Spring—and intention

Winter is still hanging on (with a vengeance) here in the Midwest. However, there are wonderful signs of new life, too—blades of iris plants poking bravely out of the cold earth and birds singing with abandon.

In my latest issue of Magnolia Journal: Inspiration for Life and Home, editor Joanna Gaines clearly is looking forward to the arrival of spring, too. Here's what she says:

"As new life is turning all around us, I feel a similar sensation prompting me to grow some things and shed others. Whether it's the readying of my garden or the airing out and freshening up of our home, this season always stirs within me a desire to consider what I have outgrown or need to weed out in order to make room for what I hold most dear."

Yes! That's a wonderful thought, I think. Gaines goes on to talk about living intentionally and making conscious decisions about how we live our lives and fill our days. I like that idea, too.

As you think about living intentionally—and about growing some things and letting go of others, what comes to mind? What changes might you make? Why not start with one today?

Why do you do what you do?

You may be among those of us who have taken the Myers-Briggs personality test. I found that test somewhat helpful in understanding some of my behaviors, and I've taken it several times through the years—sometimes in work settings and other times in less formal settings.

However, there's another resource that, for my money, tells me far more about myself; and that's the Enneagram. The Enneagram sorts people into one of nine personality types but also includes side wings so offers more possibilities. In addition it shows what people are like at the unhealthy end of their type, in an average state and also at the healthiest end of the spectrum. Most books on the Enneagram offer lots of pointers to help you move from unhealthy to average to healthy. Personalities are seen as more fluid, and there's more possibility for growth and transformation, which is why I am so fond of it.

Many books are available, but there's also a quick online test you can take to give you some idea of what the Enneagram is like before you invest in a book. If you just want a quick-and-dirty idea of the Enneagram, here's an online test to try. If you're intrigued by what you learn here, look online for resource books. My favorite is The Wisdom of the Enneagram by Don Richard Riso and Russ Hudson.

Of storms and roots

"Storms make oaks take deeper roots," said Welsh-born poet and Anglican priest George Herbert. He likely knew whereof he spoke, too, since he suffered from poor health for most of his short life. He died of consumption at the age of 39.

His point is well-taken, however. I don't know about you, but it has been the painful and difficult experiences in my life that have deepened the roots of my faith, strengthened my voice and my resolve to do more about the injustices I see, and kept me grounded. I have grown and transformed far more through life's storms than through the good times. Those times have fueled my compassion, too.

All of us would no doubt rather have more sunshine, rainbows, joy and beauty in our lives—and give a pass to the storms. We don't get to check boxes for such preferences, however. Storms will come. And the good news is that we will survive them—especially with help. This is where your faith comes in and where your connections to others play a huge role.

If you're in the midst of life storms right now, take heart. Reach down deeply into your soul, reach up to whatever you name your higher power, and reach out to those people with whom you share your journey. Watch those roots deepen. Watch your wisdom and strength grow. Know you can survive this.

For those who want to be more

A book I first read when I was just in my 30s is still one of my favorites. Hope for the Flowers by Trina Paulus, illustrated like a children's book, is a book for adults who want to be what they were meant to be—who want the "more" of life.

I have so many favorite passages. Here's one part I especially like:

"Butterfly—that word," she thought. "Tell me, sir, what is a butterfly?

"It's what you are meant to become. It flies with beautiful wings and joins the earth to heaven. It drinks only nectar from the flowers and carries the seeds of love from one flower to another.

"Without butterflies, the world would soon have few flowers."

So here's a thought for you and me as we look out onto cold or snow-covered landscapes that are momentarily free from flowers and butterflies: How are you carrying the seeds of love? How do you see yourself searching for the "more" of life? How are you moving toward becoming all you were meant to be?

What might you need to do to soar like a butterfly and "join the earth to heaven"?

How do you want to age?

Author May Sarton saw aging as a time of growth. Does that surprise you? In her journal At Seventy, she wrote, "I suppose I have always believed that one must live as though one were dying—and we all are, of course—because then the priorities become clear."

She also wrote, "...it is only when one is dying ... that one is allowed to shut life out and concentrate on 'the real connections'." Further, she said she loved being old because "I am more myself than I have ever been. There is less conflict. I am happier, more balanced, and ... better able to use my powers."

As you age, does that resonate with you? I do believe that, at least if we do our inner work, we reach that point where we integrate our inner and outer worlds. In other words, we want our actions to be completely compatible with our values and beliefs. That is how we get to be "more myself" as we age. That's how we have "less conflict" and how we're "more balanced."

It's all about choices. You and I get to choose how we age. True, we cannot choose whether we deal with illnesses. But we can choose whether or not we'll grow as we age. We choose our attitudes. We choose how much we wish to integrate inner and outer selves.

Do you have a vision for how you want to age? For who you want to be when you get older? Now is the time!

Lobsters & stress

Did you know that we can learn something about stress from a lobster?

In a YouTube video, Rabbi Dr. Abraham Twerski shares how a lobster can teach us how to learn from adversity. It involves learning to live with discomfort!

When the soft inside part of a lobster grows, the outer shell does not grow. That remains rigid. So a lobster goes under a rock to stay safe from predators and there it sheds its rigid shell. What an uncomfortable and vulnerable thing to do—to let go of the shell that stands between it and predators! But after the lobster sheds its shell, it grows a new one. The process repeats as the lobster grows.

The lesson Twerski teases out for us is that times of stress can be the impetus for growth. If we can live with some discomfort, we can experience growth. Perhaps that means we don't always need to reach so rapidly for relief for our discomfort. Lean into it a while and see what lessons are there.

For me, the lesson also involves learning to be vulnerable (losing some of my protective coating). Through that vulnerability can come huge transformational advances—real growth.

Who ever thought a lobster could teach us something? Next time you experience the uncomfortability of stress, picture the lobster going under a rock and facing the stress of life without its shell so that it can grow a new one. And take heart!

From discomfort to growth

Author M. Scott Peck once said, "The truth is that our finest moments are most likely to occur when we are feeling deeply uncomfortable, unhappy, or unfulfilled. For it is only in such moments, propelled by our discomfort, that we are likely to step out of our ruts and start searching for different ways or truer answers."

Have you found this to be true? Although I haven't much liked being in those uncomfortable and unhappy places, I see that much of my growth has come from such times.

There is something to be said for asking deep questions at those times: What might need changing in my life? What do I really desire? Are there things I need to let go? Parts of me I need to embrace in order to be my truest self? 

And there surely is something to be said for stepping out of ruts! Once you move out of a rut, so many possibilities present themselves. Who knows what might be ahead? It's OK to feel uncomfortable for a while. Let yourself open up to something new!

Winter's cues for us

Where I live, it's winter right now. It's cold. The flowers and bushes that surround my house look dead. All dried up. Some have been cut back for winter. Others will be cut back in early spring. So we typically think of winter as the time when everything is dead, nothing is growing.

But think about it. Lots is happening under the ground. Things are preparing for that time just a few short months from now when they'll burst forth with new shoots and fill the world with color once again. So, although we can't see it, lots of growth is taking place. Rest allows renewal and prep time for rebirth.

Perhaps we can take our cues from the plant world. Animals do this, too, since many of them hibernate. Some simply slow down, trying to exist on what little food they've stored away somewhere or can find underneath the snow.

Winter is a good time for us to rest and be restored, too. Slow down. Rest. Let the inner juices flow quietly and calmly and think about where your creativity might take you this year. Then when spring arrives and you feel the same surge of energy that plants do, you'll be ready for the rebirth and growth that are coming.

How can you use this winter time? What inner preparations might you need to make so 2016 will be fruitful?

From the old to the new

As you think about the New Year approaching, do you make resolutions, set intentions or think about what you want it to look like? Do you reflect on the year about to end to see what learnings have come for you from the experiences you had?

I hope you take some time to celebrate what you've learned—the transformation you've seen in yourself—any growth that has occurred. Take time, too, to feel the sadness and pain of any losses that occurred throughout the year.

It's always good to start the New Year with a clean slate. Start with a heart that's open and free. Deal with the emotions that might have accumulated before they become so oversized that they hit you between the eyes or temporarily knock you flat. Emotions that we push down and don't let ourselves feel have a way of packing a bigger punch than they would if we faced them squarely at the time we first feel them.

I encourage you to take some time now at year's end to reflect—and prepare yourself for the New Year. For a good New Year!

Fertilizer & flowers

My former husband and I used to grow hybrid tea roses. They were simply beautiful. One of the secrets to lovely roses, we discovered, was fertilizing with aged cow manure. It seemed to make the plant hardy, and the flowers were large and long-lasting once cut.

I have often thought about how like those roses our lives are. We can take the challenging, painful and difficult parts of our lives—what we call the crap, the manure—and let that become the fertilizer that helps us grow in ways we might not have imagined.

Does that mean that when bad things happen to us, we immediately give thanks for it and start looking for ways it can be used in our lives? Probably not. We have to be real about what's happening and find ways to deal with it. And it's OK to do our share of grumbling, crying and being depressed about it. At some point, however, once we've actually gotten through it, it will be easier to see what lessons the whole experience might contain for us. How have we grown through that difficult experience? What transformation have we experienced?

Look for the fertilizer. Know that it can help you grow and bloom. Know that without fertilizer, we wouldn't have the lovely flowers we so enjoy.

Shutting out pain

I remember when I was in high school, one of my friends was deeply hurt when her boyfriend dropped her like a hot potato. She swore she would never again let another person into her life in that way. No more love for her.

Although I lost touch with her through the years, I remember hearing that she did eventually marry. I hope it was a loving and fulfilling relationship. It had always made me sad to think she might close herself off from any future relationship because of one hurtful and negative experience. That didn't seem like the way to live, at least not from my perspective.

Then again, don't we all try to do something similar at times? We hope that we can fence up our lives against pain and hurt. However, there are no guarantees, are there? And when we try to shut out the hurt and pain, we also shut out much of the pleasure and delight. I've never heard of a way to let only pleasure into our life and barricade out the pain. And anyway, how would we know pleasure if we'd never known any hurt or pain? For don't we know what a valley is because of the mountains that surround it? Don't we know delight in its contrast to unhappiness or hurt?

What are you trying to shut out of your life right now? Might you find a way to open yourself up to all of life, knowing that much growth and transformation actually comes through the hurt, pain and disappointments?

Garbage transformed

Sometimes the garbage in our lives can be turned into compost, can't it? Ever have the experience of something that seemed to be devastating or tragic eventually turned into something good, new or exciting in your life? Perhaps it led to a new career. Or a new relationship.

I have heard people who suffered through cancer and difficult treatments say later that they were grateful for the cancer because it led to amazing growth and transformation in their lives. And I have known people whose difficult childhoods led to deep awareness and learnings such that they now have careers that use what they experienced to help others and thus, fulfill them in the process. This is called redemption!

Perhaps in the throes of a painful experience, we're not feeling much gratitude. Sometimes, in fact, it can be years later before we see that life's fertilizer has produced a beautiful rose!

It's good to be open to the possibility—and now and then, to pause and see whether there are things in our lives that might be transformed, that might lead to new growth and opportunities. See anything now?

Your younger self & your aging self

Do you sometimes wish that when you were much younger, you would have known the things you know today? Yup, me, too.

We can't go back, of course, nor would we really want to do so. At least, I wouldn't. But it can be helpful to reflect on what your younger self was like. How was she different from who you are now? If you could talk with her now, what would you say to her? If she could talk with you now, what do you imagine she would say to you?

What fears did your younger self have? Do those still hold you back? What dreams did she have? Were they realized? Might they still be?

And what talents did she possess then that you have used through the years? Which ones remain unused even now? Is there a way you can still tap into those gifts and talents at this stage of your life? How will your reflections on your younger self shape who you might still become? Know that it's not too late to grow and make changes. Unless we actively resist growth and transformation, we typically continue to evolve and change as we age. That being so—and knowing what we now know—we can still tap into unrealized dreams and use talents that have been dormant all these years. Go ahead, see what you yet want to be and do!

You & the Grand Canyon

Have you ever visited the Grand Canyon? It is truly something to behold—277 miles long, 18 miles wide at points and more than a mile deep. The canyon is simply breath-taking in scope and grandeur. Debates exist as to exactly how it was formed, but it's likely a combination of natural forces that include volcanic activity, tectonic plate shifting and erosion from a variety of water sources such as rivers, streams and ocean.

Your own growth and personal development as you proceed through life is not unlike that of the formation of this canyon. You are shaped and transformed by a variety of events and situations in your life that can wear away your rough edges, soften your heart and open up new channels of insight and seeing. It's quite amazing, really, to think about your life shaped in a similar way to earth's wonders. I certainly see that in my life.

Sometimes it's the painful situations that most shape us. Other times, it is the love of another that fuels our growth just as rain and warm sunshine brings plants to life in the springtime. Mostly, however, it's really a combination of those things.

And the result? Something truly amazing to behold! Celebrate yourself today. Celebrate the ways you have been shaped by the blessings in your life—and by those things you never would have wished to experience.

Fertilizer & blooms

I love roses. There are so many flowers I enjoy, but roses are simply my favorite. We used to raise them, and I know how much their growth was aided by the cow manure we added to the soil.

I think we aren't so different from those roses—or from any other flower or plant. We are helped in our growth, blooming and transformation by more than a little fertilizer in our lives, too!

When you and I experience difficulties—what we might call the manure or crap in our lives—it just might help to remember not to get mired in it. Depending on what the situation is, we cannot always see that this experience will end up helping us grow and bloom. But generally, if we can keep things in perspective and not get stuck in the manure, those things become the fertilizer that allows us to bloom and grow. It does require some inner work to process what's happened and what it might mean. But the end result is real transformation and beauty in your life.

As I look back over my life, I see that it wasn't the successes and high points that helped me grow so much as it was those things I didn't like experiencing—those things that were, in fact, painful and sometimes downright awful. Does that mean I enjoy going through those difficult times? No, it certainly does not. It does mean, however, that I try to keep in mind that those times are part of the rhythm and cycle of life—that they won't last forever and that, in fact, they might just aid in my growth.

Anything in your life right now that could be fertilizer? Don't get mired in it—just keep on blooming!