'Book of Dreams'

Yesterday's post was about creating new dreams when old ones die.

What if your dreams haven't died? Is there a way to be pro-active and prepare for the possibility of it happening to you some day? Definitely.

In January 2004 I made a list of dreams I had, mostly about who I wanted to be and how I wanted to live in the world. It was actually two years later, in December 2005, that I purchased a beautiful little journal that I titled "Book of Dreams."

This journal has nothing to do with the dreams I have when I sleep. It has everything to do with things I dream about being or doing some day. It's about how I want to live in the world. The little book is more than half full of ideas. So when I lost my job a few years ago, I learned what a wonderful resource I had in that journal. I didn't even open the journal, however, until I'd spend lots of time grieving, journaling my anger, fear and hurts (but not in my Dream Journal). And lots of time letting go. And letting go some more.

Once I was ready, what a joy it was to open my little Book of Dreams and see what in it had resonance and energy for me at that time. That's what led me to where I am today.

I encourage you to create your own Book of Dreams. Have it ready for the time you're in need of new dreams. Or for the time when you want to tweak a current dream.

People as gifts

Yesterday we attended the funeral of a friend in our congregation. In his sermon, the pastor invited us not to focus on the fact that death had snatched Ron from our midst. Rather, he urged us to spend time thinking about what a gift Ron was in each of our lives. The pastor didn’t want to be dismissive of the necessary grief and the feelings of loss. In fact, he encouraged us to do the grief work. He also wanted us all to frame our lives in a positive way, however.

Anger about losing loved ones is a natural place to spend some time. But it’s not a good place to stay. The pastor realized that after the anger and sadness, a new focus would be necessary—a focus that permits the good memories to emerge.

Do you see the people in your lives as a gift? I know I sometimes lose sight of that with my fiancé, my sons, daughters-in-law and grandchildren. I forget that my friends are gifts to me. I certainly didn’t always see my former work colleagues as gifts.

What would change?
How might our lives be different if we remembered, more often anyway, that we are blessed by the presence of those who are in our lives? Would we be more gracious and open? Might we forgive more easily?

I don’t know about you. But I’d like to try living this way—at least more often than I do. When I live with more gratitude, my heart feels more expansive. I feel much more generous, giving and forgiving toward all those I meet. I like the way that feels so much better than when I’m negative, angry or complaining.

Try keeping a Gratitude Journal; write even just five things every morning for which you’re grateful. Or just think about five things each morning when you’re in the shower—or sipping your coffee. Do it with real intention and thoughtfulness.

And think about the people who surround you as gifts to you. Treasure them—and tell them that you do. See how much different you feel inside! Feel the joy!

Carrying a grudge? Still angry?

I thought I’d let go of my anger. But when I heard myself answering a question from a new acquaintance about my job loss, I caught the heavy emotion in my words. Whoops, I thought, I guess I’m still pretty angry with my old boss. Guess I still have more letting go to do. I guess I need to practice some more forgiveness.

Back to the drawing board again. As I’ve said in previous blog posts, letting go is a process. Well, so is forgiveness.

Typically, we need to let go, let go again, and then let go some more. Same with forgiveness. Have you noticed that?

Bless, don’t curse
Back to my job loss. My mentor coach told me about her “Bless and release” program some time ago when I told her I still felt anger toward my old boss. She said that when she feels anger toward someone, she sends a blessing their way and then lets go. And she keeps repeating that process—as long as it takes. Sort of like the “catch and release” of fishing, right? Catch that feeling, change it to a blessing, then let go.

I will confess, this has taken me longer than I thought. And I will tell you right here and now: Even when I think I’ve really forgiven and let go, sometimes pieces of my anger still come back and bite me. And then I “bless and release” all over again. Don’t worry about counting how many times you do this. Do it as often and as long as needed!

So here’s my way of practicing “Bless and release:” Each morning in my Gratitude Journal, I wrote how grateful I was to my former boss for RIFing me and essentially kicking me out of the nest, because I learned how to fly on the way down! I was now soaring in a whole new career! Many days when I wrote this in my journal, I didn’t necessarily feel thankful. Over time, however, I began to feel what I wrote on the page. In time, the blessing felt more authentic.

Now I feel so much lighter, so much freer. Yay, I can soar like that butterfly that emerged from the cocoon.

Does that sound like something you’d like to try? Add it to your “tool kit” today, and let us know how it works for you.

When losses pile up

Have you ever over-reacted or completely lost it when some minor loss occurred in your life? Perhaps you misplaced your spare keys or you lost some papers that you need and are so certain you put into that safe place. Now you’ve been driving yourself crazy trying to find them. You’re at the end of your rope, and you’re either dissolving in tears or raging at no one in particular.

I’ve been there. It has happened to me many times throughout my life—and it happened more frequently than I care to admit during the year after I lost my job of 22 years.

This can happen when you don’t take time to notice (and grieve) even the small losses in life. The grief can pile up and build up energy not unlike that of a volcano—just waiting for something to happen so it can all spill out—or perhaps more like it, so it can all erupt.

More than one loss
I knew losing my job was a loss. I raged. I cried. I talked with others. I journaled. But what I didn’t take time to do right away was to acknowledge the multiple losses embedded within that one huge loss: all the smaller losses such as a daily routine, the meaning my job gave my life, workplace colleagues (it didn’t matter whether I necessarily liked being around them or not; I still lost the connection!), a certain status (I was “employed;” now I was “unemployed” and that can invite dismissive attitudes from others), plans and dreams for my work, and so much more. I had a long list of losses.

I needed to break that large loss (my job) into all its smaller pieces. And grieve each one. I needed to spend time thinking about each loss. I journaled. I did some rituals around several of the losses (I’m big on creating rituals to notice what I’m feeling and to think about what I need in order to move ahead). I talked with my life coach about the various losses and about my anger and sadness. I let go of things. I let go some more. It felt like pulling thread from a spool; it just seemed to keep coming. But I finally felt much cleaner and clearer inside. (Since grieving and letting go is a process, pieces can keep coming even after we think we’re finished!)

Check out what you might have experienced lately as loss. Grieve it. Let it go. Replace what can be replaced with new experiences, new dreams, new communities. It’s good to clear out the clutter—even when it’s emotional clutter. Make room for the new. Prepare space for that inner butterfly to soar!

When you don’t feel ‘juiced’

I just had one of those days where I completely lost my “juice.” Ever had one of those? They’re no fun. But let’s face it, we all have days when we don’t feel that we have our groove on—when we’re just a bit out of synch.

It might be one day, or two—or it might last longer than that.

What do you do when that happens?

Here’s what works for me: I need to pay attention to what I am feeling. To be with what is real.

Get over it!
I tend to be a positive person and don’t like to spend much time in pity-parties or at low ebb. I’ve been known to tell myself, “Get over it!” But when I do that, I miss out on what I might learn from my body and my heart—something I likely need to hear. I really do need to stop and listen to my heart.

So the other day when I lost my groove, I took the time to sit with my journal, my pen and a cup of coffee to sort out what was happening inside. Sure enough, as I wrote whatever came up for me, I discovered some things that needed tending in my life. Working on those issues will help me in my personal life—and will make me a better coach.

I also reached out to a couple friends to share my discoveries—and, wow, did that ever help me sort things out even more! Coaches need coaches, too, you see. In fact, it’s been said that no one needs coaching but that everyone can benefit from coaching.

So the next time you’re out of steam or low on energy, stop. Listen to your heart. Listen to your body. Reach out for help. Be ready for new discoveries.

From the heart and onto a page

It’s winter where I live. This is a time for hibernating, for staying inside (or going inside), for comfort foods and for reading books or indulging in those quiet, indoor activities. Here in Illinois when spring comes, I can’t wait to get outside, go for walks, plant herbs and flowers and open my windows to let in the fresh air.

Today I’ve been thinking that I want to take advantage of this indoor time and get back to journaling. I keep several journals—sometimes writing in them regularly and other times, more on an as-needed basis. I have a journal in which to write what’s going on inside and around me. I have a Dreams Journal to keep track of those things I long to do someday. I have a Gratitude Journal to remind me of how thankful I am for all life’s blessings.

And I have a “Value Journal” recommended to me years ago by my spiritual companion at a time when I felt especially devalued in my workplace. She encouraged me to make entries into this journal when I received affirmations and compliments, to note the person, the date and the situation as well as what was said. She invited me to check in my VJ whenever I needed a boost. And, believe me, I have gone back to read some of the entries and gotten that shot in the arm I needed.

What do you need?
Do you have some inner work you need to do? Would some type of journal help you? There are so many types in addition to those I’ve named—and so many ways of journaling. Some people draw pictures rather than write, and these don’t have to be professional artwork. The art can be a simplistic drawing that represents what you’re feeling. Some people just write words or phrases rather than full sentences. And although I’m a trained journalist as well as a life coach, I do not edit my journal writings. I simply let my thoughts flow onto the page.

Journals are for your eyes only. These aren’t for publication, so you need not worry about grammar and punctuation. Let the thoughts flow onto the pages without censoring.

If this interests you, find yourself a lovely journal that appeals to you and feels good in your hands. Or just buy an inexpensive notebook. The important thing is to start—and to express the deepest longings of your heart. You might be surprised what you’ll learn about yourself and about life!

What do you want to do with the rest of your life?

Have you come to a crossroad in your life? Perhaps you’ve had some changes—changed careers or jobs, lost a job, retired, married, divorced, had some health changes. You are wondering what to be when you grow up.

It doesn’t matter whether you are 30 or 70. Big life questions can emerge at any age. What are yours?

Perhaps you’re more aware of the time that remains. You want to make it count. You don’t want to spend any more time doing what’s expected of you, playing a role others set for you. Now it’s your time—time to be and do what you were meant to be and do.

Now what?
So what do you need to do for that to happen? How do you discover what you want?

You might keep a “Dreams Journal.” I have done that for years, and it really helped me be creative after I lost my job. I applied for several new jobs, but nothing came of those attempts. One day I remembered to check my Dreams Journal. I discovered things I’d forgotten I wrote … and it led to a new career and self-employment.

You see, the Dreams Journal isn’t about night dreams (though it could certainly include those that speak to what you might want to do). Instead, it’s all about things you enjoy, gifts others have seen in you, talents you’ve wanted to express but haven’t—things you dream of doing someday. It’s about passions you’ve noticed in yourself, yearnings you haven’t yet followed. Write these down so you won’t forget.

When the time is right, you’ll have lots of ideas from which to create new dreams when an old one dies. Or when you think it’s time to pursue new ones.

My father took up stained glass art in his 70s. And learned how to use a computer in his 80s. Why not?

Go for it. It’s never too late to start new things. By bringing your unique and special gifts into the world, you’ll feel deep joy and happiness. And you’ll bring more light into the lives of others—and the world. How much better does it get than that?