Lately, I've been talking about justice and about some of the issues that garnered our attention during the recent election cycle.
I'm a Christian and as such, I have concerns for how we approach immigration issues in our country. I am aware that people of other faiths have concerns for "the stranger" as well; Christians aren't alone in that desire. So who are the strangers in our world? Our lives? And what are we to do?
In Matthew 25, Jesus talks about the stranger:
"...for I was hungry and you gave me food, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you welcomed me, I was naked and you gave me clothing, I was sick and you took care of me, I was in prison and you visited me. Then the righteous will answer him, 'Lord, when was it that we saw you hungry and gave you food, or thirsty and gave you something to drink? And when was it that we saw you a stranger and welcomed you, or naked and gave you clothing? And when was it that we saw you sick or in prison and visited you?' And the king will answer them, 'Truly I tell you, just as you did it to one of the least of these who are members of my family, you did it to me.'"
I certainly don't advocate a policy of letting anyone and everyone into our country with no rules and regulations governing such entry. Somewhere between that and completely closed borders, there must exist a space where we can stake our claim as Americans. With the exception of Native Americans, of course, we have all gotten here because someone in our family line entered the country through an immigration process. At one point, someone in our family was a "stranger" in this land. What's your family story?
What does that mean to you? What ideas do you have for bringing justice to this situation?
Showing posts with label stories. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stories. Show all posts
Monday, November 12, 2018
Wednesday, October 17, 2018
Reclaiming hope
Just a couple nights ago I watched a Netflix film entitled City of Joy (not to be confused with a 1992 movie by the same name). This film is a documentary chronicling stories of hope and restoration from The Democratic Republic of Congo, which has been devastated by 20 years of war and violence.
The film explains how rape is used as a tool of war (no big surprise to those of us who follow women's issues around the globe!)—but even more, how the women affected by this can find their voices and reclaim their life's purpose and strength and in the process, find joy. The film shows the first class of women to graduate from a leadership center in eastern Congo. It's called the City of Joy—a safe place founded by Dr. Denis Mukwege, 2016 Nobel Peace Prize nominee; women's rights activist Christine Schuler-Deschryver and radical feminist Eve Ensler, author of "The Vagina Monologues". These three people did amazing work with women who suffered unimaginable violence to the point where these women went on to work for change in their country.
It is absolutely beautiful to watch the women grow and become stronger—and joyful again—as the film (and their training) progresses! Above all, this is a story about resilience. It's a story about joy. It's about finding our voices, even in the face of incredible pain and sadness.
For those of us who have not experienced the ravages of war or of sexual violence, there still are lessons to learn: the importance of not remaining a victim, no matter what our experience; the value in speaking up and telling our stories and our truths; the power of reclaiming hope and joy—and so much more.
Have you found your voice? Are you using it? Are you telling your story, whatever it is? I encourage us all to do so! It's so powerful. It's also powerful to stand together with our sisters around the globe—and those brothers who support us!
The film explains how rape is used as a tool of war (no big surprise to those of us who follow women's issues around the globe!)—but even more, how the women affected by this can find their voices and reclaim their life's purpose and strength and in the process, find joy. The film shows the first class of women to graduate from a leadership center in eastern Congo. It's called the City of Joy—a safe place founded by Dr. Denis Mukwege, 2016 Nobel Peace Prize nominee; women's rights activist Christine Schuler-Deschryver and radical feminist Eve Ensler, author of "The Vagina Monologues". These three people did amazing work with women who suffered unimaginable violence to the point where these women went on to work for change in their country.
It is absolutely beautiful to watch the women grow and become stronger—and joyful again—as the film (and their training) progresses! Above all, this is a story about resilience. It's a story about joy. It's about finding our voices, even in the face of incredible pain and sadness.
For those of us who have not experienced the ravages of war or of sexual violence, there still are lessons to learn: the importance of not remaining a victim, no matter what our experience; the value in speaking up and telling our stories and our truths; the power of reclaiming hope and joy—and so much more.
Have you found your voice? Are you using it? Are you telling your story, whatever it is? I encourage us all to do so! It's so powerful. It's also powerful to stand together with our sisters around the globe—and those brothers who support us!
Wednesday, August 29, 2018
Less talking, more listening
We've talked before in these blogs about all the shouting across an ever-widening chasm that's occurring in our country and our world. Who's listening? Where will it all end? Is it possible to reintroduce civility and respect to our culture again?
So it was with interest that I read the following in Karen Armstrong's wonderful book Twelve Steps to a Compassionate Life:
"There is much talk of the need for dialogue as a way of improving international relations. But will it be Socratic [where listening rather than winning a debate is important] or an aggressive dialogue that seeks to humiliate, manipulate, or defeat? Are we prepared to 'make place for the other,' or are we determined simply to impose our own will? An essential part of this dialogue must be the effort to listen. We have to make a more serious effort to hear one another's narratives."
Can we hear one another's stories? And do so without judgment, knowing that the emotional component of someone's story can hold deep pain and meaning that impacts behavior in ways we can't always understand. As Armstrong said, "We need to listen to the undercurrent of pain in our enemy's story. And we should be aware as well that our version of the same event is also likely to be a reflection upon our own situation and suffering rather than a dispassionate and wholly factual account." Cut others some slack. Be gentle with one another since we don't know all that's going on for the other. And listen. Really listen—whether you see this person as enemy or friend.
So it was with interest that I read the following in Karen Armstrong's wonderful book Twelve Steps to a Compassionate Life:
"There is much talk of the need for dialogue as a way of improving international relations. But will it be Socratic [where listening rather than winning a debate is important] or an aggressive dialogue that seeks to humiliate, manipulate, or defeat? Are we prepared to 'make place for the other,' or are we determined simply to impose our own will? An essential part of this dialogue must be the effort to listen. We have to make a more serious effort to hear one another's narratives."
Can we hear one another's stories? And do so without judgment, knowing that the emotional component of someone's story can hold deep pain and meaning that impacts behavior in ways we can't always understand. As Armstrong said, "We need to listen to the undercurrent of pain in our enemy's story. And we should be aware as well that our version of the same event is also likely to be a reflection upon our own situation and suffering rather than a dispassionate and wholly factual account." Cut others some slack. Be gentle with one another since we don't know all that's going on for the other. And listen. Really listen—whether you see this person as enemy or friend.
Wednesday, March 14, 2018
Sharing brings strength
A daily devotion I read recently discussed the fact that many churches don't have what's called "testimonies" from members. But, as a pastor, she wondered whether it might not be a good idea. She said this, "I sometimes wonder what testimonies the people in our pews need to hear. Do they need to hear someone say that there is life after the marriage implodes? Do they search for an assurance that chemo was hard for everyone else too? Do they long to know that everyone is a little afraid of growing older and depending on others more?"
It raises an interesting point: Are we vulnerable enough to share those fears and stories that can reassure each other? For it's in sharing our stories (and our fears) that we receive support, compassion—and, yes, even hope. That's why support groups are so valuable for all manner of situations. We gain strength from each other's stories.
Who needs to hear your "testimonies" today? And who might reassure you if they told theirs?
It raises an interesting point: Are we vulnerable enough to share those fears and stories that can reassure each other? For it's in sharing our stories (and our fears) that we receive support, compassion—and, yes, even hope. That's why support groups are so valuable for all manner of situations. We gain strength from each other's stories.
Who needs to hear your "testimonies" today? And who might reassure you if they told theirs?
Friday, March 9, 2018
Stories are life-giving
American author and essayist Barry Lopez once said, "Sometimes a person needs a story more than food to stay alive."
Interesting thought, isn't it? Think about it: Don't our stories tell us who we are? Where we've been? Even perhaps who and what we might become?
When someone listens, really listens, as I tell my life story, I feel heard. I feel real. Alive. And when they affirm what I've been through and how I've come through it, I have truly been listened into existence.
Sharing our stories with one another is a pretty intense and deep way to get to know someone, especially when we don't hold back. Sharing your story is a gift. Hearing another's story is a gift, too.
Can you think of a time when you reminded a friend or loved one of a part of their story they'd forgotten? Do you recall their joy at being given that gift? I've had friends say to me, "Thank you so much for reminding me of that part of my story! I'd completely forgotten that. That helps me know that I can get through this situation, too!"
Yes, it's true: sometimes we really need our stories to stay alive.
Interesting thought, isn't it? Think about it: Don't our stories tell us who we are? Where we've been? Even perhaps who and what we might become?
When someone listens, really listens, as I tell my life story, I feel heard. I feel real. Alive. And when they affirm what I've been through and how I've come through it, I have truly been listened into existence.
Sharing our stories with one another is a pretty intense and deep way to get to know someone, especially when we don't hold back. Sharing your story is a gift. Hearing another's story is a gift, too.
Can you think of a time when you reminded a friend or loved one of a part of their story they'd forgotten? Do you recall their joy at being given that gift? I've had friends say to me, "Thank you so much for reminding me of that part of my story! I'd completely forgotten that. That helps me know that I can get through this situation, too!"
Yes, it's true: sometimes we really need our stories to stay alive.
Friday, March 2, 2018
Share the good news
I just read a post on Facebook by a woman who said she'd gone to a local grocery store for a few items. When she got to the checkout, the cashier told her, "Your money isn't any good here today." My friend thought, "What?!" Then the cashier told her that the person in line ahead of her had paid extra for those following behind. It just made my friend's day!
Well, guess what? It made my day, too. It's sometimes easy for me to get caught up by the negative news—school shootings, deadlock in Washington, wars and murder in so many parts of the globe, etc. And although I want to be aware of world and domestic events, I also want to stay positive. So reading about a random act of kindness really made my day. It's so easy to forget about the good people in the world and think the world is populated with evil, nasty folks.
Somehow, I need to maintain perspective and balance. I want to do what I can to help bring justice and peace into the world. At the same time, I don't want to get bogged down in all the negativity and pain. Most days, this can be a real challenge!
My friend's post reminded me to share good news when I hear or experience it. The good things that happen to us boost our attitudes. And when we share those stories, others receive a positive boost too.
Well, guess what? It made my day, too. It's sometimes easy for me to get caught up by the negative news—school shootings, deadlock in Washington, wars and murder in so many parts of the globe, etc. And although I want to be aware of world and domestic events, I also want to stay positive. So reading about a random act of kindness really made my day. It's so easy to forget about the good people in the world and think the world is populated with evil, nasty folks.
Somehow, I need to maintain perspective and balance. I want to do what I can to help bring justice and peace into the world. At the same time, I don't want to get bogged down in all the negativity and pain. Most days, this can be a real challenge!
My friend's post reminded me to share good news when I hear or experience it. The good things that happen to us boost our attitudes. And when we share those stories, others receive a positive boost too.
Monday, June 19, 2017
You are beautiful!
Following up on last Friday's blog on self-esteem, I like what the authors say in Queen of Your Own Life: Grown-Up Woman's Guide to Claiming Happiness and Getting the Life You Deserve:
"Wouldn't the ultimate gift to yourself be to believe that, no matter what your age, size or circumstances, you are beautiful and then go out into the world reflecting that feeling inside and out? ... Your laughter, struggles, courage and determination up until this point all combine to make a powerful source of energy within you that illuminates your face so that the world can see the remarkable story painted there."
Yes, authors Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff have it right. We each have a remarkable story, unique to us; and it's right there in our faces and in our bodies, too. These stories make us who we are—the tough things in our lives and the joyful moments, all of it. What a sense of energy we can draw from that.
No matter what size, weight, age, circumstances, IQ or any other type of measurement, you are beautiful. I am beautiful. For beauty is so much more than what society measures.
Remember that today. Stand tall. Be confident and happy just remembering this!
"Wouldn't the ultimate gift to yourself be to believe that, no matter what your age, size or circumstances, you are beautiful and then go out into the world reflecting that feeling inside and out? ... Your laughter, struggles, courage and determination up until this point all combine to make a powerful source of energy within you that illuminates your face so that the world can see the remarkable story painted there."
Yes, authors Kathy Kinney and Cindy Ratzlaff have it right. We each have a remarkable story, unique to us; and it's right there in our faces and in our bodies, too. These stories make us who we are—the tough things in our lives and the joyful moments, all of it. What a sense of energy we can draw from that.
No matter what size, weight, age, circumstances, IQ or any other type of measurement, you are beautiful. I am beautiful. For beauty is so much more than what society measures.
Remember that today. Stand tall. Be confident and happy just remembering this!
Wednesday, April 26, 2017
Victim or hero?
If you haven't engaged in "victim thinking" yourself, I'm sure you have heard friends or acquaintances do so. Every one of us no doubt has a story or stories about things that have happened to us where we've felt like a victim or been a victim. Of course, we talk about such things with others. There is nothing wrong with telling someone about what happened. That's one thing.
It's quite another thing to keep living in that victim mentality, however. You can tell the story. Or you can make it your story—and keep telling and retelling so that this is how you see yourself eventually.
Here's what medical anthropologist Alberto Villoldo says about that, "Although the mind resists it, the fact is that, like me, you have a choice between having the life you want or the reasons why you can't. You can luxuriate in joy and peace, or you can continually be burdened by that big black bag full of all the sorrowful incidents and accidents that happened to you in your childhood or last relationship. You can endure your wounds or you can enjoy your glory. You can live the life of a victim, burdened by the traumas of your past, or you can live the life of a hero; but you can't do both."
That's pretty direct. And it's true. You and I do have a choice: Victim or hero? What's it going to be? How will you tell your life story? Where is your focus? You can choose between having the life you want or dwelling on the reasons why you can't have it.
If you'd like to discuss this, I invite you to contact me for a complimentary, no-obligation strategy session.
It's quite another thing to keep living in that victim mentality, however. You can tell the story. Or you can make it your story—and keep telling and retelling so that this is how you see yourself eventually.
Here's what medical anthropologist Alberto Villoldo says about that, "Although the mind resists it, the fact is that, like me, you have a choice between having the life you want or the reasons why you can't. You can luxuriate in joy and peace, or you can continually be burdened by that big black bag full of all the sorrowful incidents and accidents that happened to you in your childhood or last relationship. You can endure your wounds or you can enjoy your glory. You can live the life of a victim, burdened by the traumas of your past, or you can live the life of a hero; but you can't do both."
That's pretty direct. And it's true. You and I do have a choice: Victim or hero? What's it going to be? How will you tell your life story? Where is your focus? You can choose between having the life you want or dwelling on the reasons why you can't have it.
If you'd like to discuss this, I invite you to contact me for a complimentary, no-obligation strategy session.
Monday, February 1, 2016
Share those stories
Women + stories + sharing=deep connections and transformation.
When women gather and share their stories, they encourage and support one another. And when that happens, anything is possible. Suddenly, the changes and growth we may have feared or about which we felt uncertain can seem possible. Transformation is around the corner.
Ever had that experience? I've had it before. And it happened again recently when my YaYa group gathered. We shared photos from each of the first two stages of our lives (maiden and mother) and talked about who we knew ourselves to be back then. We shared who we are now as older women (wise women in the "crone" stage of life, which in ancient times was known as elderhood). Crones were then considered to be valuable and important members of the community. We shared what traits we'd like to further develop as we age, too.
It was such a rich and exciting day for us, and we parted knowing that we had wonderful support from each other to continue whatever journey we're on at the moment. We are each moving on, knowing we do have the strength and the wherewithal to become those valued elders in our families and communities. Wow, how powerful that is!
When women gather and share their stories, they encourage and support one another. And when that happens, anything is possible. Suddenly, the changes and growth we may have feared or about which we felt uncertain can seem possible. Transformation is around the corner.
Ever had that experience? I've had it before. And it happened again recently when my YaYa group gathered. We shared photos from each of the first two stages of our lives (maiden and mother) and talked about who we knew ourselves to be back then. We shared who we are now as older women (wise women in the "crone" stage of life, which in ancient times was known as elderhood). Crones were then considered to be valuable and important members of the community. We shared what traits we'd like to further develop as we age, too.
It was such a rich and exciting day for us, and we parted knowing that we had wonderful support from each other to continue whatever journey we're on at the moment. We are each moving on, knowing we do have the strength and the wherewithal to become those valued elders in our families and communities. Wow, how powerful that is!
Tuesday, October 6, 2015
Wholeness & sharing stories
I am a word-lover, a book-lover and a lover of stories. And sharing our stories is one of the best ways to get to know, really know, one another. Absolutely every person has a story. Have you ever thought about what your story is? It's more than just a chronicle of each important thing that's happened to you in your life—it's really about how you have been shaped by some of the major events of your life. It's about how you see these events.
Another believer in the power of story, author Gail Kittleson, in her book Catching Up with Daylight: A Journey to Wholeness shares some of her own story even as she tells snippets from the stories of other women whose paths have crossed hers. In so doing, I'm sure she found even more wholeness for her journey of healing. And in the reading of this wonderful book, I felt the power of healing and wholeness in my life as well.
Stories are powerful. By sharing our stories, not only can we come to know one another more deeply. We can also move toward healing and wholeness.
Today might be a good day to think about your story—and to begin sharing it.
Another believer in the power of story, author Gail Kittleson, in her book Catching Up with Daylight: A Journey to Wholeness shares some of her own story even as she tells snippets from the stories of other women whose paths have crossed hers. In so doing, I'm sure she found even more wholeness for her journey of healing. And in the reading of this wonderful book, I felt the power of healing and wholeness in my life as well.
Stories are powerful. By sharing our stories, not only can we come to know one another more deeply. We can also move toward healing and wholeness.
Today might be a good day to think about your story—and to begin sharing it.
Tuesday, September 29, 2015
The path to health
I've talked about our stories in these blogs before. In addition to telling our story to leave for children, grandchildren, nieces, nephews or others who might be interested, there's a whole other meaning to the idea of our stories.
You and I have a back story that we've been telling ourselves for years—a story that grew out of past experiences and that can color everything that happens to us now and in the future. Unless we examine it and see whether that back story still works, that is.
Here's what I mean: Since I was a young girl, my story has been that I need to be strong. I'm not even completely certain how this story came to live inside me. I have some ideas about that, but there's some mystery for me, too. In any case, because of that idea that I always needed to be strong (picture leaping tall buildings in a single bound, landing backward in a straight skirt and high heels!), I haven't developed my vulnerable side as fully as I could to be healthy. So in these last years, I'm trying to be more open and vulnerable. I don't always have to don my Wonder Woman costume. It's becoming exhausting.
What's your back story? Is it holding you back from being whole and healthy? Has it become a weight around your neck? What would you like to change? If you'd like to discuss this in a complimentary coaching session, I invite you to contact me. It's a fascinating journey of discovery.
You and I have a back story that we've been telling ourselves for years—a story that grew out of past experiences and that can color everything that happens to us now and in the future. Unless we examine it and see whether that back story still works, that is.
Here's what I mean: Since I was a young girl, my story has been that I need to be strong. I'm not even completely certain how this story came to live inside me. I have some ideas about that, but there's some mystery for me, too. In any case, because of that idea that I always needed to be strong (picture leaping tall buildings in a single bound, landing backward in a straight skirt and high heels!), I haven't developed my vulnerable side as fully as I could to be healthy. So in these last years, I'm trying to be more open and vulnerable. I don't always have to don my Wonder Woman costume. It's becoming exhausting.
What's your back story? Is it holding you back from being whole and healthy? Has it become a weight around your neck? What would you like to change? If you'd like to discuss this in a complimentary coaching session, I invite you to contact me. It's a fascinating journey of discovery.
Monday, September 28, 2015
Stories—what a gift!
Everyone has a story. You have one. I have one. We tend to think that the things that have happened in our life are just ho-hum and quite ordinary. But there are so many pieces that are unique to each of us. We have a story that includes lots of little stories within it.
In addition, there is so much about us that no one else knows. I often think that my best friends (and that includes my beloved sister) know a lot more about me than my three sons do. Or at least, my friends know some very different things from what my sons know; they see me in a different light, of course.
I'm at the stage of life where I'm thinking about what I might leave my kids and grandkids by way of a legacy—and by that I don't mean money or an estate. I mean that I'm thinking about what I'd like to leave behind for them of my story. I would like to have something written, perhaps with some photos, so they can know more about some of the events of my life and what those meant to me—and perhaps something about what difference that may have made in their lives.
As I reflect on my own parents, I wish I had asked so many more questions of them when they were alive. I know some of their stories. But there's a lot I don't know—and would love to know.
Have you done anything with your story? Do you want to do so? There are lots of resources out there to help us do this. Remember, sharing your story could be a gift to someone in your life.
In addition, there is so much about us that no one else knows. I often think that my best friends (and that includes my beloved sister) know a lot more about me than my three sons do. Or at least, my friends know some very different things from what my sons know; they see me in a different light, of course.
I'm at the stage of life where I'm thinking about what I might leave my kids and grandkids by way of a legacy—and by that I don't mean money or an estate. I mean that I'm thinking about what I'd like to leave behind for them of my story. I would like to have something written, perhaps with some photos, so they can know more about some of the events of my life and what those meant to me—and perhaps something about what difference that may have made in their lives.
As I reflect on my own parents, I wish I had asked so many more questions of them when they were alive. I know some of their stories. But there's a lot I don't know—and would love to know.
Have you done anything with your story? Do you want to do so? There are lots of resources out there to help us do this. Remember, sharing your story could be a gift to someone in your life.
Monday, September 21, 2015
Women's lives matter
My niece, Carmen, gave me a book in 1999 that I still treasure today: Uppity Women of Ancient Times by Vicki León. I enjoyed that one so much that I bought two more books by that author: Uppity Women of Shakespearean Times and Uppity Women of Medieval Times. Although so many stories of women have been lost and never recorded, including in the Bible, this author has done an inordinate amount of research to recover several stories.
And as we know, stories are important. It's good for us to know our histories; and as women, we need both models and warnings to inspire us in our own lives. (Some people are examples to us, and others are warnings, in terms of their thoughts and actions!)
The first book profiled 200 women from ancient times, and I am fascinated to read their stories. As the author said of those ancient times, "...there were countless women who mattered.... Their deeds haven't been lost to us either; uppity women rocked as many cradles as the next gal, but they rocked a lot of boats as well. From different cultures, times, and social classes, they shared a common bond: these high-energy achievers didn't buy into what others said women should and shouldn't do."
What a good reminder. We definitely don't want to twist ourselves into pretzels to become what others expect of us. It's our own expectations we want to follow. It's all about authenticity, isn't it? We want to be and do what is right for us. We want to become our true selves. At the same time, it's delightful to have models from any time and age to inspire us as we make our way. If you're looking for models—or if you just want some delightful reading—I recommend these books.
And as we know, stories are important. It's good for us to know our histories; and as women, we need both models and warnings to inspire us in our own lives. (Some people are examples to us, and others are warnings, in terms of their thoughts and actions!)
The first book profiled 200 women from ancient times, and I am fascinated to read their stories. As the author said of those ancient times, "...there were countless women who mattered.... Their deeds haven't been lost to us either; uppity women rocked as many cradles as the next gal, but they rocked a lot of boats as well. From different cultures, times, and social classes, they shared a common bond: these high-energy achievers didn't buy into what others said women should and shouldn't do."
What a good reminder. We definitely don't want to twist ourselves into pretzels to become what others expect of us. It's our own expectations we want to follow. It's all about authenticity, isn't it? We want to be and do what is right for us. We want to become our true selves. At the same time, it's delightful to have models from any time and age to inspire us as we make our way. If you're looking for models—or if you just want some delightful reading—I recommend these books.
Tuesday, June 16, 2015
'To be known'
Yesterday I blogged about telling our life stories to family. Because I had been thinking about that, something in the novel I'm currently reading really jumped out at me.
I'm reading The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah. In the first chapter, one of the two sisters around whose lives this fictional book revolves, says of the mother her son knows, "He loves a version of me that is incomplete. I always thought it was what I wanted: to be loved and admired. Now I think perhaps I'd like to be known."
Fascinating, I think. Truly, our children typically know only a small part of who we really are. They know a different person from the one our closest and dearest friends know. A different person from the one our siblings know.
That's as it should be, particularly when our children are young. We don't necessarily need them to know some of the shenanigans we pulled when we were young!
But do you ever wish, as you get older, that your children (and/or grandchildren) knew a little more about your deepest values, passions and thoughts? Would you like them to know more about you? If you answer "yes" to that, find some ways that you can reveal more of yourself. It may even mean dropping some masks or armor. Are you ready to do that?
I'm reading The Nightingale by Kristin Hannah. In the first chapter, one of the two sisters around whose lives this fictional book revolves, says of the mother her son knows, "He loves a version of me that is incomplete. I always thought it was what I wanted: to be loved and admired. Now I think perhaps I'd like to be known."
Fascinating, I think. Truly, our children typically know only a small part of who we really are. They know a different person from the one our closest and dearest friends know. A different person from the one our siblings know.
That's as it should be, particularly when our children are young. We don't necessarily need them to know some of the shenanigans we pulled when we were young!
But do you ever wish, as you get older, that your children (and/or grandchildren) knew a little more about your deepest values, passions and thoughts? Would you like them to know more about you? If you answer "yes" to that, find some ways that you can reveal more of yourself. It may even mean dropping some masks or armor. Are you ready to do that?
Monday, June 15, 2015
How will you tell your story?
I've been thinking a lot lately about telling my life story to my family—my sons, daughters-in-law and grandchildren. Because I'm a writer, I'd love to write it out. I'm not sure exactly when this will happen as my plate seems full enough at present. But it's on my wish list of things I'd like to do. It's not because my life has been so extraordinary but more that I realize they know only a tiny part of me. And it's their history and legacy, too.
And so I've been thinking about the difference in how we tell our life stories. That brings to mind Dawna Markova's book I Will Not Die an Unlived Life: Reclaiming Purpose and Passion. In it she speaks of two ways we tell our stories: We can tell them as "river stories" or as "rut stories."
As you might imagine, rut stories numb us. Picture yourself stuck in a rut, believing that what you've always been and done is exactly what you'll always be and do—leaving no room for change or transformation.
Then there are river stories, which are energizing and carry us forward toward possibility just like a river flowing onward regardless of obstacles in its way.
It's really a matter of focus, isn't it? We can focus on life's pain and problems, making that the centerpiece of our story. Or we can focus on possibilities and promise, looking at all the gifts and blessings in our life. This doesn't mean we deny or ignore the pain and problems. It means we look beyond them to notice life's blessings—which means we more readily notice those that have been there all along.
How will you tell your story?
And so I've been thinking about the difference in how we tell our life stories. That brings to mind Dawna Markova's book I Will Not Die an Unlived Life: Reclaiming Purpose and Passion. In it she speaks of two ways we tell our stories: We can tell them as "river stories" or as "rut stories."
As you might imagine, rut stories numb us. Picture yourself stuck in a rut, believing that what you've always been and done is exactly what you'll always be and do—leaving no room for change or transformation.
Then there are river stories, which are energizing and carry us forward toward possibility just like a river flowing onward regardless of obstacles in its way.
It's really a matter of focus, isn't it? We can focus on life's pain and problems, making that the centerpiece of our story. Or we can focus on possibilities and promise, looking at all the gifts and blessings in our life. This doesn't mean we deny or ignore the pain and problems. It means we look beyond them to notice life's blessings—which means we more readily notice those that have been there all along.
How will you tell your story?
Wednesday, May 13, 2015
Light amid darkness
I am an avid reader. Books take me places I'll never go in person. Books also give me life lessons and insights that are just invaluable.
Two days ago I just finished a novel that had come highly recommended by several people: All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr, a book about a blind French girl and a German boy whose lives intersect in occupied France as both try to survive the awful events of World War II.
My takeaways from this book are to once again be astounded by the resilience of people faced with violence and unspeakable events in wartime and to be reminded that even amid such situations, some people are called to their higher selves. Acts of kindness and graced moments occur even in the midst of situations of living hell.
It's good to remember both those takeaways, for when any of us face darkness and difficult times, we can remember that even then, even then, goodness and light can be found. And it's good to remember that very often we can survive such times.
Can you recall times of darkness when you saw goodness and grace? Remember that the next time you face a difficult and challenging situation.
Two days ago I just finished a novel that had come highly recommended by several people: All the Light We Cannot See by Anthony Doerr, a book about a blind French girl and a German boy whose lives intersect in occupied France as both try to survive the awful events of World War II.
My takeaways from this book are to once again be astounded by the resilience of people faced with violence and unspeakable events in wartime and to be reminded that even amid such situations, some people are called to their higher selves. Acts of kindness and graced moments occur even in the midst of situations of living hell.
It's good to remember both those takeaways, for when any of us face darkness and difficult times, we can remember that even then, even then, goodness and light can be found. And it's good to remember that very often we can survive such times.
Can you recall times of darkness when you saw goodness and grace? Remember that the next time you face a difficult and challenging situation.
Tuesday, October 21, 2014
Together we rise
It doesn't just take a village to raise children, I believe it takes one for us as adults, too. When we support, encourage and help one another, we do so much more than we can do alone.
I recently read about women around the globe gathering to help each other, thanks to a nonprofit begun by Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg. Lean In Circles are established in more than 70 countries already in attempts to empower girls and women to find their voices and achieve their goals. Participants gather monthly or more often to learn, encourage and share with one another.
Last year Sandberg wrote a book titled Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead that started discussion around those issues, and now her nonprofit is helping us join hands around the world. Reportedly, there's even a circle of men in Phoenix who want to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem and their desire is to make their law firm a better place for women.
There's so much power when we join hands and when we support and encourage one another. By sharing our stories, we inspire one another, too. Where are you finding encouragement today? And where are you giving it?
I recently read about women around the globe gathering to help each other, thanks to a nonprofit begun by Facebook COO Sheryl Sandberg. Lean In Circles are established in more than 70 countries already in attempts to empower girls and women to find their voices and achieve their goals. Participants gather monthly or more often to learn, encourage and share with one another.
Last year Sandberg wrote a book titled Lean In: Women, Work and the Will to Lead that started discussion around those issues, and now her nonprofit is helping us join hands around the world. Reportedly, there's even a circle of men in Phoenix who want to be part of the solution rather than part of the problem and their desire is to make their law firm a better place for women.
There's so much power when we join hands and when we support and encourage one another. By sharing our stories, we inspire one another, too. Where are you finding encouragement today? And where are you giving it?
Monday, October 6, 2014
Together we rise
Last week the Today Show highlighted breast cancer survivors and those currently dealing with the disease. What really struck me as I watched women share their stories in the company of others was the strength they drew from each other. I saw a real sisterhood—though they spanned the country and came from a variety of races, age groups and lifestyles.
When one woman would share her fears, her experiences and her triumphs, I could see the hope light up in the eyes of those still going through the chemo, radiation and surgeries. There were hugs, tears, words of support and encouragement for each other—and I have no doubt that for the thousands of viewers who watched the program, that hope spread even further.
We do need each other. And it's in the sharing of our stories—sharing our fears, our dreams, our hopes, our losses and our triumphs—that we help one another. It's also through that same sharing that we experience healing and confidence ourselves. Through that, we can find the strength to face what comes our way.
Sometimes our fears draw us deeply down into ourselves, and it's difficult to reach out and tell others. It's also difficult to ask for help and support. But it's good for us to do so, and it's equally good for others to be able to offer support, hope and encouragement.
When one woman would share her fears, her experiences and her triumphs, I could see the hope light up in the eyes of those still going through the chemo, radiation and surgeries. There were hugs, tears, words of support and encouragement for each other—and I have no doubt that for the thousands of viewers who watched the program, that hope spread even further.
We do need each other. And it's in the sharing of our stories—sharing our fears, our dreams, our hopes, our losses and our triumphs—that we help one another. It's also through that same sharing that we experience healing and confidence ourselves. Through that, we can find the strength to face what comes our way.
Sometimes our fears draw us deeply down into ourselves, and it's difficult to reach out and tell others. It's also difficult to ask for help and support. But it's good for us to do so, and it's equally good for others to be able to offer support, hope and encouragement.
Thursday, July 31, 2014
Let's hear it for positive news
I just read online that an 8-year-old boy in Minneapolis, Dylan Spoering, wanted to play a free concert for people. He put a sign on his parents' front lawn advertising his concert. He just expected a few neighbors and friends. But fellow musician and neighbor Thomas Rehbein saw the sign as he biked home, took a photo of it and posted it on Facebook.
What happened is so heartwarming and just shows the goodness of people, something about which we hear little in news broadcasts, it seems. Hundreds of people showed up in the rain to hear his 10-minute concert as Dylan played from his elementary school music book. The crowd cheered him and gave him a standing ovation. Now the young musician has plans for another concert on August 2.
Don't you love to hear stories like that? So much news is negative—murder and mayhem, political fights and name-calling. So it's just a delight to hear a story like this. Positive news deserves to be shared, and this little story went viral.
What happened is so heartwarming and just shows the goodness of people, something about which we hear little in news broadcasts, it seems. Hundreds of people showed up in the rain to hear his 10-minute concert as Dylan played from his elementary school music book. The crowd cheered him and gave him a standing ovation. Now the young musician has plans for another concert on August 2.
Don't you love to hear stories like that? So much news is negative—murder and mayhem, political fights and name-calling. So it's just a delight to hear a story like this. Positive news deserves to be shared, and this little story went viral.
Friday, June 20, 2014
Stories strengthen family relationships
Want to strengthen your family relationships? Share your stories.
Now that both my parents are dead, I so wish I would have asked them even more questions about their life stories. I heard some of them, but I know there's so much more I don't know. Turns out, knowing family stories is an important component in strengthening families and building resilience in younger generations. A study done by an Emory University psychologist, Marshall Duke, and a colleague, Robyn Fivush, showed that children who knew a lot about their families' histories had a stronger sense of control over their lives and higher self-esteem. Such families seemed to function better. And children from those families "know they belong to something bigger than themselves."
There are many ways to share your stories with children and grandchildren. It can be done at family gatherings, when on vacation or just in the course of daily life. Remember to share both the funny stories and also those about adversity and how you or other family members coped. There are many life lessons to be learned that way. Or you may wish to put your stories into book form. When I first became a grandmother, someone gave me a "Grandma's Story" book. The idea was that I should answer the questions on the pages of this album and include photos so that once I'd finished the book, I could give it to my grandchild who would then have a story of my life. I was too busy in those years and never quite got the book done. Now, nine grandchildren later, I don't plan to write in nine different books. My hope is to create one book with stories and pictures that I can have printed for each grandchild.
Stories. They're so important to us all—and in ways we maybe didn't quite imagine. Start sharing yours today. And ask others around you to share theirs.
Now that both my parents are dead, I so wish I would have asked them even more questions about their life stories. I heard some of them, but I know there's so much more I don't know. Turns out, knowing family stories is an important component in strengthening families and building resilience in younger generations. A study done by an Emory University psychologist, Marshall Duke, and a colleague, Robyn Fivush, showed that children who knew a lot about their families' histories had a stronger sense of control over their lives and higher self-esteem. Such families seemed to function better. And children from those families "know they belong to something bigger than themselves."
There are many ways to share your stories with children and grandchildren. It can be done at family gatherings, when on vacation or just in the course of daily life. Remember to share both the funny stories and also those about adversity and how you or other family members coped. There are many life lessons to be learned that way. Or you may wish to put your stories into book form. When I first became a grandmother, someone gave me a "Grandma's Story" book. The idea was that I should answer the questions on the pages of this album and include photos so that once I'd finished the book, I could give it to my grandchild who would then have a story of my life. I was too busy in those years and never quite got the book done. Now, nine grandchildren later, I don't plan to write in nine different books. My hope is to create one book with stories and pictures that I can have printed for each grandchild.
Stories. They're so important to us all—and in ways we maybe didn't quite imagine. Start sharing yours today. And ask others around you to share theirs.
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