Try some quiet & cozy time

Have you ever heard of the Danish/Norwegian term "hygge"? Pronounced "hue-gah," it's a concept that can't be directly translated into English but embraces such things as feelings of cozy contentment and well-being through simplicity. Reading a book on a rainy day. A cup of hot cocoa or a coffee latte on a snowy day. Nights in front of the fireplace listening to music or reading a book. Think simple. Think serenity.

You may have noticed through the years that Denmark always is at the top of the list of "happiest countries," and this may well be the reason for that. The word itself is derived from a Norwegian word that means "well-being."

The concept is beginning to trend in other places around the world. Perhaps we Americans, who seem to glorify the word "busy," might benefit from some hygge in our lives?!

One of my YaYa friends introduced the concept to us recently and invited us to reflect on it, and sometime in the new year we'll discuss what we think about it and how we're embracing the idea in our lives. Since I've been feeling completely stressed and on the edge for a while now, I decided already a couple nights ago to start. I decorated my Christmas tree and then spent the evening just quietly looking at the lights, listening to some of my favorite Christmas carols while sipping a glass of Bailey's Irish Cream. It was just perfect, and I slept better that night than I have for a while!

I invite you, in this crazy-busy season, to add a little hygge to your life too. Perhaps you'll want to build it in permanently. That's what I'm hoping to do!

What's your grounding level?

Are you feeling well grounded these days? On a scale of 1 to 10 (with 1 being extremely off balance and 10 being well grounded), where would you place yourself?

Is something going on in your life that has you feeling "off" lately? A person in your life whose behavior is getting to you? A situation that has temporarily robbed you of your serenity and equanimity?

If so, what will it take for you to feel centered and grounded again? You are the only one who knows what you need at such times. Do you need to connect with friends or loved ones? Or do you need solitude? Do you need some inspiration—as from a favorite poet or author? Do you need time in nature? Or do you need a new dream?

I encourage you to find whatever it is that will make you feel whole and grounded again. Further, I invite you to check in on yourself from time to time to see how you're doing in that department. It's easier to make a course correction if you haven't become completely undone.

Let's hear it for serenity and even sanguinity. It can be a challenge in this crazy world of ours, but it's always worth your time to tend to your grounding and balance.

Watching life unfold

We're a week into the new year already. Did you make resolutions? Or do you just step into the new year with some vague hopes about what might come? Perhaps you pulled out your Bucket List or even your Thimble List (small ways to savor life)?

Each year, I do a review of the past year to see what's happened, what I've learned and what I've noticed about the word I chose a year ago. And then I select a word or phrase that I hope will fit for my new year. I chose the word "serene" for 2018. The reason I did so was because I seemed to be pulled in too many (often negative) directions by the news I heard. I so want to be an informed and active citizen of this country and the world. At the same time, I want to keep calm and hopeful. I don't want to be dragged down by every news headline or tweet I read about.

So far, one week in, I'm doing relatively well on this. But the real test is ahead. Can I keep this up for 51 more weeks?!

How about you? What are your hopes for this new year? And how do you see things unfolding for you so far? Let's encourage each other to stay positive and hopeful as we watch life unfold and plan how we will participate in it.





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Remember to breathe

I've been on the go far too much for my serenity lately. Many of the trips I've taken have been fun, and the activities are good. I just haven't had enough time to breathe. When that happens, it's too easy to slip into a state of overwhelm.

It reminds me of my days as a journalist. When we laid out the pages of our magazine, we made sure to leave a lot of white space around the words and the photos, too. Our eyes can only take so much and we need white space to break up the stimuli greeting us (or attacking us, if it's too much!) on each page.

Our lives aren't so different. We need white space in between all the activities and events on our calendars. We need to be able to breathe. To reflect. To assess. To limit our stress.

Are you getting enough white space in your life? If not, try to create it.

Try slowing down

In his new book A Mindful Morning, author David Dillard-Wright, Ph.D., professor at the University of South Carolina, Aiden, recommends starting the day doing everything we ordinarily do at 2/3 the pace. Drive more slowly, walk more slowly and talk more slowly.

He urges us to notice our reactions to the process, too, including fears that arise from not getting things done. Do other people notice any difference? Are they reacting positively or negatively? Does this change your powers of observation? Your attitude? Your feeling of connection to others?

I remember how intense I was in my career, always pushing hard to meet deadlines (I was a journalist after all!) and feeling stressed much of the time. One time in particular, I recall rushing into my editor's office to discuss something with him. He noticed how stressed and rushed I was and quietly urged me to sit on his couch and take some deep breaths. Whew! I did so ... and we had a calm conversation about the tasks facing us. It was a reminder to me that more can be gained sometimes from simply slowing down. The work still got done, and those deep breaths and that quiet conversation calmed me down.

Chill out!

Have you ever heard of a "chill out competition"? Almost seems like those two things would stand as opposites to one another, doesn't it?

Anyway, recently in Seoul, South Korea, this competition encouraged people to just unplug and space out. That's good, right?

Sixty contestants sat for 90 minutes in a park. They weren't allowed to talk, sleep, eat, use electronic devices, or move around much at all. The person with the most relaxed heart rate came out as the winner in this contest.

How do you think you would fare if such a competition were held in your town, city or community? It does raise the issue again of how fast-paced our lives can be and how it's good for our well-being to learn to slow down—to just chill! Living such high-stress lives is not good for our health. Aim for more calm and serenity.

Don't wait for a competition. Find ways to step back and "just be" for a while. Try doing it on a regular basis. Your heart will thank you. And I'm willing to bet your creativity will take a jump forward. Who knows, you might even be happier?

Serenity vs. knowledge

I don't know about you, but this has been a tough week to stay grounded and hang onto the joy! We began the week with news of the absolutely horrific massacre in Orlando. Add to that all the vitriolic comments online. Pump that up by several times with the awful comments by a "Christian pastor" in Arizona, who said he celebrated the killings of people from the LGBTQ community. Top it all off with the nominee of a major political party insinuating that our president is sympathetic to terrorists. It's all a bit too much.

I feel so torn. I want to keep up on world and national news. I also want to stay grounded and keep a positive, hopeful attitude. What's a person to do?! I want to find some balance between staying informed and feeling serene.

I need to take a break from news for half a day or a day. I need some quiet time. Perhaps a walk in the woods. Or a bike ride on a nature trail. Read some inspirational literature. I need to refocus—and reset my compass to true north. A little less knowledge via current events and a little more serenity—coming right up.

Toxicity & serenity: Making choices

Last weekend I attended a wonderful and soul-filling retreat that really focused on tending to our inner life, awaking to the beauty of life all around, reducing the toxicity and stress in our life and staying grounded and serene. After several days at a wonderfully slow pace that allowed time for a little (but extremely on-point) input from our retreat leader and a lot of time for walking, journaling, deep conversations with other retreatants, napping and just sitting in meditation, I came home so centered and relaxed.

The next day as I walked on my treadmill while watching the news on TV, I found myself getting all tensed up with stories about political fights (what's new, right?!), murder and mayhem. I could feel my serenity and groundedness slipping away. I wasn't ready to let that go and slip right back into the stress I feel when I get all caught up in the toxicity of news coverage. I opted to shut off the TV and just shake off the negativity.

I know I want to stay informed so at some point, I'll be ready to hear the news again. But for now, I just need to take a break. I need  a time-out! I want to keep this feeling of being centered and calm. I like the way it allows me to be more generous-hearted, loving, forgiving and compassionate. I want to be this way more often. Now to find the right balance for me....

Peace on earth?

Am I the only one? I found it strange and disconcerting to have political primary debates just days before our Christmas and holiday celebrations—debates that at times became shouting matches. I know, I know, what's new?

There's plenty of fear out there already. In fact, more than perhaps at most times—given the recent events in San Bernadino and in Paris and other parts of the globe. And there's plenty of anger, given government impasse at several levels, financial insecurities and company downsizings. And, I don't know about you, but I'm trying to focus more on peace on earth and goodwill toward all right now.

So such shouting matches, name-calling and put-downs just didn't work for me. I'm typically not one to stick my head in the sand. But right now I admit I'm trying to tune out as many of those negative voices as possible. Not easy. But I keep trying.

What are you doing to bring a sense of calm and serenity to your life these days?

The seasons of our lives

Where I live, it's that time of year when we're leaving summer behind (even though right now, it's still nearly 90 degrees) and moving toward autumn. Already I've seen some leaves that are changing color. I love the fall season, the somewhat cooler air, the disappearance of mosquitoes (!), and the beautiful color of leaves and other foliage. So I'm not complaining.

As the seasons change, though, it's always a reminder to me of the seasons of my life, too. Perhaps I think about it more these days because I've entered that autumn season and know that winter is ahead. I've already enjoyed my spring and summer seasons—and am left with many wonderful memories of those.

For so long I've loved the beauty of spring (everything coming alive), summer (flowers blooming) and autumn (the brilliant yellows, oranges and reds of trees and bushes)—but haven't been particularly fond of winter's beauty. My attitude is different now, however, and I see winter has its own particular beauty—not just when the landscape is covered in sparkling white snow but also when the trees have dropped their flaming leaves and are left with muted shades of rust.

I suspect my change in attitude has to do with where I am in life. I now appreciate the muted shades, the subdued colors of trees and bushes in winter. This is because, when I look at women older than I am, I see such beauty. I see grace and wisdom and composure. I see serenity, and I see women comfortable in their own skin. I see authenticity and openness. And this is an invitation to me to embrace all those qualities myself—and when the time comes, to move into that final season with joy and gratitude.

No matter which season you're in, think about what it means to you—and what's needed as you look ahead to the next one. It's time well spent.

Control & choice

Actor James Dean once said, "I can't change the direction of the wind, but I can adjust my sails to always reach my destination."

That's a good reminder to retain our awareness of what's within our control and what is not. Changing the wind is not within our control. Adjusting our sails is. There is much in our lives that's completely out of our control. Knowing the difference is an important part of personal development—and of learning to live healthier lives.

Have you ever found yourself fighting or resisting what is? Perhaps it's an illness that struck you or a loved one. Or a change in job duties that you don't want. That struggle can be exhausting. You do have choices, even though sometimes it doesn't feel that way. At the very least, you have a choice as to how you will respond. Will you accept the job changes? Will you even make the best of them, at least until you can find a new job (if that's what you need to do)? Will you participate in choosing your treatment for the illness—and perhaps even actively seek out options yourself?

Reinhold Niebuhr's Serenity Prayer can also be a helpful reminder for such situations: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference."

Go ahead: Adjust your sails today and get where you want to go just the same. Then enjoy the serenity that follows.

Make each day count

Jane Fonda has it right. When she was asked in a Today show interview this week about the fact that she cries more easily these days and whether that meant she was sad to be the age she is, she made it very clear that she likes the age she is. She said she cries because things move her, and she cries because she's happy, too. She was asked if she thinks a lot about her mortality. Yes, she said, but that isn't depressing. Rather, it makes her think more about how she wants to spend her time. It keeps her awake and aware. It keeps her present to the people and experiences around her, she said.

Yes, oh, yes! I totally agree. I'm extremely aware that I have more years behind me than I have ahead of me. I'm not sad about that. Like Fonda, I want to be proactive about the choices I make in how I spend whatever years remain. I want to spend time with people I love. I want to make my life count. I want to be aware of things around me and inside me. I want to live a life of joy and serenity.

As much as is possible, I want to focus on the positives in my life and in the world. That can be a challenge at times, no doubt about it. But it's so worth doing. I'm happier when I do, and everyone around me is happier then, too. It's all about attitude.

Make every day count. Live your life with passion—and do those things that are important for you. Don't let the passing of years make you sad. And don't be caught sleepwalking through life. Rather, do as the saying goes: "Dance as though no one is watching you. Sing as though no one is listening."

Life's 'white spaces'

I have a friend with a decluttering business. She's an absolute whiz at helping people sort, clean out and organize their belongings—whether it's a closet, a room or an entire house. (If you live in my area and want her help, just email me at sonia@way2growcoaching.com and ask for her contact information.)

As a trained journalist, I've always been sensitive to white space on a page—whether it's in a magazine, newspaper, brochure or ad. I am drawn more by a pleasing page with white space than to one crammed with text. I'm guessing you are, too. Most people are.

I like white space in my life, too. My friend the declutterer and I talk often about the importance of decluttering our lives and our surroundings. It's so freeing. And it brings such serenity.

So when I read a recent blog by someone whose posts I often read, I resonated deeply with many of his ideas. I really can't improve on what he says, so I'll include the link here and you can simply read what he says.

I hope you like Leo Babauta's ideas as much as I do. As with everything in life, take what's useful to you and leave the rest. And start with one thing until you've made that a habit and then move on to something else. Just don't try to change everything up at once or you'll set yourself up for failure.

Enjoy your quiet space or white space, whatever name you attach to it. Resist the temptation to fill it up with sound or activity.

Staying calm and serene

As I write this blog, I am waiting for the furnace repair person to come do a pre-season check. My time slot was from 12:00 to 4:00 p.m. It's now after 5:00, and I just got the call that the repairman is on his way. The previous job was much extensive than he'd planned.

I don't consider myself the most patient person in the world, and I did have tentative plans for an event that begins at 6:00 p.m. However, I decided to employ what I often encourage clients to use: the Serenity Prayer: "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference." Acceptance. Courage. Wisdom. And the end result can be serenity? Sounded good to me.

I couldn't really change what happened. I could, of course, have canceled the appointment. But then I would have had to reschedule for another day. I'd already stayed home all afternoon waiting for this appointment. Once I thought about the situation and accepted it, I felt calm and serene. And I was even able to write my entire October e-newsletter and prepare it to be published next Monday. Maybe instead of my plans for tonight, I can read that novel I've been wanting to start. Hmmm, perhaps this turned out all right after all. Maybe I'll learn patience and acceptance yet!

I feel disconnected

I am doing most of this week's blogs from my fiance's home and his computer. My computer's internet connection went down early Monday morning. And I'm told no repair person can come out till mid-week. And I am feeling totally disconnected!

I can't check any of my email accounts. I can't write my blogs from home or prepare my next month's ezine.

Isn't it interesting how completely connected most of us are by our devices? I'm less so than many people I know. But still I feel extremely frustrated. Everything I had planned to do the early days of this week has been changed.

OK. What else can we do at such times but chill out and go with the flow? Find some other way to get done what absolutely needs to be done ... and let go of some of the rest.

These blogs needed to be done. But perhaps I'll just take this opportunity to clean out my files. Now there's a job needing to be done, one that's easy to put off.

What do you do when you get stalled out with your plans? Do you find it easy to reschedule and reformulate? Remember the serenity prayer about accepting what we can't change and changing what we can? That's a good one to post at work, at home and anywhere we need the reminder.

Help! What do I tune out?

Today the news is full of a congressional hearing at which an all-male panel discussed religious freedom and women’s access to reproductive health care. No women allowed to speak. I don’t know where you stand on the entire issue. I know where my heart lies. But that isn’t my point today.

What it raises for me today is the idea that there is so much going on in the world around us that can raise our stress level. We are surrounded by heavy-duty issues. And we hear loud voices screaming at each other over a chasm that widens and deepens by the day. Incivility runs rampant. Disrespect is everywhere.

Out-of-control stress
I don’t know about you—but it all increases my stress level. A lot. As I’m all about reducing my stress these days, I’ve been thinking about how I make choices about where to “spend” my energy. What action shall I take (or not take)? What do I tune out? And on what do I choose to spend time and energy? We know that whatever we focus on becomes larger, so making wise choices that are right for us is essential.

I believe in advocacy, in speaking out for causes in which I believe. I don’t believe in simply being passive about what happens in my world. But I am learning to make intentional choices. I am learning the value of the Serenity Prayer: God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change; courage to change the things I can; and wisdom to know the difference.

In these challenging times, you need to be especially mindful of your stress levels and of what things absolutely need your attention and which do not. I invite you to pay attention to your choices today. There is nothing wrong with speaking out, with being political, with working for causes, with taking stands. Just be sure you make a choice that’s right for you.