life and you aren’t sure which way to go, it’s easy to get stuck in the loss and grief. I’ve certainly been there and done that. That is not to say that you should ignore the loss when you face change-points. Definitely name the losses and grieve them. And then move on.
Start with paying attention
Rupp’s reminders work no matter where you are in your transition or transformation process. You really do begin with awareness. Pay attention. What has happened? What is happening? Where are you now? And where do you want to be? How will you get there?
Once you have an awareness of the issue, be present with it. Live with it. Hold it. Don’t be afraid of it.
Examine your beliefs, views and attitudes about what’s going on. Are they old messages? Perhaps from childhood—or from another relationship or life experience? They may no longer hold true. Some never were true, but we heard them so often that they seemed true. You may just need a new belief or viewpoint. Bust some myths that no longer work.
Set an action plan. Break the plan into bite-sized pieces. And get moving. You will feel so energized and powerful when you make a choice and start moving! If you would like help in working this through, I invite you to contact me for a no-obligation, complimentary strategy session.
Tuesday, February 7, 2012
What holds you back?
Have you ever had a dream that, when you began to let it unfold and you put legs on it, you heard lots of inner voices? Critical voices. Questioning voices. And you realized they weren’t the voices of others; they were your voice. Your Inner Critic (sometimes called your inner saboteur). Often when you really dream big, the voices kick into overdrive! “Why do you think you can do that?” “You don’t have enough experience.” On and on, the voices pile on.
What are the limiting beliefs you harbor about yourself? Can you pull them out, one at a time, and examine them? Look these beliefs straight in the eye. Confront them. Let them go. Replace them.
Find the fear
Behind those voices, some type of fear exists. It’s good to drill down to learn what’s really holding you back. Fear of failure—or of success? Of criticism? Of not being loved?
Several years ago I applied and interviewed for the top management position in my workplace. My Inner Critic got right to work on me. When I had a “conversation” with her (my method of conversation is journaling, but you may have another one), I learned that she was really trying to protect me. She was aware of the criticism (sadly, especially from other women) I got when I broke a glass ceiling to assume the managing editor position, and she knew it would be hard on me to experience more of that. I’m an extremely relational person; and I’ll be honest, those criticisms did sting. That didn’t stop me from doing my job and enjoying it—and I soon tuned out the criticisms (and proved my critics wrong). But my Inner Critic was protecting me. I assured her that I would be fine, and she didn’t need to hold me back. I was ready for whatever happened.
Take a look at those limiting beliefs and those voices. Deal with them. Let them go—or reframe them. It’s time for you to soar!
What are the limiting beliefs you harbor about yourself? Can you pull them out, one at a time, and examine them? Look these beliefs straight in the eye. Confront them. Let them go. Replace them.
Find the fear
Behind those voices, some type of fear exists. It’s good to drill down to learn what’s really holding you back. Fear of failure—or of success? Of criticism? Of not being loved?
Several years ago I applied and interviewed for the top management position in my workplace. My Inner Critic got right to work on me. When I had a “conversation” with her (my method of conversation is journaling, but you may have another one), I learned that she was really trying to protect me. She was aware of the criticism (sadly, especially from other women) I got when I broke a glass ceiling to assume the managing editor position, and she knew it would be hard on me to experience more of that. I’m an extremely relational person; and I’ll be honest, those criticisms did sting. That didn’t stop me from doing my job and enjoying it—and I soon tuned out the criticisms (and proved my critics wrong). But my Inner Critic was protecting me. I assured her that I would be fine, and she didn’t need to hold me back. I was ready for whatever happened.
Take a look at those limiting beliefs and those voices. Deal with them. Let them go—or reframe them. It’s time for you to soar!
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