Live a life of gratitude

A Vietnamese proverb goes like this: "When eating fruit, remember who planted the tree. When drinking water, remember who dug the well."

That tells me that a life of gratitude is one of being awake and aware. I don't want to sleepwalk through my life, taking for granted all the good things that come my way. Someone is responsible for even the most ordinary things that we use and enjoy daily. Someone planted the tree or dug the well. Someone set in motion the machinery that brought this or that into your life.

It might be interesting to be more intentional and watchful for at least one day: Give thought throughout the day to as many things as possible. What or who made it possible for you to enjoy this? Just for an example, at one of your mealtimes, think of all the people it took for that food to be on your plate: the grower, the harvester, the trucker, the grocer, the cook and so many more. Take time to be grateful.

Be intentional. Live awake and aware.

AARP CEO Jo Ann Jenkins has written a book titled Disrupt Aging: A Bold New Path to Living Your Best Life at Every Age. She opens the book with a challenge that's worth thinking about:

If you knew you were going to live to be 100, what would you do differently today?

Would you eat differently? Exercise more?

Would you repair some broken relationships? Spend more time with those you love and who are supremely important to you? Reach out to make new friends?

Retire earlier? Or find a gratifying way to spend retirement, whether volunteering or in a third-stage-of-life career or simply playing more?

Would you write your life story for your children and grandchildren as a way to pass on your legacy?

Or would you travel to those places you'd always wanted to visit?

Do the things on your bucket list? Or create a bucket list, if you've not already done so?

It's worth reflecting on this if we want to be intentional about how we spend the moments, days and years that are given to us. Let us not sleepwalk through life and reach our final days with regret for the things we haven't done. Today is the day to start making any changes you desire.

The power of the moment

Some years ago, a friend gave me a printout titled "This powerful moment." The words went deep for me at the time I first read it, and I just came across it again the other day. The words still resonate!

The printout contained these words:

"There is enormous power in this moment. The more fully you experience what is here right now, the more that power is available to you.

"Are you angry or bitter, disappointed or resentful about what has happened in the past? Then much of the power of this moment will be out of your reach.

"Are you anxious and worried about something that may or may not happen in the future? The  you will miss out on the opportunity to create real and lasting value from this powerful moment you are in.

"Imagine that everything you are, everything you know, everything you care about, is focused into this very moment. And feel the enormous power of what you can, right here and now, do with it all.

"Rise above the murky fog of what could have been and what someday might or might not come to pass. Focus the whole of your being on what is, and on the overflowing abundant opportunities this moment presents to you.

"There is great and wonderful power in this very moment, in who you are, in where you are right now. See it, be it, and let yourself live it fully."

When I Googled some of the words of this inspiring message, I learned that it comes from an online blog written by Ralph S. Marston. Happily, I see he still is blogging; so I encourage you to check out his recent blogs, too. We all need all the inspiration we can get, especially these days!

Bringing justice

I don't know about you, but I'm all about addressing injustices where I see them—particularly those aimed at women and children. Sometimes we hear about them from a variety of sources, including the news media. But there are so many instances of which we know little to nothing. They simply do not get discussed much.

The other day I read about something that definitely affects women, particularly women in poverty. I hadn't even realized that menstrual supplies had been in the news lately. How did I miss that? Activists have been trying to repeal what's called a "tampon tax"—a sales tax levied on menstrual supplies in 36 states. The rationale for this tax is that these products are luxuries, not necessities. What?! Who knew? Are we to return to the days of rags?

In addition, I learned that menstrual products aren't covered by food stamps or WIC coupons. Neither are soap, toilet paper and other basics of hygiene. Isn't that odd? So women in poverty can't use their stamps or coupons for such necessities. What are they to do?

This may seem like an odd subject about which to blog, but it points out to me the importance of staying informed and aware so that we can bring justice to those who are without money, status and voice. Oh, yes, and justice to half the world's population! Raising awareness is one way we can bring justice, and it's not to be discounted. It's part of being human and showing compassion.

Turn the switch to positivity

Are you having difficulty staying positive these days? Are the details of your life dragging you down? Or perhaps it's the news coming from outside you that's depressing you?

I encourage you to not let the situation continue. It's not good for your health, for one thing. Also, the longer you allow negativity to continue in your life, the tougher it is to change. It's all too easy to get stuck in a rut of negative thinking. But you can create new pathways. One way is to think of five or six things for which you're grateful when you first awaken each day. Another is to think of a role model in your life—someone who inspires and uplifts you. When you find yourself getting down, think of that person. Call them and get a positive-energy fix, if that's what you need!

Look for opportunities to help others. I guarantee that will bring you out of yourself and your negativity. It always feels good to be of service to others and to have purpose in your life.

Try meditation. Even just taking time to relax, breathe deeply and exhale your stress will help you create a more positive frame of mind.

Find things to savor each day. Pay attention. Notice the green shoots popping up through the ground now. Listen to the birds. Take time to stop and notice the sunset—or the sunrise. Appreciate it all. Try to not sleepwalk through your days. Live awake and aware! You'll be so glad you did.

So what's next?

Last Friday we discussed the exploding "Me too" movement that followed the allegations of sexual abuse and harrassment by film mogul Harvey Weinstein over decades. Thousands and thousands of women are coming forward with similar stories across career fields and venues.

As someone said on Facebook, "There can't be a woman alive who hasn't experienced abuse, harassment, or intimidation, whether it be sexual, verbal or psychological." It happens in workplaces, in the military, in the church and in a wide range of venues. As we watch the explosion of "Me too" comments on social media, we can see the prevalence of abusive behavior in our society.

Now that we're more aware of how widespread this is, the next question is: "Now what will we do about this pervasive predatory behavior—and the climate that has made it OK?"

Awareness is essential. But now what? This must lead to change. It is way beyond time to put focus on the victims (and keep re-victimizing them by shining the spotlight on them)—and high time we focus on the predatory behavior that's so pervasive. It's time we look at the reasons we tolerate this outrageous behavior. Why has it been allowed to go on for decades—or really, for centuries?

As women and, I might add, also men of good will, let's add our voices to the mix and push for real change. I'd love to hear your thoughts on this. Please feel free to find your voice and add it to the comment box below.

Another self-care tip

Whether you take several medications or just a few, it's a good thing to add to your self-care list the habit of annually throwing your meds in a bag and showing them to your primary care doctor—or to your pharmacist. It's important to have someone who's "in the know" look over the meds you're taking and see how they can interact with each other. It's important, too, to know whether you still need to be taking them—and whether they're the correct dosage. (You might also learn whether a generic is possible as that might save you money!)

This is also true for over-the-counter supplements and drugs. Make sure your doctor knows just what you're taking and how they work together, too.

Self-care includes such a wide range of things. It's much more than eating well, exercising and getting plenty of sleep. Those things are important to your well-being. So is what you put into your mind! Be sure you are careful with what you read and what you watch on TV. Negativity can be as toxic to you as some medications!

I just learned that October 21 was "National Check Your Meds Day." If you didn't know that last week, it's not too late to engage in that particular form of self-care! This is one place where awareness really is essential. We can't afford to be complacent about any of the medications we ingest, prescribed or over-the-counter.

Living? Or dying?

Remember that great line from the movie Shawshank Redemption? It's when Andy says, "I guess it comes down to a simple choice, really. Get busy living or get busy dying."

That quote packs a punch when you really stop to think about it. It's easy to brush it off, however, and think it really has nothing to do with us. That's for others, not me. However, there are several ways to die. Some are slow, not quick. And some are figurative, not literal.

It seems to me that if we're busy focusing on the past and all the grudges, hurts and missed opportunities that have accumulated over the years, that's a slow way to die. We're not really alive and present to the time and opportunities right in front of us. If we're completely focused on all the negative things around us (and these days, it seems easy enough to do that because there's so much animosity out there), we're not savoring and enjoying the present time either. Some would say that's not quality of life. We've lived another day. But is that how we want to spend our lives? And if we give up on goals because they're just too hard to reach or nothing good ever seems to happen for us, that too seems more like dying than really living.

So you see, there's much more to Andy's quote than what might meet the eye. And it seems a good thing to ask ourselves from time to time: Am I busy living? Or am I busy dying?

Open & closed doors

So often the quotes that are oft-repeated and familiar to us are those made by famous people. But we know that many quite ordinary people pass on words of wisdom every day. Perhaps each of us recalls wisdom passed along to us from a parent, grandparent or other loved one.

I don't know how it is that this quote got passed along outside her family circles, but a quite ordinary woman, Flora Permelia Whittemore, who died in 1993 in Idaho, said these words that are so relevant for us all: "The doors we open and close each day decide the lives we live."

My beloved sister and I often talk about the idea of open doors. How can we open doors for others? How can we watch for open doors that we may wish to walk through? In the same vein, the doors we close are important, too—as are the doors we close on others. Those open and closed doors make such a difference in our lives and the lives of those we affect. Truly, they do "decide the lives we live."

What doors have you opened lately? Which ones have you closed? Have you by your words or actions opened or closed doors to or for others? A raised awareness of such doors can make a huge difference in the lives we live. Start noticing today. It's a good way to start a new year.

Be ready for whatever comes

You still have a couple days of the old year to think about what you want to let go so you can enter 2017 as unencumbered as possible without old ideas, old grudges and old baggage. What would lighten your load? What things feel like a ball-and-chain that you no longer wish to drag around?

OK, here's your chance to shed all that so you can soar like the proverbial butterfly into a brand new year. If you do that, you'll be so much more ready for the adventure of new possibilities and opportunities. Who knows what lies ahead?

There's a second part to this. The first part is the letting go. The next part is to stay awake and aware so you notice the opportunities that show up in your life. It's so easy to be all tied in knots about old stuff and not even see what's on the path in front of us. We might be too busy looking in the rear-view mirror or looking straight down at the ground and not seeing what shows up on the horizon.

Let 2017 be a year of embracing opportunity and adventure. Happy New Year to you!


P.S. Remember, beginning next week, I will post blogs only on Monday, Wednesday and Friday each week. I invite you to tell me what topic ideas you'd like to see. Make your suggestions at: sonia@way2growcoaching.com.

Awareness is a gift

Last week one day when I ran into a store to pick up some last-minute Christmas dinner items, a mother and a young girl were pushing a cart in which sat what must have been the younger sister, perhaps 2 years old. The little one was happily singing songs non-stop. Some were Christmas songs such as "Jingle Bells" and others were children's ditties such as "Row, Row, Row Your Boat."

Several other shoppers just kept pushing their carts and rushing on their way. I don't fault them for that as I'm sure most people had long to-do lists once they got home.

However, for me, this was one of those times to stop and pay attention. I just wanted to soak up the delightful experience—a little girl so happy that she just sat in her mother's cart and sang one song after another. I was just enchanted. It definitely put a smile on my face and a spring in my step as I listened. After just a minute or so of just watching and listening, I continued around the store. And I could still hear her as I wandered through the various aisles gathering supplies. Even now when I think of it, it brings a smile; and a feeling of delight washes over me. It was all about awareness and attention.

How often I've just hurried on my way and missed moments such as this. I want to stop and pay attention more often. How about you?

P.S. Remember that beginning in January 2017 I will be posting three blogs each week rather than five (Monday, Wednesday and Friday). If you have ideas for topics you wish to see covered in these blogs, I would love to hear them at: sonia@way2growcoaching.com.

Wake up—just BE

I often forget to live in the present moment. I'm busy looking toward the future or dwelling in the past. Perhaps you do that, too? Or I'm so focused on my to-do list that I miss the wonder of now. I don't see everything around me—only the tiniest of things.

I want to move more toward living in the present. I want to stay awake and aware. I want to notice what's going on around me (and in me, too)! Perhaps this is a place where incremental progress is the best for which we can hope. As author Mark Williams says, "For most of us, a typical day involves hurrying from task to task, forgetting that there are other possibilities for us. Even a tiny bit of mindfulness, brought to any moment, can wake us up, thus subverting the momentum of doing for at least one moment."

So even if we can stay awake and aware for a few moments at a time, it's a good thing. And we can become human beings rather than merely human doings.

Let your journey unfold

Have you ever been in a place of just not knowing where you're going or what should come next in your life? You feel directionless and confused.

No doubt, each of us has been in this place at one time or another. Some of us have perhaps been there more than one time! Perhaps you're there right now.

I like what Melody Beattie says in her daily meditation book, Journey to the Heart: "Trust. Let go. Stay as peaceful as you can. Stay right here in the present moment. Sharpen your tools—your intuition, your inner voice, your consciousness, and your awareness. Do the little things, the small actions that appear right, the things that are right before you. Feel your feelings. Move through the fear. Wrap up in self-love. Then let the journey unfold. Trust that you are being guided and led."

That sounds so simple. We know it isn't. Still, it is good advice. And I like the image of a journey unfolding. That's typically how it happens. New directions don't often come in a great burst of energy. More often, they do unfold—little piece by little piece, in an incremental fashion. Just be open to the possibilities. And stay aware. Trust.

Live in the present

A friend of mine often reminds me, "Life can change on a dime." Yes, it can.

Last week, my oldest son, who operates his own HVAC business, tore his lower bicep tendon. Just snapped like that when he lifted a water heater. Next stop: surgery, followed by four months of recovery and rehabilitation. For someone whose business depends upon him being there and literally doing the heavy lifting, this is not good news.

It's yet another reminder to me that I need to bring my awareness to the present moment and, as they say, "live in the now." You and I have absolutely no idea what will happen in the next minute or hour or day. So I want to make the best of each moment, to savor the time and give gratitude for everything I have now. Perhaps you already do this well. I try. But I often slip into old habits—either processing the past or thinking about my expectations of what's coming next (or what I hope is coming). Or doing both. That means I'm missing a lot that's right in front of me.

This reminder isn't a downer for me. I hope it isn't for you. It's simply calling my attention to living in the present moment. The past is done. The future isn't yet here ... and could well be different from our expectations anyway. Look around and see what's there for you to savor and enjoy. Notice the people in your life, the beauty, the many gifts and blessings. Give thanks for it all.

Things to savor

Do you pay attention to life's simple pleasures? Sometimes they can bring as much pure joy as any of life's great, mountain-top experiences. Recently I saw a list of 35 simple pleasures. I'll repeat some of them here for you to consider:

• Your first sip of coffee in the morning.
• A warm bath (perhaps even add some bubbles).
• A beautiful sunset.
• Dinner by candlelight.
• The smell of freshly cut grass.
• Clothes fresh out of the dryer. (Or better yet, fresh off a clothes line—if anyone does that anymore!)
• Sleeping in.
• A hot fudge sundae (or decadent dessert of your choice).
• The sound of a gentle rain falling on leaves.
• Reading a book that resonates.
• A cool breeze on a hot day.
• Hearing children giggle.
• Holding hands with a loved one.
• Blowing bubbles.
• Reminiscing with old friends.

What would you add to this list? Make your own list. Start paying attention. Bring your awareness to life's pleasures—and let go of the cares and heaviness for a while. Savor the good moments.

Stop wasting time—just be you!

No doubt we've all heard speeches from the time-management folks telling us how we can be more productive and how we can stop wasting time.

I'll bet this is a time-waster you never thought about! I just read that the average person wastes "a whopping 12 percent of their day—every day—comparing themselves to others." Whoa, really?

Now I don't know what kind of research they did to learn that information. But one thing I do know: We all have a tendency to compare ourselves to others when it really isn't helpful to do so. It is detrimental to our relationships, to our sense of self and to our well-being and happiness.

If this is something with which you deal, make a focused effort first on awareness. Notice when you catch yourself comparing to someone else. Stop right there. If you need to ask some questions of yourself when you stop, do so—questions such as: Is it worthwhile to compare to that person? Not really, it won't get you anywhere. Are things as perfect for that person as they appear to be on the outside? Most likely, not. Knowing we're each the only one like us on the planet, why would I want to even try to be like that person? And here's the biggie: What would it look like to be the best me I can be? And what would it take to get there? Now that's more useful! Make the choice to be you—to be authentic.

Be present to your life

During my years as a magazine journalist when I took global trips to remote parts of the world to gather stories, I had to be both the writer and the photographer. I conducted the interviews, wrote up the notes and also had to stop and take the photos. Sometimes it felt as though I saw way too much through a camera lens rather than with the naked eye. I was so busy with my notebook and my camera that I couldn't even soak up the amazing people, places and experiences—places to which I'll likely never return.

So when I went on my own travels, I sometimes took very few or no photos. I just wanted to experience the trip. I wanted to do more than just document the event or experience.

I've heard it said that today, with our cell phones functioning as cameras and always with us, we have become so obsessive about documenting our lives (and then posting them on one or more social media sites) that we don't truly even have the experiences. It's as though we aren't even present for our lives. We're so busy looking in from the outside and then sharing that snapshot with others.

Does that resonate with you? I confess I've done plenty of that myself. I want to become more aware of that, however, and try to be more present to my life and to those who people it. I tell myself: Be awake and aware, Sonia. Be present to your life.

A game-changer

Did you begin your day with gratitude? When you awoke this morning, did you think of at least three things for which you are thankful? Or do you prefer to end your day giving thanks for things that you noticed and experienced throughout the day?

Gratitude is such an essential piece of living a life that's filled with awareness. I know I've said this in multiple blogs before. And I'll say it again—because it truly is a life-changing practice. It's difficult to feel angry and hateful when you have an attitude of gratitude. It's tough to be envious of others or lash out at them when you're grateful for the many blessings of your own life. Gratitude is a game-changer, simply put.

Even if you don't have a formal practice of gratitude (writing in a gratitude journal, for example, or keeping a gratitude jar—into which you place a slip of paper each time you think of something for which you're thankful), it can be an important part of your life. Over time, gratitude will change how you are in this world—and change what you see each day and how you see those things.

How do you practice gratitude?

Be aware. Be grateful. Be accepting.

Earlier this week, in a gratitude daybook I have, I read this from poet Barbara Cage: "Every day, be full of awareness of the beauty around you. Be full of gratitude for friends and family, for the goodness you find in others, for your health and all you're capable of. Be full of acceptance of yourself and others—without conditions or judging, knowing that differences and changes make life interesting."

Isn't that just filled with good thoughts? I could spend a long time journaling about all the things in those few sentences. I'm filled up just reading it.

Be aware of beauty. Be filled with gratitude. Be accepting. Be aware of the positive side of differences and change. Let go of judging and conditional love.

What more can I say? Let yourself read and reread those words. Be inspired!

'Be alive before you die'

My book club just had a discussion the other night on All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr. It's such a rich and complex book; and we could have talked for hours about the characters, the situation, quotes in it—and even the meaning of its title. I have read a lot of World War II books, but not many show the goodness people sometimes exhibit even during brutal war time. And this one did that.

Two of the book's characters heard a radio broadcast when they were children that concluded with this comment: "Open your eyes and see what you can with them before they close forever." Later in the book an older woman asked a question that related to that idea: "Don't you want to be alive before you die?"

Both those quotes are filled with meaning for me. Because our lives are so busy and often so filled with stress, it's easy just to numb out and keep putting one foot in front of the other, head down, in our attempts to get it all done. And when we do that, we often miss so much that goes on in and around us. It's hard work, but it's so worth it to open our eyes and see all we can. It's so worth it to really be alive before we die—rather than sleepwalk through life.

If you don't already do it, see whether you can really be aware today. See how much more you notice. Savor even small things—the texture of your robe, the smell of your coffee, the softness of a loved one's hand, the tenderness in your grandchild's voice. "...be alive before you die."