I just heard a wonderful quote from author and motivational speaker Wayne Dyer: "When you judge another, you do not define them. You define yourself."
Wow, that's powerful. It's a good reminder to tend to our own "stuff" rather than worry about what others are doing or not doing. It's so much easier to judge others rather than have to face our own fears, insecurities and failures, isn't it? But it really gets us nowhere. Whenever I become critical of someone else, I try to remember to stop right there and instead think of what work I have to do on my own "stuff."
That said, I don't want all of life to become simply work on my "stuff" either. I want fun. I want play. I want adventure and joy to be a big part of life.
What's on your list for this year? More play time? More fun? A new career you want to discover? Perhaps new ways to spend your retirement years? Different ways to connect with your children or grandchildren? For what do you yearn? What are your desires?
Whatever it is, I encourage you to go for it. The present is the only time we know we have. Who knows what the future contains? Don't wait. Live fully right now!
Showing posts with label desires. Show all posts
Showing posts with label desires. Show all posts
Monday, January 4, 2016
Friday, September 18, 2015
Dreams and longings
I like the question, If not now, when? It fits for so many situations. When clients face turmoil over career changes and talk about their yearnings and the desire to follow their dreams and their passions, I often ask that. When women talk about longing for some "me-time" and some self-care time and in the same breath, cite their long to-do lists, I often ask it.
When I come up with excuses to not do something I really need or want to do, I ask myself that question.
We don't know whether we'll even have a tomorrow. All we really know for sure is that we have this very moment. Because of that, it just makes sense to make the very best use of this present moment that we can. Insofar as it's possible for you, allow yourself to listen to and follow your dreams, longings, desires, yearnings.
What's missing from your life? What is on your bucket list or thimble list that you really, really want to do? What's preventing you?
Think about what it might mean to you if you had that thing on your list. Think about what it would mean if you never got the chance. Now how much do you want it? Go ahead. If not now, when?
When I come up with excuses to not do something I really need or want to do, I ask myself that question.
We don't know whether we'll even have a tomorrow. All we really know for sure is that we have this very moment. Because of that, it just makes sense to make the very best use of this present moment that we can. Insofar as it's possible for you, allow yourself to listen to and follow your dreams, longings, desires, yearnings.
What's missing from your life? What is on your bucket list or thimble list that you really, really want to do? What's preventing you?
Think about what it might mean to you if you had that thing on your list. Think about what it would mean if you never got the chance. Now how much do you want it? Go ahead. If not now, when?
Tuesday, January 13, 2015
A look back
Here's a good question upon which to reflect as you still find yourself at the start of a new year: What would your younger self say to you now? Would she be thrilled at what you've done with your life and your talents? Would he be disappointed that you let fears hold you back from some pretty important dreams? Any regrets?
It's not as useless an exercise as you might think. It can be helpful to look back at who you were 20, 30 or more years ago. What excited you then? To what did you look forward? What did you imagine your future would hold? Do you remember that person?
It may not be too late to recapture some of those dreams and longings. At the least, there might still be a way to recover the real you. Sometimes we follow what others want for us ... or simply take the path that's set out in front of us (the path of least resistance). If you cannot have now what you wanted then, are there pieces of any of the dreams of the younger you that are still important and that still represent who you really are?
If there are, I invite you to reflect on what you might want to do about it now. Are you able to make some changes now to fulfill a dream or be all you were created to be? If not, are you able to put to rest any regrets or lost dreams? It's not too late. Think about it and see where you are.
It's not as useless an exercise as you might think. It can be helpful to look back at who you were 20, 30 or more years ago. What excited you then? To what did you look forward? What did you imagine your future would hold? Do you remember that person?
It may not be too late to recapture some of those dreams and longings. At the least, there might still be a way to recover the real you. Sometimes we follow what others want for us ... or simply take the path that's set out in front of us (the path of least resistance). If you cannot have now what you wanted then, are there pieces of any of the dreams of the younger you that are still important and that still represent who you really are?
If there are, I invite you to reflect on what you might want to do about it now. Are you able to make some changes now to fulfill a dream or be all you were created to be? If not, are you able to put to rest any regrets or lost dreams? It's not too late. Think about it and see where you are.
Monday, July 7, 2014
What might have been
Do you live with regret? Does it drag you down and rob you of happiness and joy?
Studies show that 90 percent of people say they have a major regret about one thing or another in their lives. Researchers from Northwestern's Kellogg School of Management learned that the biggest sources of regret are romance, family, education, career and finance. They say our social regrets "loom largest because of our inherent need to belong."
And if you have dreams that you haven't yet pursued, perhaps it's time to take another look at that. This research shows that people feel lots of regret about missed chances—not about things tried and perhaps even failed. Researchers say that's because our psychological immune system helps us recover from bad experiences because we rationalize and reframe how we view things. But it's more difficult to use those same tricks to move past something we never tried in the first place. So go ahead: Follow your dreams and your passions.
The same is true of pleasures and indulgences. Guilt over indulgences is short-lived. But the disappointment over fun we passed up leads to longer-lasting regrets. I can relate to that. I did a lot of global travel in a former job. In the course of those travels, I had the opportunity to buy many wonderful artifacts that could serve as memories of places I'd been. What I discovered was that I never regretted having spent money on those things I did purchase, but I did regret not having bought particular items (often because I thought I couldn't afford it). Later I realized I'd never return to many of those places again, so there wouldn't be another chance to buy this artwork, that jewelry or some other artifact.
If you have regrets, see what you can learn from them. Reframe them. Take an action step either to let go of them or move on to do what's on your heart to pursue.
Studies show that 90 percent of people say they have a major regret about one thing or another in their lives. Researchers from Northwestern's Kellogg School of Management learned that the biggest sources of regret are romance, family, education, career and finance. They say our social regrets "loom largest because of our inherent need to belong."
And if you have dreams that you haven't yet pursued, perhaps it's time to take another look at that. This research shows that people feel lots of regret about missed chances—not about things tried and perhaps even failed. Researchers say that's because our psychological immune system helps us recover from bad experiences because we rationalize and reframe how we view things. But it's more difficult to use those same tricks to move past something we never tried in the first place. So go ahead: Follow your dreams and your passions.
The same is true of pleasures and indulgences. Guilt over indulgences is short-lived. But the disappointment over fun we passed up leads to longer-lasting regrets. I can relate to that. I did a lot of global travel in a former job. In the course of those travels, I had the opportunity to buy many wonderful artifacts that could serve as memories of places I'd been. What I discovered was that I never regretted having spent money on those things I did purchase, but I did regret not having bought particular items (often because I thought I couldn't afford it). Later I realized I'd never return to many of those places again, so there wouldn't be another chance to buy this artwork, that jewelry or some other artifact.
If you have regrets, see what you can learn from them. Reframe them. Take an action step either to let go of them or move on to do what's on your heart to pursue.
Thursday, April 24, 2014
Listen to your longings
Did you grow up with messages telling you to pay no attention to desires, yearnings, longings, passions? "Do what needs to be done." "Seeking pleasure leads to no good end." "It's selfish to think about what you desire." We can still hear those same messages in different parts of society today.
Then, on the other hand, we can hear voices saying that pleasure is the only thing. "Get what you want. Don't worry about anyone else." "Have it your way." As with so many things in life, there's some balance to be had, isn't there?
When we do pay attention to our yearnings and passions, we can be more truly ourselves. It is those longings and desires that really give us our juice and lead us to do those things in the world for which we have true passion. Those yearnings bring us energy.
I have long had a passion for justice-seeking, for example. It jazzes me to speak up for and work for justice for those on the margins. Admittedly, it has also led to occasional problems—for example, when I wrote articles that spoke truth to power and named things that needed to be called out. But that's who I am. So that's what I did. And now I'm thinking about how to incorporate those same passions into this stage of my life.
To what desires and yearnings do you need to listen today?
Then, on the other hand, we can hear voices saying that pleasure is the only thing. "Get what you want. Don't worry about anyone else." "Have it your way." As with so many things in life, there's some balance to be had, isn't there?
When we do pay attention to our yearnings and passions, we can be more truly ourselves. It is those longings and desires that really give us our juice and lead us to do those things in the world for which we have true passion. Those yearnings bring us energy.
I have long had a passion for justice-seeking, for example. It jazzes me to speak up for and work for justice for those on the margins. Admittedly, it has also led to occasional problems—for example, when I wrote articles that spoke truth to power and named things that needed to be called out. But that's who I am. So that's what I did. And now I'm thinking about how to incorporate those same passions into this stage of my life.
To what desires and yearnings do you need to listen today?
Monday, September 16, 2013
Dreams and desires
Do you still have unmet dreams and desires? What's holding you back?
Ever talk with a friend who mentions a trip she's long wanted to take? A career he dreams of starting? Or an experience she wants to have before she's too old to enjoy it? And did you notice the excitement in her or his voice and the sparkle in the eye when the topic came up?
I've heard it said that we don't keep dreams alive so much as they keep us alive. I believe it. It's wonderful to have dreams and desires. It's also really wonderful to bring life to those that really burn within. Some desires give us joy by residing within us. Some simply have to be lived. You get to decide.
If you have something that you really want to do, think about what it might take to attain that dream. If you have more excuses than strategies to reach the dream, reflect on what fears might be getting in your way. Are these fears you can manage? What will that take? Can you commit to taking that journey?
Picture your life now. Then picture your life as it would be if you lived your dream or fulfilled your desire. Is it worth pursuing? If it is, create a step-by-step plan to get there. And remember to keep the steps small and achievable.
If you would like to talk about how to get past fear and reach for a dream, please contact me. I love to see people pursue their passions and dive straight into their dreams!
Ever talk with a friend who mentions a trip she's long wanted to take? A career he dreams of starting? Or an experience she wants to have before she's too old to enjoy it? And did you notice the excitement in her or his voice and the sparkle in the eye when the topic came up?
I've heard it said that we don't keep dreams alive so much as they keep us alive. I believe it. It's wonderful to have dreams and desires. It's also really wonderful to bring life to those that really burn within. Some desires give us joy by residing within us. Some simply have to be lived. You get to decide.
If you have something that you really want to do, think about what it might take to attain that dream. If you have more excuses than strategies to reach the dream, reflect on what fears might be getting in your way. Are these fears you can manage? What will that take? Can you commit to taking that journey?
Picture your life now. Then picture your life as it would be if you lived your dream or fulfilled your desire. Is it worth pursuing? If it is, create a step-by-step plan to get there. And remember to keep the steps small and achievable.
If you would like to talk about how to get past fear and reach for a dream, please contact me. I love to see people pursue their passions and dive straight into their dreams!
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Rewards and savoring
I'm writing this blog on Labor Day. It's so beautiful outside, and I really want to go for a nice, long walk. Last week was so hot and humid that it deterred me from doing any walking out of doors. So I have promised myself a treat (actually, two treats) if I discipline myself to stay with this blog and finish it. When I finish it, I will get that walk outside that I really want. And when I return from that, I will give myself some time to relax and read a couple chapters in my latest novel. I'll do what needs to be done and then get two things I really desire. (Mind you, I like writing these blogs. It's a pleasurable part of my day. It's just that today, I'd rather be outside.)
Do you ever use a reward system with yourself? In these days of instant gratification, it seems to be a good practice—or at least it works for me. Well, sometimes it works. Other times, not so much—as when I really want that Dove chocolate piece and right now! Much depends on how tired I am, how hungry I am, what type of inner space I'm in.
When my sons were young, at times I used the reward system with them, too. "Just finish your chores first, and you can go to the park for that game of pick-up baseball." "Do your homework, and then you can ride bike with your friends."
Some will say we shouldn't need rewards. We should just do what needs to be done, period. Perhaps so. But I find that if I can anticipate something sweet (a walk, not just chocolate!), it adds to my enjoyment of the whole experience. I can savor not only what I'm doing—but what I know will follow. It just adds more joy to my days. Can that be so bad?
OK, now I'm grabbing my walking shoes and sunglasses. Time for the two things I desire this afternoon.
Do you ever use a reward system with yourself? In these days of instant gratification, it seems to be a good practice—or at least it works for me. Well, sometimes it works. Other times, not so much—as when I really want that Dove chocolate piece and right now! Much depends on how tired I am, how hungry I am, what type of inner space I'm in.
When my sons were young, at times I used the reward system with them, too. "Just finish your chores first, and you can go to the park for that game of pick-up baseball." "Do your homework, and then you can ride bike with your friends."
Some will say we shouldn't need rewards. We should just do what needs to be done, period. Perhaps so. But I find that if I can anticipate something sweet (a walk, not just chocolate!), it adds to my enjoyment of the whole experience. I can savor not only what I'm doing—but what I know will follow. It just adds more joy to my days. Can that be so bad?
OK, now I'm grabbing my walking shoes and sunglasses. Time for the two things I desire this afternoon.
Wednesday, July 17, 2013
What feeds you?
Because I just spent a week with my fiance and my three sons and their families relaxing in cabins near a lovely Wisconsin lake, I am more deeply in touch than ever with what feeds me: connections with those I love.
I know what a relational person I am. But experiences such as last week just reinforce and remind me. I loved the wonderful flow of energy as we moved in and out of community. Sometimes we enjoyed times of solitude, reading a book or going for a bike ride or walk. Sometimes we gathered spontaneously in groups of two or three, just sitting on the porch with our morning cup of coffee or enjoying a game of volleyball or tossing a frisbee. And always, there were the boisterous and wonderful times where all of us gathered to talk, laugh, eat, drink and play. Meals prepared and eaten in community were such a joy.
I returned home well fed emotionally. And I'm reminded to keep creating and feeding all those connections in my life that are so important to me.
What's important to you? What do you desire? What brings you joy? And what are you doing to get that in your life? What's necessary for your care and feeding? I urge you to pay attention to such things and take the time to get that in your life. I've heard too many people say, "When I retire, I'll do those things I love" or "When I have more time, I will spend more time with my loved ones." And then something happened ... and that time never came. Perhaps it was death. Or divorce. Or catastrophic illness. And then it was too late. Don't wait until tomorrow. Start today doing what's important to you. Follow your heart.
I know what a relational person I am. But experiences such as last week just reinforce and remind me. I loved the wonderful flow of energy as we moved in and out of community. Sometimes we enjoyed times of solitude, reading a book or going for a bike ride or walk. Sometimes we gathered spontaneously in groups of two or three, just sitting on the porch with our morning cup of coffee or enjoying a game of volleyball or tossing a frisbee. And always, there were the boisterous and wonderful times where all of us gathered to talk, laugh, eat, drink and play. Meals prepared and eaten in community were such a joy.
I returned home well fed emotionally. And I'm reminded to keep creating and feeding all those connections in my life that are so important to me.
What's important to you? What do you desire? What brings you joy? And what are you doing to get that in your life? What's necessary for your care and feeding? I urge you to pay attention to such things and take the time to get that in your life. I've heard too many people say, "When I retire, I'll do those things I love" or "When I have more time, I will spend more time with my loved ones." And then something happened ... and that time never came. Perhaps it was death. Or divorce. Or catastrophic illness. And then it was too late. Don't wait until tomorrow. Start today doing what's important to you. Follow your heart.
Tuesday, September 4, 2012
Is it selfish to pursue desires?
Do you feel selfish for pursuing your desires and longings?
After my divorce, I asked myself what I really wanted. I had absolutely no idea because for years I'd been focused on my husband and three sons and what they needed and wanted. Once I began to explore what I desired, I started feeling selfish for pursuing it. I was still in caregiver/caretaker mode. (We women know that role!) It was through talking with other women, attending workshops, reading books and other methods of gaining insight that I finally began to realize that it is not selfish to follow my yearnings and pursue my dreams. Far from it.
The more I'm in alignment with what I really desire, the more content and joyful I am. And the easier it is for me to reach out to others and to share my gifts with the world. The easier it is to be open and loving to all those around me. I wasn't much good to others when I was in a place of resentment or when I felt invisible and unfulfilled.
"As women get friendly with their true yearnings, which are constantly changing, they see that their pleasure doesn't destroy but creates: energy, beauty, community, love." This comes from a book I've used as a workbook for years and absolutely love: The Comfort Queen's Guide to Life: Create All That You Need With Just What You've Got by Jennifer Louden, who does incredible work with women.
Are you where you want to be with your career and relationships? For what do you most yearn? What are you willing to do to get there?
Please contact me if you would like to explore this.
After my divorce, I asked myself what I really wanted. I had absolutely no idea because for years I'd been focused on my husband and three sons and what they needed and wanted. Once I began to explore what I desired, I started feeling selfish for pursuing it. I was still in caregiver/caretaker mode. (We women know that role!) It was through talking with other women, attending workshops, reading books and other methods of gaining insight that I finally began to realize that it is not selfish to follow my yearnings and pursue my dreams. Far from it.
The more I'm in alignment with what I really desire, the more content and joyful I am. And the easier it is for me to reach out to others and to share my gifts with the world. The easier it is to be open and loving to all those around me. I wasn't much good to others when I was in a place of resentment or when I felt invisible and unfulfilled.
"As women get friendly with their true yearnings, which are constantly changing, they see that their pleasure doesn't destroy but creates: energy, beauty, community, love." This comes from a book I've used as a workbook for years and absolutely love: The Comfort Queen's Guide to Life: Create All That You Need With Just What You've Got by Jennifer Louden, who does incredible work with women.
Are you where you want to be with your career and relationships? For what do you most yearn? What are you willing to do to get there?
Please contact me if you would like to explore this.
Wednesday, April 11, 2012
Bring barriers down
Are you where you want to be? Doing what you desire?
Once you name things, whether they are barriers or fears, you remove their power over you. Then you have a choice: Do you want to remove the barriers and fears? Or do you want to leave your dreams unfulfilled, your goals unmet? Can you stay in your current situation and be OK with that?
Tuesday, February 28, 2012
A balancing act
If you know anything about finances, you’re aware that whatever ratio of stocks, bonds and cash you choose for your portfolio, you’ll need to continue monitoring it and making changes to maintain the balance you want.
Life is like that, too, isn’t it? If you long for balance in your life, you first need to determine how you really want your life to look. For what do you most yearn? Are you longing for more time with your loved ones? Do you desire more you-time, more time for self-care?
It helps to draw a circle and divide it into pie pieces that represent the various aspects of your life that take your time: career, family, social life, exercise, faith life, whatever other parts of life you wish to include. You might consider how much time each area now receives and how much time you’d like to give.
Once you make your choices and make the changes necessary to reach your goals, you’ll realize that tweaks are necessary from time to time as “life happens.” A situation will arise that will demand more time in one area or another. Just like a financial portfolio, your wheel of life will need rebalancing.
Take time today to make choices. Don’t let your life manage you. As best you can, manage your life by making conscious and intentional choices about how you spend your time and energy. Doesn’t it just energize you to even think about taking some control over your life that way?
What else needs attention so you can be the amazing woman you were meant to be? Go for it!
Life is like that, too, isn’t it? If you long for balance in your life, you first need to determine how you really want your life to look. For what do you most yearn? Are you longing for more time with your loved ones? Do you desire more you-time, more time for self-care?
It helps to draw a circle and divide it into pie pieces that represent the various aspects of your life that take your time: career, family, social life, exercise, faith life, whatever other parts of life you wish to include. You might consider how much time each area now receives and how much time you’d like to give.
Once you make your choices and make the changes necessary to reach your goals, you’ll realize that tweaks are necessary from time to time as “life happens.” A situation will arise that will demand more time in one area or another. Just like a financial portfolio, your wheel of life will need rebalancing.
Take time today to make choices. Don’t let your life manage you. As best you can, manage your life by making conscious and intentional choices about how you spend your time and energy. Doesn’t it just energize you to even think about taking some control over your life that way?
What else needs attention so you can be the amazing woman you were meant to be? Go for it!
Thursday, February 9, 2012
"I am a possibility"
When my three sons were young, they sang a catchy song in vacation Bible school that went like this: “I am a promise, I am a possibility. I am a promise with a capital ‘P.’ I am a great big bundle of potentiality.”
For some reason the words and the tune came to mind the other day. I don’t know why. And that doesn’t matter.
What I love is that it made me think again of all the possibilities I have before me. Life is full of choices. True, we sometimes have to tend to the “shoulds” in life. There is much we have to do. But there are also many crossroads in life that offer us choices.
Are you doing what you really love to do? Are you fully the woman you want to be—the one you were meant to be? What are the desires and dreams yet unfulfilled? What deep longings and life questions are still out there for you? For what do you most yearn?
Are you doing what you love?
If you’re not doing what you love, why not? Is there one step you can take today that would bring you closer to becoming that “possibility” the song talks about?
Promise. Possibility. Potentiality. Don’t you love those words? Just saying them energizes me. Can you feel the juice as you say them? Let them draw images to your mind. Then make a promise to yourself to take at least one step this week to be the amazing woman you were meant to be. Make an action plan today to become that possibility!
If you haven’t already, I invite you to sign up for my weekly ezine and for my three free gifts: “10 Signs of Caterpillar Energy: I’m Ready for Change!,” “Cocoon Energy: Preparing for Transition,” and “Butterfly Energy: I Feel So Light and Beautiful.”
For some reason the words and the tune came to mind the other day. I don’t know why. And that doesn’t matter.
What I love is that it made me think again of all the possibilities I have before me. Life is full of choices. True, we sometimes have to tend to the “shoulds” in life. There is much we have to do. But there are also many crossroads in life that offer us choices.
Are you doing what you really love to do? Are you fully the woman you want to be—the one you were meant to be? What are the desires and dreams yet unfulfilled? What deep longings and life questions are still out there for you? For what do you most yearn?
Are you doing what you love?
If you’re not doing what you love, why not? Is there one step you can take today that would bring you closer to becoming that “possibility” the song talks about?
Promise. Possibility. Potentiality. Don’t you love those words? Just saying them energizes me. Can you feel the juice as you say them? Let them draw images to your mind. Then make a promise to yourself to take at least one step this week to be the amazing woman you were meant to be. Make an action plan today to become that possibility!
If you haven’t already, I invite you to sign up for my weekly ezine and for my three free gifts: “10 Signs of Caterpillar Energy: I’m Ready for Change!,” “Cocoon Energy: Preparing for Transition,” and “Butterfly Energy: I Feel So Light and Beautiful.”
Monday, January 30, 2012
Feel the fear, move ahead anyway
In my last blog, I talked about living from a place of love rather than fear. To do that, you need to be honest about your fears. You can’t simply ignore them. Once you face them, they lose power. You get your personal power back again.
So how do you face fears? Start by naming them. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of change. Then, examine them to see just how true (or untrue) the beliefs under them might be.
Of what are you most afraid these days? What do you desire? And what fears keep you from getting there?
Look ‘em in the eye
Take one fear at a time—examine it, look it in the eye, as it were. What would you like to say to that fear? Can you go toe-to-toe with it and talk with it? What’s the worst that can happen if you look at the fear close-up?
Several years ago as part of my job, I led occasional workshops. Initially, I felt anxious and fearful. One of my fears was that I would forget something I wanted to say, have one of those brain freezes many of us experience from time to time, or lose my train of thought. As I looked more closely at that fear, I knew it was about looking incompetent or stupid. For an Enneagram 8, that’s really not pleasant! However, the more I examined that fear, the more I realized that it wasn’t completely based in reality.
Were I to forget a point I wanted to make, people wouldn’t automatically think I was stupid or incompetent. Most audiences are pulling for a speaker or presenter and want them to do well. (Have you ever silently prayed for or encouraged a speaker who forgot a line or stumbled over something?) Most people respond favorably when a speaker looks human!
And further, if one or two people thought I was incompetent, was that so awful? Could I survive that? Of course.
Once I examined the fear, I could also make a plan for what to do if I did forget what I intended to say. I could just be honest and tell the group that I lost my point. In fact, I did have that happen a couple times; I simply admitted it and moved on to the next point. It wasn’t the end of the world after all. The sky didn’t fall!
So how do you face fears? Start by naming them. Fear of rejection, fear of failure, fear of change. Then, examine them to see just how true (or untrue) the beliefs under them might be.
Of what are you most afraid these days? What do you desire? And what fears keep you from getting there?
Look ‘em in the eye
Take one fear at a time—examine it, look it in the eye, as it were. What would you like to say to that fear? Can you go toe-to-toe with it and talk with it? What’s the worst that can happen if you look at the fear close-up?
Several years ago as part of my job, I led occasional workshops. Initially, I felt anxious and fearful. One of my fears was that I would forget something I wanted to say, have one of those brain freezes many of us experience from time to time, or lose my train of thought. As I looked more closely at that fear, I knew it was about looking incompetent or stupid. For an Enneagram 8, that’s really not pleasant! However, the more I examined that fear, the more I realized that it wasn’t completely based in reality.
Were I to forget a point I wanted to make, people wouldn’t automatically think I was stupid or incompetent. Most audiences are pulling for a speaker or presenter and want them to do well. (Have you ever silently prayed for or encouraged a speaker who forgot a line or stumbled over something?) Most people respond favorably when a speaker looks human!
And further, if one or two people thought I was incompetent, was that so awful? Could I survive that? Of course.
Once I examined the fear, I could also make a plan for what to do if I did forget what I intended to say. I could just be honest and tell the group that I lost my point. In fact, I did have that happen a couple times; I simply admitted it and moved on to the next point. It wasn’t the end of the world after all. The sky didn’t fall!
Monday, January 23, 2012
What? Ask directions?
What’s on your mind now that you’re nearly one month into a new year? Do you have a hope or intention for this year—or a resolution or two? And how is that working out so far?
If you have a hope, a dream, an intention or resolutions—have you actually made a step-by-step plan to get there?
If not, why not take the time today to do this? When you plan a trip to a new place, you can’t get there without getting directions and making a plan. So it is with an intention.
I don’t need a plan
Men are often teased for not asking directions. In truth, however, many of us are guilty of not creating a plan to get where we want to go.
This is a great time to change that. The year is still new. You still have time to ask what needs to change so you can reach your heart’s desire. What is it you really want for 2012? What will it take to get there?
And how can you break that down into bite-sized and manageable pieces?
Maybe you still have some letting go to do before you can move forward. What do you no longer want? Write it down. What do you want now? Write it down. What one thing can you do to move closer to that goal? Write that down. As you think of more actions to get you to your hope, your dream or goal, add them to your list.
We all need inspiration from others. I invite you to share with us in the comment box what works (and doesn’t) for you.
I’m pulling for you! I’d love to see you attain that for which you most yearn this year!
If you have a hope, a dream, an intention or resolutions—have you actually made a step-by-step plan to get there?
If not, why not take the time today to do this? When you plan a trip to a new place, you can’t get there without getting directions and making a plan. So it is with an intention.
I don’t need a plan
Men are often teased for not asking directions. In truth, however, many of us are guilty of not creating a plan to get where we want to go.
This is a great time to change that. The year is still new. You still have time to ask what needs to change so you can reach your heart’s desire. What is it you really want for 2012? What will it take to get there?
And how can you break that down into bite-sized and manageable pieces?
Maybe you still have some letting go to do before you can move forward. What do you no longer want? Write it down. What do you want now? Write it down. What one thing can you do to move closer to that goal? Write that down. As you think of more actions to get you to your hope, your dream or goal, add them to your list.
We all need inspiration from others. I invite you to share with us in the comment box what works (and doesn’t) for you.
I’m pulling for you! I’d love to see you attain that for which you most yearn this year!
Tuesday, January 17, 2012
Is this all there is?
Have you ever wondered whether this is all there is? Is life more than the daily grind? Do you wonder whether you can actually feel intoxicated with life?
Even though my position as a magazine managing editor included many challenges and gave my life meaning, I still wondered whether there was something more for me. It wasn’t until I was Reduced-In-Force from that job that I really began to look at all the items I had written in my Dream Journal, which wasn’t about night dreams but about dreams of things I wanted to do some day.
What I discovered I’d written in that journal through the years led to my coaching career, and I realized that in so many other ways (as a mentor and a friend), I’d been coaching for much of my life. And I absolutely love doing it.
What’s your passion?
What do you love doing? What more would you love to have—or do—or be in your life?
You don’t need to do as I did: wait until you lose your job. Perhaps you can fulfill your passion in the job you already have. Perhaps that “something more” you desire in your life can be a hobby. Or as a volunteer for some organization about which you care deeply.
You might find joy in joining a yoga class or an exercise group. Or simply in creating more time for yourself—or more time with your partner or a friend. Maybe you want a primary relationship—or deeper relationships.
What more do you want for your life? And what stops you from having that?
Go get it. Just imagine how joyful and powerful you would feel if you created that life you so desire. You can, you know. Take one step today to move closer to the life you want. Want help? Sign up for a complimentary, absolutely no-obligation consultation today to see how you can let that inner butterfly soar!
Even though my position as a magazine managing editor included many challenges and gave my life meaning, I still wondered whether there was something more for me. It wasn’t until I was Reduced-In-Force from that job that I really began to look at all the items I had written in my Dream Journal, which wasn’t about night dreams but about dreams of things I wanted to do some day.
What I discovered I’d written in that journal through the years led to my coaching career, and I realized that in so many other ways (as a mentor and a friend), I’d been coaching for much of my life. And I absolutely love doing it.
What’s your passion?
What do you love doing? What more would you love to have—or do—or be in your life?
You don’t need to do as I did: wait until you lose your job. Perhaps you can fulfill your passion in the job you already have. Perhaps that “something more” you desire in your life can be a hobby. Or as a volunteer for some organization about which you care deeply.
You might find joy in joining a yoga class or an exercise group. Or simply in creating more time for yourself—or more time with your partner or a friend. Maybe you want a primary relationship—or deeper relationships.
What more do you want for your life? And what stops you from having that?
Go get it. Just imagine how joyful and powerful you would feel if you created that life you so desire. You can, you know. Take one step today to move closer to the life you want. Want help? Sign up for a complimentary, absolutely no-obligation consultation today to see how you can let that inner butterfly soar!
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Letting go is tough to do
One of my favorite books—to which I return again and again—got to my bookshelf quite by accident.
I attended the annual conference of a religious journalists’ organization, registered, slapped on my nametag and grabbed the ubiquitous convention tote bag. Later in my hotel room I checked the contents and discovered a free book: How Can I Let Go If I Don’t Know I’m Holding On? by Linda Douty. Interesting title. But life was busy, so it went on my bookshelf. Until I needed it—and it called to me from my shelf one day! (Do you ever have that happen?)
I cannot tell you how many highlighted passages, underscored phrases and notations I’ve added to that book in the years since. It is a wonderfully practical book for letting go: letting go of hurts, of ways of thinking that no longer work, of grief that weighs us down, of roles and so many things.
What holds you back?
Think of what you most long for right now. What would you love to have in your life that isn’t there now? Then think of where you are right now in your life. Is there a gap?
What would it take to have that something for which you yearn—to be at that place you long to be? The chances are really great that one or several obstacles hold you back and keep you where you are. I know that’s often true in my life.
The chances are great, too, that some kind of letting-go process might be needed to move from here to there. Do you have restricting beliefs that hold you back? Or perhaps old hurts and resentments keep you stuck. Sometimes it’s even a person, a relationship you have that isn’t healthy. Maybe you need to let go of the way you act in that relationship—or perhaps you have to let go of the connection entirely.
Think about what letting go you may need to do. Decide what actions you’ll need to help it happen. Remember, it’s a process.
I invite you to share with us what has worked for you in the past. What letting-go experiences have you had, and how have they helped? Or is this a tough one for you?
I attended the annual conference of a religious journalists’ organization, registered, slapped on my nametag and grabbed the ubiquitous convention tote bag. Later in my hotel room I checked the contents and discovered a free book: How Can I Let Go If I Don’t Know I’m Holding On? by Linda Douty. Interesting title. But life was busy, so it went on my bookshelf. Until I needed it—and it called to me from my shelf one day! (Do you ever have that happen?)
I cannot tell you how many highlighted passages, underscored phrases and notations I’ve added to that book in the years since. It is a wonderfully practical book for letting go: letting go of hurts, of ways of thinking that no longer work, of grief that weighs us down, of roles and so many things.
What holds you back?
Think of what you most long for right now. What would you love to have in your life that isn’t there now? Then think of where you are right now in your life. Is there a gap?
What would it take to have that something for which you yearn—to be at that place you long to be? The chances are really great that one or several obstacles hold you back and keep you where you are. I know that’s often true in my life.
The chances are great, too, that some kind of letting-go process might be needed to move from here to there. Do you have restricting beliefs that hold you back? Or perhaps old hurts and resentments keep you stuck. Sometimes it’s even a person, a relationship you have that isn’t healthy. Maybe you need to let go of the way you act in that relationship—or perhaps you have to let go of the connection entirely.
Think about what letting go you may need to do. Decide what actions you’ll need to help it happen. Remember, it’s a process.
I invite you to share with us what has worked for you in the past. What letting-go experiences have you had, and how have they helped? Or is this a tough one for you?
Thursday, January 5, 2012
What do you want to do with the rest of your life?
Have you come to a crossroad in your life? Perhaps you’ve had some changes—changed careers or jobs, lost a job, retired, married, divorced, had some health changes. You are wondering what to be when you grow up.
It doesn’t matter whether you are 30 or 70. Big life questions can emerge at any age. What are yours?
Perhaps you’re more aware of the time that remains. You want to make it count. You don’t want to spend any more time doing what’s expected of you, playing a role others set for you. Now it’s your time—time to be and do what you were meant to be and do.
Now what?
So what do you need to do for that to happen? How do you discover what you want?
You might keep a “Dreams Journal.” I have done that for years, and it really helped me be creative after I lost my job. I applied for several new jobs, but nothing came of those attempts. One day I remembered to check my Dreams Journal. I discovered things I’d forgotten I wrote … and it led to a new career and self-employment.
You see, the Dreams Journal isn’t about night dreams (though it could certainly include those that speak to what you might want to do). Instead, it’s all about things you enjoy, gifts others have seen in you, talents you’ve wanted to express but haven’t—things you dream of doing someday. It’s about passions you’ve noticed in yourself, yearnings you haven’t yet followed. Write these down so you won’t forget.
When the time is right, you’ll have lots of ideas from which to create new dreams when an old one dies. Or when you think it’s time to pursue new ones.
My father took up stained glass art in his 70s. And learned how to use a computer in his 80s. Why not?
Go for it. It’s never too late to start new things. By bringing your unique and special gifts into the world, you’ll feel deep joy and happiness. And you’ll bring more light into the lives of others—and the world. How much better does it get than that?
It doesn’t matter whether you are 30 or 70. Big life questions can emerge at any age. What are yours?
Perhaps you’re more aware of the time that remains. You want to make it count. You don’t want to spend any more time doing what’s expected of you, playing a role others set for you. Now it’s your time—time to be and do what you were meant to be and do.
Now what?
So what do you need to do for that to happen? How do you discover what you want?
You might keep a “Dreams Journal.” I have done that for years, and it really helped me be creative after I lost my job. I applied for several new jobs, but nothing came of those attempts. One day I remembered to check my Dreams Journal. I discovered things I’d forgotten I wrote … and it led to a new career and self-employment.
You see, the Dreams Journal isn’t about night dreams (though it could certainly include those that speak to what you might want to do). Instead, it’s all about things you enjoy, gifts others have seen in you, talents you’ve wanted to express but haven’t—things you dream of doing someday. It’s about passions you’ve noticed in yourself, yearnings you haven’t yet followed. Write these down so you won’t forget.
When the time is right, you’ll have lots of ideas from which to create new dreams when an old one dies. Or when you think it’s time to pursue new ones.
My father took up stained glass art in his 70s. And learned how to use a computer in his 80s. Why not?
Go for it. It’s never too late to start new things. By bringing your unique and special gifts into the world, you’ll feel deep joy and happiness. And you’ll bring more light into the lives of others—and the world. How much better does it get than that?
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
Listen to your longings
For what do you most yearn at this point in your life?
Is there something you’ve long wanted to do? Would you like to change careers—or do you want to move up in your present field?
Are you ready for a new relationship—or do you need to make changes in a current friendship or love relationship?
Or is it balance you long for—or a better self-image?
Just know that, whatever your deepest longings are, you are worth it! Let this be the year you give yourself the gift of expressing and meeting your longings.
Small steps
Is something holding you back? Perhaps you hear yourself giving excuses: I don’t have time for that goal. I can’t do that; it’s too selfish, and my family needs all my time. I don’t have what it takes to do that.
Really? Is that true? Be honest.
Do you still want to go for it? OK, then determine how you will get there. What needs to be done to reach for longed-for desire? Break the goal down into small steps. Bite-sized pieces are easier to swallow than the entire pizza!
What one thing can you do this month to get there? And after that? Imagine how it will feel to get what you so desire. Can you picture it? How do you feel? How does it change your world—and your outlook?
What resources might you need to get there? If you need support from family or friends, just ask. If you need encouragement and coaching, email or call me today for an initial conversation—or to schedule a complimentary and absolutely no-obligation sample session.
Listen to your heart. Follow your yearnings. Make this the year you take action!
Is there something you’ve long wanted to do? Would you like to change careers—or do you want to move up in your present field?
Are you ready for a new relationship—or do you need to make changes in a current friendship or love relationship?
Or is it balance you long for—or a better self-image?
Just know that, whatever your deepest longings are, you are worth it! Let this be the year you give yourself the gift of expressing and meeting your longings.
Small steps
Is something holding you back? Perhaps you hear yourself giving excuses: I don’t have time for that goal. I can’t do that; it’s too selfish, and my family needs all my time. I don’t have what it takes to do that.
Really? Is that true? Be honest.
Do you still want to go for it? OK, then determine how you will get there. What needs to be done to reach for longed-for desire? Break the goal down into small steps. Bite-sized pieces are easier to swallow than the entire pizza!
What one thing can you do this month to get there? And after that? Imagine how it will feel to get what you so desire. Can you picture it? How do you feel? How does it change your world—and your outlook?
What resources might you need to get there? If you need support from family or friends, just ask. If you need encouragement and coaching, email or call me today for an initial conversation—or to schedule a complimentary and absolutely no-obligation sample session.
Listen to your heart. Follow your yearnings. Make this the year you take action!
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